Going Grey
by Sasha Cameron
Summary: Book 3 of Kate and Elliot's story. Christian's dramas are only part of the story and Kate and Elliot are keeping secrets of their own. The truth has to come out and mysteries have to be solved before they can ever hope to be happy together. Kate has to learn how to have her career in a family that is intensely private. And what is the real reason why Elliot took so long to propose?
1. Chapter 1

**_No sleep_**  
**_No sleep until I am done with finding the answer_**  
**_Won't stop_**  
**_Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer_**  
**_Sometimes_**  
**_I feel I going down and so disconnected_**  
**_Somehow_**  
**_I know that I am haunted to be wanted_**

**_I've been watching_**  
**_I've been waiting_**  
**_In the shadows all my time_**  
**_I've been searching_**  
**_I've been living_**  
**_For tomorrows all my life_**

**_In the shadows_**

**_In the shadows - The Rasmus_**

* * *

_Felicity Ferret Posts: A Grey Day_

_Seattle, you seem to be preoccupied with all things Grey so La Ferret has been snooping about to satisfy the Grey-sessed._

_No sooner had we heard the news that Seattle's most eligible bachelor had been found alive and well after a horrific air crash, then we were all sent reeling by the news that the same billionaire CEO is to marry his new squeeze. This is the man who we all thought might have been batting for the other side since La Ferret (and others) have never been able to capture any evidence of a significant other. So who is the mystery woman who has broken the collective hearts of Seattle? Well, all this reporter has been able to ferret out is that she is a graduate of WSU who now works at one of Seattle's boutique publishing companies. All I can say is it will be one hell of a prenup._

_Speaking of all things Grey. Two more of Seattle's power couples were seen dining at the Rainier Club the other night. Philanthropist and pediatric specialist Dr GG and media lawyer spouse were in the company of their oldest son, developer EG and media heiress KK. Seattle is still reeling over the news its most eligible mogul is being taken off the marriage mart. Now it seems that his older brother who is no slouch in either the personal fortune or looks stakes, may be heading the same way. Will we hear more wedding bells ringing from the Grey Bellevue mansion in weeks to come? _

_La Ferret has it on good authority that the Greys will all attend the Make A Wish Foundation dinner at the Bellevue Arts Museum. She will watch with great interest to see which designer will get the nod from Miss AS' personal stylist, Caroline Acton. Of course, the biggest speculation is over the identity of the wedding dress designer for the AS/CG nuptials. Keep your eyes trained on this space, possums!_

_In other news, a certain Senator was seen entering one of Seattle's most notorious establishments a few weeks back. While La Ferret has only been able to guess at the activities engaged therein it would appear that the powerful might like to engage in some kinky power plays. The same venue has hosted many of Seattle's high fliers in recent weeks which just goes to show that La Ferret is spending too much time hiding out in seedy car parks for your benefit. _

_Remember, you heard it here first!_


	2. Chapter 2: Mouth

**_You gave me this, made me give_**  
**_Your silver grin still sticking it in_**  
**_You have soul machine, soul machine_**

**_The longest kiss, peeling furniture days_**  
**_Drift madly to you, pollute my heart drain_**  
**_You have broken at me, broken me_**

**_All your mental armour drags me down_**  
**_Nothing hurts like your mouth, mouth, mouth_**

**_Your loaded smiles, pretty just desserts_**  
**_Wish it all for you so much it never hurts_**  
**_You have soul machine, stolen me_**

**_Chorus:_**  
**_All your mental armour drags me down_**  
**_We can't breathe when you come around_**  
**_All your mental armour drags me down_**  
**_Nothing hurts like your mouth, mouth, mouth,_**  
**_Your mouth, mouth, mouth (x2)_**

**_We've been missing long before_**  
**_Never found our way home_**  
**_We've been missing long before_**  
**_We will find our way_**

**_You gave me this, made me give_**  
**_You have soul machine, broken free_**

**_Mouth - Bush_**

* * *

The Steele-Grey organizing committee has taken over the living room yet again so I take myself off to meet up with Christian and Ethan for a drink. Zeus sits placidly at my side at an outdoor table as we wait for the guys to arrive. Ethan rocks up first, looking distracted. Mia's doing, I bet. That and the fact that I know Christian makes him nervous. But Miss Mia has taken over as event coordinator for this little shindig of Ana and Christian's so Ethan has been banished from the apartment as well. Not that he is spending much time there. I don't want to speculate on the dude sleeping with my sister but I am wondering if and where this is taking place as she has been living at Bellevue since she returned from Paris a few weeks ago. I can't imagine that Mom and Dad would be too happy with her having her new boyfriend over. He leans over to greet Zeus before perching himself on a stool beside me.

"Hey, Lelliot, how's it hanging?" What the fuck? He is not even my brother-in-law yet, in fact I still haven't proposed to his sister and he is already using the fucking family nick name.

"Slightly to the left and down to my knee. You?" Come on man, tell me where you've been. Ethan hasn't set foot in the apartment he shares with me and Kate since Monday. That's three days.

"Yeah, good, all good. I just dropped Mom off at the apartment with a boat load of wedding dresses for Ana to try. For a low key wedding this thing is getting bigger than fucking Ben Hur." A waitress wanders over at that moment and gives us the big come on before finally taking our drinks order. There was a time when being eye-fucked by pretty girls like her would have been a welcome part of my day but since Kate came into my life it just pisses me off. _Move it girl, a man could die of thirst here._ This place does a good range of international lagers and we order a round of Speights gold medal that arrives just as Christian does.

As usual, Christian has his security detail in tow and I have to resist calling Jason over to the table to join us. I don't know why Christian feels the need to keep his staff at arms length. His attitude sucks when it comes to key personnel who have already proved time and again that they are capable and loyal. I am guessing that the likelihood of getting up close and personal with Jason Taylor has taken a big fucking nose dive since the Leila Williams incident. Jason gives an imperceptible nod and I turn back to Christian.

I stand, holding out my hand which he grips, before coming in for a bro hug totally taking me by surprise. Since Ana arrived in his life a whole lot of physical and emotional barriers have been falling between Christian and the rest of the family. Including him finally coming out to the treehouse for a jam session in my home studio last Saturday. He wanted to record a song for Ana, and man, the dude can really sing. I always knew he was a fucking hot shot pianist but he's got a voice like Buble and Sinatra combined. Fucking awesome. At least he seems to have forgiven me for my little outburst last week.

The planets just didn't seem to want to align for me last week. In fact, they were on a fucking collision course that had me and anyone I came in contact with spinning. Kate has been distant since we lost the baby. Pulling away from me more and more over the last three weeks. Christian is asking me to do the impossible by making me work with my ex, Gia on the designs and plans for his house renovation. Linc Lincoln and his morbidly evil ex-wife Elena seem to be conspiring to bring me and Christian down by employing the dubious skills of Jack Hyde. To top is all off I walk into a dinner conversation last Tuesday night with my parents that completely blew my fucking world apart. The only good outcome from that night was making love to Kate again but ever since we have been going through the motions. The sex is still great but the rest of the time she is on remote control, blaming work and the wedding for being tired and distant. If she was going to get exhausted from planning anyone's wedding it should have been ours but now we will have to wait until Christian and Ana get through their three ringed circus.

ooOoo

The day after the train wreck that was dinner with my folks, I booked in an afternoon squash game with Christian. Big mistake. In the past Christian has been such an aggressive fucker that I would have to nurse bruises for a week. This time my anger took over as I worked off the tension from the past few weeks. Every hit of the ball had me visualizing the fuckers who were making my life hell.

First serve went to me since Christian has won so many of our previous battles and he assumes I need the handicap. I smack a straight drive into the wall imagining that Gia, the man eating bitch, is standing there and ace the serve.

"1-0." Christian glances back at me for a moment, an inscrutable look on his face, before straightening up and swapping to the other side of the court. He crouches down preparing for the next serve as I visualize Jack Fucking Hyde and all his sick fucking games. This time I let Christian get a couple of returns in before I slam a boast into the corner making it ricochet off the side wall and hitting him in the shoulder.

"2-0." Christian rubs his shoulder and then applies himself to winning the serve and next point off me.

Two points later the serve is mine again. The next three points are easy. One for my father for being a lying unfaithful prick as I lay in a drop shot that has Christian diving pointlessly to the floor. He ends his fall in a dive roll and glares at me as I give him a hand up. Next point, another high velocity boast, is for my mother for covering Dad's lying, cheating ass all these years. I can feel Christian boring holes in the back of my head as I walk back to the serving line. Finally a point for my baby sister for keeping secrets from me, another nice little drop shot that Christian isn't quite fast enough to scoop up. When Linc Lincoln's ugly mug pops into my head I lose it and fire a serve straight into the back of Christian's head.

"3-5. Your serve." I shrug as he glares at me and walk forward to prepare for his serve.

Christian takes his time setting up for the serve and with his usual power and skill takes the next four points off me by dominating the T. This just serves to piss me off completely and I execute the perfect corkscrew to win the serve back.

"Score is 5-7. Serve is yours." Christian smirks and I ankle tap him on his way past me.

"Sorry bro." I smile back at him. Prick. I even up the scores with another boast that fairly chases around the walls completely eluding Christian's attempts to track it followed by another drop shot. That was for Linc and the noose he seems intent on tightening around my neck.

"You've improved." Christian's barely contained hostility infiltrates his icy tone. _Fuck off, Christian!_

"Nah, bro. You're just playing like a pussy." My shoulder slams into his as I head back to serve.

"Jesus, Elliot. What the fuck has crawled up your ass?" TJ and his brother and their ill-conceived sexual antics pop into my head. Those same ones that have resulted in blackmail and an endless stream of photographs being leaked to my future father-in-law, media boss, Sam Kavanagh. Luckily they chose the wrong person to bring down the Grey family, especially when his baby girl fell in love with me. I sweep the ball up and get ready to serve without answering Christian.

"7 all." We enter into a ten minute rally as we throw our bodies around the court in a frenzy of shots. It finally ends with me firing a back wall boast at a point where Christian has been running around so much he can hardly tell which way on the court he is facing. The exhaustion and shock on his face is priceless and I laugh as I slump down, hands on knees trying to catch my breath. That point was for Stella who suggested reviving the aerial routine that has brought Kate to Linc's attention.

"8-7." Maneuvering myself back into serving position I immediately launch an impossible lob that Christian has no chance of getting to. Taking a moment to retie my shoelace I am aware of him stalking toward me. I look up at his intimidating stance over me. Deliberately taking my time I rise up and face off with him. At first it looks like he isn't going to say anything. Then his voice, cold and menacing spits out.

"What the fuck was that?" He expects me to cower. Not this time, not any more.

"A point to me, fuckwit." I chest bump him pushing him backwards across the court. More shock filters through his glare than I have ever seen and I mentally give myself a high five. Expecting him to move into position so I can take another point off him I am surprised when he is still standing directly in front of me as I prepare to serve. It only takes a moment for the look on his face to piss me off completely. It is Christian and his piss poor timing and fucked up history that has had me covering or bailing out his ass almost every day for the past 12 years. I pull back my racket and serve a volley straight into his balls taking him to his knees with a grunt.

"Jesus Christ." Rolling on his back he grips the family jewels and for a moment I feel a little guilty for doing this to Ana. On the other hand it might be time for Christian to receive the kind of pain I know he likes to dish out in his kink room. I face away from him and practice volley shots on the wall. Eventually he gets back on his feet and regains his equilibrium. "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you but let's get this over with."

I back hand the ball across the court to him to serve. His whole game is off now and I quickly win the serve back. The fire has gone out of the battle and I quickly take another point off him.

"9-7." Fatigue sneaks into his voice which is almost unheard of for Christian. I easily take the next point off him and I get ready to serve for the game. My serve is quick and clean, not enough to take an easy point but Christian doesn't throw himself behind his return volley and I quickly put the shot away with another corkscrew. "Game. You wanna go again?"

Shaking his head he walks over to pick the ball up and we begin a period of warm down shots.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Not looking at me he gently swats the ball at the wall and I return it.

"Nope." What am I going to say? I know you are kinky prick who has had a string of submissives through your kinky fuck room. I know that one of them tried to kill your fiancee. I know that you were on a path to self destruction as a teenager before an older woman decided to molest a horny and fucked up boy and engage him in a sick relationship that set the tone for the rest of his fucking life.

Sensing my resolve, Christian walks through the glass door to the seating area outside the court and retrieves his bag. Once he has gone I let fly with the ball and pound it and myself around the court for another ten minutes. These last few shots are for Elena Bitchface Lincoln, the whoring cow who not only dragged Christian into the BDSM lifestyle but who fucked me, my brother and my father. A fucking trifecta of Grey men! And by giving her up for adoption, fucked over my sister. When I am almost to the point of throwing up, my breathing heavy and labored, my skin and clothes dripping with sweat, I stop and face the glass wall. Christian is still standing there looking at me open mouthed. I wipe my arm across my face before walking out the door and pick up my gym bag, not stopping to acknowledge his questioning look.

ooOoo

We didn't talk about it then and we don't talk about it now. Instead I threw myself into work and dragged myself through each day hoping like hell that Jack or Linc would do something that would allow me to beat the living shit out of them. Kate was treating me like I didn't exist except for sex so I figured a battery operated toy would get her through the years I would likely spend in jail, if she bothered to wait for me at all. On the weekend I would go back out to the treehouse and she would once again make an excuse as to why she couldn't come with me. Last weekend it was something about catching up on work and another meeting of the Grey coven where I am pretty sure they all get together and stick needles into wax effigies of the Grey men. Well, maybe not Ana … yet.

ooOoo

Last weekend she at least had the good grace to meet me at my parents house in Bellevue for a family brunch and what a fucking picnic that turned out to be. We were all doing our best to give off the impression of happy families and loving couples when Mia spotted a news story on Christian and Ana. Well, you could hardly call it news, it was that bitchy gossip columnist Felicity Ferret spreading innuendo as usual and speculating on the details of Christian and Ana's prenup agreement. Christian is adamant there won't be a prenup and Dad, being a cautious prick thinks he needs one. I can't work up the energy to give a fuck about it either way. Ana won't take his money, I at least know that about her now although I thought she could have been a gold digger when I first met her. Dad wants what is best for Christian, to protect him and I can't help thinking that its a little too late for that. Where the fuck were you Dad when Christian needed you the most? Too busy sitting on your fucking high horse playing the tough love game. Who was there? Me, that's who. Me and Jason and Gail to the fucking rescue yet again while Mom and Dad threw money at fucking therapists who wouldn't know their elbow from their ear and had no idea the kind of shit Christian was getting himself into as a fucked up fifteen year old.

I sat and watched the family dynamics that I hadn't noticed as clearly until now. My mother and father plastering on their benevolent happy family faces. My brother being the holier-than-though control freak jumping on every little misdemeanor that Ana might inadvertently commit. Kate, pretending she is happy and in love and quietly breaking apart inside as she slips away from me yet again. My little sister Mia, flitting from conversation to conversation, like a fucking bored ADHD magpie and barely tolerating Dad being in the same room with her. Why didn't I see any of this before? _Because you didn't fucking want to. You believed if you kept it light, kept them all laughing at you and at themselves that the cracks wouldn't show. Well it didn't fucking work did it?_

Kate was tired. She and I were out the night before at some swanky club opening. On top of spending all Saturday at the office, she had to cover the opening for work and if I wanted to see her I had to be her handbag for the night. We danced, we pretended we were having fun and we both drank way too much on the Kavanagh Media tab so this happy little discussion is grating on our last nerves as we fight to disguise the hangovers. As the discussion unfolds and voices escalate she starts to look a little green. I guess the guilty look is because she doesn't want to cut and run on Ana while my father stands there and all but accuses her of fleecing his son. Much in all as I like Ana, this is none of my business so I have no compunction about getting up and leaving so they can hash out the details. It doesn't surprise me when Ana tells Kate later that Christian stood his ground and there won't be a prenup.

ooOoo

"I think Mia is planning something over the top for the Hen night." We're on our third round and Ethan is desperately trying to keep a flow of conversation sensing the tension in the air. Well, I am on my third, I have no idea where they are up to. Christian's head shoots up and he glares daggers at Ethan. _Here we go._

"Hen night? Over my fucking dead body." _Taking 'controlling prick' to a whole new level, yet again._

"What? Did you think either of you were going to get off without some of the traditional trappings? Don't be so fucking naive." His attitude shits me. "Wait till you see what Ethan and I have planned for you, bro."

Both sets of eyes train themselves on me. Fucked if I know what we have planned but now the prick has offered up a challenge. Ethan has a thousand questions and doubts flicking through his eyes that I don't acknowledge. Jason cocks his head at me, knowing that I haven't run any of these fictional plans past him. Holding Ethan's stare I am willing him to come on board. Eventually he does.

"Aahh … yeah…you better be ready for it." He chokes the words out before draining the last of his bottle and signaling to the waitress for another round. _Need something stronger my friend? I know I do._

"No, no hen's night, no buck's night." He thumps his bottle down on the table to emphasize his message. The approaching waitress jumps back as he does so, sensing the hostility and I smile past him at her.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, his bark is worse than his bite. Bring those drinks over here, I'm parched." Christian raises an eyebrow as Ethan jumps to help her load and unload her tray. I keep my grin plastered on for her benefit. "And can you summon up some tequila shots too, babe?" She smiles at me as she leans over to place the bottle in front of me, giving me an eyeful of cleavage and half a nipple popping out of her bra before straightening up and walking away. My eyes follow the sway of her hips without much interest.

"Flirting with the help again, bro. I thought Kate had cured you of that." I scowl at him.

"Fuck off, Christian. You could try to be nice to your staff every now and then. It might stop you from coming off like an arrogant prick." I glance over at Jason as I say this and Christian takes my meaning. Ethan hides behind his bottle, I guess hoping the ground will swallow him up.

"My staff are paid very well for their services. They don't need me to be their friend."

"Yeah, take that one to the grave, mate. We'll all remember that when there is no one left standing at your side as the shit comes down."

"What the fuck is that meant to mean?"

"Nothing. Fucking, nothing." I turn my attention to emptying the contents of my bottle and signal the little hovering hottie for another one. She places six shots of tequila down in front of us and another round of beers having already preempted my needs. I like that in a woman. Once more she hovers her ample bosom in front of me and through my slightly drunken haze I am almost tempted. Almost. Instead I pick up two shots, one after the other, and throw them back before picking up my beer.

"Hey, you better slow down, man." Ethan grips my wrist and I throw his hand aside knocking over bottles and glasses as we go. Jason steps forward quickly and Christian leaps out off his stool to face off with me. Zeus leaps forward and lets out a menacing growl and Jason has him around the collar quickly stopping him from ripping Christian's throat out.

"Hey, Zeus, calm down buddy." Jason is whispering into my dog's ear and Christian frowns looking from the dog to Jason to me. My hand signals to Zeus and he stands down, allowing Jason to squat beside him and calm his nerves. Ethan is now wiping beer off his pants with the over enthusiastic assistance of little Miss Hottie and her handy towel. Grabbing the lead I step away from the table. We have attracted a fair amount of attention and a manager is on his way over to us.

"I've got him, Jase, thanks." Ethan and Jason look at each other, seemingly have a private conversation and then the shock hits me as I realize what I have just done. Christian has gone from gobsmacked to seriously pissed in a heart beat. Fuck! I am sick of fucking secrets and lies and pretense. But this is Jason's job I am putting at risk and he's my friend. He doesn't deserve Christian's ire when he finds out the truth. "See, it wouldn't kill you to be on first name basis with your staff since all of your family are." Hopefully, this will answer his unasked questions.

"Sir, if you can't keep your dog under control I am going to have to ask you to leave." Pompous little prick. I try staring the manager down but he is one of those little officious cunts with short man's disease and a love of clipboards. The kind who didn't get to eat his lunch in school. Fortunately for him he is backed up by a couple of brawny bouncers. My bleary eyes try to focus on them and they send a message that I am not drunk enough to ignore.

"We were just leaving." Jason has resumed his position, ten feet behind Christian and slightly to the left at all times like a good little lap dog. I can't read his expression through the reflective lenses of his sunglasses but he looks pretty fucking grim. "Catch you clowns laters."

"Elliot, wait up, I'll come with." Ethan is in the process of throwing some cash on the table when Christian puts his hand out to stop him. He looks pretty miffed but he puts his wallet back in his pocket and trots over to me. Christian is glowering at us as we walk away and quite frankly I couldn't give a shit.

"Jesus, are you alright man. I mean, Christian is a scary motherfucker but you just…well, none of that seemed like you at all. Do you need to talk?" I know he means well, I know he wants to become some kind of psychologist but what is this? Fucking amateur therapist night?

"I'm fine, Ethan. Just got a lot on my plate right now and I guess I just didn't feel like dealing…" To his credit he shuts the fuck up and we walk home in silence. When we get back to the apartment the sun has finally gone down but the coven is still in full swing. Much and all as I would like to go in and break up the party I haven't got it in me right now to face down all of those women. Nor do I want to explain to Kate why I am half cut this early in the evening. "You wanna head out to the treehouse for the night?"

Ethan peers up at the now lit windows of the apartment where the silhouettes of females trying on dresses are clearly etched. "Yeah, I think I do. I'll just go up and give Mom the keys to the car. You coming up?"

"Nah, I'll wait here. Tell Kate…just tell her where we will be." She won't fucking notice anyway except that I won't be here to service her needs. Shit, she's got a hand, she can do it herself. With that happy image I realize that I am more drunk than I thought. When Ethan comes down I throw him the keys. "Since you're wearing most of your drinks, you better drive."


	3. Chapter 3 Hot Gossip

_**You're talking about me, cos I'm front page news**_  
_**Flicking the pages baby and feeling for clues**_  
_**You're talking about me, and it's all over the web**_  
_**The stories you're spinning baby, 've gone to my head**_

_**I'm hot gossip I'm on your lips**_

_**You're talking about me, yeah and my heart beat speeds**_  
_**Keep dishing the dirt now baby I never was real clean**_  
_**You're talking about me, and your pants are on fire**_  
_**Your sources are nasty baby and you're a liar liar!**_

_**I'm hot gossip I'm on your lips**_

_**You're talking about me - ain't that the truth!**_  
_**Spreading your rumours baby cos you want to seduce**_  
_**You're talking about me, and it's not all nice**_  
_**You don't even know me baby oh but that's alright cos**_

_**I'm hot gossip I'm on your lips**_

_**Hot Gossip - Robots in Disguise**_

* * *

_The Previous Saturday_

Camera flashes go off all around us as we pose on the red carpet. Ana and Christian are in the line ahead of us and it is almost impossible to hear anything beyond the catcalls of the paparazzi as they clamor for the best shot. There is an extraordinary amount of interest in Elliot as Christian's older brother and he obliges with his usual charm. Inside the club is full of people, drinks are flowing and the whirl and pulse of colored strobes is synchronized with the heavy beats of the dance track. There are two dj's dancing behind the desks on a high podium against the far wall, their headphones clasped to one ear. They are a formidable team as the music seamlessly transitions from one track to the next with seemingly impossible overlays of sound.

There is a large central bar where the staff are moving at double speed, creating wild and colorful concoctions while keeping the supply of free champagne and beer flowing. Neon tubes illuminate their faces giving them a spectral quality. The wait staff move in and out of the mass of bodies with ease their dance appearing smoothly choreographed to the smallest step. In the four corners are two layers of cages with beautiful model thin girls and shirtless muscular boys gyrating, their faces impassive in the pink and purple haze of smoke and laser lights.

All of Seattle's hip crowd are here, hence the requirement by the GEH public relations team that Ana and Christian attend. They make small talk with the club's owners, have the obligatory photos taken and then signal to us that they are going to leave. I desperately want to go with them but my job is to stay for at least a couple of hours and circulate. For reasons I don't quite understand Elliot has insisted that he will stay by my side. As the time wears on I regret that decision as I notice him downing drink after drink.

Lisa is working her particular brand of magic having bribed one of the doormen to give her the approved guest list. She and Matt are making sure that they have photos of everyone who is anyone in all sorts of combinations. She will have committed the list to memory and have the photos captioned and ready for press before bedtime. My job is to pick up any information I can about who is here and with whom. I hate this, I hate spying on these people, some of whom I would have at one time called my friends. I hate that Lisa will take my innocent remarks and craft them into something laden with innuendo and bordering on defamatory. I hope against hope that if I can make a few offerings about tonight that I will get shifted off this internship position and placed with another team. I like Lisa and Matt but I hate the social pages.

Elliot is getting more and more out of control and in an effort to curb his drinking I decide to join him. Talking to him or reprimanding him isn't going to work so I hope that he won't want to see me drunk. He hasn't seen that since the night in Portland when he abducted me from the bar. We talk to people, we dance, we put on our happy faces and keep it light. The more we drink the more sober I feel as I watch him losing focus.

Mia and Ethan are here somewhere although I haven't seen them since the red carpet. Hopefully they are having more fun than I am. Glancing about I notice a man sitting by himself staring at me. My ability to focus is not as good as I hoped and it takes a moment for his identity to sink in. Feeling a moment of panic I try to keep scanning the room trying to give the impression that I don't recognize him. Suddenly feeling uncertain I abruptly stand up and leave Elliot talking to one of his suppliers. Right now I don't want my presence to draw attention to him so I head towards the ladies restroom and almost make it.

"Miss Kavanagh." The tone is dripping with accusation and I feel the hairs raise on the back of my neck. I turn and look at him.

"Yes, can I help you?" My smile is as wide as I can make it and I hope that I am not overdoing it in my drunken haze. "Do I know you?"

"Oh, I think so, Miss St James." His eyes travel down to my neck and I am glad that I haven't worn the necklace tonight but I can't help touching my throat where his eyes have come to rest. _Best form of offence, Kavanagh…_

"Hey, buster, eyes up here." There is a flash of shock at my denial and then a smirk. He knows that I am faking it. "Look, I don't know what you're playing at but I don't know you. Now I suggest that you back off or my boyfriend will…"

"Your boyfriend will do nothing. Not if he knows what's good for him." _Shit._ With a quick movement he has me trapped against the wall as he breaths the pungent odor of stale cigar and whiskey into my face. He has my chin in a vice-like grip and he turns my head to look at Elliot, his fat fingers pinching my skin. "It would be a shame to see his pretty face smashed up now, wouldn't it?"

I can hardly breath, my face is aching and tears are leaking down my cheeks. _Please, please don't hurt him._ "Wouldn't it?" I nod my head as best I can, my eyes focused on where Elliot is still standing at the bar. When it seems I have satisfied Linc he releases my face. I squeeze my eyes tight for a moment trying to regain my equilibrium.

"What do you want from me?" My voice sounds harsh to my ears.

"You don't need to worry your pretty little head about that right now." I turn my head to look at him. What the hell does he mean by that? Why go to all the trouble of tracking me down and making threats that you don't intend to carry out? "Ah, no, I can see what you're thinking and it won't be that easy." My heart is pounding in my chest.

"First of all … Kate… you are going to use your connection to the Greys and your journalistic skills, I presume you have some, to get me information. I want to know everything you can find out about GEH and their plans to purchase shipyards in Asia."

"What? I don't have access to that kind of information. Christian doesn't even like me, why would he tell me anything?" Linc presses his forearm across my neck again and I feel myself losing oxygen.

"You'll find out because pretty boy's future depends on it. If you don't then I have evidence that will see him and his partner put in jail."

"You mean the videos?" I see his eyes widen. He didn't expect me to know about that and it shakes his resolve but only for a moment before his face hardens again.

"Yes, I mean the videos. Now, are you going to do the smart thing or do I have to rattle the cage a little more." He presses his groin into my pelvic bone and I cringe. I don't want to black out and I don't want to panic but right now I am dangerously close to both.

"Yes." I whisper through the tears. He pushes his arm into my throat again cutting off the air. "Yes!" I choke out as loudly as I can. Suddenly he releases me.

"Good girl. Expect my call. Oh, and I don't need to tell you not to say anything about this to lover boy, do I?" I shake my head. He turns abruptly and leaves me gasping for air, my hands touching the tender skin around my neck where he has been pressing his advantage. I look up to see Elliot throwing back another beer, even drunk and misbehaving he is the most beautiful man I have ever seen and my heart feels the crush of pain. Fuck, what am I going to do? We have to get out of here. Slowly pulling myself together I forgo the trip to the bathroom. I can't bare to let Elliot out of my sight at this moment. Trying for a calm that I don't think I can possibly pull off, I approach him.

"Babe, I think we can leave now." I have to shout to be heard over the music but my throat is so raw and sore that my voice rasps painfully. My head is spinning which could be the overwhelming combination of light, sound and alcohol. Or it could be that I still want to be sick and pass out after my encounter with Linc.

He smiles, a beautiful sexy Elliot smile, his eyes unfocused. "You're so fucking pretty, angel. Did you know that? Did you know how pretty you are?" Oh man, he is gone. I have to get him out of here. Catching Matt's attention I mouth that we are leaving. He nods and gives a phone hand signal. Yes, tomorrow may be Sunday but there will be staff meeting at work about this assignment first thing in the morning. I don't know how I am going to do this. How to keep Elliot safe, how to keep him from knowing, how to deal with work, how to find the information Linc wants. Oh God, I am going to be ill.

"Come on, big boy. Time to get you home." I manhandle Elliot out of the club which is no mean feat. He leans on me and I stagger in my high heel boots, wishing to hell I wasn't wearing a skimpy mini skirt that insists on riding up. "Thatta boy, let's get us a cab."

Out the front there is an efficient valet service that hails a cab quickly. Tomorrow we will be nursing the mother of all hangovers but right now if I can just get him up to the apartment I will be happy. He has other plans.

"Driver, take me to Richmond." Fuck, no, we have to stay together.

"Honey, just come back to the apartment. You don't have to go to the treehouse tonight."

"Yes, I do Katie. It's my fucking home. We agreed weekdays in the city and weekends at the treehouse. Driver, to Richmond." His voice is insistent, belligerent and he is just being plain difficult. I don't want him to go. I don't want to be alone but I have to get to this meeting by 7 in the morning and it is already 2 am.

"Elliot, please. I'm tired. I just want to climb into my own bed and sleep. The apartment is ten minutes away." The driver is getting frustrated at our indecision.

"What's it going to be lady?" Dominate, he is too drunk to argue.

"Pike's Market." "Richmond" We both call out together. So much for dominate. "Pike's Market please." I cut again in a quiet but firm voice. Elliot slumps back into the far corner and stares out the window his elbow leaning on the window. He's both pissed and pissed off but at least he isn't looking at me too closely. I am afraid that Linc may have left marks on me. We ride in silence until I instruct the driver where to stop. Hopping out of the car I expect Elliot to follow but he doesn't.

"Lady, he says he wants to go to Richmond. I'm happy to drive him there but you're going to have to pay up front. He doesn't look in any condition to cooperate once we get there." I peer into the car and Elliot is asleep on the seat. _Shit. Think Kavanagh. TJ is still staying at the treehouse. I can call him and get him to make sure that Elliot stays Ethan will be at the apartment tonight. Surely Linc won't make a move so soon._

"Oh fine. Here, take this and keep the change. I pull a hundred dollar bill out of my purse. Then I take out one of my business cards and scribble the address to the treehouse on the back. Once the car pulls away from the curb I call TJ, waking him up. I don't care. I have to know that Elliot is safe. TJ promises to text when he arrives.

_**ooOoo**_

The next morning I am in the office at 7am, feeling like crap and hoping that my head will stop pounding long enough for me to focus on what our beloved leader Jeannie has to say. My throat is still sore and there are the beginnings of bruises that I have tried to cover up with make up and a scarf. Lisa and Matt breeze in with much needed coffees for everyone. Matt looks how I feel but Lisa is chirpy and energetic.

"Miss Kavanagh. You are going to have to keep your wits about you if you want to keep this position." I look up at Jeannie who is standing at the head of the boardroom table. She is a barrel of a woman, with bright red hair and a voice that could cut glass. "You are part of the About Town team now and you have a responsibility that goes with this position."

Team, huh, we couldn't be less of a team if we tried. There are a couple of older hacks who look like they haven't been to a social event in thirty years. Great writers by all accounts but lousy diplomats and they treat the rest of us with a healthy disdain. Their role is to take the information and craft it. They have full editorial control over everything we produce. Lisa and Matt have until now, been the information and image gatherers. They front up to all the events and gather what they can on the ground. I have learned that Lisa is a formidable researcher and a really good writer although I think Jeannie gets one of the hacks to redraft all of her work just for the sheer hell of putting her in her place. Then there is a coterie of anonymous feeders, people who supply the grist for the mill as it were. I am considered to be somewhere in between the research team and the casual informants which makes me the least liked, trusted or valued team member. Making coffee and filing would be considered more use than I am. I understand that everyone has got to start somewhere but I just thought I would have more opportunity to use my very expensive college education and not just be a pawn in a very meaningless and frivolous game. _At least you have a job, Kavanagh._

"I can't believe that you let Christian Grey leave without getting an interview. Do you know who is making the dress yet?" Of course, I know. I will probably even give the information to the hacks seeing as it will help my mother's business but I haven't exactly run the idea past Ana yet. Until I do, the designer is a no go area as far as I am concerned.

"Jeannie, they only stayed for a few minutes. There was no story there." All eyes turn to me. "Sorry, it was loud last night, I am losing my voice." I almost mime the last bit.

"Your role is to make use of your networks to give us stories we can run with. It's not rocket surgery. Surely you have something from last night that would give us the edge on the Grey wedding. Are you sure that he isn't gay? She wouldn't be the first beard to marry just to keep up appearances." I drop the pen I have been doodling with on the paper and look up at her hoping that she will see the disgust in my eyes. She's not even looking. How fucking dare she call my best friend a beard? I visualize bitch-slapping her.

"What about the other Grey? Lisa said you had to drag him out of the club early. What's his story?"

"Elliot is not a story. He was tired. He works in construction and it is a physically demanding job, plus he starts at 5am most mornings. It's been a long week." I speak through gritted teeth trying not to let my temper get the better of me.

"Jesus. You were given this role because of your contacts, Kavanagh. If you're not going to use them you might as well go and work for a community rag. We don't carry dead weight, even if you are the boss's daughter." At this I stand but Lisa grabs my arm and tugs me back down with a shake of her head. Jeannie shouts her way through the rest of the meeting and then dismisses us. I make my way out of the building to the car before anyone tries to talk to me. The tears that were threatening inside fall easily as I drive out to Bellevue to Elliot's parents house. When did my life become such a fucking mess?

_**ooOoo**_

Brunch is a nightmare. Elliot's behavior and attitude is just off and I can't put my finger on it. He keeps looking at everyone like he is seeing them for the first time and not liking what he sees. Everyone else is just a little too bright and chipper for my head to stand and I feel awful knowing that my work and my personal life seem to be on a collision course. Then Mia reads the latest About Town from Felicity Ferret and I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I know that I had a conversation with Lisa about Elliot and me over a couple of drinks where I said I hoped that he would get around to proposing soon. Now I see it all but shouted from the pages of the paper I work for under the authorship of the About Town Team of which I am now a part. Believe me the irony is not lost. If I didn't already feel ill from last night I would definitely want to throw up now.

The discussion starts a speculation on who Felicity Ferret is and I want to tell them. She is not a person, she is a a number of people who are paid to make up malicious gossip and it may be my fault that these snide little stories are appearing. Only I don't because I want this job. I just wish I didn't feel so dirty. I could talk to Dad, ask him to pull rank and get me a new assignment but my pride won't let me. I try to justify it in my head that if I can stay on the team that perhaps I can stop some of the worst stuff from going to print.

_Oh God, I know I should tell Elliot about the Ferret and about Linc but we are not in a good place right now. Surely his safety is more important than his need to know. I can't condone this drinking but I understand that he is not himself and me telling him any of this might make it worse. I couldn't live with him second guessing my motives 24/7 and I certainly couldn't live without him in my life. No, it is best that he doesn't know. Isn't it? He needs to heal without the added pressure. Doesn't he? Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh…._

Then the discussion goes to the prenup and all hell starts to break loose. I look at Elliot and can tell that he just wants to beat a hasty retreat. With Grace's blessing we leave as soon as we can. Outside the house we fight once more about going to the treehouse. He wants me there and I want to be with him but I didn't plan on going so I don't have everything I need to stay the night there. Besides, I had already explained that this weekend would be difficult because of work. I really don't think he is listening to me anymore. He drives off in a huff leaving me to make my way back to the city. Once more I text TJ to stay close to him and once more I go home alone and sit and wait for Linc to make his move.

_**ooOoo**_

Two days pass and nothing happens. Elliot comes to the apartment for dinner each evening but he doesn't stay. I miss him. On Wednesday, Mia has rounded everyone up for dress discussions. We start at 5pm intending to finish by dinner time so the boys arrange to meet up for drinks. I hope that Elliot has fun. I want him to relax with our brothers. I hate seeing that haunted look on his face. Maybe they can help and at least I can trust Christian to have Jason there to help keep them all safe.

As maid of honor I feel obliged to make myself available to Ana as much as possible until the wedding. Thank God, Jeannie doesn't know the extent of my involvement just yet, although I think she suspects. The afternoon is going well but as evening rolls around I start to get anxious about Elliot. Finally Ethan walks in, he greets everyone and then signals to me that we need to talk alone. I excuse myself and wander down the hallway to his bedroom. Taking in his appearance the smell of alcohol has me on edge. At least he doesn't look too drunk.

"Listen, Elliot is outside. He's not in a good way." Jesus, not again. "Sis, I need to know what you want me to do. There was almost a fight at the bar. He's had a few too many and he wants me to drive him out to the treehouse. I'm not prepared to do that."

Shit and I don't want to spend another night without him. This is ridiculous. "Ok, go back down to him and give me a minute, will you." He turns around and walks out of the room. I move into the main room and attract Ana's attention.

"Kate, is everything alright?" I glance around at the others making sure that they are not listening to our conversation.

"Ana, Elliot is outside. He's a little drunk and Ethan smells like a brewery. They are threatening to drive out to the treehouse." I wait for a moment and see her take my meaning. She nods then turns to the others.

"Let's call it a night ladies. Christian has just texted and reminded me that we are meant to be meeting for dinner. Julie, I will drop around to the shop tomorrow so you can get some accurate measurements." Everyone quickly packs up and I promise my mother that I will get Ethan to drop the dresses to her in the morning. Once they are gone it takes less than a minute for me to get down on the street where Mia and Ethan are talking. Elliot is a little way away from them standing with Zeus. Actually standing is claiming too much. More swaying with the breeze. This is the second time in less than a week and it is not like Elliot. Something is very wrong here.

"Hey Zeussy. How are you going big boy? Did Daddy give you some dinner? Did he feed you my beautiful man?" Zeus is enthusiastically licking my face as I hug him around the neck, almost knocking me off my feet. At least someone is happy to see me.

"Fucking great, she hugs the dog but she won't give me a look in." Oh shit, a full on Elliot pout. Mia and Ethan glance at us anxiously and I try to give a reassuring smile. He isn't an aggressive drunk. More the type that if you left him to his own devices he would promptly fall asleep in someone's flower garden.

"You jealous, babe?" I stand up and give him a sultry look. I see the spark in his eye. _Hey, monkey man, you're back._

"Me!" He smacks his chest and then throws his arms wide open. It looks comical and I bite my lip trying not to laugh at him. "Why would I be jealous?" He looks from Ethan to me with a stupid grin.

"Ethan, can you take Zeus inside and feed him. The food is in the fridge. Just half the container. Better feed him in the bathroom so he doesn't go near the dresses." Ethan grabs Zeus by the collar, kisses Mia goodbye and takes him inside. Grace pulls up in front of the apartment block on cue and Mia calls goodbye before stepping into the car. I turn back to Elliot.

"Now, are you going to tell me what's going on?" I fold my arms and hold my ground staring at him. He shrugs.

"Nope." Not the answer I was hoping for.

"You know you're being difficult right?" I try to keep my voice light. No point in getting him angry. He knows not what he does and I am anxious to get him off the street.

"I'm difficult. I'm difficult. You're fucking impossible Kate." His voice raises a little but nothing to get worried about.

"Sweetie. Why do you think that?" I take his hands and peer into his face. His bottom lip goes out and he sways, stumbling a little bit.

"You don't love me any more." He shrugs but overdoes it, stumbling backwards a step before I can pull him back on balance.

"Do you really believe that? That I don't love you." I keep my voice quiet and calm. His forehead comes in to touch mine which would be a lovely gesture if he wasn't leaning on me to stop himself from falling over.

"Yes? No? Oh hell, I don't know Kate. Everything is just so fucked up." His voice is a quiet little boy whisper that breaks my heart. If only he would remember this conversation in the morning.

"Baby, I love you more tonight than ever before. You mean the world to me." Out of the corner of my eye I see Sawyer approaching us. Ana must be waiting in the car somewhere. He looks at me as if asking do I need assistance. I shake my head and he backs off again. As long as Elliot can walk I will be alright. "Now, will you please come upstairs and let me take care of you?"

"Ah, Katie, I want to go home. I miss the treehouse. I miss you in the treehouse." Oh God. Of course he does. He loves that place.

"Would you like me to drive you out there tonight?" Right now I will do anything to make him happy. He pouts and shakes his head and then staggers back. "Woh, big boy. How about we go upstairs and talk about it?" He nods slowly and I tuck myself under his arm, wrapping my arm around his waist. It is a slow ascent but we finally make it inside. Ethan looks at us with concern and I smile reassuringly before Elliot and I take another minor stumble.

"I'm okay, I'm okay." Elliot calls out to no one in particular. He is so cute but if he fell on me right now he would crush me so I have to keep him moving. After a few tumbles into the walls we finally negotiate the hallway and make it into our bedroom. Elliot has wrapped his arm around me and he is studying my face again. "So fucking pretty, angel. And you smell so good."

"Yeah, well you don't smell so good champ. Do you need a bucket?" He giggles and shakes his head then his hand goes to my neck. He studies me for a while.

"What happened to your neck, Katie?" I had forgotten about the bruises and somewhere in the trip from the road to here I have lost my scarf. Hopefully he won't remember anything in the morning.

"Nothing baby. There's nothing wrong with my neck."

"Yesh, there is. Ish all purple." Fuck. Not now.

"Honey, you're seeing things. It's just the shadows." He nods and then falls backwards on the bed almost taking me with him. I manage to get his shoes and his jeans off but he is pretty much out to it. Once I have him settled I go out to look for Ethan who has managed to pack up all of the dresses into the cases and fed Zeus.

"Hey. What happened?" I ask quietly.

"Dunno. He just seemed determined to go on a bender. Then we spilled our drinks, or he spilled them all over me and we all but got kicked out of the bar."

"Wow, how did Christian take it?"

"Not well."

"I bet. I wish I could have been there."

"Elliot may be on the edge of a breakdown, Kate."

"Please don't over analyze this Ethan. He just has a lot on his plate."

"You can't ignore this. He needs you. And you both need help."

"Jesus, Ethan, I am doing the best I can." I am so close to tears and I don't need my big brother to tell me that I am fucking things up.

"Just talk to him Kate. I think it would help." I stop clearing away the debris from the dress party and stand still in the middle of the living room, unsure what to do. For a moment I think I could tell Ethan everything but I know him. He will put himself in the firing line with Linc and I could never forgive myself if anything happened to him.

"Did you eat?" I need a diversion. He shakes his head. "Pizza?" He nods and I thank God that they are both safe and here with me tonight. I am not sure I could stand another night on my own.


	4. Chapter 4 Come Into My Head

_**It's no use**_  
_**We're gonna have a fight**_  
_**You've thrown your words**_  
_**'Round a thousand times**_

_**Like a child who can't empathize**_  
_**You don't speak the language**_  
_**You don't read my signs**_

_**You wanna know what I really think?**_  
_**You wanna know what I really believe?**_

_**There's a fire burning up in here**_  
_**See the smoke coming out of my ears**_

_**Oh no, we both know**_  
_**More trouble's gonna find us**_  
_**If we're all alone**_  
_**I wanna show you what I really mean**_  
_**But you're always**_  
_**On the outside looking in**_

_**Oh won't you come into my head?**_  
_**Come inside, lie down in my head?**_  
_**Oh won't you come into my head?**_  
_**I just wanna have you up in my head**_

_**Come Into My Head - Kimbra**_

* * *

_Felicity Ferret Posts: Sibling Rivalry_

_Just when all looked happy and wholesome in Dynasty du Grey it seems that the cracks are starting to show. Our two favorite bachelors were out for drinks at a local haunt when a wee scuffle broke out. Seems our boys can't hold their liquor. _

_And was that the youngest of the tribe, Miss M, that we saw driving around town in the sports car of her brother's ex-business partner? Madame Esclava appears to be offering a personalized shuttle service to her salons. _

_Rumour has it that JK Designs has got the nod on the Grey nuptials. You heard it here first…_

* * *

My heart is pounding through my chest as I suck in air, trying to keep up the pace. Enveloped in darkness there is a taste of chill in my mouth. The exhaustion is making my head ache and eyes blur but I keep sinking footprints into wet sand. As I continue, legs pumping, the ground firms, slowly morphing into a city street. Light signals morning that takes the edge off the cold but I have to keep moving or I will miss…miss…I don't know. I don't know why I am compelled to sprint, I only know I have to. Then I see her, dressed in white, her blond hair tossed in the gentle breeze. She lifts her hand and smiles at me but there is such sadness in her eyes, a quiet desperation. My own eyes fill with the tears I don't shed as I keep moving toward her only she turns and disappears into a shadow and she is suddenly gone. In silence, my soundless scream calls her name but there is nothing. I reach the spot where she has been. A mass of bodies stop me from moving further but now I can just glimpse her over their burly shoulders. Reaching for her, she tries to reach back but then drops her hand and falls to the ground. "KATE!"

I wake up screaming her name, my body bathed in sweat, heart racing. The unmistakable sound of running feet outside the bedroom bring me back to the present. It was a dream, just a dream. The same dream I have been having for the past two weeks. Still, I am confused, wondering who will come through the door. The relief that floods my system has me shaking as Kate rushes into my arms.

"Babe." Sitting on the bed she wraps her arms protectively around me and I cling to her unable to stop the sobbing. "Baby, it's okay. I'm here. I'm here." I sense Ethan standing at the door staring at us and I am embarrassed that I am here blubbering like an idiot.

"Kate, is he okay?" The concern in his voice is real. _Why wouldn't I be okay? It was just a dream._

Kate sits back and starts to check me. She feels my forehead and then grabs a towel from the bedside table and begins to sponge the sweat from my body. I want to swat her hand away only the cool wet towel feels so good on my skin. I feel achy and breathless still. And confused as all hell. Kate picks up a thermometer from the side table.

"Open." I do so without thinking allowing her to stick it under my tongue. What the hell is going on? "Ethan get Grace. Tell her is awake this time." Awake. This time? How long was I asleep? Kate is taking my pulse which I can already tell her is too fast but I just had a nightmare. I wouldn't expect it to be regular. I want to ask questions but I am so god damn tired that it is all I can do to let my body sink back into the bed. The bed? I am at the apartment. The last thing I remember I threw Ethan the keys. We were going back to the treehouse. What the fuck?

My mother comes into the room with her medical bag. Dad hot on her heels. Jesus, what the hell happened? The blood pressure cuff goes around my arm and she is listening closely.

"A little elevated but closer to normal than this morning. That's good." She reaches out and takes the thermometer from my mouth. "Good, at least that is back down. How are you feeling, darling?"

"Like a truck hit me. What the hell happened?" It is only now that I feel the raw, soreness of my throat. Kate comes out of the bathroom where she has rinsed the towel off and she hands me a glass of water with a straw. Without waiting for an answer from anyone I swallow the water greedily, only now aware of the burning thirst. When I finally hand the glass back to her and settle back against the pillows with the moist towel draped over my forehead I feel the strength of the sunlight filtering into the room. "What time is it?"

"It's 2 in the afternoon." Kate looks at her watch and then adjusts the towel, her face a study in concern.

"Shit, what about work?" Her hand and Mom's both reach out and push me back down. For a moment I am struck at how synchronized their movements are.

"All taken care of. I let James know that you wouldn't be in. He was fine with that."

"I didn't mean me, I meant you. Kate you can't afford to blow off work like this. What are you doing here?" She smiles touching my chest gently as if she is reassuring herself.

"Do you really think that work is ever going to be more important than you?" Well, duh, yeah. It certainly has been over the last couple of weeks. "Baby, when you stumbled out to the living room last night and fell unconscious on the floor I almost had a heart attack. Even though Christian had already warned us by that stage." _Jesus, Christian warned them about what?_

"We couldn't wake you and then you started to shake, like you were having a seizure. Your Mom was on a late shift last night and she came as soon as we called her." I look to Mom, desperate for answers.

"Mom? What's wrong with me?" She takes my hand about to put on the bedside manner I know and love.

"Sweetie, we don't really know. I have taken some blood and the toxicology should be back early next week. I think someone slipped you a roofie." Jesus. Didn't that only happen to girls? "You don't have much memory of last night do you?"

No, beyond spilling the drinks at the bar and the stumble home there really isn't much there.

"Honey, Christian came in not long after I put you bed. He had one of the shot glasses with him. Jason recognized what it was and they came to find you as quickly as they could."

_Oh Jesus. _"And the shaking?" My mom shakes her head.

"I am pretty sure that is just your body's reaction to that amount of drugs and alcohol. The good news is that even though you might feel tired today, you will recover just fine." She looks at Kate and nods. "We are going to leave you to sleep for a while now. Kate can call me if there are any problems and I will meet you at the hospital. I am fairly confident the worst is over. You will have a headache so take these painkillers for the first 24 hours and then switch to Nyquil. Get lots of water and plenty of rest. No alcohol with those."

Kate is gripping my hand and Ethan takes it upon himself to see my parents out of the house. Once they are gone she curls up on the bed beside me facing away so that I can spoon her. She pulls my arms around her like a security blanket and I can tell that she is quietly crying.

"Baby, ssshhh. Don't cry. Its going to be fine." My need to comfort her takes over my need to submit to the headache and tiredness. Her hand wipes her face and she pulls herself together.

"I was so worried. When I couldn't wake you, I thought…" More tears slip silently down her cheeks and this time I reach over and remove them with my thumb. Her skin is so soft that I linger there a moment.

"You heard my mom. I am going to be okay. It was just some sick joke." And I wonder why anyone would want to do this. Was it even meant for me or was it supposed to be for Christian?

"Elliot, I don't think this was a joke." She rolls on to her back. When I look into her eyes I see the fear. _She is so fucking scared. It's like the dream._ My eyes travel over her face and come to rest on her neck. _Holy shit, what the hell is that?_

"Kate, shit, did I do that?" I sit up suddenly mortified that I could have hurt her while I was out of it. _Oh God, no. Please no._ The sudden change in altitude has my head spinning and I slump back as the pounding sets in. With quick movements she hands me painkillers and water and I swallow them down. I feel sick with the thought that I could possibly have hurt her.

"Elliot, I need you to be calm. Look at the marks closely." Her eyes focus on mine as she lifts her chin and show me. The marks are yellowing and fading. Whatever has happened it didn't occur last night. What the fuck is going on? My fingers trace the bruises on her olive skin, not quite believing what I am seeing. "Baby, you can see, can't you? They are too old for you to have done them last night. This happened on Saturday night."

I pull my hand away. "I did that to you in the taxi?" She shakes her head.

"No, babe. Someone approached me at the club. I will tell you everything but I need you to sleep. Just a couple more hours and then I will tell you everything. I promise." My head is spinning too much to argue with her but she sees my fear. "I promise you, this was not you." I have never regretted drinking more than I do right now. Why can't I remember anything? That is the last thought I have before I wake up some time later.

The light has changed in the room casting shadows across the bed. As I come out of my dream this time I am more calm but it is just the same. She is there and I can almost reach her then she is gone with a wall of faceless bodies stopping me from getting to her. I recall our conversation before I fell asleep and I am terrified at what I might learn. Her voice filters through from the other room and I feel calm. She is here, she is safe.

Feeling much better I rise from the bed, throw a t-shirt on and head down the hallway to the kitchen. Standing with her back to the hall she doesn't see me and I pause. Her phone is against her ear.

"Thanks James. I really appreciate it….No, he has been asleep for three hours now so I will wake him up for dinner and then we'll see you out there around 9…. Yeah, Ethan has taken Zeus out there already so I think I can manage. I don't think we will have any more episodes….Thanks but he really needs to be at the treehouse. I would rather that we meet out there…. Yeah, I love you guys too. See you soon and James…be careful." Fuck, what the hell is going on?

In my distracted state I knock the hall table and a book crashes to the floor. She turns around as I reach down to get it. At first there is a moment of fear and then she smiles, rushing over to help me.

"Hey, what are you doing out of bed?" She wrestles the book out of my hands and places it back on the table, then takes my hand and pulls me into the kitchen. I feel lost. I have no idea what is going on and I seem to have lost the last twenty hours of my life. "Cup of tea?"

"Ah, yeah, that sounds great. Let me." I move to get the kettle but I still feel pretty weak and she gets there before me.

"Uh, uh, uh…You get to do nothing for a while yet buster. I am going to take care of you." I hate this. I don't do helpless. "No, don't you pout at me. That will just end up in one place." She gives a sexy grin and licks her lip so I push my bottom lip out and pout even more. Her laughter fills the space between us as she steps into my body and places her hands on my arms. Looking up at me she leans in a sniffs.

"Mmm…someone needs to take care of business. How about you go and take a shower while I whip up some dinner and that tea?" I return to pouting. "No. That can wait until later. For what I have in mind, I am going to blow your head off and I would rather that you were more comfortable just in case your body can't handle it just yet."

This brings a grin. Whatever is going on, she is still mine. I can deal with it in good time but she is right. Right now I need a shower and a shave. Twenty minutes later I am out of the shower and there is a steak and salad dinner on the table. No wine or beer, just iced tea.

"Smells delicious baby. Did you cook this?" Kate is not known for her skills in the kitchen but we have been practicing steaks. She steps back from the table and takes off the sexy little apron she is wearing. Her jeans hug her legs and her blouse is so shear I can see right through to the white bra underneath. Beautiful and sexy, that's my woman.

"Yep, didn't even burn myself, this time," she states with pride. Yes, the last couple of forays into the kitchen have resulted in minor injuries but at least she is always willing to learn. The smile is in her eyes and I wonder how long it has been since I really saw it there. Probably the last time we cooked together. She is happiest when we are just having fun but with starting her new job, the endless nights out at functions, the wedding plans, the bombshells that my family drop daily, the continuous threat from Linc and Hyde and the endless commuting back and forth between the city and the treehouse - we really haven't had much fun in our relationship.

I walk behind her and wrap my arms around her waist leaning in to kiss her ear. "Thank you baby. Thank you for taking such good care of me. I don't deserve you." Her arms hug over mine for a moment and then we break apart to sit down and eat. I am starving and dinner is gone in record time. It was just what I needed and we have hardly spoken by the time I set down my knife and fork.

"Now, before you get to comfortable we are going to pack up here and go out to the treehouse." She is up moving the plates into the kitchen and putting them in the dishwasher. Somehow, overnight, someone has taken my Kate and left me with this domestic goddess. Not that I mind but it amuses me. "What are you grinning at?"

"You. All you need is to be barefoot and preg-" Instantly, I realize my mistake and the shutters come down. "Oh, fuck, Kate. I'm sorry. It's just a dumb fucking saying. You know…" Her hand comes up to my mouth to silence me. We look at each other and what I see in her eyes startles me. It is a raw look, full of pain, remorse, unhappiness but it is the most real I have seen her in weeks. She is so startlingly beautiful that the breath leaves my body. Then she leans in and kisses me. Tenderly.

"Sweetheart. It's okay. I know you didn't mean it. You would never intentionally hurt me that way." The tears are welling in my eyes and this time it is her reaching up and wiping them. "Baby, its okay. Really."

I nod but I feel stupid. "Do you ever think we will be okay Kate? Really?" I have been strong and stoic for so long now that I don't know where all of this uncertainty has come from. Probably because someone managed to slip a date rape drug into my drink. That seems to be enough to emasculate me.

"Yeah." Her voice is quiet but firm. "I really believe that we will. But we need help. Ethan has suggested that we talk to John Flynn. He has a lot of respect for him. So I have made an appointment for tonight before we go to the treehouse. Of course, if you aren't happy with Dr Flynn then we can find someone else."

It feels weird. I am the good time guy. The one who always has it together and gives everyone else hell. The one who knows what he wants and goes out and gets it. Now I am going to ask some head doctor to fix me? I look at her and she is biting her lip, a hopeful look in her eye. If she wants this, if she thinks we need it, then I'm in.

"Yes. Let's do it." She let's out the breath she has been holding and returns to cleaning the kitchen after giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Go and pack your stuff."

OoOoo

John Flynn's offices are not far from Escala and my fear is that we will run into Christian or Ana. We make a furtive approach that causes Dr Flynn's receptionist to raise an eyebrow as we both peer around the waiting room before we finally enter.

"Dr Flynn, your 6.30 appointment is here." She smiles as we take a seat but it is unnecessary as John Flynn emerges from his consulting room before our butts even hit the leather.

"Kate, Elliot, good to see you. Walk this way." John always reminds of a young John Cleese and I snigger imagining myself following him into the room mimicking one of his patented silly walks. It must be the painkillers Mom has given me.

"Thank you for seeing us at such short notice, Dr Flynn." Kate has her arm wrapped around mine in a vice-like grip and I can see from her tense smile that she is not impressed with my sudden lack of control.

"Please, call me John." He signals to a leather lounge suite which surprises me. I really wanted to lie on a couch like the movies. "Take a seat. Now, what can I do for you."

I am still gawking around the room, looking for the chaise lounge so Kate grabs my wrist and yanks me down. My bum hits the seat with a thud and I snigger again. Oh crap, this is not good. John smirks.

"I'm sorry, it must be the drugs. You see Elliot had his drink spiked last night. Perhaps we should have waited a day or two before coming to see you." Poor Kate. She sounds sad and disappointed.

"No, it will be fine Kate. Is that why you came to see me? Because of Elliot's drink?"

"No, not exactly. I am not sure where to begin." She takes a deep breath. "Elliot and I have recently been through a personal tragedy and we aren't…coping very well."

"I see. Do you want to tell me about the tragedy?" John has an Ipad on his lap taking notes. He peers over his glasses at Kate and then at me. All thoughts of giggling again disappear when I see the pain on Kate's face.

"You see, Elliot and I, we were…" She chokes back a tear.

"We were pregnant. Or Kate was pregnant but it was my baby." Oh God, hold it together Grey. Just try to make sense. We can worry about sincerity another day. "But we lost the baby a few weeks ago."

"I see. Would you like to tell me your feelings about getting pregnant Kate?"

I grip her hand trying to offer support. The tears come as they always do and my heart aches. When will this end? Suddenly I am sober again.

"I was surprised, it's not like we planned it. But once we got over the initial shock, we were both really looking forward to it." There is a trace of a smile there and I can't help reaching out to touch her cheek. She leans into my hand for a moment, wrapping her hand around mine and then we both drop our hands.

"Elliot? How did you feel?"

"To tell you the truth, doc, I was angry at first. Not because of the baby but because I thought Kate was going to keep it from me. Once we sorted that out and got on the same page, I…"And then I can't keep up the fake bravado any more. The tears come and I drop my head in my hands. Kate wraps her arm around me and holds me while my body heaves with heavy sobs.

After a while John hands a box of tissues to us and then begins to speak. "It seems to me that although this is an incredibly traumatic event for you both, you are supporting each other well. Have you talked to each other about the miscarriage?"

Kate speaks. "It was difficult at first. It coincided with some other major events in our lives including me starting a new job. I felt overwhelmed with my sorrow and I cut Elliot off for a while. I didn't have the ability to deal with his pain as well as my own."

"Did you feel guilt?" She looks off into the distance for a moment.

"Yes, I felt that it was my fault. I felt that I had let Elliot down. When we went to the ob-gyn afterwards I was adamant that I didn't ever want to try again and that made me feel guilty. Then I got so busy with the new job and helping my friend with her wedding that I felt even more guilty. Guilt seems to be all I do right now."

"Do you still feel like that about not trying again." I don't think I can stand to fucking here this.

"I don't know. That initial pain was just so intense that I didn't think I would ever want to feel like that ever again. I don't know if I could take it. But then Elliot helped me, helped both of us to get a little closure."

"How did he do that Kate?"

"Perseverance, patience, kindness, thoughtfulness. He got his friends to help us have a memorial ceremony. We said goodbye."

"Sounds like he has been a rock for you." Her head is down and the tears keep slipping.

"Yes, and I needed it. But I didn't see that he was drowning too. I was so caught up in my own feelings and I forgot to look out for him. Now…"

John cuts her off. "Elliot, what do you need to say?"

My mouth opens and closes. What do I need to say? "I was sad about the baby, devastated but when Kate started to slip away too I became…desperate…I needed her and she was so unhappy. Perhaps I have been pushing too hard to get us back to how it used to be. I don't know. I just know I can't lose her.

"What did you think when she said she didn't want to try again?"

"Hurt, angry. I wanted that to be a decision we made to be together but we were barely speaking to each other."

"Are you speaking now?" I look at her feeling disloyal. _Are we speaking now? "_It comes and goes." Her body tenses beside me.

"That is my fault. I thought I knew how to deal with sadness. Turns out I had no idea what it was." Her voices is barely a whisper but she never fails to touch my heart. Once more I grab her and pull her in to my body. The lilac scent of her hair bringing me a sense of calm.

"It seems to me that you are doing well under difficult circumstances. Are you feeling supported by your families?"

We both look at each other and then at John before Kate pulls away from me to speak. "Mine, yes. Elliot made sure that my family knew and they have been supportive. We haven't told Elliot's." Something like regret sweeps across her face.

"Is there a reason why they don't know Elliot?" John looks at me with an expression that reveals as much as it hides.

"I…I didn't want to take any of the focus off Christian and Ana right now." My eyes hold his and he gets my meaning. Kate reaches for my hand. "But even though my family doesn't know, I have good friends who have supported us through this."

"But it's not the same…" I think about his words for a moment.

"No, it's not." Kate kisses my hand, mouthing 'sorry'.

"Our time is almost up. I think you have made great progress on your own but as is often the case with grief, there are waves of progression. You might feel that everything is under control and then something small can become a major set back." Isn't that the understatement of the year? "I would like to help you through this in a professional capacity. Elliot, are you going to be alright with this? If not, I can recommend a colleague who does excellent work."

"No, I'm fine. I mean there is client confidentiality right? After all, Christian has more at stake than I have." John's eyes go wide and I could kick myself for this slip. Not that he will have any idea what I know but I can see it has him thinking.

Within an hour we are back at the treehouse where Jen and Karen are playing host to James and Ethan. As I walk in the door I become aware that they are all studying the newspaper. As I look over at the byline I recognize the caricature. Looks like that bitch Ferret has been at it again.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for your support. Please tell me what you think. Your reviews make a difference to the direction this story takes and I appreciate your input into the process.**


	5. Chapter 5 I'm Not Giving You Up

_**To be completely honest  
It scares me to imagine  
What life would be without you**_

_**And for this very reason**_  
_**I ask you to forgive me**_  
_**For what I'm putting us through**_

_**Although there are so many things**_  
_**Against us, I've decided**_  
_**That I'm not giving you up, no...**_

_**Thinking back, I see what we have**_  
_**Is something different**_  
_**I think we've known all along**_  
_**So how fair would it be**_  
_**To divide this love's existence**_  
_**Between what's right and what's wrong**_

_**And you, always wondering if we'll make it**_  
_**Time will tell you**_  
_**That I'm not giving you up, no, no...**_

_**We'll find a way to be together**_  
_**However long it takes, wherever**_  
_**If it means having you for only a moment**_  
_**A moment just might be enough**_  
_**I'm not giving you up, no**_  
_**No I'm not giving you up, no**_

_**Screaming in the silence the promises we've spoken**_  
_**Come back to haunt me, false and broken**_  
_**Quiet desperation to see we're lost forever**_  
_**Searching for water in the desert**_

_**No, I refuse to have to do**_  
_**Without your kisses**_  
_**I'm not giving you up, no, no**_

_**We'll find a way to be together**_  
_**However long it takes, wherever**_  
_**If it means having you for only a moment**_  
_**A moment just might be enough**_  
_**I'm not giving you up, no**_

_**No I'm not giving you up, no**_  
_**No I'm not giving you up**_

_**I'm Not Giving You Up - Gloria Estefan**_

* * *

An hour later we are at the treehouse. James has put Liana back on a plane to Haiti so it is him, Karen and Jen in attendance along with Ethan. I am seriously wondering about his relationship with Mia given he seems to spend so much time away from her. Once we are all sitting down I begin.

"As you all are aware, Elliot was drugged in a bar last night. I don't believe that this was some random event. I believe that this was intentional but it may not have been intended for Elliot." The collective group murmur starts and Elliot sit with his hands clasped on the table in front of him, obviously unsure of what to think or say. I am not sure I could explain my certainty about this except for the fact that after our conversation last night I know that Christian also believes that it was meant for him.

"I am not sure how connected these two events are but you all need to know that last weekend I was approached at the Iconic Club opening by Linc Lincoln." Elliot's head shoots up and I catch the look from James. Karen and Jen look shocked and confused. Elliot's fear is evident. "He threatened me with physical violence to both Elliot and myself. He said he would take the surveillance tapes to the police if I didn't help him gather information on Christian."

Fighting not to give too much away I try to school my facial expression. This is a moment to talk, really talk, that is why have gathered us all together. Suddenly I wonder at the wisdom of this decision as I sense Elliot's exhaustion. Not only is he still recovering from the effect of the drugs but I think he is fighting depression. None of this is going to be easy for him to take and he is going to need to know that James is fighting in the same corner with him.

"What sort of information Kate?" Hopefully, my eyes are conveying that later I will tell him about the marks on my neck. I want him to hear everything that happened with Linc but not now.

"He mentioned something about a shipbuilding yard in Asia. He wants to know the details. I've been doing a little snooping but I can't make sense of what he wants it for unless he is looking at either buying a shareholding or negotiating a supplier contract. I need to talk to Christian to know what his interest is. If he is going to buy it then Linc might want to get in first. If he is only negotiating a contract then I don't know how he could get any benefit from it." I look at James. Once more a look passes between James and Elliot.

"It wouldn't be the first time that he has preempted Grey business with taking over a supplier contract." James' voice is bitter with a memory that Elliot has never bothered to tell me. Perhaps it didn't seem important before. Now it is.

"What do you mean?" I look at James but Elliot replies.

"When we were first starting out we got a fairly big contract to build some townhouses in Vancouver. It was a big deal for us and a good result would encourage more lucrative developments. We went into a subcontracting agreement with a prefabricated frame company so that we could get everything done on time and on budget. We made our targets but a year after the build was complete the frames started to warp. The framing company had purchased materials from a South American based company that was owned by Lincoln Timber. The materials were not only substandard, they were illegally harvested from threatened rainforest areas in the Amazon. Since the build was all in Canada we couldn't sue him under US law and we copped the losses on repairs and replacement."

Yet another reason to hate the man. "His business ethics stunk. We were under no obligation to make the repairs with anything other than materials from the same company. We chose to sever all ties with Lincoln Timber and a lot of other development companies came with us. Linc took a hit on that deal which just adds to the reasons why he hates us and Christian."

"Why Christian?" Kate asks.

"Because in the end it was Christian who bailed us out. He took a chance and bought the framing company. It paid off for him but Linc will have added this to a long list of his transgressions."

"Kate, has he contacted you again?" Ethan hasn't said much until now but I know he will be concerned for my safety.

"No but I am not sure that last night wasn't a warning. I don't know if it was Linc, I don't know if it was intended for Elliot or for Christian but I don't think we can rule out that it was an attempt to intimidate us."

"What can we do? I can't imagine that Christian is going to give us any information." Jen is handing out beers. Elliot declines but I take one. When I look at him he is frowning and I am not completely sure if it is because of the conversation or the beer.

"No, you're right. Nor should he. But I wonder if we couldn't fabricate something that might appease Linc." I take a swallow of my beer as I glance around the group gaging the reaction to my idea.

Ethan looks at me for a moment before asking,"How long do you thing we can hold him off with a fabrication, Kate? At some point he will work it out and then he will come after you harder than before. Elliot, can I ask how much your father knows about any of this?"

"Nothing. We were barely speaking when I worked at Sirens. Plus I was trying to protect Christian while he was getting back on his feet." James gives Elliot a look that says 'stop right there' but I'm already on to it.

"Back on his feet. From what?" _Since we are opening the lines of communication again, Grey, you better come clean._

"I told you before that I started working at Sirens to get money to bail Christian out of trouble." I nod my head. "It happened twice. Once with a fight when he was a teenager. He beat up some kid at school. Elena helped turn the behavior around but I had to pay off the parents of the other kid. The second time was when he was at Harvard. Elena was across the country and he went off the deep end with alcohol again. He found another student, a girl to sub for him. No one is completely sure what happened and the girl wouldn't talk but she was found tied up and beaten in a motel room. Jason and Gail were over in Boston at the time. Once I got him bailed, they swooped in and paid off the girl. He never knew where it came from. He seemed to think it was Elena and to her credit she talked him down off that particular ledge when it came to leaving Harvard or being kicked out."

"So he didn't really drop out of Harvard?" I can't believe this. Jesus, Elliot, and you say that Ana is perfectly safe with him?

Elliot frowns at me, "Kate, both were unusual and volatile situations. He was young and out of control and feeling totally isolated from family. Jason never believed that Christian had anything to do with it but all the circumstantial evidence pointed to him."

"But…."

"Not now." The harshness of his voice surprises me so I back down.

Ethan steps in. "Guys, I know you don't want to do this but one of two things has to happen here." All eyes turn to look at him. "You either need to talk to Christian and get him to supply enough genuine information to hold Linc off or sink him. Or…" He pauses for effect and scans the room. "Or we need to talk to your father and find out the statute of limitations on this assault evidence."

"What do you mean?" This has never occurred to me. Why has this never occurred to me?

"Well, he never pressed charges the first time right?" The question is directed at Elliot who nods. "So if it has been a few years, what is the statute of limitations on reporting an assault? Plus if he has had the tapes all of this time is there a chance that he could be prosecuted for withholding evidence?"

"Fuck, Ethan, how do you know all of this?" Elliot runs his hand through his hair. It is clear that he has never thought about anything other than not crossing Linc's path.

He shrugs. "I read a lot of crime novels." I feel stupid for not thinking of this. If Ethan is right then Carrick or any other lawyer could have advised him of this a long time ago. Elliot looks almost humiliated and my heart aches for him. The problem with dealing with an issue like this from the inside is that you don't always see the forest for the trees. All these years it must have been all they could both do to just keep a low profile where Linc was concerned.

"Listen everyone, you are all welcome to stay the night but I think Elliot needs to get to bed. He is still feeling the effects of last night." Karen starts clearing up the empty bottles and Jen gets everyone organized to stay. Elliot and I take Zeus out for some fresh air and then we go up to the bedroom. He is in bed by the time I finish in the bathroom.

I hand him some more pills. "Are you feeling okay?" His weakest smile is still the sweetest part of my day. He nods and sets about swallowing the pills. I can see that his headache is still bothering him. I just hope it will calm down enough for him to sleep. Instead of getting changed immediately I sit on the edge of the bed. "Baby, a lot was said tonight and you don't have to act on any of this. You know that don't you."

He looks confused. "Kate, Linc has threatened you, he hurt you and on my watch. I am so sorry. I was so caught up in my own pain that I…" The tears come along with the fear that he has been sitting on since I first told him what happened. I know what he is thinking. That is three times now that I have been directly under threat, twice that I have been physically hurt. His hand grips the sheets and in his anguish very nearly rips them.

My arms are around him in a second and I hold him while he sobs. "Sweetheart, this is not your fault. And we are a team, we do this together. It could have been you he hurt, in fact after last night we don't know that he hasn't hurt you. Elliot, this has to stop. For the sake of our family. We need to talk to your Dad and get some proper legal advice. Then I think you have to seriously consider telling Christian. We keep trying to go it alone and it's not working and I can't live without you."

He looks up at me. "I don't want that. I don't want to be without you. I feel like we haven't been a team since the miscarriage. I never needed anyone the way that I need you, Kate." I can see that he is on the edge of a precipice here. Any strength he thought he could draw on has slowly been whittled away. I won't let that happen. If he can't be strong then I am just going to have to be strong for both of us.

"Baby, I'm here. I never left, not completely. I'm sorry I haven't been what you needed but we're going to get through this together. I promise. Just promise me that you will think about talking to your Dad." He nods and I lean in for a kiss. His lips are magical, so smooth and soft against mine. My hands are in his hair, gently massaging his head, to try and help his headache. Slowly I push him back down on the bed. "Sweetheart, I want to give you some sweet release. I would love you to come but I don't want to do anything that will make you feel worse right now." Hopefully he can hear the longing and logic in those words. My Elliot. Everything I never knew I needed.

"Babe, come to bed and hold me. I need to feel your body touching mine. That is enough tonight. I just want to breathe you in." I remove my clothes and slide into the bed with him, my body naked and warm snuggled into his and for the first time in weeks he falls asleep without sex or alcohol. And for the first time in a long time there are no dreams. At some time in the night we both wake, lying still and looking through the skylight at the stars.

"Kate?"

"Yes."

"Can you promise me something?"

"What is it babe?"

"If this doesn't work out. If I end up going to jail. Promise you won't wait for me."

I prop myself up on one elbow and look at him in the darkness. "I can't promise that."

"Listen, hear me out. I should have walked away from you at the beginning. Once everything started to go wrong. It was selfish and unfair of me to expect you to stay by my side through all of this. I know that. It's just that I love you so much that I couldn't let go. But if it all goes wrong, you need to move on. Having you for this brief moment in time is enough. I will always have this."

I grab his face and feel the moisture on his cheeks. "Elliot Grey. You are talking like you have lost already. You are not going to lose. Linc Lincoln is a bully and a thug and I will not let anything happen to you. Do you understand me? You're mine. Always. No matter what."

But for the first time in my pampered existence I am aware that words just might not be enough.

_**ooOoo**_

Guilt is insidious. It enters my body on sneaky feet and leaves heavy footprints all over my skin. I cannot believe that I am living this double life and living it so badly. My boss, a nasty piece of work who thinks that my having any kind of internship is tantamount to nepotism, is a despot. She rules with an iron fist with the expectation that we will never question her edicts. Discussing her with Dad is completely out, it would open me up to suspicion at every level of Kavanagh Media. Somehow I have to reconcile myself to what she wants me to do.

The expectation that my connections will beef up the stories is so wrong. To my mind it should have meant that I spill on the people that I had gone to school with, grown up with and known all my life. Instead, I am expected to dish the dirt on the Greys, Christian and Ana in particular. To make it worse _About Town _is about to be combined and syndicated with the San Francisco and Portland papers that KM owns. Which is why we are out again at another charity dinner scouting the crowd for contacts.

Grace and Carrick are here along with Christian and Ana. Mia and Ethan are seated with my parents on the opposite side of the room but it won't be long before they all gravitate to each other. Elliot is holding up the bar, again, and scowling every five minutes at Matt. As if anyone else on this planet would hold any attraction for me except him. I figure I have about five minutes of debrief time with Lisa before I need to go back to my post. No one must never know that I am writing this stuff, most of all Elliot and his family.

"The de Costa's have just got back from France. The rumor mill is that they ran up some exorbitant bills in a hotel in Paris and then skipped town. See if your sister-in-law knows anything about them." Trying very hard not to be pissed off, since neither Ethan nor I are actually married yet I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Ana?" I try to act innocent but she looks at me impatiently.

"No, Mia. She was in Paris while they were there."

"For heaven's sake, Paris is a big city. Do you really think she would know them?" Lisa is nice but she comes from a small town and still has a small town mentality.

"They were at the same hotel that she was working at before she graduated from her cooking school." Oh, this is news to me. Lisa is tapping her foot with her arms folded across her body. "Really, Kate, you are going to have to lift your game if you want to survive in this business. You're the one who is supposed to have all the contacts."

All of my spare research time has been trying to find anything to satisfy Linc. A week without word has got me jumping at shadows. If I am not doing that I am helping to plan the wedding of the century which is also the best kept secret of the century. Christian and Ana don't want anyone to know the details which is great except that I suspect Mia and my mom would dearly love to get more publicity out of the event. Mia has been talking about making this stint in event planning a more permanent gig and I have to admit she would be pretty good at it.

Matt, tall, gorgeous, body to die for and a killer smile steps in to break up the argument. From the corner of my eye I see Elliot straighten himself away from the bar with a hostile look on his face. Not now, not here. I place my hand on Matt's arm and push him away.

"Lisa, we've talked about this. I can't keep drawing the Greys into the middle of every scandal. Can we please find another source?"

"Kate, sweetie…you were born into privilege and with privilege comes great responsibility."

"Stop quoting movies at me, Lis."

Her eyes go hard and cold. "You have a job to do Kavanagh, and nobody gets a free ride. Not even you. Jeannie is riding my ass on this one so I am going to ride yours. Get the fucking information or we both get fired. Capiche?"

Almost on cue Mia comes bounding over with a huge grin on her face. "Kate, God, this is so boring. Thank goodness you are here." I love Mia, I really do, but she seems perpetually bored. I have never seen anyone flit about so much. She is so unsettling.

"Hey Mia. Great to see you too. You remember Lisa and Matt?" Mia looks at them without losing a hint of her smile.

"Sure, how are you guys? Ready to go have some fun." Ethan approaches, touching her arm before continuing on to join Elliot at the bar. "Hey, babe, get me a Sex on the Beach will you?" Mia all but screams after him attracting the attention of the crowd. She glances around innocently and shrugs while Ethan cringes. "What? I'm thirsty," she says to no one in particular and everyone within earshot.

Lisa steps closer to us. "So Mia, were you in Paris at the same time as the da Costas." I half expect to see her take out a notebook and start writing. Not a very smooth way to elicit gossip I would have thought, but what do I know, I'm just an intern.

Mia looks in the direction that Lisa is indicating clearly recognizing the people at the table two away from us. "Oh, yes, Paula and Stefan. They were guests at the hotel. Nice people but I don't know them very well." Mia looks set to turn the conversation back to making an escape when Lisa continues.

"I heard they were having a little financial difficulty." Her shoulder is pressing into Mia's as she tries to redirect her attention. It looks ridiculous since Mia is a tall statuesque 5 foot ten without heels and Lisa is a midget.

Mia glares. "I wouldn't know and I wouldn't discuss it if I did." Good for you, Mia. I smile at Lisa who looks set to smack me in the face. After excusing herself as politely as she can Lisa storms off dragging Matt with her. My eyes follow them as they approach their designated table, Lisa thumping down in her chair in a petulant huff.

Mia pulls my focus back to her. "The cheek of some people. It is not as if she is one of us. Of course, I know damn well that Paula has been steadily emptying the bank accounts since Stefan was caught with the pool boy. He thinks they are trying to reconcile. She is working around a heavily rigid prenup that would have seen him get half of her personal fortune. She's not stupid." This is exactly what Jeannie has been hoping for. Lisa is a great writer, a really good reporter and researcher but limited. I on the other hand have doors open to me that Lisa couldn't even dream about and the very thought makes me cringe.

Elliot and Ethan join us offering just the distraction I need. "Come on, babe, let's dance." Taking his arm as he leads me on to the dance floor I feel some security in his touch. Turning me under his arm I rotate out and then step into his body to begin the rumba. Stepping back as he steps forward, our hips synchronize in sensual figure eights. I want his hands on my hips but he keeps his arms fluid maintaining a perfect frame. Finally he traces a path up my sides from my hips to my armpits raising my arms as he goes. Crossing my hands over my head he turns my body away from his, opening my arms out as we both step our left legs across our bodies, and step and step. His hand takes mine and I lean out from him slowly reaching my hand into no man's land before he snaps me back into his body with a roll that wraps me firmly in his arms. The back of his hand traces down my cheek as I press my ass into his groin feeling the beginnings of his erection stirring but before I can enjoy the moment too much he quickly flicks me into a spin away from his body.

Now we are attracting attention as other dancers pause on the dance floor. Even Ethan and Mia grip each other closely as they gaze our way. We repeat our entire pattern to the other side but this time when he turns me away from his body he moves in close behind, allowing me to swivel sliding down the length of his body. My hands grip his strong muscular thighs for balance and I make sure I have full contact with him as I slide back up with his assistance. His arms wrap around me, his breath on my neck.

"Naughty girl, Katie." A tense whisper that heats my skin and makes me smile. I throw his arms open and walk away in a slow, quick, quick, slow toe lead, my short flared cocktail dress hitched up as high on my thigh as I can get it without revealing my g-string. Elliot is left doing a slow ball change on the spot in the corner as he watches my ass gyrate away from him. I know that no one else can see so I flip my skirt and give him a flash of ass cheek before bringing my feet together. I mark time as he moves towards me, one strong arm wraps around me and takes my opposite hand, flicking me out in a spin that continues under his arm three, four, five times, carefully controlling me all the way. Pulling me back in close our movement comes to a complete halt, a moment of suspension, our eyes connected, breaths mingled, bodies touching from chest to thigh before he steps into a lunge. I arch back as he slides me into a dip, supporting me in his strong arms. I feel safe, sexy, loved, needed. My Elliot. My head goes back and his tongue licks my neck making me groan before he quickly brings me back up on the last beat of the music.

Around us other dancers have paused to applaud and I don't know if it is for us or the band. Nor do I care. My hands are on his face, his tongue is in my mouth and his hands hold my waist firmly. I know he is itching to grab my ass and pull me in close but he is fighting for control. I grab his hand and we leave the dance floor almost racing to the exit door. We find ourselves in a service corridor near the kitchen but nobody bats and eyelid. We move through the labyrinth of heat and noise before finally finding another exit that leads into another darker corridor. A recess in the wall is all we need.

Finding what we are looking for he pushes me up against the wall and presses his lips hard against mine. His hand slides up my skirt finding my g-string and ripping it away before plunging his fingers inside me. "Fuck Katie. You are always so wet, so fucking wet." He groans into my mouth his tongue invading my mouth.

I bite down and suck on his lip and grind myself against his hard cock while his fingers continue to work me into a frenzy. Anyone could come through here at any time and it heightens my excitement. My hands fumble on his zip, struggling to get him free of his trousers. His length is heavy and hard in my hand as I begin to pump him from head to base. It is too much and I sink to the ground, taking him fully into my mouth. Sucking hard along the full length of him I follow with one hand while the other cups his balls, squeezing gently. He is watching.

"So fucking perfect. I love watching you suck my cock, Katie. You look beautiful. So beautiful." I scrape my teeth along his shaft and he lets out a hiss. Following this with long licks I taste the drip of come on my lips. I create a little saliva to mix and moisten him thoroughly, sucking deeply again. He throws his head back as if he is near completion. Then suddenly he has lifted me up and is thrusting his tongue in my mouth again, tasting himself.

"Turn around." Immediately I do as he asks and he presses is cock against my ass. My skirt is up around my waist as he flicks his fingers over my clit and pushes into me. We have been working up to ass play for a while but he doesn't try to penetrate, he just plays at thrusting into my crack and I want him so badly. His voice is in my ear as he licks my lobe sending me into orbit. "I love your pussy Kate. It's always so fucking wet and hot. And I want to take your tight little ass but not here. Not now. Right now I am going to play with your wet cunt until you can't hold back and then I will turn you around and fuck you hard. Okay?"

All I can do is nod. His fingers are magical, playing me like a six string, until I am humming a tune only he knows. He continues his three pronged assault, his tongue in my ear, his hands on my pussy and his cock in my ass. The pleasure is too much and completely heightened by where we are. He tries to keep me quiet but my keening cries are growing.

"Fuck, Elliot, oh God." My hands grip his thighs desperately. "I need you, now."

He turns me back to face him and lifts me up, my legs wrapped around his waist as he thrusts into me hard. His not insubstantial cock fills me to the hilt and I could swear that he is fucking me right up to my stomach. All I can do is hang on for dear life as he pounds into me with full force. My orgasm already hovering near crashes over me in waves and I cry out his name. He continues to grunt and thrust before finally groaning out his own orgasm. His come shooting inside me and dribbling down my leg. He holds me as we both come down from our orgasmic high.

Just then my heart stops as the door that we entered through opens and a man steps into the hall. It takes a moment for our eyes to adjust to the light before we recognize Matt and Lisa.

"What the hell are you doing, Kate?" Lisa's shrill voice cuts through the dim corridor. My heart starts up again and I quickly get my skirt organized to cover myself. Elliot stays facing me, looking me directly in the eye as he does up his fly then he turns to face them his body blocking my view. I know he is protecting me but I don't need him to take a bullet for me. I just need to get him out of here.

"You missed the show, Lisa so you can just run along now." I am surprised at the sarcasm in my voice. Fuck, I'm asking for trouble. Lisa is within arms reach now, having advanced down the corridor towards us.

"Matt, camera!" Matt looks completely stunned, his mouth gaping like a goldfish. He looks at me and then at Lisa as if she is mad. "Jesus, now, Matt." As if on automatic pilot Matt raises the camera and fires off a round of shots that sound like canon fire in the peaceful quiet of the corridor. The flash pulses in our faces. Elliot steps towards him, his hand blocking the lens but Lisa is egging him on. Drawing back his arm, Elliot takes a swing, punching Matt firmly in the jaw. Matt's head snaps back with the force and he stumbles into the wall. Lisa, the eternal self-preservationist grabs the camera before it hits the ground and makes a run for it.

I head of at run down the corridor after her, the door almost closing in my face before I can get through it. By the time I wrestle with the heavy door Lisa is already gone from the service corridor. I pause in the door and look back at Elliot who is helping Matt off the ground.

"Sorry man, but you needed to stop." Once he is sure that Matt is okay Elliot grabs my hand and pushes past to the door. Just as we reach it Matt calls out.

"You know that by the time you find her she will have emailed those shots through to Jeannie." I swing around and advance on him as he leans against the wall still holding his chin.

"What the fuck do you think you were doing? I am not the fucking story. I am part of the team." I'm so angry I could spit. I push his shoulder so that he thumps back against the wall and he at least has the decency to look contrite.

"I'm sorry. Lisa scares the shit out of me. You know that Jeannie will run this. Unless you can pull some strings with your Dad."

"Fuck! No!" Jesus, I can't do that. Jeannie will find some way to crucify me. I turn around and lean on the wall trying desperately to think. When nothing is forthcoming I smack my hands hard against the wall and push away to begin a long walk of shame back to the ballroom."

"Kate, wait. Why can't you stop her? What is this about? You were just covering the event right? Right? They won't print those pictures. Right?" All the guilt that I have been carrying for the last couple of weeks swells to the surface and overflows. My face must be beet red, I feel so ashamed. "Kate, tell me what is going on."

I walk towards him but I can't raise my eyes and look at him. "I am Felicity Ferret." My voice is whisper quiet and I know this isn't technically correct but it may as well be. All the leads recently have come from me either directly or indirectly. I'm a walking time bomb for every dirty secret in Seattle right now. Ms Ferret has never been so well connected and so totally alone.

* * *

**A/N: My apologies for ongoing editing mistakes. Thank you to those people who have taken the time to review. I really appreciate that feedback. Just to let you all know, Mia and Ethan are on their way. Would you like me start before we finish Kate and Elliot or after? Love as always, Sasha xox  
**


	6. Chapter 6 Trust Me

_**Looking for something I've never seen  
Alone and I'm in between  
The place that I'm from and the place that I'm in  
A city I never been  
I found a friend or should I say a foe  
Said just a few things you should know  
We don't want you to see we come and we go  
Here today, gone tomorrow**_

_**We're only taking turns**_  
_**Holding this world**_  
_**It's how it's always been**_  
_**When you're older you will understand**_

_**If I say who I know it just goes to show**_  
_**You need me less than I need you**_  
_**Take it from me we don't give sympathy**_  
_**You can trust me trust nobody**_  
_**But I said you and me we don't have honesty**_  
_**The things we don't want to speak**_  
_**I'll try to get out but I never will**_  
_**Traffic is perfectly still**_

_**We're only taking turns**_  
_**Holding this world**_  
_**It's how it's always been**_  
_**When you're older you will understand**_

_**Trust Me - The Fray**_

* * *

My girlfriend is Felicity Fucking Ferret. FML! The irony of the situation is not lost on me and for some inexplicable reason it just seems so incredibly funny. I know I should be angry, I'm fairly sure that I should be storming out of here but I look at that sorry little look on her face and I burst out laughing.

She looks at me in shock. Yep, I've grown a second and head and sprouted fucking wings babe, what did you expect? Then the giggle starts and fuck me if I don't want to bury myself inside her again. Gets me every damn time. Soon the laughter grows in that way that it can and it just takes over. You know, that hysterical gut wrenching chuckle that makes tears stream down your face because it is so stupid and you just can't stop? So there we are standing in the kitchen service area of some dingy hotel, laughing like a couple of hyenas, clutching our stomachs when Ethan and Mia burst in. As if my night can't get any worse…or funnier.

They stop short and look at us anxiously then at each other not quite believing what they are seeing.

"Where's the fire, bro?" I can barely get the question out between gasps and this just sends Kate into spasms. She starts to hiccup and slides down the wall. Oh, don't do that babe, that dress is too short. And my efforts to try to cover her up start us laughing all the more.

"Seems like it might have been here. Can we ask what is so damn funny?" Mia looks a little pissed and I presume it is because she has missed the party. My little sister always did hate being the last one in on a joke.

"Oh, babe, we are about to make family history." I look at Kate and she looks like she might be about to wet herself.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Mia, are you sure you want to know.

"Put it this way, I wouldn't buy tomorrow's newspaper. Felicity Ferret is about to print some fairly graphic photos of your big brother getting his rocks off in a hotel corridor." I reach over to give Kate a hand off the floor. She really shouldn't be flashing her sweet pussy for everyone to see.

"You mean these ones?" Ethan holds up a SD card and Kate and I go suddenly silent staring at him. I can see what is going through Kate's mind. For Ethan to have grabbed the card he had to know that Matt or Lisa had taken the photos in the first place and that means he just saw me fucking his sister. Holy shit!

"Where did you get that?" Kate is trying to turn the tables here but she is wasting her breath.

"Don't Kate, we've been busted. Let's just be thankful that Ethan is on our side. You are on our side right?"

Mia quickly grabs the card off him and looks at me with a smirk. "Mia, what are you doing?"

"I think I will take these for safe keeping. You never know when we might need …insurance." Oh you sneaky little bitch. I go to advance on her when Ethan steps in the way.

"I don't think so. Not on my watch." He's smiling but there is that hint of 'don't fuck with me' just below the surface. I know he has the hots for my sister but this caveman routine is kind of unexpected. I mean, it's not like he's that serious about her, he hardly ever sees her. I figured I would just wrestle her to the ground and tickle her into submission. Always worked when we were kids.

"I'm not going to hurt her. I just want the photos." Holding out my hand I give a little flick of my fingers but she just smiles and tucks the card into her bra. Well, I'm not going in there. Ethan smirks.

"I'm more worried that she will hurt you." He gives a quick glance over his shoulder and Mia gives him a big grin back. What the hell is going on here? Like she could do anything to me. Of course, with unpredictable Mia I guess he could be right and it sounds like he is speaking from experience. Maybe that's why he's been holding back.

"Mia. Please. We don't want those falling into the wrong hands." Kate tries to turn on her charm. It doesn't seem to be hitting the mark.

"Don't worry Kate. I will take very good care of these. In the meantime, can I suggest that we get back into that ballroom before everyone in greater Seattle starts speculating on what you two are doing?" They both step back to wave us back through between them to the ballroom. Shrugging my shoulders, I grab Kate by the hand and escort her through the doors.

Instead of going back to the table we walk straight out on the dance floor. Taking her in my arms we keep our movement a little more low key than last time just happy to hold each other. Looking into her eyes I smile. I can't believe how good it felt to laugh with her again.

"You look happy, Mr Grey. I thought you would be furious with me." Kate's smile lights up her face and it is all I can do not to kiss her.

"Don't get me wrong, babe. I am pretty furious with you." A little frown creases her forehead and she starts to look down. I lift her chin. "For not telling me. That must have been eating you up especially when you are so firmly a part of this crazy family of mine." I look over at the table where Mia and Ethan are toasting each us with champagne.

"I'm sorry. I got put in this team because I know people like you and I get invited to events like this. They wanted someone who is an insider. I wanted to go to my Dad and get a change but…"

"No, Kate, that is the worst thing you could do." Her colleagues would crucify her if they thought she was getting any special treatment because of her father.

"I know. I just feel so awful every time we come to one of these things. I almost hope that I don't hear anything about anyone." I feel so sorry for her. We have talked about how awful most of these people are but I know that she would not be happy about ratting them all out. It just isn't her style.

"Sweetheart, this is temporary. You can do your time, do it well and I know that they will move you on. In the meantime, perhaps we can use this to our advantage." She looks at me with questioning eyes and then I see a spark.

"You mean turn the tables." I nod and for the first time in a long time she looks excited. Her brain is going a million miles an hour.

"I can hear the machinery in your head. What are you thinking?" Her enthusiasm makes me smile and then she drags me over to where Mia and Ethan are still congratulating each other.

"Hey you two. Are you up for some fun?" Mia looks at Kate and the excitement catches.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?" My sister, up for anything.

"Well, first we have a couple of things that we need to tell you…" Kate looks at me and I am just a little concerned at where this might be going but I am trusting her not to divulge absolutely everything about me or my past.

For the next fifteen minutes she tells them the finer points of her being part of the Ferret team but also about the photos that have been sent to Kavanagh Media over the past few months. She makes it sound fairly harmless and doesn't give too much away about information that might go along with the photos. I have to say, her spin on what is happening is impressive given that Ethan knows most of the details. Most of this discussion is for Mia's benefit. A look passes between Mia and Ethan that I can't quite interpret before she says, "I'm in."

"Great, so the Lincoln company table is over on the far side of the ballroom. The SIP table is three behind us. I don't expect to get much joy from them since Jack Hyde no longer works for them but you never know if there is someone there who might still be in contact. We just need a couple of things that are interesting, it doesn't need to be salacious gossip. God knows our writers can turn the most innocent thing into cause for defamation without any real facts. So, let's go."

We salute each other with champagne and then begin circulating. Within an hour we have all heard something that might be worth throwing to the writing team so we gather outside to share a ride home.

"Are you coming back to the apartment Sis?" Mia gets a shocked expression on her face and looks with some uncertainty at Ethan who just shrugs. What is it with these two? Are they a couple or what? Maybe they just feel uncomfortable because I am her big brother but it is just weird.

* * *

When we get back to the apartment I pull her aside. "Mia, what is going on with you and Ethan?"

"Nothing. Why?" She tries for defiant but she looks a little guilty.

"I thought you two wanted to be together? Is he giving you grief because of me and Kate?" She glances around with some uncertainty.

"Yeah, he just thinks it is weird that you are dating his sister."

"Do you like him?" In a flash this world of emotion hits her eyes in a way that I have never seen before with Mia. She always crushed on my friends when she was younger but I haven't seen much of her for the past four years, I don't know this adult Mia. It hits me that the little girl who left for Paris four years ago is a young woman and if I am not mistaken she is very much in love.

"I do. It's just…we're not meant to be together." She drops her head and I almost miss the tear that drops from the corner of her eye.

"Mia, go and be with him. Make him see you. I don't care. I love Kate, and I love you and Ethan as well. If it is meant to be then go and make it happen."

"You know I don't need your blessing." Ah, there is the defiant Mia.

"No, but you have it any way." The fire dims a little and she nods and turns to walk down the hall to Ethan's room. At the door she turns around and looks at me.

"Thanks." I smile and shake my head turning back to find Kate standing behind me.

"That was really sweet. You are a good big brother." Her head is tilted to one side as if she is seeing something new. Funny I thought she pretty much knew everything there was to know about me. "You are going to make a really good Dad one day."

For a moment I get my hopes up and then I see the sadness creep in. Don't push, Grey. I think if I can just fix my life and hang in there long enough without hassling her, Kate just might change her mind about not having kids.

* * *

The next week is a blur of work and wedding arrangements. Christian is getting on my last nerve with all his attention to detail. Of course, the detail of the wedding is really Mia and Ana's department with some input from Kate and the respective mothers. Christian's attention to detail is about security and the whole event is so shrouded in secrecy that even the wedding invitations have been sent via encrypted email.

In between all of this we have been waiting for another contact from Linc but it seems that the Ferret has been able to drop enough information into her column that he has backed off. The first tidbit came via Ethan after the charity gala. It seems that Linc may be in some strife over some unpaid taxes. I have no idea how Ethan got the information but I am glad he did. The second came from Mia who overheard a disgruntled employee talking about being blamed for some lost shipments from South America. She overheard him saying that Linc had threatened to string the logistics and shipping team managers up by the testicles if they didn't do their jobs properly and he tried to fire one of them before human resources stepped in and told him what he was doing was illegal.

Kate ensures that these were slowly leaked in the biweekly column and this happens to coincide with the first syndication run so the story was all over the greater Western seaboard within a day. Hopefully, this has bought us some time. In the meantime, James and I have made plans to talk with my Dad and we meet him along with Kate and Ethan at a private dining room at the Rainier Club for dinner. Mia refuses to come and now with my new insight into my sister's life I can fully understand why. Her decision makes it easy not to tell her more of the gory details of what happened between us and Linc all those years ago, but I have told her enough to make her weary.

"Son, it's good to see you. James, how are you?" My father is the epitome of refinement and I wonder what he was like as a young man, when Linc and Elena got their hooks in him.

"Sir, it is good to see you too." James is always a little intimidated by my family. He has no reason to be. He might have working class origins but he is a solid person, has a great head for business and I trust him with my life.

"Well, what can I do for you." Once we start, it is like a train running headlong into the station. We almost can't stop as we pour out detail after detail of what happened to Stella and what we did on her behalf. Dad, to his credit, sits and listens through most of our description only asking questions every now and then to clarify the salient points. Eventually we run out of steam.

"So, we wondered, what would happen if he gave the evidence to the police now."

"Mmm. The statute of limitations may not apply where the assault was never reported. From that point of view he only needs the video evidence to start the ball rolling against you. On the other hand, if we can prove that he has had the videos all this time then it could be thrown out on the basis that he has withheld evidence. Of course, your case is made stronger if you could get Elena and/or Stella to testify against him. Since there are no other witnesses to their assaults, the evidence needs to be directly from them."

"No, we will never get Stella into a court room. She is far too fragile and she doesn't remember what happened." James voice is firm on this and I have to agree. Stella has made so much progress with our support and her relationship with Will. I don't ever want to see her slip back into the hollow empty shell she was after the assault. It occurs to me that I have only seen one other woman like that in my life and I reach under the table to take Kate's hand and gently squeeze. I am just so glad that she is coming back.

"You know, an affidavit could be enough from both of them. What are the chances that he might settle out of court?" Kate turns her attention on my father and he considers her question carefully before replying.

"If we were dealing with a normal person I would say yes. Linc has always been a little more unpredictable than that. Rumor has it that some of his business practices border on illegal but I have never known anyone who has been able to gather enough evidence to prosecute him. It is almost as if he is protected somehow. If Elena doesn't also come forward then Stella's evidence is at best unreliable."

"Even if we put her through regression therapy?" Ethan has mooted this to me privately but I don't know if it is a good idea. Perhaps there are some really good reasons why Stella's mind refuses to unlock the box on that event. Who are we to take her back there just because we got sloppy.

"No, we can't do that to her." James is adamant on Stella's behalf once more and again I am glad he is on my team.

"Guys, I understand why you want to protect her. I really do. But someone like John Flynn would take good care of her and perhaps even be able to help her to get better, stronger. He has therapy arrangements with some of the best practitioners on both coasts. One of those partners is an expert in her field, Diana Lake. Between them I think they could keep Stella safe." How does Ethan know all of this stuff?

"It might be worth asking Stella what she wants to do?" Kate,ever the voice of reason. James and I look at each other and a silent agreement is made. It should be Stella's decision but we don't want her to make it under duress.

"I'll ask." James says quietly. "But if she says no then that has to be it. No one pressures her any further."

"I have to say. You both are showing incredible loyalty to your friend. I'm proud of you son." I wait for the hint of sarcasm to seep through but he genuinely means it. I'm not sure if I want to repair this relationship just yet but I have to give him props for not hauling me out in front of everyone for my stupidity. I will wait for it later. God knows he was good at it when I was an off the rails teen. "Let me do some more digging around. I think you are going to need some other representation here. I am happy to consult but it isn't my area of specialty and we could do without the conflict of interest."

"Why would it be a conflict of interest? You are perfectly able to represent your own son, aren't you?"

"Yes, but I have also been Elena's personal lawyer for the past twenty years. I think Linc's legal team might want to go to town on that one." Fuck me! So Elena gets her evil claws into him on a professional level as well. Just for a moment I wonder if he isn't still carrying on with her behind Mom's back. Kate is gripping my hand so hard under the table I think she might draw blood.

"So if she agrees to testify you will represent her but not me?" He looks stricken. So you should you prick.

"Son, it isn't what you think." He looks around the room and I can tell he doesn't want to talk about this in front of James or Ethan. "Can we discuss this later?"

"I don't think so Dad. I'm pretty sure I am all talked out on that one."

"Elliot. Your Dad was probably looking after Mia's interests." We all look at Ethan. "Mia has already told me everything. You were looking out for her weren't you Mr Grey?"

"Yes. There was always that doubt initially regarding whether Mia was really mine or not. Elena didn't want Linc to make any claims, she wanted Mia protected from his…lifestyle. She also needed some protections for herself."

"I'm sure she did. Exactly what form did that protection take, Dad?" I can't help myself. I am so fucking furious with him right now.

"Stop right there. I didn't want this. None of it. Your mother made me do this. She wanted Mia and she wanted me to take care of things. Perhaps we were wrong but we trusted Elena even when we couldn't trust Linc. But that is all it was. I had a professional relationship with that woman and I have never looked at another woman but your mother from the day she arrived here in Seattle with you and Christian in tow."

We are standing up, glaring at each other over the table. James and Ethan look ready to pull me back from smacking the shit out of my own father. Kate steps in and takes my face in her hands, making me look at her.

"Honey, your father is right. You have to stop this. I don't know how but your parents made their peace with this situation a long time ago. They love you all and they love each other. You have to let this go."

"But look at what she did to us. Look at what Christian became. How could she do that? How could she do that to me?" Dad's head snaps up at this. "Yes, Dad. That woman that you are continuing to associate with managed to fuck all three of us. How does that make you feel? How do you think Mom will feel?"

The color drains from his face. Whereas previously he was red with anger now he has gone white as a sheet, grey even. As I watch him slump into his chair, head in his hands I suddenly feel like the worst kind of schmuck. Of all the things I could have chosen to tell him, that one is probably the lowest.

"I think this meeting is over. Mr Grey? I don't have a vehicle with me so I can drive you home in your car, sir." Dad doesn't say a word. He looks lost and I can't reach out to him as I watch Ethan usher him out the door. James looks at me with disgust.

"Uncool man. I'm going to find Stella. I'll call you later." Then he is gone leaving me and Kate and I can't look at her.

"Sweetheart?" Her voice is quiet, pleading. "I can't condone what you just did but it's done. We will deal with the fallout together. Right now we need to get out of here."

"I need to talk to Christian." She takes my hand.

"Yes, you do. But not tonight."

Back at the apartment there is no one around. Mia went back to Bellevue to have dinner with Mom, Ethan is out there now delivering my father home in God only knows what state. I am half expecting my mother to phone at any moment and ream me out about Elena. Before that happens Kate gets a phone call that changes everything.

"Linc. What can I do for you?"

* * *

_**A/N: Thanks for the great feedback this week. Some of you have really made a difference as to what happens next. Just a reminder about the timeline for one of our guest reviewers, the proposal happens in Aspen after Christian and Ana get back from honeymoon. Thanks again and keep the reviews coming. Sasha xox**_


	7. Chapter 7 Lego House

_**I'm gonna pick up the pieces, **_

_**And build a Lego house **_

_**If things go wrong we can knock it down  
My three words have two meanings, **_

_**There's one thing on my mind **_

_**It's all for you **_

_**And it's dark in a cold December, **_

_**but I've got you to keep me warm **_

_**If you're broken I will mend you **_

_**and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now **_

_**I'm out of touch, I'm out of love **_

_**I'll pick you up when you're getting down **_

_**And out of all these things I've done **_

_**I think I love you better now **_

_**I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind **_

_**I'll do it all for you in time **_

_**And out of all these things **_

_**I've done I think I love you better now**_

_**ED SHEERAN - LEGO HOUSE LYRICS**_

* * *

"Listen carefully, you need to call off that fucking team of media hacks that keep attacking me in the papers."

"My team of media hacks...I'm not sure what you're talking about, Linc." I make sure I keep saying his name so that Elliot will crawl out of his self-induced funk and notice that we have a situation here. Finally he looks at me showing me that he has heard. As quietly as I can I switch my cell to speaker phone so Elliot can hear.

"I've had the feds here crawling over my building since 7 this morning. Are you going to tell me that you have had nothing to do with that? No fucking two-bit whore is going to fuck with my business." I honestly have no idea what he is talking about but a part of me is doing a celebratory cha cha as I listen to him heavy breathing down the phone. Disgusting!

"Have you got something to hide, Linc? Surely not. As to my involvement in your little investigation, well a two bit whore probably wouldn't be smart enough to cause you any problem now would she?" I shouldn't enjoy this so much. "I don't know who would hate you enough to bring you that kind of attention."

"Tell your father or whichever one of you Kavanaghs that has the feds in their back pocket, to call off their dogs. Otherwise I am going to release those tapes."

"Now, you are just talking crazy talk, Linc. Kavanagh Media may be a major player but even we don't have those sorts of connections. As to releasing those tapes I am not sure you will. I believe that if the feds haven't found anything on you then the local police will probably arrest you for obstruction of justice or withholding evidence or perhaps even just being a public nuisance." I am bluffing like mad here but I hope that Carrick is going to be able to get the police to press one of these charges.

"You little bitch. You owe me information on that deal." I can almost see his red puffy skin and glowing bulbous eyes glaring at me through the phone line. It makes me smile.

"Oh, Linc, darling. I owe you nothing. You never did get that did you?"

"I'll tell Felicity Ferret that you are a stripper in a sex club." The urge to break into hysterical laughter is almost overwhelming.

"Exotic dancer, thanks very much. And you can try to tell the Ferret but I have a feeling you won't get very far. Just call it an educated guess. Now if that's all you have to say, then I guess this conversation is over." I click the phone and collapse on a chair. Holy fuck! Ethan is kneeling down in front of me.

"Babe, are you okay?" _Apart from not quite being able to take a full breath?_

"Yeah." I stare at the phone. _OMG!_

"You were amazing!" Refocusing on his face I can see the pride. "Wow. You just told Linc to go fuck himself. It was incredible."

"Oh, shit. I think I am going to be sick." I put my head down between my legs trying desperately to breathe. _In and out, and in and out._

I feel rather than see Elliot get up and then he is on the phone. Who the hell is he calling now?

"Dad, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…no, Dad, I was being unfair. But listen Linc just called. He's been investigated by the FBI and he is blaming Kate or Kavanagh Media for blowing the whistle…yeah, I will. I just wanted you to know. She's fine. Yes, I know. Okay, talk to you tomorrow."

"What did he say?" It seems that something like a normal pulse has returned and my oxygen levels have settled.

"He thinks I should talk to Christian, before the wedding. And he thinks I should marry you." This makes me smile. Yeah, well we're all on the same page there.

* * *

The wedding is in less than two weeks which kind of has my head spinning because I am sure there are a thousand things I am meant to be doing for Ana but haven't. My guilt leads me to catching up with her for drinks after work the next day. Elliot has gone out to the treehouse to have dinner with Jason and Gail so Ana comes to the apartment for pizza and wine. Although this is a last opportunity for her to pick up her stuff, having her here feels like old times.

"Ana, I really want to apologize." After half a bottle of red the edge is off and I feel like I can bring up topics we have both avoided for the past few weeks.

"What for?" Her confusion is genuine but that is Ana all over. She doesn't carry grudges.

"Oh, pretty much everything. I haven't exactly been a stellar example of a best friend and my performance as maid of honor to date kind of sucks." I pick up a piece of pizza and take a big bite. This kind of girls' night in brings out the pig in me so it is disconcerting to see Ana curled up on the couch in her designer jeans picking at her plate while oozing supermodel.

"God Kate, give yourself a break. We've both found these amazing guys and started our careers. It seems so unbelievable that we are in this situation together. How are things with Elliot by the way? You guys seem pretty serious." How are things with us? This last month or so has been a roller coaster of emotion. And serious doesn't even begin to describe our relationship.

"We're good." I don't really want to say too much more. Nothing would make sense and the bits that do would only bring down her happy bride vibe. For once in my life I am putting another's needs before my own which is disconcerting in a nice way.

"Kate this is not like you. Where is the running commentary on how amazing he is in bed?" I laugh and throw a cushion at her that she fends easily with a giggle.

"Hey, you won't reveal any of your secrets why should I reveal mine?" There is that Ana introspective smile, the one that says I've got a secret I'm not telling. "Can I apologize again about the email?"

Her head snaps up. "Don't even think about it. Christian and I have moved so far past that whole thing and as you know, that wasn't the worst thing that happened that night." No, no it wasn't the worst thing by far, nor was the news about Elena being a pedo. I wait for the tears that always threaten steeling myself against the pain. John Flynn is right. It does get a little easier every day. A little more manageable with time. We are both quietly thinking about that night.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how kinky is he?" I am desperate to change the subject and although I am fully expecting Ana to tell me to fuck off this seems to be as safe a topic as any. She sips her wine and looks at me.

"I would say about 15." A giggle from her sets me off and it feels so good. "But you have to know that I like his kinky fuckery. Most of it anyway."

I almost spit my wine out. "Jesus Ana. Kinky fuckery! I love it. So are we talking major scene playing or just some power play?" Her look tells me that she is both impressed and appalled that I would know any of this. "Shit, did you think after reading that email I wouldn't do some research. You should know me better than that?"

"Okay, okay. But you know I can't talk about this. It is private and we really would like to keep it that way. I mean, how would you like it if I asked you all the gory details of your sexual relationship with Elliot."

"I would tell you, you know that if you asked I would tell you everything." She tilts her head to one side giving me a disbelieving look. "Well, you would have to ask the right questions." I smirk.

"Okay, let me see. Questions where you can only say yes or no. That way we aren't actually saying anything."

"Oh, you are so on girl. What have you got?" I would love to think that my previously BC (Before Christian) friend would be too innocent to ask anything really juicy so her first question has my jaw dropping.

"Is he hung?" Fuck Ana. Alright.

"Yes! With a capital Y." I grin at her. "Knowing that you have nothing to compare him to I won't ask that question so… can he perform more than once a night?"

"That would be a multiple yes. Has he ever restrained you during sex?"

"Held me still, yes, tied me up, yes." Then my thoughts go the room at Escala. "Cuffed me, yes." Ana raises an eyebrow, obviously surprised. She hadn't expected that and I can see her relax a little. "I will qualify this by saying yes to my own question and this is a double barrel one. Has ever spanked you and did you like it?"

Now her shock is comical as her mouth opens and closes. She looks like she might want to resist answering me. "Yes and no. Mostly yes."

She is peaking my curiosity now. "So there have been times when things have got out of hand?" This is everything that I have been afraid of since Elliot told me about Christian.

"Don't jump to conclusions Kate. He is very experienced at this but I have my limits. We're still learning. Most of the time, I like it." I'm still not convinced that someone who has been out of control in his life before isn't going to turn on her at some point.

"Okay, okay. Forgetting 'equipment'. Do you use toys?"

Another little smile plays across her lips. "Oh, yes." I try to hide my smile but we both burst out laughing at our own little memories. "Swallowing?"

"Absolutely, yes! My favorite dessert treat." At this point I am not sure you could wipe the grin off our faces.

"Or breakfast, or lunch…."

"Ana! You horny bitch!" Another cushion gets launched. God I have missed this girl. "Okay, this time we have to state where but no other details okay. Where besides the bed have you done it." Her eyes light up.

"Couch."

"Boring, come on girl you can do better."

"Um…pool table. And it's your turn."

"Oh God, remind me never to play pool at your place. His office desk."

"Impressive. Boat."

"Shit, he has a boat? How did I not know this? Okay, swimming pool." She lifts her hand to mime a yawn. "While my parents were having breakfast at the outdoor table."

"Fuck me!"

"And he did." I put my smug face on.

"Alright,I've got this one - piano."

"Tres acrobatic of you Miss Steele, but inevitably I will conquer. Hotel service corridor." Her eyebrows raise. "Last night."

"Oh, babe, you are the queen of kink. I bow to your supremacy." She reaches over and high fives me.

"Serious question and the last one, I promise." She turns her body to face me. "Ana, are you sure?"

Her gaze is direct, her smile genuine. "Yes. I am so sure. Yes." I move over to her side of the couch and wrap my arms around her. I am so genuinely happy for my best friend and in spite of my initial reservations about Christian I know that she is making the right decision.

"I'm so happy for you Ana. I'm so glad you did that interview instead of me."

"Me, too, Kate. Thank you."

"Fuck, we still have the bachelor and bachelorette parties to get through. I haven't even really thought about it." By the look on her face I am guessing that neither has she.

"Look given everything that has been going on and Christian's need for security I am wondering if we shouldn't for get the whole party thing. We don't need to do that."

"You mean he won't let you out of his sight for a night on the town with the girls?" Somehow it seems a little odd but I think I might be on the same page with Christian on this one. If Jack and Linc are making threats and the Ana has had the whole ex-sub nightmare as well, then I am not sure if we could really guarantee anyone's safety. Then a thought pops into my head.

"What if we did something combined. Hired a venue and had both parties on the same night with all the requisite security?"

She thinks about this for a moment. "I guess that could work. Did you have anything in mind?"

"Yes, actually but it would have to be a surprise for Christian. Would I be able to talk to your security guy? Taylor? Run the idea past him first and then get back to you?" I hope that my poker face is good tonight. Ana must never know about our relationship with Taylor or that he is at this moment out at the treehouse with Elliot.

"Sure, I guess. I'll text you his number. If Taylor thinks the security aspects are okay then I guess we're in."

Then another idea comes into my head. "How would you like to give your man a little treat that night? A real surprise."

"I hope I won't regret this but yeah, sure." Oh, sweet trusting Ana. You should know better than to hand control of anything like this to me. For the next half hour I outline my plan to her which surprisingly she agrees to but only if we can convince Mia to take part as well. That will be easy.

* * *

The next afternoon I decide to surprise Elliot by going out to the treehouse after work. Last night we were apart, although we talked for over an hour on the phone and I have made a decision that I need to start making the treehouse my home. I just haven't told Elliot that yet. As I pull up the driveway I am surprised to see two vans outside the house and a group of people moving in and out of the front door. A very agitated Jen is keeping an eye on the traffic but she looks seriously pissed.

"Hey Jen, what's going on? Where's Elliot?"

"Hi Kate. He hasn't arrived home yet. I don't expect him for another hour but I am so glad that you're here." She might be glad but she hasn't smiled yet. What the fuck is going on?

"Should I ask?" She looks a little nervous suddenly.

"The bi-atch is here." WTF? "Yeah, I came in from the boat and she was already here with this whole crew of people. She said that she had already run in past Elliot but he never said anything about it to me before he left. I've called him but his phone went to voicemail so all I could do was leave a message."

Gia fucking Mateo, what the hell is she doing in my house? Yeah, I know, I haven't really been playing happy homemaker here for a while but life is busy. Without saying anything more to Jen I storm into the house.

As I enter the main living room I see a small production team standing around while Gia reclines on the sofa, her long legs crossed and swept to one side, not a hair out of place. I thank God that I have come from another charity lunch and have a little more than the average office uniform on. If I am going to tear this tart to shreds then I want to look my best. The interviewer is sitting on a chair opposite her while a photographer sweeps around them taking photos.

"So the design for this particular room came to me from my study of Sagrada Familia in Barcelona. While I didn't want the ornamentation of Gaudi's original design I did want to emulate the natural elements in the construction of the forest canopy style columns and ceilings. I think it is one of the best and most original examples of my work."

"Your what?" If I wasn't already pissed to see the trollop lounging around my living room I am seriously going to gut her for claiming Elliot's design. "You lying cow. None of this is your idea, the design for this house has all come from Elliot." I look at the journalist. "That would be Elliot Grey, the owner of this house. How can you sit there and claim his work as your own? All you did was put your signature on the plans so he could get the requisite approvals."

I am in full flight and the whole crew has frozen in place looking at us as we challenge each other across the room. She doesn't even have the decency to look contrite, instead her eyes are glacial as she tries to stare me down. Two can play that game.

"Did she tell you that this is how she operates? That she claims other's work as her own?"

"Kate you have no idea what you are talking about. Elliot gave me approval to use the house at any time to promote my work. We did this together."

"So does he know you are here now?" This time there is a slight flush. Gotcha you bitch! "This is MY house. I live here with Elliot and you do not have MY permission to be here. I would suggest that you get your sorry ass out of here before I plant my stiletto in it."

Then I turn to the journalist and realize that I know her and her assistant. "You guys are from EcoWarriors aren't you? I recognize you from the internship program." My focus is on the assistant who nods.

"Yes, it's Kate isn't it? I'm Marie and this is my supervisor Anabel."

"Nice to meet you Kate although if I had known that Miss Mateo didn't have your full permission to be here I would never have brought the crew in. I apologize for invading your privacy like this." Instantly I like both of these women.

"I am happy for you to run a story about the house at any time Anabel. It is a unique piece of design. But the real designer is my partner, Elliot Grey. Miss Matteo didn't even do the drawings for the building. You see Elliot is not a registered architect so he needed Miss Mateo to sign off on the drawings to get the building permits through. Isn't that right Gia?"

Finally she looks like she might back down. "Yes." Her voice is very quiet and I can see how embarrassed she is. I almost feel sorry for her.

"Anabel, if you would like to contact me I would be happy for you to run a story on the house but I think you should talk with Elliot about _his _design. He is the one who can talk about it with some authority. Gia, I suggest that you give me back the key you have to my house. I can't stop the business relationship you have with Elliot, nor do I want to, but if you try to come here unannounced ever again I will call the police and have you arrested for trespassing. And if you try to maintain any relationship with Elliot beyond a professional one I will destroy both your professional and private reputation. Do you understand me?"

At that moment I hear footsteps behind me. "What the hell is going on?"

Elliot moves into the room looking like thunder. I don't think I have ever seen him so angry.

"It's okay babe. Gia was just leaving and Anabel is here with her team from EcoWarrior to discuss the possibility of doing a feature on the house."

"Elliot, are you going to let her order me around?" Gia looks a little pathetic and desperate. Elliot says nothing but he looks at me and gives me a signal that I am in control here.

"Miss Mateo, the key please." Gia hesitates for a moment looking at Elliot.

"You heard her Gia. Give her the key." Elliot is fuming and Gia visibly blanches at the tone of his voice.

"But Elliot…" He cuts her off.

"Gia, this our home. Mine and Kate's. If she doesn't want you here then neither do I. Any previous arrangement we had no longer stands and if you ever upset Kate again I will take my business elsewhere."

Finally she crosses to the table and picks up her bag. Rummaging for the key she thumps it down into my outstretched palm before storming out of the house.

* * *

For the next two hours I watch and direct as Elliot turns on the charm, completely enamoring Anabel and Marie with his enthusiasm for the treehouse. They get an all access tour of the different wings and levels with the photographer and his team going completely nuts taking shots of the various elements and sight lines. Some of the shots they show me before they leave are amazing.

"So you have a completely separate guest wing. How many rooms are in the family wing of the house?"

"There is a main bedroom that has a turret studio office above it and then there are five bedrooms all with ensuites and a family retreat/study."

"Six bedrooms, babe." I correct him. He smiles and leads up into the master bedroom and I can't believe what I am seeing. The whole room has fundamentally changed decor to something very similar to my bedroom at the apartment. The bed and furniture have been replaced and then I notice a sliding door on the wall that had been hidden before by the old furniture. I look at him for an answer and he just shrugs.

"Through here is the ensuite and then through this door is a dressing room and walk in robe. This is Kate's space that I have created especially for her and mine is the old walk in on the other side." My mouth drops open as I walk in and see a space that has been outfitted with closets and drawers, shelves and mirrors with a table and love seat in the center.

"When did you do this?" I don't understand. I have been out to the treehouse and I never noticed any of this.

"I was keeping it all hidden from you until I could finish the space. Your mother came over and helped me with dressing the room yesterday, including bringing you a complete wardrobe of clothes so that you don't have to transport everything between here and the apartment. I couldn't have done it without her. Oh and Mia and Ana helped out too."

I can stop staring at it. It looks like a boutique shop and it is all for me. The beautiful, wonderful man has done all of this for me and I think I am about to cry. I look at Anabel and Marie and they already have tears in their eyes.

"Babe, is it okay? Do you like it? Cos if it isn't right we can fix it, I can get the guys…." I don't let him finish his sentence, throwing myself into his arms and wrapping my legs around his waist. I hear the photographer snap a shot and I really couldn't give a shit. I plant kisses all over his face and his lips enthusiastically.

"I love it. I love it so much. And I love you. You have no idea. This is perfect. You are perfect."

They leave me in the new bedroom to enjoy the fruits of Elliot's labor while they finish the tour and I meet them downstairs on the deck for drinks. Elliot continues to explain how the garden recycles water through the giant columns in the house and around the garden.

"Again, this is based on designs that Gaudi created over a century ago in Park Guell. Karen and I went to Barcelona to look at the parks and the architecture so that we could borrow ideas. She has even made the furniture and mosaics in the garden in a similar way, paying attention to natural forms, patterns in nature and using recycled materials. We just kept the color palette more neutral than Gaudi. And if you look back up at the building you can see that above and below the turrets are the same vents and picture windows that you see in the Batillo Apartments."

How did I not know any of this? Suddenly I have this overwhelming urge to go to Barcelona to see the originals. My darling man is brilliant and it makes me more angry at Gia for trying to claim what is clearly Elliot's stunning tribute design.

"Kate, Elliot, this place is amazing and I know our readers are going to be blown away by your attention to detail especially in the eco-features. Can we come back and do a feature on the garden?"

"Absolutely but we will need to have Karen here to talk about it. She is the landscape architect."

"Anabel, under the circumstances, I would like editorial approval of that story before it goes to print." She looks a little unsure.

"Kate I am not sure my boss would be happy with that but I will try."

"Don't worry about that. I will handle your boss." For once I am going to pull some strings with my father. There is no way that I want anything other than an honest representation of Elliot's work going to press. This isn't for me, it's for him.


	8. Chapter 8 Naughty Girl

_**I love to love you, baby  
I love to love you, baby**_

_**I'm feelin' sexy, I wanna hear you say my name, boy**_  
_**If you can reach me, you can feel my burning flame**_  
_**Feelin' kind o Y**_  
_**I might just take you home with me**_

_**Baby, the minute I feel your energy**_  
_**Your vibe is just taken over me**_  
_**Start feelin' so crazy, babe**_  
_**Babe, I feel the funk coming over me**_  
_**I don't know what's gotten into me**_  
_**The rhythm's got me feelin' so crazy, babe**_

_**Tonight I'll be your naughty girl**_  
_**I'm callin' all my girls**_  
_**We're gonna turn this party out**_  
_**I know you want my body**_

_**Tonight I'll be your naughty girl**_  
_**I'm callin' all my girls**_  
_**I see you look me up and down**_  
_**And I came to party**_

_**You're so sexy, tonight I am all yours, boy**_  
_**The way your body moves across the floor**_  
_**Feelin' kind o Y**_  
_**I might just take you home with me**_

_**Baby, the minute I feel your energy**_  
_**Your vibe is just taken over me**_  
_**Start feelin' so crazy, babe**_  
_**Babe, I feel the funk coming over me**_  
_**I don't know what's gotten into me**_  
_**The rhythm's got me feelin' so crazy, babe**_

_**Tonight I'll be your naughty girl**_  
_**I'm callin' all my girls**_  
_**We're gonna turn this party out**_  
_**I know you want my body**_

_**I love to love you, baby**_  
_**I love to love you, baby**_

_****__Beyonce - Naughty Girl_

* * *

When Kate outlined her plans for the bachelor/bachelorette party I had my doubts. I had no idea how we would get Christian to agree to any of it but in the end her impressive ability to manipulate her resources to her advantage sees us traveling across town in a limo with Ana, Christian, Ethan and Mia. Christian and Ana agree to wear blindfolds after we finish our dinner at the Mile High Club. Once we are moving Ana removes hers since she is very much in on the plans for the evening. She, Mia and Kate have been ordering us around like an army precision drill team for the past few days and my nerves are on edge wondering how Christian is going to take all of this.

The car pulls to a stop outside the venue and my nerves really kick in. This could go so badly once the blindfold is removed but Kate assures me that the treat the girls have planned will circumvent any issues with Christian. I hope like hell she is right.

Jason has been fully consulted about all the plans and security is tighter than a straight man's sphincter in a prison shower. All of the security we see inside and outside the venue have been vetted by he and Welch and there seems to be a cast of thousands standing around in tight t-shirts and sunglasses. This brings a wry smile to my lips. Things aren't always what they seem.

We start off in a secure private room for drinks and poker. The girls have left us and apparently gone to their own room. Dad, Ana's step fathers Ray and Bob, Kate's father, Jason, John Flynn, Claude Bastille, James and Barney Welch are all there waiting for us. While I wouldn't exactly call all of these people Christian's friends, they are at least more closely associated with him than most and the thought that my little brother never let's anyone get that close to him makes me sad. I feel very blessed with the friends that I have.

The drinks flow, bets are won and lost and we make sure that Christian is well and truly in his cups before moving on to the next part of the evening. After a little more than an hour we move out of the private room and into the main club room. It is then that I hear a sharp intake of breath from Christian and I brace myself for the fall out.

"Elliot, what the fuck is going on?" If I play it cool then he might not overreact.

"We hired the venue for the night. Well, this part of it anyway. It's a burlesque club and you bro are about to get a private show that you won't forget." His mouth is held in a firm line, unable to reveal to us that he knows about Sirens intimately. _Soon, Christian, soon you and I will sit down and talk about all of this but tonight is not the time._ Although he and my parents will certainly have a few questions by the end of the evening but Kate and I have discussed using tonight as a way of opening up the lines of communication.

"Jason, what about security."

"All taken care of Sir. As discussed." Christian has to trust that his team know what they are doing. Of course, the hired extras might come as a bit of a surprise. There are approximately ten members of the security team inside the room and more located outside. The whole thing looks ridiculous to me but if it makes Christian lose the stick up his butt then I will live with it.

Inside the door we are greeted by those ladies who are not in on Kate and Ana's surprise. My mother, Julie, Gail, Ana's mom Carla, a couple of women from SIP and John Flynn's wife are gathered and giggling over what looks like it might be their fifth round of Cosmos. We are ushered over to tables near the stage and given another round of drinks when the music starts. The room lights go down and the stage lights up in a dark pink revealing a line of female bodies in silhouette striking various poses to a hypnotic beat. A lone female voice can be heard echoing out through the sound system and I smile. Damn but that woman of mine has a fine voice as she launches into a sultry sexy Beyonce number.

As the routine progresses Stella's burlesque team is in the back turning tricks on the poles. Kate, Ana and Mia are in the front dressed in sexy little Power Puff Girl costumes with knee high white socks and school girl hair. Ana and Mia do a very simple routine in the chairs while Kate works the stage. She makes her way down to the floor where we are sitting and approaches Christian who looks like he is ready to kill someone. Ethan and I are primed and ready on either side of him while Jason sneaks up from behind. We grab his arms and before he has a chance to react Jason slips handcuffs on him then we help Kate escort him up on stage where Ana and Mia are waiting with three chairs. I figured that Christian would have a fit if he was made to go through this alone so Ethan and I join him for moral support, only when the girls slip the cuffs on us we are only too willing.

A whoop goes up from the floor which I am pretty sure has been led by my mom. I can't begin to say how wrong that feels but it makes Christian grin so I'm good. Once the girls have us settled they begin to give us lap dances, Kate singing all the way through with the burlesque girls backing her up. At one stage Ana and Mia back off the chairs and Kate straddles Christian's lap and sings directly to him. He looks at me uncertainly but Ethan and I are too caught up laughing at him. I could care less, he belongs to Ana heart and soul, as much as I belong to Kate. This is just for fun and he needs to get over himself.

The routine is a mash-up of three Beyonce songs - Naughty Girl, Run the World and Single Ladies - that Kate and I have worked on in the home studio. That project has some special memories for us, now that we have christened both the booth, the main studio floor and the elevator. The girls are about to wind up the routine when some of the security guards around the room start to move towards the small audience sitting at the base of the stage apron. I sense the boys moving in behind me on the floor rather than look at them, not wanting to give anything away. The cuffs have been undone, Ethan and Mia are ready to escort Christian off the stage while Jason steps up on cue. The music changes to a heavy beat the security boys step up on the stage, we all take off our shirts and sunglasses and take over the routine herding Ana upstage in a crump fest. James gives me a grin when Christian is safely out of the way. Jason walks Ana to the chair Christian has vacated and cuffs her. I hear a 'fuck' from the floor but Ethan and Mia are holding Christian back.

The look of surprise on Ana's face is fantastic and James and I give her the full treatment while she nervously laughs at us. My mother, Carla and Julie are going ape in the audience, rushing at us with dollar bills. _Again, so wrong, Mom!_ Next thing I know Christian has broken free of Ethan's hold and is charging up on stage. At this point I am straddling Ana's lap and he moves to aggressively push me away. The look on his face has me nervous but then I realize there is no power in the push and before I know what is happening Christian has taken my place on Ana's lap, dancing like he has done this kind of thing before. I glance at the boys who are all shocked but don't miss a beat. We descend into the audience and give the rest of the ladies our attention while Ana gets attended to on stage by Christian. When the music finishes there is applause and we all turn to face the happy couple who are kissing passionately, Ana still handcuffed and Christian straddling her. They finally pull up for air and glance down at us sheepishly laughing.

An hour later, the girls have changed and had another drink or two and the party moves into the main public night club where we have been allocated a roped off section with two tables. We are all fairly drunk now except for Jason who never really looks totally relaxed. Gail on the other hand is having a great time with the girls and my mom looks ready to give us her special brand of drunken karaoke as per Christian's birthday. Everyone is having a great time when I notice Elena across the other side of the dance floor from us. She is staring daggers at Kate, Ana and Mom but the shock is seeing Gia with her.

Kate nudges me, "Babe, can you check me for knives? I think your ex-girlfriend's are gunning for me."

"You and me both, baby. What the fuck are they doing here?"

Christian has noticed them and looks furious but Ana grabs his hand and shakes her head. She doesn't want a scene tonight. Not in this public space. Elena looks around like she is waiting for something to happen which has us reacting nervously. What the hell is going on? Next thing I know one of the real security team approaches Jason who nods and then turns to me.

"I think it might be time to move the party back to Escala. There has been an incident outside that has been taken care of but we need to move on." I nod. Jason has agreed to this outing on the basis that if anything looked out of place we would follow his orders without question. We are outside the club when Mia and Ethan come rushing up from somewhere outside looking a little disheveled and short of breath. I smile at her knowing what she has been up to.

"Don't you think you ought to be a little more discrete?" I try to put on a mask of brotherly concern.

"Yeah, like you can talk Lelliot. What do you expect with you and Kate as role models?" She grins, still slightly out of breath and Ethan grabs her hand. I notice that he looks a little dissatisfied. A case of coitus interruptus? Given how long they were gone I am surprised and impressed but this is my baby sister and I check that thought at the door.

Once we are back at Escala the party winds up fairly fast, Mom and Dad don't even come with us choosing to take a cab straight from the club. Most of the others decide to do the same which leaves Ana, Christian, Kate, Ethan, Mia, Jason and Gail. Gail manages to make everyone coffee with Jason's assistance. I watch her staggering around the kitchen knowing she is going to have a sore head tomorrow. My curiosity is peaked about the incident and I try to approach Jason alone, making sure that no one can overhear us.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Jason's face looks grim.

"A group of women turned up. Announced themselves as the sub-club and said that Elena had put them on the guest list for the evening. Luke intervened with them and blocked their entry but not without having to make some noise. Eventually it was your sister and her boyfriend that convinced them to leave."

"Fuck! I had assumed they were... I didn't think for a moment…"

"Yeah, well, I would appreciate it if Christian doesn't get wind of this. It will just be another nail in the coffin for Ana. He already has her on such a short leash she'll be lucky if she is even allowed to attend her own wedding. I'm just sick of all of these breaches of security. It's like we can't catch a break. I would swear that there is someone on the inside working all of this shit but Barney and I are coming up blank. Everyone immediately around Christian checks out and our external threats have backed off. It's fucking doing my head in."

No wonder he wouldn't cut loose tonight. The poor fucking guy is never off duty. Once more I have to question talking with Christian about Linc. I know it has to happen but if I tell him everything he will fire Jason and then there is a possibility that the danger will escalate dramatically. The fall out will be too high.

* * *

Luke Ryan drives us out to the treehouse after we drop Mia and Ethan at Kate's apartment. Kate is snuggled up to me all the way home and I consider the convenience of having someone else on call to drive you everywhere. When we finally arrive I carry her into the house. Zeus gives us a sleepy greeting before he heads back to his bed. I take the stairs and carry my girl to our room. She gives a cat-like stretch once I dump her on the bed and gazes up at me.

"Tired, beautiful?" Her sexy grin gets me every time and I feel myself go rock hard looking at her.

"Not tired enough." She grabs the collar of my shirt and pulls me down onto the bed with her. We lie there looking at each other for a moment, me lying half on top of her. "I want you."

Taking my hand in hers she slides it down until I touch her panties which are soaking wet. A little groaning sound comes from her lips and I smother it with my mouth. Thrusting my tongue inside her I tease her with my fingers until she is writhing underneath me.

"I love that you get so fucking wet, Katie." I whisper into her mouth as she nips and licks at my bottom lip. One of her hands runs through my hair holding me firmly to her mouth. The other is still covering mine as I thrust my fingers inside her moist warmth. "I want you out of these clothes."

Standing up I quickly strip my clothes off, throwing them on the floor and then I remove hers. Every time I look at her naked and wanton I am amazed at what a work of art she is. Her breasts are high, full and firm. Her flat stomach undulates in anticipation of my touch. Her sweet pussy, perfectly trimmed and glistening wet. Her long legs ready to wrap around me. Without a second though I dive down and place my head between her legs. I have to taste her sweet honey.

Propping her up in my arms I am able to lick from her clit down to her ass soaking up all the sweet liquid as I go. This only serves to make her drip more and I glance up at her face checking to see if she is enjoying this as much as I think. I expect to see her head thrown back in pleasure. Instead her beautiful eyes are looking directly at me as I work. I keep my gaze fixed firmly on her as I thrust my tongue in again. Her pupils are fully dilated and her tongue snakes out of her mouth to lick her lips but she keeps her focus on me.

I thrust two fingers up inside her and I feel her pulse a little. She is right on the edge of her orgasm so I resist licking her clit. Not yet, baby. Instead I pull my fingers out, slick and wet and relocate them to her ass. Slowly, watching her eyes very carefully for signs of pain, I slide my fingers in. She tenses for a moment with a hiss.

"Relax baby. Just let it go." I feel her relax around me and she pushes out as I push in.

"Oh God, Elliot, that feels so good." Her hand reaches over to the bedside table and she reaches in for lube and her vibrator. "I want you inside me."

"Are you sure?" We have been playing with toys for a while but I haven't yet had the pleasure of fucking her in the ass. Just the thought of it takes me to the edge. She nods and hands me the lube.

I quickly pour some into my hand to warm it and then massage around her puckered hole. As I do this she turns on the small bullet vibrator and runs it over her clit. At first I insert my fingers into her ass again as she inserts the bullet into her pussy and I lick her hard little nub as she gets used to all the sensations. We have done this before and I know just how quickly it can get her off so I try to hold her back. When she is ready she rolls over onto her stomach and pushes up on to her hands and knees presenting her pretty ass to me.

Standing at the end of the bed, I lube up thoroughly, terrified that I am going to hurt her but incredibly turned on by the thought of fucking her there. I prop some pillows underneath her so she can feel comfortable and then slowly I start to sink into her ass. I stop as she tightens.

"Breathe sweetheart, just breathe." I feel her relax again and push down so I venture forth a little further before she tenses with pain emitting a little yelp.

"Baby, we can try again another time."

"No! I want you now." Her voice is a low growl and I fully expect to see her do the Linda Blair head spin. Instead she pushes back onto me without warning taking me all the way in. This time her scream is one of pain and pleasure. "Oh, I had no idea. Fuck, it hurts but it feels amazing as well."

I'm gasping with surprise. "I know baby. Let me just hold still while you get used to it." I firmly grip her hips trying to hold her completely still while we both get used to the sensation.

"Oh, I am pretty sure I want you to fuck me now. Shit the bullet fell out when I pushed back. Damn." She laughs and everything tightens around me. Jesus H Christ!

"Okay, I've got it. Just stop laughing babe, I'll go off like a rocket if you keep doing that." Reaching around it takes me a couple of goes but I finally get the buzzing bullet inside her again and she holds it there with one hand while balancing with the other.

"I can't stay up. I need to move." Then she slumps forward which serves to pull me out of her slightly.

"Holy hell. Who's swinging this cat, baby?" She giggles and that makes it worse. "Okay, okay. You comfortable now? Can I please fuck you now?" If my little head doesn't explode soon my big head will.

"Alright. I'm done now. Go for it and make it good."

"Don't I always?" I pull out further and then push back into her with a firm slow movement. She groans below me.

"Again, again. Harder."

"Again…swinging…cat…my job." I say with a grunt on each thrust.

"Oh fuck Elliot, that is so good. Oh!" And with that she starts to come which sends a little tremor right through her lower body and her hole tightens around my cock pulling me over the edge with her. She might think she is out of shape but she still has an athlete's control of all of those lower body muscles and my release is milked for all it is worth by the flexing movements.

I pull out of her slowly and then have to stand with my hands on my knees while I catch my breath. She is lying prone on the bed, all energy depleted with that delectable ass sticking straight up in the air. She has a stupid self satisfied grin on her face and she looks exactly like a goofy cat. I get a cloth from the bathroom and come back to clean her up. As I do she wriggles and stretches some more and I know it won't be long before she has me ready to go again.

Finally I lie on the bed beside her, both of us stretched out facing each other. Her smile hasn't faltered once and she reaches out a hand to touch my face. I turn my head to kiss her palm.

"That was amazing." Her whispered words echo my own thoughts. All I can do is smile. "I love you so much, Lelliot."

"I love you too, Kitten."

"Why kitten?"

"Because that is what you looked like lying there on the bed. A little kitten that had just got the cream and was happy with their world."

She nods then makes a purring sound. "Yep, you are my world. And I am very happy with my world."

Rolling her onto her back I stretch out on top and slowly enter her. Our eyes never leave each other as we very slowly and thoroughly make love for a second time. I have to make her world right. I have to keep her this content. She means everything to me. Everything.

* * *

Monday morning Jason and I have an appointment with Christian at GEH. Having spent the rest of the weekend hashing out the game plan for this conversation with he and Kate this is what we have come up with and we both approach the office door with some trepidation.

"Gentlemen, come in. Just let me finish this call." Christian waves us over to the couch and then moves to the window gazing out on the spectacular view of the Seattle harbor as he finishes his conversation. Watching him you would really believe that he is master of the universe, controlling the world from his tower. He is impressive to watch and I feel that surge of pride when I see the man he has become.

Finally he comes over and takes a seat. Crossing one foot across his knee, he steeples his fingers in front of his face. "Now, what can I do for you."

I take a deep breath. "Casey-Grey may have an issue and we wanted to give you a heads up just in case you felt you needed to sell your shares and sever your interests with us." His eyes widen and he leans forward to get a good look at me. I hold his gaze, protecting him is what I have always done. If I have to bury my company to do it then that is what I will do. My only other worry is if James and I go to jail for this, I want Liana and Kate to be taken care of.

"I think you need to give me more information. Why are you suddenly a risk?"

"You know that James and I both worked at Sirens before we started at the company."

"Thank you for confirming that. I have always had my suspicions. I take it that little display you put on for Ana the other night is an example of your work?" James and I smile at each other. That didn't go as bad as we thought it might have.

"Yes. We got out of it when we started Casey-Grey, apart from a few charity gigs a year." James' voice is clear even though I know he was churning inside before we came here. The intimidation factor goes up several notches when you have to confess to Christian Grey that the company he has invested in so heavily may be screwed.

"You are full of surprises Elliot. So what does that have to do with the company?"

"Before we left Sirens there was an incident. Stella, the lead dancer that you met the other night, was involved in a relationship with Linc Lincoln." I see him bristle at the name. "Linc got jealous of a routine that Stella and I used to perform at the club, he assumed there was a relationship that didn't exist. When he failed to have the routine banned from being performed he beat Stella up."

For the next few minutes I describe the horrific injuries that Stella sustained and her inability to recall the details of the evening. Christian calmly asks questions but I can tell that he is anything but calm underneath.

"So Elena wasn't the only one who suffered his temper." This isn't a question. I want to tell him Jason's suspicions about the assault in Boston. How the MO was the same as Stella. But I can't without revealing our part in his rescue and then he would know about Jason and Gail being sent to work for him by me. He would never trust either them or me again.

"Yes, and we suspect that there have been others. The problem is,without any memory of that night, Stella was unable to definitively id him as the assailant. It meant that once again he was going to get away with it." I wait for this to sink in. I see that moment when he works out what is coming next.

"Shit, Elliot, what the fuck did you do?"

"We took matters into our own hands. Dealt out our own punishment as a warning and then James and I dumped him outside the emergency department. Which was better than he ever did for Elena or Stella. The problem is that he got hold of the surveillance video from the hospital which clearly shows James and I arriving there with him. He is threatening us with releasing them to the cops."

Christian is up and out of his seat pacing the room running his hand through his hair. Kate is right, we are both more like Dad than we want to believe.

"Dad knows about this?" I nod.

"He is working on putting a preemptive defense team together and the hope is that Linc will get charged with withholding evidence by not releasing them earlier. Stella has also agreed to work with John Flynn and an associate Diana Lake to undergo regression therapy. I don't hold out much hope of Elena wanting to help given what has happened between her and Mom." I don't want to open up that hornets nest.

"I can get Elena to make a statement." What? He has got to be kidding. Ana will walk out on him.

"No! You can't have anything to do with her. You have to think about Ana." He looks contrite and a little panicked at the thought.

"I still have a business relationship with her. I can ask her this. Before she wouldn't have been strong enough to take him on. Now I think she will do it. I will make her do it."

I am unsure that he should be doing this at all. "Look, if you can get a statement off her then that would be great. Dad is going to ask her anyway." I am trying not to trip up on all the lies and secrets floating around this room. I can't let him know about Elena and Dad either. "Dad is hopeful that Linc will settle out of court. But if there is any chance that it will go to court then you can't be tied to us. We are strongly advising you to sell out of the company."

He considers what I have said and part of me is disappointed when he nods and walks over to pick up his phone. "It's Grey. I want you to look at my investment in Casey-Grey. Yes. I want you to draw up an agreement selling the shares back to the directors. Yes, equal split." James and I look at each other. Even though we might want to take control back of the company neither of us can afford that kind of money and I refuse to leave Kate with nothing. I stand up to put a stop to this when his hand goes up stopping me. "Yes, and I want to sell them below the market rate. Way below. $1."

I thump back down in my seat in shock. One dollar? Is he kidding? We aren't a huge company but those shares are worth twenty times that.

"No, not per share. That would be one dollar for the lot." Holy fuck! James starts to cough as if he is choking and I have to slap him on the back. Christian gets off the phone and walks back to us.

"Now gentleman. Your legal expenses will be covered by GEH. No discussion on that one. And I want to remind you that between us, Elliot and I have almost a controlling interest in Lincoln Timber. I will put in process plans to make sure that we get the remainder of what we need. If Linc comes after you I will bury him. Make no mistake about that."

"Christian, he has threatened Kate. He wanted her to get him information on the Asian shipbuilding deal. He physically hurt her at the club opening two weeks ago. She turned the tables on him with her connections at the paper but there is still a risk that if we get aggressive with him now he will go after her. I can't let that happen."

He contemplates this. "So she has some sway with Felicity Ferret?" I can see that he has been reading the gossip column. I won't reveal her role in About Town. I would never betray her like that.

"Some but not a lot. He backed off when the recent stories about his human resources debacle were published but I am not sure she can hold him off forever."

"I will give her something. Enough information to make it seem real but for the most part it will be misleading. Hopefully he will be chasing the wrong leads for the month that Ana and I are away and then we can deal with him properly when I return."

The relief that floods through me must be visible. To get through any of this without revealing all of his and my sordid history has been nothing short of a miracle.


	9. Chapter 9 We Can Work It Out

_**Try to see it my way,**_

_**Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on? **_

_**While you see it your way,**_

_**Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.**_

_**We can work it out,**_

_**We can work it out.**_

_**Think of what you're saying.**_

_**You can get it wrong and still you think that it's alright.**_

_**Think of what I'm saying,**_

_**We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.**_

_**We can work it out,**_

_**We can work it out.**_

_**We Can Work It Out - The Beatles**_

* * *

_Seattle's IT couple have finally tied the knot in an intimate affair held at the groom's family home in Bellevue. Attended by 100 or so of their closest friends and family, the bride wore a Julie Kavanagh original design in champagne silk and was attended by her best friend, Kate Kavanagh and the groom's sister Mia Grey. La Ferret has it on good authority that the happy couple have jetted off to undisclosed destinations in Europe and are expected to travel for a month before coming back to settle into a newly acquired mansion on the Olympic Peninsula. Here at About Town, we wish the happy couple the very best for their future together and offer our deepest desire for an exclusive on their return to our shores._

* * *

The wedding went off without a hitch. Mia's organization was flawless and Ana looked stunning. It was a heady experience to stand up next to Elliot in support of the happy couple and I found myself thinking about what our own wedding might be like. Somehow, although I have grown up with the Disney princess version of the perfect ceremony, I can't imagine us in a church. That is more likely to be Mia's idea of the big day. Mine would involve immediate family and friends on a beach, preferably back in Barbados or Haiti. Of course, I would like to think that we could get through our wedding with a few less dramas. However, drama seems to be a specialist area for the Grey family.

Four days before the wedding Mia came to have lunch with me. Although stunning as always I could tell that she was really pissed off about something. In the short time I have known her I have decided it is best just to sit back and let cyclone Mia blow through. Eventually she will let you know what is on her mind. My only reservation about her is that it all seems like a carefully constructed act and I don't know why. It isn't like she is fake but more that she is being what everyone around her expects her to be.

After half an hour of very distracted small talk I give up and confront her. "Mia, are things okay with Ethan?"

She looks down at her hands nervously rubbing her fingers. "Yes, everything is fine."

"You know, if it is any comfort, I really think he likes you." A little smile forms on her lips as she sips her coffee.

"I am sure that everything with Ethan will work itself out eventually." She smiles but her eyes look tired and sad. I'm concerned. If Ethan is being a dick head and playing with her then he needs to stop. I worry that he is going to break her heart. "Do I need to talk to him?"

"What? No! No, I wasn't even thinking about him until you brought him up." Liar.

"What is it then? You look like you want to punch somebody." I hope that I can stop her for punching Ethan. Not that he probably doesn't deserve it.

"It's my bitch of a mother." My eyes almost pop out of my head. I can't imagine anyone ever thinking that Grace Trevelyan-Grey is a bitch. Not even Elena would call her that. "Kate, don't act dumb. I know you know."

The penny drops. She means Elena. "Oh."

"Yeah. Oh. She wants an invitation to the wedding. Demanded that I provide her with one as her only child."

"She can't be serious. You aren't going to give her one?"

"Hell, no. Christian would kill me. Then Ana and Mom would put me back together and kill me again!"

"So, you told her that right?" She hesitates. " Mia you told her that it wouldn't happen?"

"Ye-e-eah. Sort of." Shit!

"Mia, you can't let her think there is any possibility that they will let her back into their lives." I see the look of dismay on her face.

"Kate, she's my mother. And as much as I know she has hurt Mom I can't ignore that she exists. You know she was always so good to me when we were growing up. She was Auntie Elena back then. I always wanted to be like her; her style, her chic, her cool. And the way that men would look at her. Even my brothers. Of course, I didn't know that she was…" She wipes a tear from her eye. Then her voice turns cold and harsh. "I hate her so much for what she did. And I won't let her near this wedding. I just never thought I would feel so let down by my own parents."

"Honey, I know that you probably haven't forgiven your Dad and Elena for what happened. Or for the secret that they all kept. But they love you. Grace especially loves you, she always has."

"I know. But she kept the secret too. And she kept Elena in our lives. I know she thought it was a good thing to keep me connected to my birth mother but it will always be my fault that Elena was allowed access to Christian and Elliot."

The shock hits my body full force. "You know about Elliot?" She nods. "Oh, God, Mia I am sorry. No one should ever have to know these things about their own mother. And sweetie, none of this is your fault." I watch her bring her emotions under control, stoically holding back the turmoil that she must be feeling inside and my heart goes out to her. What a fucked up mess. And through all of this she has been trying to make Ana and Christian's day special and bring my brother to heel. I am going to have to have a word with him.

"How much have you told Ethan?" If I am going to haul him over the coals I don't want to betray Mia while I do it.

"Everything. Ethan knows everything. He has been wonderful Kate. Really supportive and I couldn't have done any of this without him. I don't want you to think for a moment that he hasn't been the best…friend a girl could ever have." There is that hesitation again. She won't call him her boyfriend. I don't know what the hell Ethan is playing at but I am pretty sure that they moved passed 'friends' a long time ago. Ethan is going to have to get his fucking act together.

* * *

If I thought that conversation was uncomfortable it had nothing on the one I have with Christian the next day. He summons me to a meeting at GEH with a promise of something that will be of interest to me. Ana had described GEH to me in great deal but I am not prepared for the perfection of both the space and his staff. I, who have always been lauded for my effortless beauty, feel intimidated by the perfectly groomed statuesque blond fembots that staff Christian's outer offices.

The real surprise is when he comes out of his office to greet me. "Katherine, you look lovely." He almost smiles as he takes both my hands and kisses me on the cheek. You could knock me down with a feather.

"Who are you and what have you done with Christian Grey?" I laugh. He smirks at me.

"Katherine, I am marrying the most beautiful woman in the world and I believe I have you to thank for that. Why shouldn't I be happy?" There is a hint of laughter in his words, only a hint mind. He places his hand in the small of my back and ushers me inside his office. The space is stunning but sterile. Somewhat reflecting the man.

"Have a seat Kate, Andrea, can you bring us some tea please and then hold all my calls for the next hour." Standing in the open door he addresses one of the Sharon Stone lookalikes and then closes the door before walking over to join me.

"So Christian, I take it this is about Linc." Elliot has shared the conversation that he had on Monday with Christian. No one was more stunned than I with the price tag he put on the company. I have a whole new respect for the man even though I am not sure about his previous lifestyle.

"Yes, but also an opportunity for you and I to clear the air." Oh? "Don't look so surprised Kate. I want this for Ana as much as for myself. She needs to know that you and I are at least trying to reach an understanding."

"I'm not going to apologize for challenging you. Ana is like a sister to me and I worried about your motivations at the beginning. I am not sure I understand them still but I can see that you love each other very much."

"Thank you for that at least." Just then one of the fembots knocks on the door and brings in the tea. Our conversation while she pours our cups and then leaves. I smile at the simpering behavior hoping that she won't call him 'sir' again or I will burst out laughing.

"Katherine. I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to protect Anastasia. Nothing is more important to me than her well-being."

"She doesn't need you to bubble wrap her Christian. All she needs is your love and respect."

"That goes without saying."

"Does it?" I can feel the animosity building between us again. He pauses, considering my question. I hold my tongue, it would seem that I may have said enough and I don't want this conversation to backfire on either Ana or my friendship with her. I might want to give him something more to think about but Ana would not thank me for adding fuel to the fire of our animosity so close to the wedding. "I'm sorry. Perhaps we should drop this. I don't want you to hate me."

"I could never hate you Kate. Two of the people I love the most in the world love you. I just don't like the way you question my motives at every turn. I want you to trust me where Ana is concerned but I know I still have to earn that trust. What worries me is your reaction when I eventually fuck up." Once more he has surprised me, this time with this humility. I haven't seen this since his speech at graduation.

"I want to trust you Christian. I don't like feeling uncertain about anything. Elliot has confided in me about your volatility in your youth and how much that frightened him at the time." This time I have surprised him. Good. He needs to know that being feared by people you love is not a good thing. "I don't want Ana to feel anything other than safe when she is with you."

To his credit he doesn't rush with a reply. Instead he stares into his cup looking lost. I think he is genuinely hearing this for the first time and has had no idea what he put Elliot and Mia through as children. "I was so lost. I felt like I had landed in a foreign culture and couldn't speak the language. My rage was like an uncontrollable animal. It was like that for at least a decade before I learned how to tame the beast."

"When Elena took you under her wing?" His face is desolate and I feel awful that we are sitting here like this. I don't know this lost little boy, except that his expression reminds me so much of little Matti that my heart aches. "I am sorry, Christian. It is none of my business. I don't want to know any more than I already do. You guard your privacy zealously and I respect that about you. Please, let's not talk about this any more."

Thinking that we will change topics I am surprised when he reaches out immediately and takes my hand in his.

"No. I know that you have made your assumptions about the contents of that email. And yes, I wanted that sort of relationship with Ana when I first met her because that is the only type of relationship I knew how to have. Ana changed that for me. She made me want more. I don't ever want to hurt her but I know I probably will make mistakes. I want her to have you when that happens. I need to know that you will step in and support her when she loses faith in me. What I hope is that when this happens you won't automatically assume the worst. That at some point you might be able to give me the benefit of the doubt and to perhaps think of me as a brother."

Words fail me. This is so far from what I would have expected him to say. This is a man who is being honest and open in as much as he can without revealing all the sordid details of his past life and preferences. This is a youthful heart finding its way and asking me to help. I have never felt so humbled in all of my life than in that moment. And I see the good man that Elliot has wanted me to see all along. "Christian I want that more than anything."

"I am glad that you feel that way." He smiles at me and then I can't resist.

"Let's just not let Ana and Elliot know that we have had this particular conversation. I wouldn't want them to think we were actually getting along. It would take all the fun out of family gatherings." We both laugh. Christian turns serious suddenly.

"I am sorry that Linc has threatened you Kate. You must have been terrified." Oh, you have no idea. Christian's concern is genuine, I can hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes.

"Scared witless, quite frankly. He seemed to think that I had some sort of influence with you. I tried reason but…"

"You can't reason with an unreasonable man." Our eyes lock in mutual understanding. "Has he made any further approaches, other than the phone call that you so expertly handled last week." I shake my head. _Do I detect pride in your voice Christian Grey?_

"No, it seems that he feels the need to lay low since the FBI raided his offices. Do you know what they were looking for?" As soon as the words are out of my mouth I know we have taken a step backwards. Christian bristles and I can see he thinks I am sniffing out a story. While he might want to bury Linc, he doesn't want any press involvement to do it. Least of all mine.

"I have an idea but it would be mere speculation on my part." With a moment of great clarity I see that he knows what Linc is up to. Whatever it is he knows. "Linc has always had questionable business ethics and he runs with a dangerous crowd." Interesting. The ethics I already knew but the business connections. Now I have questions about silent partners running through my head.

"Kate, not to take away from what he did to you but this thing with Linc is a lot bigger than a few threats on a crowded dance floor. He is into something that runs deep and dangerous. What I can say is I think it is about to come back and bite him. What he has been doing so far is playing. When he wants to do some real damage, he knows exactly where and how to strike." Oh, God, I feel sick. "I need you to feed him some false information. Something that will divert his attention for a while."

"Elliot said until you get back from honeymoon." He nods.

"Yes. Then I can give him my full attention."

"Don't you think if the FBI have been interested that they will handle this?" Another wry smile creeps across his features.

"They may have already found something but I suspect that it will be the tip of the iceberg if I know Linc." Now he doesn't even appear to be talking to me. I glance around the room with uncertainty then he brings his focus back to me. "I have a file. I want you to give it to him."

"Why? If you want him to have it you could just send it to him." I am almost terrified at the thought of having to see Linc again. The man scares me to the point of hysteria.

"I want him to know that it came from you so that he will leave you alone. I want him to be out of your life. Especially while I am away. You need to get it to him before the wedding and I want you to talk to my head of personal security, Jason Taylor, about how it will happen. You need to trust Jason and follow his instructions to the letter. Do you understand me?" His hand reaches out and touches my face. I feel nothing except a brotherly concern from him. I nod my head.

"Okay, thank you Christian. Thank you for caring about my welfare." Our meeting ends less than ten minutes later and I am at the elevator doors when Christian surprises me again.

"Oh, and Kate. When you finally get free of your time with About Town I would like to discuss with you the possibility of you handling an exclusive feature on Ana and myself."

* * *

Elena Lincoln tries again unsuccessfully to weasel an invitation from Mia to the wedding. Mia won't have a bar of it so Elena makes an attempt to release a salacious story about a psychotic ex-girlfriend attempting an attack on Christian. She tries to give it to, of all people, Felicity Ferret. The story details almost end up with Lisa, who I am sure would have printed the story without a second thought. Luckily Jeannie had some reservations about taking on a defamation case from GEH and decides to check the evidence with me first. I, of course, would never tell her the truth about Leila Williams and with some intervention from the Kavanagh Media legal team she is forced to withdraw the story from the final press run.

* * *

The Friday before the wedding Jason and Luke escort me to the offices of Lincoln Timber. We arrive during the scheduled board meeting and I wonder how it is that Christian is able to gain this kind of information. What it means is that Linc can only excuse himself from the meeting for a few minutes and our conversation has to take place in a corridor. Jason doesn't let me out of his sight while I attempt to calmly hand over the file. The papers inside will lead him to a defunct shipyard in the Philippines. The interest is genuine on Christian's part only in as much as he is hoping to generate some employment for the local province that has recently undergone some financial hardship. The real money generating business is in mainland China but run out Malaysia. However, there is enough truth in the details of the file that Linc could be chasing leads for the next two months trying to get information from local authorities. He agrees that if I hand it to him, he will leave me and Elliot alone. He is not a man of his word and his promise is meaningless. We will always be looking over our shoulder.

* * *

Anabel calls us a couple of days after the wedding to discuss the possibility of re-working the story for EcoWarrior. She wants to focus the story around the work that Casey-Grey Construction is doing promoting sustainable building. Another two days are spent on interviews and photography with Elliot and James at a couple of major developments for which CGC is responsible. The original story on Elliot is reworked as a human interest piece which is to be the cover of the next Pacific Coast Architect. When the stories come out three weeks later we are stunned by the way Elliot is portrayed as some kind of visionary designer and environmental hero. Furthermore another feature is planned with Karen to be released a month later on the landscape gardens at the treehouse. The calls start to come in from the architecture and environmental science faculties at WSU and Stanford requesting Elliot's contribution to their speakers programs. A great deal of our time over the next few weeks will be spent working on the speeches together and suddenly Elliot seems to have taken over as Seattle's 'it' boy in Christian's absence. Quite frankly I don't know whether to be proud or jealous and I suspect it shows.


	10. Chapter 10

_******Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss, a singing smile, **__**  
**__******Coffee smell and lilac skin, your flame in me. **__**  
**__******Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss, a singing smile, **__**  
**__******Coffee smell and lilac skin, your flame in me. **__**  
**__******I'm only here for this moment. **__**  
**__******I know everybody here wants you. **__**  
**__******I know every body here thinks he needs you **__**  
**__******I'll be waiting right here just to show you **__**  
**__******How our love will blow it all away.**___

_**Everybody Here Wants You - Jeff Buckley**_

* * *

The night before the wedding Christian and I go out for a quiet catch up drink, mostly to avoid the craziness that is going on amongst the womenfolk. For once it is just me and him, no security, which is highly unusual but in a good way. I really like my brother, I like the man he has become. It doesn't stop him from being a prize dick.

"I suppose we will be doing this for you soon." There is a question behind the statement. One that I have been grappling with for a while.

"I'm surprised you would even bring it up. You don't even like Kate." She told me very little about her meeting with Christian except to say that they had agreed to disagree. I am pretty sure a lot more went down in that meeting but I don't press her. It irks me that Kate and Christian might not ever get along. I think it pisses Ana off too.

"It isn't my place to like her. She's your girlfriend. You're the one who has to live with her." The smirk on his face deserves to be smacked. I secretly have stared thinking of this as Christian's 'punch me' face.

"I don't want to have to explain to Ana why you are turning up to your wedding with a black eye. If you can explain to me why you don't like her without making me want to hit you, then go ahead, otherwise I suggest we change the topic." I drain my glass and order another round. We're at the Mile High Club tonight so the chances of having my drink spiked is a significantly reduced. I don't want a repeat of the last time.

"I don't dislike her. She just sees too much. I feel like she knows more about me than she ever lets on." Oh, little brother, if only you knew.

"She would never betray you, you know."

"Maybe not, but she is capable of holding up a mirror and I don't think I want anyone to do that. I've been haunted by enough shit in my life." He is opening a door for me and God help me I consider walking through it but it is the night before his wedding. I can't bring myself to do it. It must show on my face. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing, man. It's just this thing with Linc hanging over my head..."

"But Dad has got that sewn up from the legal side and besides we've successfully diverted his attention."

"I know, and it feels good to think that it might be over. It's just that Kate and I have been in this massive holding pattern on our relationship and I want it to be over."

I don't know whether he deliberately misinterprets me. "What, you're going to end it with her?"

"What? No! Jesus, you'd like that wouldn't you?" He studies my face for a moment, obviously weighing his words. Yeah, be careful what you say next dude. I can still smack your ass before tomorrow.

"I really wouldn't want that. She gets you in a way that no one else ever has. I've never see you so…together. But I know you're holding out on me. Something has been off and I am sure it is more than Linc's threats." Shit, do I tell him about the baby? No, Kate wouldn't want that. The air feels thick with secrets again.

"I can't really say more than that except we are stronger now than ever."

"You really love her?" I nod my head. Never a doubt in my mind. "Then why don't you just bite the bullet. Marry her."

It all sounds so simple. Now that we are moving past the wedding and Dad has the legal team working on the Linc problem, my biggest preoccupation is how to propose to Kate. It seems that we have been dancing around this for such a long time and for the most part I already feel that our future has already begun. But I know that she deserves more than that. I just can't get past the kids issue.

"I want to ask her. I will ask her. It's just that she has said she doesn't want to have a baby."

"Never?"

"Not in so many words but she just can't seem to see a time when she will ever be ready."

"I'm with her on that one. We're all too young for kids. There's plenty of time to change her mind. Besides, how do you know you can have kids?"

I think about this for a moment. "I dunno. I guess if the choice was taken out of our hands then I would still want to be with her." He tilts his head to the side and smiles at me. I've just answered my own question.

"Don't do it before we get back, huh? Ana will want to be here for her."

* * *

There is a whole world of crazy going on around us at the moment. The contracts are flowing in, to the point where we could be busy through to the end of 2014. Four new crews have now been employed full time on the strength of the publicity generated by the magazine spread. Many of these projects won't start until next year by the time the plans are drawn up and permits obtained but the iron clad contracts that have been put in place have guaranteed us the type of cash flow that we haven't had before.

Part of the appeal for the private projects seems to be in obtaining an Elliot Grey design which is about to cause me some headaches. While I am happy doing the conceptual work, I still require a registered architect or draftsman to get my drawings through the permit stage. With some reluctance I set up meetings with Gia the week after the wedding.

"Elliot, thank you for calling me, I was disappointed at the way we left things." Honeyed tones drip from her mouth, but there isn't a lot of substance in anything she has to say, leaving me wondering what I ever saw in her besides a great rack and a pretty smile. And the more she speaks the more I realize, no, that was pretty much all I ever saw in her. She is a good technician and she has always been prepared to do whatever I wanted her to. Now that I have Kate I wonder how long this professional relationship can be sustained. However, she agrees to sign off on the designs once they are drawn up which makes life easy for now.

"Are you going to the Sports Foundation dinner tonight?" She is packing her briefcase with the design briefs I have given her to check.

"Yes, I'm meant to be meeting Kate for drinks beforehand." Gia's face screws up into an ugly grimace for a fraction of a second. Looks like she won't be getting over the last run in they had any time soon.

"She isn't doing your reputation any good you know. You used to be so much fun. Now you're like an old married man. It's kind of disgusting." There is a snarl to her voice. Very ugly, Gia. Why did I never notice this about you before?

"My mother will be pleased to hear that. You know things change Gia, people move on. Kate is my future."

"I give you six months tops." Vicious.

"And you're basing this on?" I don't want to know but she seems to need to vent and I am prepared to let her for old times sake but if she steps across the line then there will be no going back.

"I just never pegged you as someone who would ever want to give up the limelight. Playboy has always been your thing. As for Kate, well, she had her own reputation around town. You know her friends refer to her as the girl most likely to give a guy head in a public place." Some friends! And as far as I can remember giving head in a public place is about the only thing she hasn't done. Must rectify that. I must be smiling because Gia's eyes have gone wide and her bottom lip has hit the ground.

"I really don't ever want to hear you talk about my girlfriend that way ever again. I meant it when I said we would be through professionally if you ever upset her again." I can see the moment when she starts to backtrack. She is considering the financial implications of the arrangement now that we are getting all this publicity.

"I'm sorry. Truce? " With a glare I freeze her in the moment before giving just the slightest nod and turning back to the paperwork on my desk. "And for the record it was Elena Lincoln who said that about her."

This catches my attention. I didn't think Gia knew Elena that well. "When were you talking to Elena about Kate?" She has the good grace to look guilty.

"I'm sorry. Elena has been in my ear a lot recently. I guess she wants to know what is going on in your life. She told me about the falling out with your mother."

"Exactly what did she tell you about that?" Gia looks a little nervous as she realizes that she has probably said too much.

"Nothing really. She implied that it was Christian's wife's fault." That would be understating it. Nice to see Elena twisting it in her favor. Not that I would expect anything less.

"Elena brought it on herself. It had very little to do with Ana." A blatant mistruth but if it came to choosing my new sister over the bitch troll's version of the truth then it is a no brainer. "You need to stay away from Elena. She is bitter and angry which is a dangerous combination. I wouldn't believe anything she has to say."

Gia simply nods with a look that at least says that she is thinking about what I am saying. I may not want a personal relationship with Gia and I might be angry at her over the argument with Kate but I don't think she deserves to get burnt by Elena's desire for revenge.

* * *

I arrive at the bar earlier than expected and order drinks while I wait for Kate to turn up. Eventually she walks in wearing a short black cocktail dress, her hair flowing in natural curls around her shoulders is swept off her face on one side by a grey pearl comb that matches the necklace she is wearing. She has barely a hint of lipstick on her lips but her eyes are dark and dramatic. What really draws my attention are the sheer black stockings on her long legs, which if I know my Kate are being held up by a lacy garter belt; and then there are the killer heels. Every guy looks at her as she walks through the room and more than a few seem to be adjusting themselves. I know I should be jealous, and if any of them approached her I would probably punch them but I just feel this huge surge of pride when her smile lights up her eyes as she sees me.

Without allowing me to stand up from the bar stool she walks straight into my arms and plants a soft wet kiss on my lips as she presses her body against mine. This nets the requisite instant response so I am going to have to hold her here for a moment while I talk my cock into calming down.

"Hey sailor, buy a girl a drink?" I reach over to the bar and hand her the cosmopolitan I have already ordered for her. She smells fantastic and I inhale at her neck while she takes a sip of her drink.

"You are so fucking sexy, you know that don't you?" I keep my voice low but I hear a snigger from the barman as he wipes a glass a few feet away from us. "Are you sure we have to go to this thing tonight? I could just take you home and show you all sorts of athletic moves on the living room floor."

She laughs. "No, I really do have to meet Flick tonight." This has become our code for Felicity Ferret events and I know this is her work but I am really tempted to talk to Sam about shifting her to another news team. She might not want to pull strings but I am not above planting the seed if I can. I just think about how she has worked with Anabel and her team on the Casey-Grey articles and it seems like such a waste. She is so much better than Felicity fucking Ferret.

* * *

Arriving at the dinner is like walking into a fucking horror movie. Seated at our table are Mia and Ethan, Elena, her partner Isaac and Gia. Another woman named Susie arrives just as we are sitting there and is warmly greeted by Elena. She is a carbon copy of Ana. Kate squeezes my knee under the table and I know that she is thinking the same thing that I am, Susie could easily be one of Christian's ex-subs. I am just thankful that with Christian and Ana away on honeymoon, Mom and Dad have decided to give tonight a miss.

Elena appears almost contrite and embarrassed at being seated with us which is an unusual look on her. Kate keeps up a steady stream of conversation with Mia and Ethan. Gia and Isaac are chatting about a symphony concert that they are both attending in the next week. Susie excuses herself to go and talk to someone across the room which just leaves me and Elena.

"How is your mother?" Her voice is quiet, it seems that she doesn't want Isaac and Gia to listen in to our conversation.

"She is fine. Loving her growing family and exhausted after the wedding but really, very happy. Thanks for asking." Elena's eyes harden for a moment at my words but then I see that her whole body stiffens, poised for flight. Something else in the room has upset her. I follow her eyes and, as if our night can't get any worse, see Linc settling into a seat on the other side of the room. Then Elena continues speaking without faltering.

"That is good to hear. I am very glad. If you will excuse me, there is someone I need to see." She stands up to leave the table and I can't help reaching out and stopping her by grabbing her hand.

"Elena, why are you having anything to do with Linc?" I just don't get how she can go running over to see the man who put her in hospital and so obviously frightens her. I look at Mia who frowns. She shakes her head, warning me not to try to stop her.

A shiver passes through her body. "It is none of your business if I talk to my ex-husband. Excuse me." She stalks off across the room and Isaac tracks her movement with his eyes.

"Fuck. What the hell is he doing here?" My sentiments exactly although, we come to so many of these things, it is inevitable that we would run into Linc again. We can't avoid him forever. As we watch Elena approaches the table. She stops a few feet away from him but in his sight line but then doesn't move any closer as if she is waiting for something. When he looks up she bows her head and looks at the floor. I feel Isaac's sharp intake of breath. He is seriously pissed at this behavior. By this stage Gia and Kate are also looking at them.

"I wish she wouldn't do that." Isaac mutters before picking up his glass of wine and emptying it.

"Isaac!" Mia tries to shut him up but it seems he has already had too much to drink.

"How long has this been going on?" I don't expect him to answer me but I have to ask. If Elena is back in league with Linc then it would be good to know how long and how deep.

"Since Christian's birthday party. Linc has been trying to talk to her for months but then after that night she disappeared for a couple of days. Next thing I know she is seeing him at Orpheus at least a couple of times a week."

"You followed her?" He nods grimly. I feel for the guy, there is nothing worse than having to sneak around after your own lover. "Why don't you just put a stop to it? Tell her to choose, you or him."

This really upsets him and he refuses to look up. "I can't tell Elena to do anything. Don't you get it?" He gives a subtle pull on his shirt collar and I get just the slightest glimpse of leather around his neck underneath. Hell, what a mess.

"But if you are hers, then what is she to Linc?" The look he gives is almost a petulant pout but he looks really upset. Gia's hand closes over his in support. We really shouldn't be having this conversation out here in public but Issac doesn't seem to care who hears.

"Isaac, you have to stop talking about this now. You know she wouldn't like it." Mia is desperate to shut this down. I'm kicking myself that I hadn't known how much she might want to protect Elena's privacy.

"I don't know. I love her and I think somewhere in all of this she feels something like love for me but she has always been a switch and this thing with Linc is too big. I've been with her for nearly four years now and she is faithful to me, until he calls, then she takes to disappearing for nights on end. I have tried confronting her, threatening her but it does no good. She won't talk about it, says it is none of my business. Since the fall out with your Mom and Christian she has started seeing him more and more. He has some sort of sick hold on her and he pulls the strings whenever he damn well feels like it."

Mia glares at Isaac before she and Ethan excuse themselves and circulate through the room. As we watch Susie approaches Linc's table with two young women. Elena acknowledges them with a slight nod of her head before the young women sit at the table with the group of men. This seems to be some sort of cue and Linc stands escorting Elena away from the table ushering her to a far wall. From where we are sitting we can see when they disappear through the balcony doors and out onto a terrace garden. Luckily we are the only table in the room that has this view because I don't think anyone else in the room would be able to ignore what happens next.

They talk for a moment and then Elena starts to get more agitated throwing her hands about and gesturing into the room. Suddenly Linc slaps her across the face and Isaac jumps out of his seat. Immediately she shuts down her body language, dropping her hands to her sides and her chin to her chest. Her breathing is heavy as Linc stands over her. He turns and reenters the room without another word and Elena holds her position for at least another five or ten minutes. Isaac hasn't moved beyond the table. He seems to be waiting for something. Finally Elena raises her head and shoulders then moves back through the room to our table. We all throw ourselves into an animated conversation as if we haven't noticed a thing. She says very little when she sits down. It takes only minutes for her to announce to Isaac that they are leaving.

After they leave I pull Kate on to the dance floor so we can talk. My sex kitten is understandably tense and nervous so I hold her close.

"You okay baby?"

"Not really, you?" I shake my head but we keep moving holding each other close. As we dance Linc gets up and leaves the room.

"What do you think is going on with them?"

"I have no idea. I would guess she is subbing for him but it seems so sick. She always looks so terrified of him."

Glancing back at Linc's table and we notice that the party is heating up. They are getting louder and more unruly. Mia and Ethan dance past us getting between us and them, effectively blocking out the action from us. I don't think I want to see a bunch of businessmen getting out of control anyway. I am more interested in getting Kate home now that Elena has left. I dance her toward the door and she doesn't resist me.

"I need to get you out of here." She smiles up at me. "What is going on in your head Kitten?"

"You need to get me out of here? Or out of this dress?" It never fails to amaze me that with all this mystery in the air she still has the presence of mind to tease me.

"Both. Tonight I want you naked and all to myself in a comfortable bed. As hot as you can get me in the middle of this dance floor, I'm not budging on this one. I want to go home." Gia might have offered up the great blow job challenge but not tonight. Kate looks up at me with laughter in her eyes then lifts her head for a kiss.

"And my work?"

"Fuck the ferret."

"You just might get your wish Mr Grey. Did I mention that Anabel has requested my transfer? Jeannie is livid but it looks like it might go through."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me? Babe, that's fantastic." I pick her up and swing her around me in a wide circle. Her giggle gets me right in the groin. "You are happy about this?"

"Ecstatic. I can't wait to get off the Flick circuit and start to do something I can be proud of."

"Well, I am proud of you baby, no matter what. Now, please, can we get the hell out of here? I really want to give you a celebratory fuck." Once more she giggles then leans in and whispers in my ear.

"I love you, Elliot Grey and a celebratory fuck sounds perfect."

* * *

_**A/N: Sorry this has taken so long. I am not completely happy but it at least puts in all the relevant details. Promise lemons in the next one. Check out the Prologue for Mia at my blog. All reviews gratefully received.**_


	11. Chapter 11 Immortality

_**So this is who I am**_  
_**And this is all I know**_  
_**And I must choose to live**_  
_**For all that I can give**_  
_**The spark that makes the power grow**_

_**And I will stand for my dream if I can**_  
_**Symbol of my faith in who I am**_  
_**But you are my only**_  
_**And I must follow on the road that lies ahead**_  
_**And I won't let my heart control my head**_  
_**But you are my only**_  
_**And we don't say goodbye**_  
_**And I know what I've got to be**_

_**Immortality**_  
_**I make my journey through eternity**_  
_**I keep the memory of you and me inside**_

_**Fulfill your destiny**_  
_**Is there within the child**_  
_**My storm will never end**_  
_**My fate is on the wind**_  
_**The king of hearts, the joker's wild**_  
_**But we don't say goodbye**_  
_**I'll make them all remember me**_

_**Cos I have found a dream that must come true**_  
_**Every ounce of me must see it though**_  
_**But you are my only**_  
_**I'm sorry I don't have a role for love to play**_  
_**Hand over my heart I'll find my way**_  
_**I will make them give to me**_

_**Immortality**_  
_**There is a vision and a fire in me**_  
_**I keep the memory of you and me, inside**_  
_**And we don't say goodbye**_  
_**We don't say goodbye**_  
_**With all my love for you**_  
_**And what else we may do**_  
_**We don't say, goodbye**_

_**Immortality - Bee Gees/Celine Dion**_

* * *

You know how there are moments that totally define your relationship with someone. The day after Ana and Christian returned from their honeymoon, the day of our first family gathering since the wedding, was a day that would forever define my relationship with my mother-in-law. Not that Grace was anything remotely like that yet but I felt as close to her as my own mother sometimes.

Mom and I have spoken at length about the miscarriage. Hers is the ear that I have when I feel unable to unload on anyone else. She is my constant and my heart and I love her. But for all of her strength and understanding, she has never lost a child. Somehow in all of our conversations I knew there is always a part of her that is simply willing me to get over it and move on.

Elliot and I still have a very close and open communication too. But our pain is still too raw, our need to forget to sharp and shared. We still talk about that night, about the fall out but not as often as we used to. It simply hurts too much to keep reopening the wound and all that talk is like a continual licking that leaves your wounds raw and in worse condition than if you simply left them alone.

Ana and Christian arrive in a bubble of post-honeymoon afterglow. They look tanned, relaxed and happy and I both love and hate Ana because of it. My happiness for her right now is real, I am very happy that she has found the love of her life, I am happy that she and Christian are so right for each other. But they have secured their future while I still wait for Elliot to ask me again. And they glow with the promise of a future when I am still deeply anchored by the recent past.

It is really nice to be sharing this day with my brother. He looks at me with concern and sadness sometimes, as if he knows what being around Ana is doing to me. Every now and then his hand will graze my back and his eyes will ask if I am alright. I am, I truly am, but…

The brunch bbq passes with lots of laughter and catching up and I am confident that Ana never feels the awkward vibe that I am trying so hard to hide. It seems so stupid to rain on anyone's parade with something that I should be well over and when the happy couple have finally departed and Mia and Ethan have disappeared not long after them, I am left at Bellevue with the last of the dishes and a heaviness on my heart.

"Kate, you don't have to keep it up any more." Grace's voice is soft behind me as she brings in the last of the glasses from outside.

"I don't know what…" It's an automatic reply. I know exactly what she means.

"No more pretense, love. It's just you and me. Elliot and Carrick have holed themselves up in the study to talk about the case. Let's you and I get another drink and go and sit outside." I nod and follow her out, glass in hand.

We settle into the Cape Cod chairs under a pergola near the large trees. She has brought me here deliberately and I want to go. Finally I want to be here, at the site where my baby was taken from me. At the site where her babies reside.

"Kate, I have never gotten over my children. Never." Her voice is quiet and controlled with just the slightest edge of restrained emotion. She glances around at the trees. "They are here, with me, every day."

Her smile, though sad, is genuine and pure love and I feel compelled to confess. "I don't expect to ever forget. I just don't seem to be able to get over it."

"Do you want to get over it?" There is no accusation in that question. Just understanding. Real concern. I love her a little more for it.

"Yes, I want to move on. I want a life with Elliot."

"But this is a barrier to your moving forward?" So insightful. I nod sadly looking down into my glass. We sit in silence for a while longer before she speaks again. "I carried them with me you know."

I have no idea what she means by this - in her heart? Metaphorical? Literal? Then I put the time line together in my head.

"You lost them before you adopted?" She has told me this already. Five babies, and a declaration from her doctors on the last one that she should not ever try again. This all happened before they decided to adopt Elliot and Christian.

"Three of them, yes. We had them cremated and I had the ashes sitting in the apartment like a bad omen. It was no wonder that Carrick and I drifted apart for a while. My grief was overpowering and I enshrined them inside our small Detroit home. I told you all five had come before the boys. That isn't quite true. I lost the fourth baby after Carrick left for Seattle. In the midst of settling Elliot and Christian's futures, I went through another loss. By this stage my focus had changed and I felt like number four was no more than a hitch of my breath."

Four babies, four and then five. "So the last one happened after you reconciled?" She nods.

"Yes, I arrived in Seattle to the emotional turmoil that was Elena and Carrick. I had two real live boys in my arms,four dead babies in my tote and the baby of my husband's affair on the way. I was a sick woman. Desperate, lonely and slightly unhinged." She takes a sip of her wine with a private smile. "Alright, a lot unhinged."

"Why did you let her stay?" The question leaps from my lips before I have time to claw it back. I know why. I can smell desperation even three decades away.

"She had what I wanted. My husband's child. I would have taken that in any form I could get. It wasn't right, it wasn't sane. She was a scared child and I took advantage, I coerced her from the start into accepting an unthinkable situation. I made her believe I would protect her, like I could ever protect her from someone like Linc. I made her believe that it was for her own good, that she would regret it if she got rid of the baby. Worst of all I convinced her that I was better placed to be a mother to Mia than she ever would be. I'm not proud of what I did. She was used by the men in her life, by the adults in her life, I was one more. She was just a child and we all knew exactly what we were doing."

While my brain tries to comprehend how Grace, beautiful, philanthropic, sensitive Grace, could possibly accuse herself of coercion, she continues.

"She was abused as a child. That's how she ended up with Linc in the first place. Her father molested her from an early age, her mother did nothing to stop it. She was a religious nutter. Put all of her faith in a God that was not kind and good. Her mother blamed her for her father's sins. Said that she was inciting God's wrath. The poor kid was eight years old the first time her father raped her. She was seventeen when Linc finally saved her."

I can feel the bile rising in my throat. I don't want to feel sorry for Elena, I can't feel sorry for the bitch who molested teenage boys. Who continues to exert her evil powers over the Grey family. But Christ, nine years of statutory rape and incest. Fuck.

"It took her a long time to tell me that sordid little tale. When I started to feel guilty about trying to take Mia before she was even born, I decided to find out if Elena wanted to keep her baby. She was adamant that she didn't, that it was best for everyone if Mia stayed with Carrick and me. I didn't understand how she could give up her child and so I pushed until one day she admitted in a fit of screaming and wailing that she didn't trust herself around children. She couldn't put a child in that kind of danger." I freeze as I listen. "Yes, ironic isn't it. She tried to warn me back then but I just had to keep her around, had to put my children in her way. I never imagined for one moment that she would do that to my child. I don't know quite how to forgive myself for allowing that to happen."

Her voice trails away and I notice the tears that are freely flowing down her face. My own are not far away.

"If you knew there was a potential, if she was afraid, why did she stay after Mia was born?" I try to keep this question as soft as I can. This is not about accusations, it is about the catharsis of the confessional. Grace needs to tell me this. She needs me to understand probably in a way that she might never be able to open up to Ana. I am humbled.

"When Elena was close to delivering I let Carrick back into my bed and immediately fell pregnant for the last time. There was a complete honeymoon period while Elena gave birth and I carried our baby. We got to nearly five months. The others were all lost much earlier than this so we started to really hope. To really believe. Elena and Mia were settled back into our home, Carrick and I were happy, the boys were doing well and a new baby was on the way and then those familiar signals started only this time it was much worse. That last time nearly killed me. I bled out completely, so much blood. Then an infection set in and I was in hospital for a month. Elena looked after all of the children with the help of my mother while Carrick tried to bring me back from the dead. I shut down completely."

This I understood. That feeling that the world has closed down around you so you might as well go too. I knew that feeling very well.

"Elena helped me to get myself back together. She lived by my side during those first weeks home from the hospital. And when nothing was reaching me, when my mind seemed to have checked out completely she placed Mia in my arms and walked out the door." My eyes study her with shock. "Yes, extreme isn't it? She made me come back to the world by giving me the one thing I could not ignore. A baby that needed to me. She simply removed herself completely from the picture."

Of all the things I expected to hear I didn't expect this. Elena had done the tough love route. I wonder after those first few weeks of looking after Grace's children if she found it difficult to walk away. I can't imagine doing it. As I contemplate these words I notice that Carrick and Elliot have moved out to join us but they are standing very still a short distance away. I don't know how much of this they have heard. Of course, Carrick has probably known all of this all along but I can see by Elliot's eyes that he is hearing it for the first time. My heart wrenches for all of them.

"She returned twelve months later, no longer our Lena, but a new vamped up Elena. At first we tried to pretend that there was no connection between us but I could see it in her eyes whenever we arrived at some function with the children. Her heart broke when she walked out on Mia and she did it for me. She saved me. I can't forgive her for what she did to Christian but I will never forget what she did for me."

My eyes travel to Elliot and there is a tacit agreement that we should never tell her about his relationship with Elena written there. I've always thought of Grace as gentle but strong. Now I am not so sure that something like that wouldn't break her and she doesn't deserve it.

"In the end, I wanted you to know that I never forgot any of my babies but the heart has an amazing capacity to forgive, to accept and to love. I love my family Kate. Elliot and Christian mean the world to me. Mia will always be mine, no matter what happened in the past. And I love Carrick more now than I ever knew how to as a young bride. I would not trade the life I have lived with them for any of those five babies but I will never forget them. You will arrive at that point sooner or later. And your children, no matter where they come from, will enthrall you, disappoint you, love you unconditionally and challenge your right to call yourself a parent. I understand only too well how you might be scared of trying again but time is a great healer, especially when you travel that road with people who love and support you. Even if you never arrive at a point where you feel ready to try again, and I hope that for your sake that is not the case because I can see your capacity to love, but if you don't, you will still have all of us, the Grey family and your own family, standing beside you. And it will be alright."

I am in her arms in a moment, holding the woman who has been through so much to hold her children. The humility and honesty with which she has told her story will stay with me for the rest of my days. I look over my shoulder to Elliot who is wiping a tear from his eyes and not flinching while his father wraps an arm around his shoulder.

"Mom." Grace turns to face him in her chair.

"Hello darling. I knew you were standing there. If you missed any of it, Kate will fill you in later." She looks into my eyes. "I don't want to tell that story again, but one day you need to tell the others, especially Ana and Mia. I trust you completely to tell that story well. Don't hold back, my darling girl." She leans in and kisses me on the forehead and I can't explain the surge of love that courses through my veins and I know that some sort of mantle has been past over to me. Ana might be the first to marry into the family but I will be the elder when the time comes and she wants me to always know that the responsibility for nurturing all this love will rest with me. I feel honored.

Elliot walks around the chair and pulls his mother into a hug while Carrick moves in beside me to hold me close. And when I look at Elliot, I know I want to try again. I want to have a family with him, even if it means he has to wrap me up in cotton wool to achieve it. We all walk down to the trees and move from one to the other touching the trunks. Listening to the whisper of past fears and future promises. In all my years of Catholic school attendance I have never felt anything as spiritual as this moment, and I truly believe that things will be alright.

"Are you ever going to tell me about Elena?" Grace is holding Elliot's hand looking out to the lake. His body tenses for a moment. She has known all along. I don't know if Carrick has told her or if this is some kind of mother's intuition.

"What do you want to know?" His voice is only barely controlled.

"Was it consensual? Did she make you happy?" He thinks about this for the longest time.

"Yes Mom. I wanted it and for the brief moment it occurred, it made me happy. But when it was over it was over."

"You knew about Christian?" The accusation that I would have expected is not there.

"Yes." His voice is a pained whisper. Please don't ask any more Grace. Please let this go.

"Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you stop it?" He flinches as much as if she has slapped him.

"Because she threatened to tell you about me. Because I was a stupid self-absorbed teenager. Mostly because Christian turned a corner with her and I wasn't afraid to go to sleep at night any more. Neither was Mia."

I expect her to lash out. I expect tears and recriminations. Instead she bows her head and cries softly as Elliot pulls her into his chest. Carrick has me wrapped up in his arms again and we hold each other as we watch the two people we love most in the world unload a world of pain. Carrick kisses my hair in the same way that Elliot always does and I chalk up another way that he is like his father. Soon Grace and Elliot turn back to face us and we stand in a huddle under the trees as we all let go of the past.

* * *

A few days later Ana and I go out for drinks after work. Christian has dictated that we go to Escala for our girls night since he is away in New York and there has been a fire at GEH during their honeymoon that turned out to be arson. Elliot and I have discussed the possibility of this being something to do with Linc but since Carrick has just about sewn up the case against him it seems unfeasible that he would take that kind of risk. No one has heard from Jack Hyde in weeks so it doesn't seem possible that he is back.

Instead of obeying the Christian Grey edict, Ana to my delight agrees to drinks at Zig Zags which is fairly impressive given the amount of security we have in tow. The good part about having all these people shadowing our every move is that we can afford to cut loose. After the events of the weekend, the hideous fight that I had with Lisa and Jeannie in the wake of my transfer to Anabel's editorial team and the fact that Elliot has gone all introspective and weird on my ass, I am so ready to tie one on. When the texts start coming from Christian, Ana and I get more messy and belligerent which makes it more and more fun. If we had known what was going to happen next we would have stayed out all night.

Ana arrives back at Escala to find that Jack Hyde has broken into the penthouse. How the hell anyone can achieve that is beyond me given the place has better security than Fort Knox. In fact Elliot and I have an enormous fight over exactly that. Since Leila and Hyde have managed to get in I am questioning just whose side Jason is on. Elliot is justifiably upset with me and more concerned about how Jason is going to keep his job. He's counting on Ana sticking up for the team which I am pretty sure is a given. All that aside, even Elliot is a little concerned at the way Christian flew across the country to get back to Ana's side. We all knew it had nothing to do with Hyde since Christian was already in transit before Ana got back to the apartment. No, Christian's decision was motivated purely by Ana's disobedience which means that any headway I have made with him has been lost. I have just made it on to Mr Grey's shit list.

"Fuck Kate, you know what he is like. Why would you and Ana do something so patently stupid?" It is one thing for Christian to go ballistic on me, it is a whole other thing for Elliot to start chiming in.

"I don't appreciate your tone, Elliot. Ana and I had a girls' night out. Thanks to Christian we had more security than the Queen of England and if you open your tiny brain just a fraction and think about it, if we had stayed in at Escala then you and Christian would probably be fishing Ana's and my bodies out of the Puget Sound about now." I storm down the stairs from the master bedroom and head out to the kitchen. This is one of those rare times when we have the house completely to ourselves so I am clad only in tiny silk robe that barely covers my ass, the belt undone and draped down my sides. If he wants to be angry at me he can just try it as I stand all but naked sipping water in our luxurious kitchen.

He thunders in after me wearing only boxer shorts, his chest muscles rippling, arms and neck tightly corded with his anger and the start of raging hard on protruding from his silks. He grabs the bottle out of my hand and tips the remains down his throat and I am mesmerized by the movement of his Adam's apple as he does so. Oh, you are so good Mr Grey. He knows exactly what he is doing to me as I feel moisture trickle down my upper thigh and my nipples peak harder than diamonds on my collar. Just for good measure I happen to be wearing it probably because I knew he was going to go all Neanderthal on me. It tends to happen when his woman is at risk in any way. Gentle loving Elliot goes into hiding and Thor the God of Thunder steps out in his place. I kind of have the hots for Thor.

"Get down on your knees Kate." I look at him wide-eyed. Thor is one thing but dom Thor is a whole different ball game. Part of me is ready to rebel but the secret submissive 'please fuck me senseless and make me sore while you do it' Kate is rejoicing at the command in his voice. I don't take my eyes off his but I dutifully sink down on the kitchen tiles. "Take my shorts off." Without hesitation I pull at the elastic waistband and reveal the most enormous cock I have ever had the pleasure to behold.

"I want to fuck your mouth Kate." His eyes are hard and he expects compliance. He just might have to work a little harder than that. I stare back at him, not moving a muscle. "Now."

"You can try, Grey. Give it your best shot." One thing I have learned from Ana is that hair is a bitch in any scene so while I am telling him no I am gathering my hair into a high ponytail and braiding it. The smile on his lips says that he knows where this is going to go. He waits for me to finish then grabs my braid.

"Open." Pulling my head back he effectively lifts my lips, which I still have firmly closed, to line up with the purple engorged head of his cock. I can see the pre-cum dripping from it and I want desperately to swirl that around on my tongue but I resist the temptation. "Suck me off Kate."

Still staring at him defiantly I open my mouth wide and take his whole cock into my mouth without letting him touch the sides. When I get to the base I clamp my lips down, deep throating him and then suck hard as I drag my mouth back down the shaft.

"Ah fuck, Kitten." Getting the requisite response I do it again until a long hiss comes from his mouth. "Jesus Christ."

"Don't take his name in vain, Thor." This earns a little frown so I go for a third suck this time grabbing him firmly by the balls and squeezing gently. At the same time I move my free hand to my cunt and begin to stroke. I set up a pace that has him at a loss at first and then he starts to thrust into my mouth.

"You aren't meant to touch yourself without my permission." He tries grabbing for my hand but I pull my entire body away and stand up. Instead of getting my wrist he gets the tie of my robe and pulls it off. Looking at it for a moment he begins to smile as he wraps it around his hands. "You want it rough baby? Do you want to put up a fight?"

"I already am putting up a fight. And yes, if you want it you're going to have to take it." Once more I stand defiant in front of him. My tongue snakes out to lick my lips and I slide my hands over my breasts so that there can be no mixed messages between us. Elliot would never intentionally hurt me, he will however, play rough if I want him to, and right now I am creaming myself with want. "Come and get it Thor."

He stalks me out through the other side of the kitchen around to the dining room table and pins me there with his body. I'm not running, I'm not moving but he ties me up anyway. First holding my hands in front of my body and then lifting me on to the table and securing me to one of the dining room chairs. Spreading my legs wide he steps between my thighs and stares down at me spreadeagled like a giant fucking dinner plate.

His eyes darken with lust as he leans over and licks my now hot, soaking wet pussy, swirling his tongue through the folds and over my clit like he's licking a big old ice cream. The lapping and slurping is pushing all of my buttons and I writhe with the effect of the noise as much as his touch. Then he inserts two fingers into my pussy as he flicks over my clit and I teeter on the edge. Just when I think I am going to explode he withdraws all contact and moves away from the table then turns and walks out of the room.

"Elliot!" Nothing. "Elliot! Baby!" Still no response. Well two can play this game so I relax my body as much as I can on the wooden table and wait him out. I hear the guitar being strummed. Fucking what? "Elliot get your ass in here now." I all but scream to no one. He's busy having a jam session for one while I lie here in complete frustration. "Damn you Elliot."

After fifteen minutes he walks back in the room in all his naked glory and his erection is noticeably absent. He shakes his cock off as he looks at me. "Mmmm, that's better."

My eyes narrow. "You didn't." He merely smiles and turns away. "You prick. Get back here and untie me. How dare you go and jack off and leave me alone." He rummages around in the kitchen for a few minutes while I continue to rant and rave at him. Some of the names I call him are quite inventive, some are simply out of desperation. He laughs. The bastard laughs at me.

"What makes you think I did that?" He returns from where he has been laying something out on the kitchen bench. Then I see he has whipped cream, chocolate, champagne, and toys. Approaching carefully he grabs each of my legs and wraps a tie around them thus rendering me completely helpless on the table, my legs tied firmly apart. Next he pours champagne into a flute and takes a sip before walking around the table to my head and leaning in for a kiss. As he does he siphons the sweet, dry, bubbly liquid into my mouth and I swallow. "Good girl, you want more?" I nod and he repeats. The liquid is cold and on his third mouthful rather than dropping it into my mouth he uses it to lave my erect nipples. The sensation is of intense effervescent cold of the champagne mixed with the hot moist warmth of his mouth. I almost cum with the sensation. Then he stands to the side of me and pouring straight from the glass he drips liquid into my belly button, making me pulse and squirm before he chases the droplets with his tongue, licking up all the sweet residue.

"Now, we can't have champagne without chocolate." He drops one more champagne kiss to my lips then heads back to the kitchen counter to collect the chocolate body paint. He paints around each nipple then licks of the sauce giving me a taste in between each one. Then he traces a line from my naval to my pussy and licks that off. "Yum, this combination is like oysters and chocolate. Who knew?" I giggle and he goes in for another try before returning to my mouth to let me taste myself and the chocolate off his tongue.

Smearing some lines across my body I relax back while he works but this time he doesn't immediately lick them off instead he steps back to admire his handy work. I look down and make out 'I 3 Kate 4 eva'. Soon he returns with a vibrating butt plug, lube and the whipped cream.

"Now what do you think you're going to do with that?" With a self satisfied smile he turns on the plug, lubes me up and inserts it making me writhe off the table. Then he proceeds to spray the cream along my folds before going down on his knees and giving me a thorough clean. The sensation of the cold and his heat and the fullness of the plug is almost too much. I don't hold back my moans.

"I think I am going to have to fuck you now, Kitten." When he stands up I can see that his erection is back with a vengeance and it looks so fine I almost cry with need. "Before I do I need you to come for me." Then he inserts two fingers into my pussy and licks my clit again and everything comes undone in one massive burst of light. I know that I scream, I can't help but scream.

He keeps his fingers working in me as he undoes the ties around my legs then he positions me at the edge of the table, my legs over his shoulders and without removing the plug he rams his incredible cock into my pussy over and over again. The chocolate sauce is still all over my body and he smears it with his hands he massages my tits. In the final thrusts he drops my legs down and presses his body fully along mine so that his pelvic bones are hitting against my clit and I cum again in one long intense wave. His cock is pumping me full of semen and I know as I feel him pulsing inside me that he didn't go off and masturbate without me. This thought makes me smile as he climbs up, unties my hands and lays on the table with me.

"I mean it Kate. You are mine, forever." We both have chocolate smeared all over our bodies. The table is a mess.

"Well, then. Just as well you're immortal then isn't, Thor?" I smile as he kisses me. I love make up sex.


	12. Chapter 12 Wanted

_**You know I'd fall apart without you**_  
_**I don't know how you do what you do**_  
_**'Cause everything that don't make sense about me**_  
_**It makes sense when I'm with you**_  
_**Like everything that's green, girl I need you**_  
_**But it's more than one and one makes two**_  
_**So put aside the math and the logic of it**_  
_**You gotta know you're wanted too**_  
_**I wanna wrap you up**_  
_**Wanna kiss your lips**_  
_**I wanna make you feel wanted**_  
_**I wanna call you mine**_  
_**Wanna hold your hand forever**_  
_**And never let you forget it**_  
_**Yeah I, wanna make you feel wanted**_  
_**Anyone can tell you you're pretty**_  
_**And you get that all the time, I know you do**_  
_**But your beauty's deeper than the makeup**_  
_**And I wanna show you what I see tonight**_  
_**When I wrap you up  
When I kiss your lips**_

_**I wanna make you feel wanted**_  
_**I wanna call you mine**_  
_**Wanna hold your hand forever**_  
_**And never let you forget it**_  
_**'Cause Baby I, wanna make you feel wanted**_  
_**As good as you make me feel**_  
_**I wanna make you feel better**_  
_**Better than your fairy tales**_  
_**Better than your best dreams**_  
_**You're more than everything I need**_  
_**You're all I ever wanted**_  
_**All I ever wanted**_  
_**And I just wanna wrap you up**_  
_**Wanna kiss your lips**_  
_**I wanna make you feel wanted**_  
_**and I wanna call you mine**_  
_**Wanna hold your hand forever**_  
_**And Never let you forget it**_  
_**Yeah I, wanna make you feel wanted**_  
_**Baby I, wanna make you feel wanted**_  
_**'Cause you'll always be wanted**_

_**Wanted - Hunter Hayes**_

* * *

I hate flying, but I love arriving. Except in this case. Right now I feel as though there is the combination of a herd of buffalo in my stomach and a thousand tonne weight crashing down on my chest. I have never felt so nervous and out of my depth.

Christian and I have hatched this plan so that I can finally propose to Kate properly. And now I feel like a complete tool for thinking that I could ever pull off anything truly romantic. Of course, it was all meant to go down in Seattle at Mom and Dad's place but then Christian decides last minute that we all have to go to Aspen as a surprise for Ana since she seems to be missing her friends but the sudden change of venue has thrown me for a loop.

Kate is excited to be going but pissed at me because I am acting like a douche bag and she is right. I am. I already made a big deal about Christian carrying Ana off to the bedroom when they boarded. When the plane levels out at 35,000 feet Kate reaches for my hand and I can't let her touch me because my palms are sweaty and revolting. She is going to know something is up. Instead I all but lunge at the tray of champagne that the stewardess, Natalia, is handing out and almost upend it in Christian's lap. He scowls at me in the same way he does when I throw out stupid comments full of innuendo at Ana. I have got to calm the fuck down.

So far Kate has done a good job of grilling Ana about Hyde as though she doesn't know anything about him although I get seriously pissed when Christian tells her that their conversation is off the record. Ana seems to think that Hyde might be working with Elena which would not surprise me. Stupidly I tease Christian about marrying his first girlfriend and Kate whacks me so hard on the thigh that I'm sure my jeans have left an imprint on my skin.

For some reason that I don't have the head space to analyze Mia is pissed at being here. She and Ethan are driving each other crazy, they don't seem to be able to decide if they are on or off, together or not, yet at every function for the past two months they have accompanied each other. It's just fucking bizarre and I would love it to stop. Hopefully Christian will have a word with one of them over this weekend and tell them to get their fucking act together. Nobody particularly cares. If they stay together, if they break up, it doesn't matter now, regardless of all of that they are about to become each other's family. Deal and move on.

Choosing the ring was the easy part of this exercise. I had a particular design in mind and I took it into a local artist to have it made. Only I have had a prick of a time getting a ring size from Kate. I had to a)work out which rings she wore on which fingers and b)lift a piece of her treasured jewelery to send the ring off to be resized. This left me no time to pick the damn thing up so I have done the unthinkable. I called the one person who I could rely on and roped Gia in to help. Kate would lynch me, quite rightly, if she knew but Gia was going to Aspen this weekend anyway. I knew this because we had been in meetings together all week and she mentioned needing to take a few days off to visit her property. Since her Dad died last year, Gia inherited the Aspen house but she had not had an opportunity to get there and check on it since the funeral. When I called and explained my problem she offered to pick the ring up and she is flying into Aspen later today.

We land around midday and Taylor loads us into a minivan to drive to the house. Christian is being sickeningly sweet with Ana which seems like a joke given how pissed he was after cocktailgate. He tried calling me to yell at me for Kate and Ana going out for a night which lasted about two minutes before I told him to fuck off. Now he is all but molesting her at every moment which Mia snarls about for reasons unknown. Seems our boy Ethan doesn't do public displays of affection.

I'm proud of Christian's house. It was the first project that Gia and I worked on it was very much a shared design concept. I wasn't brave enough to give her my complete vision so there are things I would love to talk Christian into doing that never made that first reno. When we arrive I hang back with Jason to get the luggage.

"So does Kate know that Gia has a place here." Jason, ever the soul of discretion keeps his voice low as we pile the bags up outside the van.

"No, and I would rather we kept it that way for a while." Gia and I met here as teenagers, our families spending time every winter skiing the slopes both here and at Steamboat Springs. Given that I have to find a way to meet Gia in town later to get the ring, not telling Kate is more like an exercise in self preservation. She will tear me a new asshole if she thinks Gia has helped with this proposal.

It seems that everyone has a plan to go hiking this afternoon which is going to seriously stuff up my plans. I look up at the sky before picking up the bags and practically will the skies to open up. Half an hour later they do and I develop a sudden belief in God. Kate is disappointed but I can't quite hide my relief and that pisses her off even more. I will be lucky if she is even talking to me this evening, let alone answering my big question with a yes.

Luckily Mia suggests the girls go shopping in town and Christian and Ethan go fishing. That leaves me free to go and meet up with Gia. I text her to meet me at the jeweler. Just in case I get caught I want to be in the right vicinity to say "surprise!" knowing damn well that Kate will probably spear me with a stiletto through the temple. It can't go wrong, I won't let it, I won't ever get this chance again. Fuck, I'm nervous. For weeks she has been telling me that she would say yes and suddenly all I can hear in my head is a resounding 'No!'

When the coast is clear I take Christian's Audi and drive into town, hoping like hell that the girls are further down the main street. Rushing into the shop I feel relief when I see Gia standing there. Gia is really a class act when she isn't being a manipulative bitch. I guess growing up with money will do that to a girl although it doesn't seem to have tainted Kate or Mia. I hope that one day she finds what she is looking for.

"Hey, Elliot. You made it." She smiles, grabs my forearms and air kisses me.

"Gia, thank God. How was your flight? Do you have it? Is it the right size? Were there any problems?" She starts laughing at me and the store owner joins in with a quiet chuckle before schooling his face into something more professional.

"Calm down." She smiles wider holding out her hand. I look at the box and I am almost afraid to touch it. Fuck, what if it is the wrong size or the wrong design? What if she hates it? Or says no? "Here."

Gia takes my hand and leads me over to the glass counter where the jeweler has a red felt cloth laid out. She smiles at the store owner again who seems to know what is happening which is great because I really don't want to have to pay for this ring again. Not that Kate isn't worth it but even she would balk at the price.

The jeweler takes out a cloth and then removes the ring from the box, giving it a quick polish before laying it down on the red material. He then takes out the ring sizer and measures it for me putting my and ease that it is the right size.

"It is beautiful and classic just like Kate." Gia murmurs beside me. All I can do is nod. God, this is it. She has to love it, she has to love me.

"You say that as though you like her." I haven't taken my eyes off the ring. I am almost afraid that if I do it will disappear.

"Funnily enough I don't hate her. And I like what she does to you. You seem happy, settled. Not the vacuous blond that I've always known."

"Vacuous blond?" This time I do turn to look at her and for the life of me I can't imagine what had us each other's throats a few weeks ago. She has gone from being a friend with benefits to simply being a friend. Her giggle reminds of me Kate. I know that it will take a miracle for Kate and Gia to like each other which is kind of sad because I know that through all those insecurities Gia can be a great person. But when it comes down to my heart there is no contest and if that means that I have to cut ties with Gia, then that is what I will do. I might have needed Gia this weekend, but I can't lose Kate.

"Kate is my life, you know." I turn serious and she steps over to the counter to take the box from the jeweler who has repackaged everything for me.

"I know." There is a moment when I look in her eyes that we both understand that our business relationship might survive but our friendship is over and this is the last favor I will ever be able to ask of her.

When we get out the front of the shop I can't help but pull her into a hug. If we have to end our friendship it is good that it ends here in the place where it all began.

"Good luck, Elliot."

"Thanks. And thanks for being there for me."

"Yeah, well that was the old me," she laughs, and there is no malice in it. She turns and walks away down the street. Without watching her, I move quickly to the car and race back to the house. If I am going to get my head together then I might need a little space.

When the girls arrive back at the house I sneak outside. I figure some fresh air will do my head good so I take advantage of a break in the weather to wander one of the tracks into the hills behind the house. The air out here is refreshing, crisp and I breath deep into my lungs then picking up a stick, I start beating the grass as I rehearse what I am going to say to Kate.

I am on my third time through my little speech when I notice a movement to my left a little further up the track. Standing there staring at me is goat. I look around a bit to see where it might have come from but there are no animals around here. Then I notice that it has a collar on and is dragging a rusty metal chain behind it. The chain is about 15 feet long and doesn't appear to be attached to anything at the other end. It seems that this particular goat might have been chained in back of one of the local properties, probably to keep the grass around the house down while the owners are in off season and the house empty. Now that I think of it there is a structure that looks like a dog kennel further back at the base of this track so it might even be Christian's goat.

As calmly as possible I start to approach the goat to lead it back down to the shelter but as soon as I move its head goes down. Seems that this particular goat might have a problem with authority. I step back, holding the stick out in front of me for protection and the goat bleets. I step to my left to start circling and the goat moves with me. When I stop moving it strikes the ground with its hoof. I drop the stick and we both freeze.

"Mmm… seems to me that we are having a Mehican standoff, eh Jose?" I've gone into my worst impression of spaghetti western, which I know the real Jose would kick my ass for. And fuck me, if I'm not up a fucking mountain talking to a fucking goat. "Are we going to have a proper negotiation here or are you going to wind up in a goat curry tonight. It is your choice, Senor."

The goat breaths heavily and strikes the ground again. I try moving towards it and it back further up the path. We haven't taken our eyes off each other. I lunge for the chain but Jose the goat lowers his head and starts towards me. I quickly bend over to pick up the chain and he freezes.

"You have been outsmarted once again, my little friend." I have the end of the chain in my hand and I begin to wind him in but when I get down to the last six feet of chain held taut between us and tug he refuses to budge. He digs his little trotters into the soft earth and will not move. Looking around desperately I see the stick on the ground a couple of feet away from me. Letting out the chain a bit I turn around to pick up the stick when Jose charges in and head butts me in the ass, knocking me to my knees.

"Motherfucking bumfucking sonofawhore cockadoody goat! That fucking hurt Jose, you little shit!" I roar not caring that my voice is probably carrying over the valley towards the house. "You fucking touch my ass again and I'll poison your water, you gay little fucker."

Jose bleats at me and then calmly starts walking down the track away from me. Still carrying the chain and rubbing my throbbing butt cheek, I follow him down. The stupidity of the whole hits me and I start whistling the Lonely Goatherd as we head down the hill. The little fucker just wanted me to get off his fucking track. He wanders calmly towards his water trough and makes himself at home on a grassy knoll. I reconnect the chain and make sure it is secure.

"Let that be a lesson to you Jose. Don't mess with me next time." Jose bleats in a way that says 'fuck off, Elliot' and I laugh as I head back to the house.

As I approach the house my nerves set in and I know I can't face Kate. I feel guilty about Gia, I feel nervous about tonight, I'm a fucking emotional wreck and she is going to know the moment she sees me. I need to hide so I go into the garage to cut wood. A little while later, just when I am thinking of taking one of the trail bikes out, Ana comes out and finds me there.

"You ride?" She is staring at the bikes with something like longing.

She whirls around, "You're back."

"It would appear so." I try to plaster a smile across my face but she doesn't look convinced. In fact, I would swear that she is pissed at me. "Well?"

"Sort of." Her voice is like ice. Fuck. She has spent all afternoon with Kate, doing girlie things and talking girlie talk which can only mean that Kate has unloaded some shit on her that has her believing I am sort of lousy shmuck.

"Do you want to go?" If ever I needed time alone with Kate's bff, now might be it. I need to know what she is angry about. And if not, I need to show her that I am a nice guy.

"Um, no…I don't think Christian would be very happy if I did." She's stalling.

"Christian's not here." I know I'm smirking but I'm hoping it looks bad boy enough that she will want to play hooky. Grabbing one of the bikes I throw my leg over and look at her expectantly.

I almost have her convinced that she should take the risk when Kate comes out to the garage.

"There you are. Oh, Elliot - you're back." She looks like she has been crying. Fuck, leaving her with Ana wasn't such a bright idea. All I have is the old Elliot charm to turn this situation around and right now it between my nerves and a chance encounter with a randy ass-butting goat, I don't think it is working for me.

"Hey, baby." I smile as broadly as I can trying to look smooth but inside my fucking heart is beating a million beats per minute.

"Catch anything?" I try not frown as she says this. She knew I wasn't going fishing.

"No. I had a few things to take care of in town." Jesus, she knows. I am sure she knows. I am so fucking screwed.

"I came out out see what was keeping Ana."

"We were just shooting the breeze." Shit, you can cut the tension with a knife. Thankfully Christian and Ethan choose that moment to arrive back which gives me the chance to do what I do best. Take the piss out of my brother and divert attention from the fact that the woman I love most in the world might want to castrate me. When she storms off into the house in a huff I can't help it. I race after her.

"Baby, please. Stop." I finally catch her arm and swing her around outside our bedroom.

"Just fuck off, Elliot. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but you can leave me alone until you get your shit together." She wipes an angry tear and then slams the bedroom door in my face. With all this fucking excess energy to burn I storm back out to the garage, past everyone, grab the trail bike and take off across the paddock towards the river. The wind in my hair feels good and the speed takes care of the adrenalin.

After half an hour of racing around pointlessly churning up mud I stop the bike. Dismounting on the side of the river I start skimming stones across the water. A few minutes later I hear the sound of another bike and Ethan rides up to join me. He stands his bike next to mine and without saying anything starts to pick up pebbles and throw.

"You need to talk?" He gets the question out between throws. The kid is pretty damn good at this. I watch one of his rocks glide and bouncy four times across the water.

"Not much." I shrug, wiping my hands I sit down on a flat rock and watch him work. Outperformed yet again. I have got to stop feeling fucking sorry for myself.

"So I take it you are going to propose to my sister this weekend." Fuck me, and outsmarted. "Don't worry. Dad told me."

Shit, I had the discussion with Sam and Julie a few weeks back. I needed Julie's advice on who to get to make the ring and I thought I should let them know that we were finally at that point. Of course, they were meant to be present when it happened but Christian's change of plans thwarted that.

"No fucking secrets around here."

"No. You know you need to calm down, man. She is going to say yes."

"How do you know?" Just because she has pretty much told me so for weeks now doesn't mean that she can't be a woman and change her mind. Especially if she is monumentally pissed at me."

"Look, if you just stop acting so fucking weird it will be alright. My sister loves you. And you love her. I of course think you're nuts but you know, it's your funeral. But if you keep acting like such a fucking douche she's going to stab you in the nuts before she admits she can't live without you."

"Such wisdom from one so young and yet you don't seem to be scoring points with my sister." Turning the tables on him seems like a good bet right now. I don't like the way he can psychoanalyze me so well sometimes. It's like he has a fucking sixth sense about everyone.

"Yeah, well, scoring points isn't my problem with Mia. Somehow that one was never the issue." Seems like a bat shit crazy thing to say but I let it slide.

"Just go for it man. You're a nice guy and she really likes you. I don't see what your problem is unless you aren't into her. Is that it? Do you feel like you have to date her because of my and Kate? Cos you know you don't have to, I can have a word with her, get her to back off."

"Things with Mia are not that simple. We have a complex relationship and some of that is about you and Kate but mostly it is just us. But don't worry, we will sort it out and I promise it won't get weird, well not too weird. No matter what happens."

"Could you be any more fucking cryptic?" He chuckles.

"Let's just get you and my lunatic sister hitched first. Then worry about me and Mia. I'll race you back to the house."

A few hours later I get to go into the bedroom and dress for the evening when Kate goes off to Ana's room to help her with her makeup. Dinner feels like a disaster about to happen. I can't keep calm, I talk too loud, make the worst jokes in my fucking life and Christian keeps putting the boot in under the table reminding me that I am being a fucking idiot.

In the five minutes that I got to talk with Christian we decide that the restaurant is the best place for me to ask her. I know traditionally a proposal should be between the happy couple alone but it just feels like we have danced around this for so long and I want her to hear me do this in front of everyone. So there is no mistaking my intent. I don't want her to think there is any opportunity for me to take it back.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Gia walk in to the restaurant. She sends a sad smile my way then moves to her table. I kind of knew that she wanted to see this with her own eyes. The fall of the great Elliot Grey, the last bastion of my prolific bachelorhood. I guess in some ways I am glad she is here because I want Kate to know that Gia has seen this. That it is over, forever.

Abruptly I stand up and drop down on my knee beside her. The movement is so sudden that I almost dislocate my own knee which is still sore from the goat incident but I'm running on pure adrenalin now. Ethan laughs and I resist the urge to tell him to fuck off. Instead I turn all my attention on Kate who is staring at me in shock as complete hush falls across the previously noisy restaurant. Oh well, I wanted an audience.

I reach for her hand. "My beautiful Kate, I love you. Your grace, your beauty, and your fiery spirit have no equal, and you have captured my heart. Spend your life with me. Marry me."

Mia gasps but in a kind of fake, 'I am acting so surprised' way which means that Ethan didn't keep this from her. The only person who seems completely surprised is Ana. Kate makes me wait. She looks shocked at first then I see when she takes it in and there is that moment of fear as well. I know she's scared, and it isn't about us. It is about kids and what it might mean if she never changes her mind about having them. There is probably a small seed of doubt that we might not stay together without a family but she is my family now. She is all I need. All I will ever need. I try hard to communicate all of that to her with my eyes. Tears start to roll down her cheeks and she is with me.

"Yes," she whispers in that way that only my Katie can. The applause starts to ripple around the room and Ana and Mia are both crying. I pull the ring out of my pocket and open the box. She takes one look at it and I know she loves it. She throws her arms around me and plants her lips on mine in a chaste kiss. To appease the audience I stand and take a bow then sit and slide the ring on her finger. Thank God it fits perfectly and when I lean in for another kiss it is with this amazing sense of relief and rightness.

"I love you, Kitten. And none of the other stuff matters. I want you. I will always want you." I whisper in her ear. She nuzzles my neck before looking up at me through her tears.

"I love you too, Elliot. Always."


	13. Chapter 13 That I Would Be Good

_**That I would be good even if I did nothing  
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down**_

_**That I would be good if I got and stayed sick**_  
_**That I would be good even if I gained 10 pounds**_

_**That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt**_  
_**That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth**_

_**That I would be great if I was no longer queen**_  
_**That I would be grand if I was not all knowing**_

_**That I would be loved even when I'm not myself**_  
_**That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed**_

_**That I would be loved even when I was fuming**_  
_**That I would be good even if I was clinging**_

_**That I would be good even if I lost sanity**_  
_**That I would be good whether with or without you**_

_**That I Would Be Good - Alanis Morissette**_

* * *

_**Three Weeks After Aspen**_

"Kate, can you tell me what you were feeling in that moment before you said yes to Elliot?" When it comes to waiting out answers John Flynn is an expert so there is no point in holding back. My mind travels back to that night in Aspen.

"Stunned, I was stunned." My voice is quiet but he hears everything.

"Yet you both have said in this office that marriage is a definite outcome. Why stunned? Didn't you expect it?"

I pick at a stray thread on my skirt. Why was I so surprised?

"I had been angry with him. We fought that afternoon and I thought we were barely speaking to each other."

"Is this unusual? The fighting?"

"No."

"Then what was different about this fight?"

"Nothing. Everything. He was acting out of character, even for him. I couldn't understand it after the conversation we had with Grace. I thought we would start moving forward together but in that week before he proposed it seemed like we were moving further apart."

John pauses to write something on his screen. "What happens when you feel like that? What do you do?"

"I get defensive I guess."

"Did you consider leaving Elliot?" Yes. And even the sound of that word in my head feels like betrayal.

"I would rather dump someone than be dumped. It's just the way I am." I shrug as though I don't care but he sees through this.

"Does this reaction happen every time?"

"Most, I guess." Every time. I know I do it.

"How do you think Elliot perceives that?" My eyes shoot to his for a moment and then I look away feeling guilty.

"I don't know. I guess he expects it."

"What do you mean?"

"He always pulls me back." Admitting this out loud makes me feel sheepish. I have come to expect that Elliot will fight for me as much as with me. Is that fair? As if he is reading my mind, John continues.

"How do you think he feels if you always have one foot out the door?" I would like to say I hadn't thought of it like that but I have. I always knew that it was a protection mechanism but I never thought about what it might feel like for Elliot. John seems to see that I have registered this thought and moves on.

"I don't want to be hurt the way my father hurt my mother."

"That is too simplistic Kate. You don't live in the past. It isn't your style." I could learn to hate John Flynn. I wonder, not for the first time, how it is that he has lasted so long working with Christian.

"So go back to that night. What happened in those moments between his proposal and your acceptance." I'm not used to this. John is so focused on goals and visualization that stepping backwards seems odd.

Right in that moment the rest of the world is a blur. There is only Elliot on his knees in front of me and he is asking me to marry him. He promised we would be together forever, and I have never really doubted his conviction. But there have been so many moments when I wondered if the shine had dulled. If the girl he fell in love with in Portland wasn't buried under the weight of a life that seemed determined to kick her around. I don't know if that girl even exists any more. The one who thought that the worst thing in her world was to be too pretty. I'm sure she doesn't because I am not sure I would like her if I met her on the street.

"What are you feeling?" John prods.

"Everything. Stunned, scared, happy, in love."

"Why scared?"

"I know there are things that we haven't resolved. I worry that I can't give him what he wants, be what he needs."

"And what is that Kate?"

"A mother for his children. I still don't know if I can do that again."

"Because of the pain of the miscarriage?"

"Yes. I don't want to feel that pain again. I would do anything to not feel that pain again."

"Would you do something medical to stop it from happening?"

"I'm already on the pill."

"Not what I meant. Something permanent." This pulls me up short.

"I…no, I don't think I would." Would I?

"Why not?"

"Because it's so …I can't take it back," I whisper. "Because I want to be a mother. I don't want to close that door. Because Elliot will make such a great Dad."

"So you're not sure?" I shake my head and the moment is punctuated by a poignant silence. Luckily he moves away from this subject."You said you felt stunned, scared, happy, in love. What happens next?"

I step back in time.

* * *

_**Aspen 3 weeks earlier**_

_All of the fears and so much more flash through my head before I say what I have wanted to say for weeks. A resounding 'yes'. I try very hard not to let any of the doubt show on my face. No doubts, no reservations, not if he is prepared to ask. In moments I am in his arms, and I am sure that I hear applause from somewhere but I am in this moment with him._

_The ring is exquisite. A deco design of structural simplicity and elegance. Timeless like his buildings and I know that he has designed this himself. It would be so like him. Which means he has been planning this for a while, knowing all the while that I might never want to have children but not caring and I know I could not love him more._

_We move from the restaurant to a nightclub which is fun but I know he wants to get me home to really celebrate and I can't wait to get there. From the moment that guy touched Ana on the dance floor I knew the night would most likely be over. Christian would not let that go without a reaction and sure enough we are leaving before we get kicked out of the club._

_Back at the house Elliot hustles me straight inside, hardly stopping to say goodnight as we race to our room. Slamming the door he pushes me up against the wall and thrusts his tongue into my mouth. My arms are pinned to the wall above me while his hips have me locked. All I can do is slide my leg up and around his waist while we grind together._

_Our clothes come off in a flurry of material as our hands and mouths move ceaselessly over each others bodies. It is only when I divest him of his briefs that I see the massive bruise on his ass cheek. I pull back and look._

"_Elliot, what the fuck happened?" My fingers touch gingerly and he winces. The massive angry purple bruise covers most of his right ass cheek._

"_You wouldn't believe me if I told you."_

"_Try me." Cos right now I can't imagine how you got this and it wasn't there last night._

"_It was Jose the fucking gay goat." He grimaces at some memory that he isn't quite sharing with me._

"_What? A goat called Jose?" WTF?_

"_Yeah, well that is what I nicknamed him." And then he proceeds to tell me the story._

"_You named a goat, a gay goat no less, after one of my dearest friends." Elliot looks contrite. _

"_It was a Mexican standoff and I dunno, it was the first name that popped into my head." I can't help but laugh at him now as he gives me a sulky pout. "Don't laugh at me. It fucking hurt. And then I made it worse by riding that fucking trail bike with the dodgy fucking suspension. By the time I had raced your brother back over the rockiest damn terrain in the country I thought my ass cheek was going to fucking fall off. And that was your fault because you wouldn't talk to me this afternoon."_

_By this time I am roaring with laughter, tears rolling down my cheeks as I howl. My stomach hurts just thinking about Elliot taking on the goat and while I feel a little bit bad about locking him out of the bedroom this afternoon I figure that was his fault for being such an ass. He rolls over gingerly onto his back and smiles up at me and that is when I notice his knee, which looks worse than his ass and I stop laughing instantly._

"_Jesus, Elliot, your knee is the size of a football." He glances down and sees that sure enough his knee is also purple and swollen. _

"_Yeah well that is a combination of you and Jose. I was so nervous proposing I think I overdid it."_

_I start giggling again. "You poor old man. The body isn't holding up like it used to huh? Shall I go and get you a walking frame?"_

_He launches the pillow at me and I stand up still laughing and put on a robe. "I'll be back in a moment. Don't go anywhere." He lays back on the bed flushed with embarrassment._

_A while later, with the help of Mrs Bentley, I am back in the room with painkillers, arnica cream and a cold compress. I strap his knee first then help him to roll over so I can rub the cream on his bruise. Before long this turns into some kind of kinky medicinal massage and he is on his back again with me straddling him, sliding my pussy over his long hard cock. This slow gentle lovemaking leads to the most gloriously long and intense orgasm and looking at him as we both come I know I am going to love doing this for the rest of our lives._

* * *

_**Present**_

"You laugh a lot with Elliot." The soft statement makes me smile.

"Yes,it is something that I love about him. Part of his charm."

"Sounds like he becomes the center of his own comedy. The butt of the joke, pun intended." I am not quite sure where John is going with this but playing along with keep the focus off me for a moment.

"Yes, for someone who is so graceful and perfect, he does tend to get himself into some strange situations."

"Perfect, interesting way to describe him. Is he afraid of making mistakes?"

"No. He tends to throw himself into things. Tries anything. Always wants to make people laugh at him or at themselves."

"Does he dwell on the mistakes?" No, not my Elliot. Even after all of the problems that life has thrown at him, he remains remarkably upbeat. I shake my head. "Is he perfect?"

No, but he is perfect for me. "Is anyone?"

John raises an eyebrow and peers at me. "Yet, you expect perfection of yourself. Does Elliot expect you to be perfect?"

Once more I am shaking my head. "I don't think so."

"Do you expect it from yourself?"

"I have high standards for myself. I've always been called a high achiever but I work hard for that. I always have." I don't know why I am defending myself.

"So when your body let you down. When it wouldn't allow you to carry to term, what did you feel?"

I am stunned. The silence hangs in the air around us as I take in the implication of his question. Is that behind my fear? The feeling that I am somehow less than perfect? That I might not be good enough to be a mother? Or a wife? Yet, Elliot has seen me at my worst, he has never judged me. Why do I keep judging myself and coming up short? I have never been afraid of anything but now I wonder if I am not afraid of the most important aspects of my life. My eyes are focused on my hands twisting in knots on my lap.

"Kate, do you expect perfection from this marriage? Do you expect perfection from Elliot?" Quickly, I look up.

"No, of course not?"

But I expect it from myself and that expectation has been stopping me from healing.

* * *

_**A few days earlier**_

_We get the news that Ana's stepfather, Ray, has been in an accident and is in ICU at Portland Hospital. Luckily he comes out of his self induced coma quickly but it means that we all end up flying into Portland to surprise Ana for her birthday._

"_Do you think this family will ever get through a week without some major drama?" Elliot is dressing for dinner in our room at the Heathman. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist._

"_I don't think you would be the Grey's without the drama. I could fill a book with stories about this family." He freezes and I know what he is thinking. "But I wouldn't. I'm not that stupid and I am not disloyal." I feel him relax underneath my fingers._

"_I know, babe, but I know how scary good you are at writing and I know you could do it. And it would be good."_

"_Yeah, sensational. But not in this lifetime. Trust me." I smile._

"_I do. I really do." He pulls me into his arms properly and gives me such a deep and moving kiss that I am wondering if we will ever make this dinner. And that seems to be the way of things at the moment. We don't seem to have any problems reading each other or communicating. The sex is amazing. Earth-shattering. I don't know why, but I feel like something is going to burst our bubble and for the life of me I can't put my finger on what. Jack Hyde is in custody which can only be a good thing. Carrick has all but shut Linc down through his lawyers but there is something in the air, there always is._

"_You're thinking again. Are you going to tell me?" His chin is resting on my head as he holds me close._

"_I don't know. I just have this weird kind of premonition that something bad is about to happen. It bugs me that Linc was so quick to back off without a fight. Not that I wanted you to go to court but it all seemed a little easy."_

"_Yeah, I know what you mean. But listen, if Dad had gotten a whiff of anything he would have told us. There is no way he would allow us to fly blind. Not after everything that has happened." I know he is right but maybe what we are dealing with goes beyond the vendetta Linc has had against Elliot and James. _

_The dinner, held in a private room at the Heathman is a success given the circumstances. The nice part for me is catching up with Jose for the first time in weeks._

"_Why is it that every time I see you we are in the middle of a family crisis?" I laugh as I hug him trying to lighten his mood. The last time I saw him was at Escala when Christian was missing._

"_Yeah, I'm starting to think I am jinxing Ana." He smiles but with a touch of sadness._

"_Don't even go there. This was not your fault any more than Charlie Tango. In fact, I think you are probably helping Ana in many ways by being here in a crisis. We all need friends at times like these. Christian comes up behind me._

"_We certainly do. Anastasia appreciates you being here Jose, as do I." This seems somewhat unexpected but Christian almost seems genuine if somewhat formal._

"_Hey man, I need to tell you about this goat in Aspen." Elliot throws an arm around my shoulder and pecks me on the cheek, handing me a drink. "His name was Jose too."_

_Jose looks confused and I elbow Elliot in the stomach. "Only cos you nicknamed him that." Elliot doubles over._

"_Careful babe."_

"_Hey, I meant to say congrats you guys. When is the big day?" Jose smoothly changes the subject. Seems he doesn't want to hear any of Elliot's stupid goat stories either. Christian and Elliot move off to the other side of the room to talk with Carrick. I turn back to Jose feeling a little shy about what I am about to ask of him._

"_We're thinking about next year, maybe June. It will be small, just immediate family and close friends. That includes you." He smiles._

"_Sweet."_

"_Yeah, well I was kinda hoping…." I look at him through my lashes. Seems kind of awkward to ask him to come to the wedding, oh and by the way can you be the official photographer._

_Luckily he catches my drift straight away. "It would be an honor. Think of it as my wedding present." I throw my arms around him and squeeze._

"_Thank you, thank you." I kiss his cheek and then the waiters arrive so we move to take our seats for the meal._

"_You two are going to have beautiful babies. Do I get to do the first baby photos as well?" Jose's grin is wide but falters when he sees the look on my face. I turn my back and walk to the opposite end of the table._

* * *

_**Present**_

Sure enough, not long after we returned from Portland, Christian calls us with the news that Jack Hyde has been released on bail. He steps up security on all of his family which extends to the Kavanaghs. Nobody knows what Hyde will do which is terrifying given how pissed Linc must be since Carrick shut down his court case. I shudder at the thought before John's voice cuts across my thoughts again.

"Has your body ever let you down before?" I mull this one over. It isn't something that I like to talk about.

"Once or twice." I shrug in a non-committal way.

"Your Olympic trials?"

"I never made the trials."

"What happened?"

"Simple really. I got injured. I couldn't recover in time to compete."

"So you missed the trials because of an injury?" He is flicking through some notes on his iPad and I know what he has in front of him.

"No, I recovered physically. I just didn't want it any more." John looks directly at me without saying anything in that kind of 'don't bullshit me' English way. "Alright. I got scared. Physically I was fine but I couldn't control the fear that I would hurt myself again."

"So you chose not to compete?"

"Yes. But I don't regret that decision. You can't be scared on a 10 meter high board. It doesn't work."

"Yet you weren't scared to perform the aerial routine with Elliot after a few days of rehearsal." No, I wasn't scared of that. I didn't feel that I was on the line with that. I was doing it for Elliot not for me. Shit. "Are you scared in your career?"

"I…look I have always been Sam Kavanagh's daughter. Both he and my mother have stellar reputations for what they do. It isn't easy living up to that."

"Is that what they expect?"

"No but it is what everyone else expects." Again, he holds my gaze. "Okay, it is what I think they expect."

"So you were happy to push yourself as a student editor but you don't want to push at Kavanagh Media? Is that why you have hesitated about moving on from the About Town team?" Yes, I am still working for both teams, trying not to let either down. Anabel wants my undivided attention, Jeannie is reluctant to let me leave. I am torn.

"How do you feel about being in the media when you are about to marry into the Grey family?" This is my Achilles heel. I know they don't trust me completely. Christian and I have at best reached an understanding. As for Carrick, well I am not sure it is in his nature to truly trust anyone in the media.

"It is daunting but the family comes first. It always will."

"Do you expect that you will be a perfect wife and have the perfect career?"

"Doesn't every woman? My mother does it, my friends are all aiming for it. Why shouldn't I?"

"If you are less than perfect what will you walk away from?" Oh God, would I walk away from Elliot if I can't get it right? I won't give up my career, it is all I have wanted since I was a child. But kids? A husband? Haven't I always wanted that too?

"Your parents marriage wasn't perfect." A statement again, not a question.

"No."

"Did you feel any less loved by either of them? Any less supported?"

"Yes, from time to time. They were preoccupied with their pain. It was understandable. They made up for it in other ways." Don't criticize my parents John, they are good people.

"Do you expect that you or Elliot will cheat?" The million dollar question. When I first met Elliot I would have said yes. Now I don't see that as a possibility at all. He has shown me again and again that this is different for him.

"No, not now, not after all we have been through."

John glances at his watch in that time-honored tradition of stating without words that our time is up. "We can continue this next week."

"Thank you John. I didn't like where you were taking this but I think I get it."

"What do you get Kate? What is it that you want from this marriage?"

"I already have it, with or without the marriage certificate. I'm still not sure about what happens next."

"Ah, only you can answer that and it comes down to what you really want. You hold back your emotions in here Kate. You are very contained, controlled, the model patient." What the hell does he mean by that? "If that ever changes, I want you to call me."

Looking down he takes my hands and turns them so that my palms are facing up. It is then that I see the red welts in my skin where my fingernails have been digging in. A few more minutes of this session and I might have drawn blood and I didn't feel a thing.

"As to that other matter Kate. I have written a letter for you to give them. I hope it helps with your campaign." Ah, my little pet project. The one I am keeping secret from Elliot.

"Thank you John. I appreciate that."

When I arrive back the apartment Mia and Elliot are cooking and singing in the kitchen. Ethan is pouring red wine and hands me a glass as I approach the dining table. There are eight places set and candles in the center of the table. Everyone is in high spirits.

"What's going on? Since when did we decide we were having a dinner party?" I take a sip of wine.

"Hey baby. Our folks are coming over." The intercom buzzer sounds. "In fact, I bet that's them now." Elliot moves past me giving me a quick peck. He lets both my parents and his inside the apartment.

"You timed your arrival well?" I give my mother a hug before greeting Grace with a kiss on the cheek.

"We drove over together. Seemed silly to bring two cars." My mother is beaming which is kind of freaking me out. "Oh darling relax. We missed out on the fun in Aspen. Elliot just wanted to make up for us not being there."

Elliot's arms wrap around me from behind and he kisses my ear. "I hope you don't mind babe."

Before I can respond Mia announces that the first course is ready. Later in the evening Ethan, Carrick and I are cleaning up in the kitchen while the others have coffee. I think that Carrick wanted to escape Mia who has done nothing but complain about the extra security that Christian has imposed on all of us since Jack Hyde was bailed. Carrick seems to want to keep the peace by acquiescing to her whim which surprises me. I love Mia, she is so much fun, but I don't think my Dad would ever let me get away with talking to him the way she talks Carrick.

"How are your plans going Kate?" Carrick asks in a quiet murmur so that the others can't hear.

"We're on track. I have everything together, including the recordings and latest publications. There is a stack of evidence so I think it should go well. I have a meeting with them tomorrow."

"Kate, I want you to know how much we appreciate what you are doing." He places an arm around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze. I think back to that day in the garden at Bellevue and I wonder if I have misjudged Carrick Grey.


	14. Ch 14 Fix You

_**She wakes up Rage and grace**_  
_**Pulling me closer Pushing away**_  
_**And me the sharpest thorn on Your vine**_  
_**Twisting and turning we're all Intertwined**_

_**Broken wing Empty glass**_  
_**Words that scream and bounce Right back**_  
_**She says, "You know, we'd all like to rearrange"**_

_**I wish I could fix you**_  
_**And make you how I want you**_  
_**I wish I could fix you**_  
_**And I wish you could fix me**_

_**I wish I could heal you**_  
_**And mend where you are broken**_  
_**I wish I could heal you**_  
_**And I wish you could heal me**_

_**The beaming sunrise buries the night**_  
_**The setting sun destroys the light**_  
_**And she said "baby I've got to get going"**_  
_**Cutting each other without even knowing**_

_**She sees a million stars, like holes in the sky**_  
_**All gods tears for her they cry**_  
_**And I am in her rain**_

_**Broken wing Empty glass**_  
_**Words that scream and bounce Right back**_  
_**She says, "You know, we'd all like to rearrange"**_

_**Fix You - The Offspring**_

* * *

This is absolutely the best way to wake up. My best girl wrapped around me, her naked body exhausted from a wild night of sex. My body instantly reacts to her proximity which amazes me because about now my cock should be dropping off from over use.

"You have got to be kidding me." Her husky voice groans into my chest with a giggle. It's enough to make me completely tent the sheets as she lifts her head. "God Elliot, when you get old and gray I'll have to put you into the home for the perpetually horny."

I laugh, "Yeah, I'll be getting morning wood but I won't remember what I'm supposed to do with it." I roll her over onto her back, half straddling her and lean in for a kiss. "Hey, sweet thing. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Used and abused. I think I have chafing on my chafing and I'm pretty sure that we broke a table last night." I roll over onto my back again and snuggle her into me.

Last night will be ingrained on my memory forever. We had been into the hospital to visit Ana's Dad and afterward had gone up to the Mile High Club for dinner. A plate of oysters and half a bottle of Bollinger later we had to cancel our mains because my sexy, enticing fiancée had driven me completely insane with her naked foot under the table. We only made it as far as the bathrooms before we had ripped each other's clothes off and fucked up against the wall of one of the bathroom stalls. A friend of my grandmother's happened to wander in as we were coming out and I swear that she shot me a look of approval. I guess Grandma will be having words with me at some point today.

We made a quick decision to stay at the apartment rather than drive out to the treehouse and after checking that Ethan and Mia weren't home, we proceeded to make use of every available surface to sate ourselves. After four solid hours of hot and heavy sex, culminating in the shower, we finally crawled into bed just in time to hear Mia and Ethan come home. They may have been arguing but quite frankly I was out of it so quickly that I missed the whole thing.

I reach down to touch my very hard and very sore dick and draw my hand back with a hiss. "Fuck, I don't think the table is the only thing we broke last night." She giggles and then groans when the phone starts to ring. I reach over and pick it up without looking at it. "Speak to me."

"Elliot, it's me. Is Ana with you?"

"Christian. No, why would she be here?"

"Don't fuck with me Elliot. I'm going out of my fucking mind here." I haven't heard Christian sound so rough for a long time. What the hell is going on? Kate leans back and looks up at me with a question in her eyes. I shrug.

"Christian I swear, she isn't here. What happened?" Kate registers what I am saying and with a flash of anger grabs the phone off me.

"What the fuck, Christian! What the hell have you done?" She listens for a while and her anger quickly turns to concern. "Hang on, hang on. Alright. She isn't here but I am sure she is safe. She obviously just needed time to calm down. What was the fight about?"

We are both sitting up now and I throw a t-shirt on and boxers. Tossing Kate's singlet and shorts to her I quickly go out through to the living room to check just in case Ana has arrived in the middle of the night. I move back through to the bedrooms. Ana's bed is still in her room but it is empty. A quick peak into Ethan's room gets me a quick 'fuck off' from Mia. I explain that Ana has gone AWOL and go back to the bedroom where Kate, who is now dressed, is standing in the middle of the floor with her back to me still listening to Christian. For a moment her body tenses and she drops the phone, storming out of the room, pushing past me as she goes. I am tempted to follow her but I can hear Christian yelling at the other end of the phone.

"Christian. What did you just say to Kate? What was the fight about?" I am walking down the hallway when I hear an almighty crash, like a vase being hurled against a wall. Behind the door beside me I can hear a muffled 'shit' and the sound of Mia and Ethan scrambling to get dressed.

"Elliot. Ana found out she's pregnant and I reacted badly. I went out and got drunk and..." But I am no longer listening. Fuck. I race into the living room in time to see Kate pick up a lamp and throw it across the room. "Elliot, what was that?"

"Fuck. Christian, I've got to go."

"But Ana, I don't know where she is."

"Christian, not now. I'm sure she is fine. I've got to go." Kate starts to scream as she pulls books out of the bookshelf throwing them on the ground. I move across the room as quickly as I can sensing Mia and Ethan standing at the door behind me. Wrapping my arms around her I drag her to the ground and then wrap my legs around her to stop her from thrashing. Slowly her body gives in and emits the most gut-wrenching screaming moan I have ever heard and her sobbing begins.

"Shh, baby, I've got you. I've got you." I keep whispering in her ear, holding her firmly so she can't hurt me or anyone else, including herself. Her body strains against me and I know if I let go she is going to throw herself against the floor and really do some damage. While her body rages I keep whispering softly until the shaking becomes a tremble and she relaxes back into me, loudly crying out her pain. "Tell me. Baby, tell me what you're feeling."

At first she just screams and then her terrifying cries turn to words. "I want my baby. I want my baby."

"I know, kitten. I know. I want that too but we have to let it go now. We have to let go. This isn't Ana's fault. Please baby. Please come back to me. Please don't leave me." I feel that sinking black hole of panic rising up to take over me. I can't lose her again. I won't lose her again. We had moved on, together. John Flynn had helped but we had done it together. If she pulls away now I don't know what I will do. So I do the only thing I can do and hold her until her body calms.

Mia and Ethan quickly clean up the mess she has made and make tea. They don't say a word until we are all down on the floor with Kate. Mia gently holds her hand guiding her to the cup.

"Kate, drink the tea. It will help, sweetheart." I don't think I have ever seen this side of Mia except with stray animals when she was very young. Ethan has one hand on Mia's back as if he is supporting her to reach out to his sister and whereas earlier I might have felt that they were invading our privacy, now I am just very glad that they are here. It is obvious to me that Ethan has told Mia about the baby by the way she is speaking. I look at him and he confirms my suspicions with a quick nod and a world full of sorry in his eyes.

My phone starts to ring again but I ignore it. Ethan gets up and grabs it from the kitchen bench where I left it.

"Hi Christian, it's Ethan...No they can't come to the phone right now...Christian she isn't here, I promise you. We are not covering for her..." The exasperated tone of Ethan's voice is enough to get me seriously pissed at my brother. Passing Kate carefully into Mia's arms I am confident that she is calm enough now not to hurt anyone. I stand up and grab the phone off Ethan.

"Christian. For the last time, Ana is not here."

"Well, Kate must know where she would likely go. I've checked everywhere I can think of including calling Ray's hospital ward but no one has seen her. She hasn't used her credit card. Where the fuck is she?"

"Christian. Ana is a big girl. She can look after herself and she will come home when she is ready. If you weren't such a stupid prick you would be celebrating your impending fatherhood right now with your wife. Instead you have to be a selfish adolescent and make this all about you. If Ana tells you to take a massive fucking hike right now I wouldn't blame her. In fact I would help her kick your sorry ass out the door."

"Jesus, don't you think I know that I fucked up. I overreacted. I was a stupid shit but I can't apologize to her if she won't fucking tell me where she is. Can I speak to Kate please?"

"No. Kate can't talk to you right now."

"Fuck Elliot. I thought they were best friends, sisters. Why the hell is Kate being so fucking selfish? Why won't she just come and help me find her. She can flog me with a nine iron later I just need to find Ana."

Up until now I have been angry but calm. This just makes my head explode. "Fuck off Christian. Kate cannot talk to you right now and the last person she wants to see is Ana. This is not about you. For once in your life can you just shut the fuck up and deal with your own fucking shit! I am tired of fucking bailing you out. My fiancée is on the floor right now having a fucking breakdown and I don't need this." I am yelling into the phone at my brother and I just don't seem to be able to stop. Every secret that I have ever kept from him is about to come spewing out of me like vomit and I know if I go there we will never come back from it but I can't seem to help myself.

Ethan races over again and takes the phone off me with a panicked look on his face. "Christian. You just need to know this. A couple of months ago Kate had a miscarriage. She and Elliot have been through a lot trying to deal with their loss and they didn't want to tell you and Ana leading up to the wedding…No, Ana doesn't know." There is a pause as he listens. "Yes, I think that would be sensible…. No, none of us will tell Ana. It should be Kate's choice to tell her if and when she's ready. I hope you understand. My sister doesn't want to feel like this about your news but she has been through a lot of pain and this has put her in a state of shock...Yeah. We will. Go find Ana and let us know when she is safely home... Good luck, man."

Ethan looks around at us all then flips the screen of the phone again. "John, Ethan Kavanagh. We've had a set back with Kate and I suspect, Elliot." My body is trembling, I recognize the signs. Mia is still rocking Kate on the floor. "Yeah, we are at Kate's apartment ... Yes. Thanks. See you in an hour."

* * *

An hour later Kate and I have showered and dressed, as have Ethan and Mia. Ethan is holding Kate on the couch, her tears have stopped but she won't speak. I just want to get out of here, get home to Zeus and go for a long run, but I can't leave her. Mia lets John into the apartment.

"Elliot. How are you?" I look at him knowing how blank my expression must be. For some reason I can't feel anything, no rage, no sadness, not even emptiness. I just feel blank.

"I've had better days, John." I try to smile but I am fairly sure it is a grimace.

"I'm sure you have, son. Would you like to talk about it?" Once more I feel like I am having an out of body experience. No, John, I would not like to talk about it. I don't want to reveal to Mia what a complete ass her favorite brother is. I certainly don't want to air my own dirty laundry any more.

"Shouldn't we be focusing on Kate? She is the one who seems to have had some sort of episode."

"I'm fine Elliot. Honestly." It is the first time she has spoken since before Christian called. I look at her expecting her head to start spinning but she smiles. "I am more worried about you now." I don't know if she is mad or I am but one of us is clearly insane. I have no idea what to do or say next.

"Kate, you scared everyone, I think. Would you like to talk about how you are feeling now?" John has such a soothing voice that I am sure he could simply talk us into a hypnotic state.

"I'm sorry about that but it felt really good. It felt like I was purging. I think I needed to do that, does that make sense?"

"Perfect sense. Elliot?" When my eyes find Kate's I see it. She is there. I move across the room and kneel on the floor at her feet, taking her hands and placing my cheek into her palms. She is still for a moment and then she lifts my head to look into my eyes.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I..." Her eyes are shining again. She looks almost happy, serene.

"Kitten, don't...I was so worried that I was going to lose you again. I'm just so happy you're still here."

"I'm here, baby. I'm not going anywhere. We have a wedding to plan and ... I want to try and have another baby."

My heart swells as I suck in breath. "What?" She looks at me with tears glistening. Then she nods. "You will try?" Still nodding, this time with tears gently flowing down her face she throws herself into my arms. Holy shit! We kiss and laugh through the tears until someone clears their throat behind us.

"Everything okay?" John asks. We look at each other for a moment, checking.

"Yes, thank you John. I know I gave everyone a fright but really, I think we are going to be just fine." Her lips touch mine again.

"Good. Well, my work here is done." Ethan walks John to the door apologizing for the house call.

When he gets to the door, John turns around once more. "Kate, you really should think about why you haven't told Ana."

Kate looks at me, fixing her eyes on mine for a moment before looking up at John. "I have thought about it, John. I think about it every day." Her hand squeezes mine as John nods and heads out the door.

Christian calls to let us know that Ana is fine and it was all a mistake. He isn't very believable. Kate and I both decide to take a day off and head out to the treehouse. As we're leaving Mia stops us at the door.

"Kate. Elliot. I just want to say how sorry I am for everything that you've been through. I love you guys." She throws her arms around both of us almost knocking us off our feet. I look over her shoulder at Ethan expecting to see his wry smile. Instead I see worry etched across his face. Kate must see it too because she breaks away from Mia and walks over to him, sliding her arms around his waist.

"It's going to be alright. We're going to be alright." She snuggles into him and he wraps her up tight.

"I hope so, baby girl. I really hope so." His eyes focus desperately on my sister making me wonder if this is about Kate at all.


	15. Chapter 15 Forgive Me

_**Oh my son look at what I've done  
But I am learning still  
Learning still  
Know that I am learning still  
And oh my wife you are my life  
And I am burning still  
Burning still  
Know that I am burning for you still**_

_**And all, all, all of my light is for you**_  
_**And home, home's anywhere you are too**_  
_**So take this one fallen man on his knees**_  
_**Saying please forgive me**_

_**Oh my God how you make it hard**_  
_**Not to pick the apple**_  
_**Pick the apple**_  
_**And Lord I long to give it back**_

_**And I was on shakey land**_  
_**Lost and unsure I opened my hand**_  
_**And she held it like sinking sand**_

_**And all, all, all of my light is for you**_  
_**And home, home's anywhere you are too**_  
_**So take this one fallen man on his knees**_  
_**Saying please**_

_**All, all, all of my light is for you**_  
_**And home, home's anywhere you are too**_  
_**So take this one fallen man on his knees**_  
_**Saying please forgive me**_  
_**Forgive me**_  
_**Forgive me**_

_**Forgive Me - Missy Higgins**_

* * *

When Christian first called us that morning the light had only just begun to filter through the blinds of my bedroom. Always an early riser, Elliot woke me with his gentle laughter and teasing. His tenderness, his unwavering love sits on my shoulders and keeps me company through most of my days now. So when I took the phone from Elliot in an effort to calm Christian down, I never suspected how the darkness was about to come crashing down on me. Instead, I listened with half an ear to his rant as I picked up my cell phone and sent Ana a text. If they had a fight she might not answer him, but she would probably answer me. I had just hit send when he dropped his bombshell.

Ana is pregnant with his child and he, self-centered, juvenile adolescent that he is, had reacted badly. In another lifetime I would have torn him another asshole and pulled them kicking and screaming back together but his words hit me in the gut like a sledgehammer. I've had weeks, months do deal with my pain. I have spent a small fortune on therapy, for what? When it counted the most, the world crashed down around me. So I never heard then what he had actually said to make her want to leave him because the walls had already started caving in. I don't recall what happened in the next hour or so. John explained it as a hormonal reaction akin to going into shock or a trance. The chemical reaction in my brain set of a chain reaction that I could not have predicted or altered. Rage, blind fury, the need to destroy something. It was all far too overpowering for me to remain present. I couldn't stand and listen to Christian's concerns any more, not because I didn't care about what had happened to Ana but because my body took over and I was in flight or fight mode. Given how little I remember, I will have to take John's word for that.

I do recall Elliot yelling at Christian down the phone before hanging up on him. I recall the feel of Elliot's strong arms and legs wrapping me up and securing my limbs tightly. I remember the agony of my screaming heart. Then the world went black. When I woke up again I was clutching a cup of lukewarm tea, Mia on one side of me and Elliot, my love, my heart, my rock, on the other side. John Flynn arrived somewhere in between the darkness and the return of the light, just in time for me to register that something inside had shifted. As I looked around at these people I love, who love me, my world rushed in with startling clarity. The grief that had been a massive lead weight in my heart for weeks was gone. Not that I would not always mourn but that mourning would no longer be an earthly weight pulling me under.

Over the past few weeks I had no idea how much the pain was holding me still. I had chosen not to tell Ana about the baby, justifying it in my mind as not wanting to inflict a pain I didn't understand that might undermine my best friend's happiness. She wasn't the only person I shut out. I barely spoke to my mother about it, not wanting to see the pity in her eyes. The few conversations that had reached me, Grace, Elliot, John Flynn had barely scratched the surface of what I was really feeling but with each one I had convinced myself that I was dealing with it all. That I had it under control. The truth was I couldn't have told them when I didn't understand it myself? All I know is that this morning my mind had unleashed hell, or Christian had triggered it for me, and somehow, in the aftermath, my heart felt lighter. But now I needed to seek their forgiveness.

During the morning I try to both call and text Ana again. First Christian and then Jason had let us know that they had found her so I know that she is safe, that she is at work but she refuses to take my calls. I can't blame her. I had locked up all my pain inside for so long. If she is hurt by something that Christian has said or done in reaction to the news about the baby then she has every right to feel that telling me is only going to make it worse. In the end, that is all I have really done over the past few months. Made things worse between her and Christian. What would possibly give me the right to be the person she would turn to in a crisis now? I just hope that when she does finally talk to me that I can explain and perhaps she might see me as a real friend once more.

Christian is also lying low having assured us of her safety, he refuses to discuss the details with Elliot. For all the concern that we hold for their marriage, right now we have to be happy not to be caught up in their problems. If this is about the baby then Christian will come around, I am sure of it. Once he does the requisite grovelling at Ana's feet, she will no doubt forgive him. I just hope that they can both forgive us for not allowing them into our lives when we could have done with their friendship and support. What seemed like such a wise course of action months ago now feels like a betrayal of trust. We may have a long way to go to win that back.

* * *

In the aftermath, Elliot and I go out to the treehouse. We tend our baby's tree, walk Zeus along the shoreline, make out in the open air of our magical garden. We swim, sing and work in the turret office space that we now share. More than anything we talk. Long hours of sharing, laughing, planning for our future and discussing our wedding, planning our family. Several more times I try to call Ana without success. I don't want to interfere but whatever is happening with her and Christian, I don't want her to go through it alone. I can't help but feel that I held her at arms-length for so long and that she probably didn't feel like she could rely on me.

Now it is late afternoon and we are lying in our bed, looking up at the sky. I reach over and stroke his face before tracing a path with my tongue across his chest. My hand slides down over the sheet to feel him stiffen beneath my fingers. Sliding my body over his I concentrate my efforts on squeezing his balls as I stiffen his nipples with hot moist kisses. He groans beneath me, his fingers tangling in my hair, his head thrown back.

Looking up into his sweet face I am mesmerized by how beautiful he is. How much he responds to my touch. After last night I didn't think we would make love for a week but my body needs him like a drug addict. Pushing myself further up I lick the saltiness of his neck. Eventually I arrive at his ear and I suckle his earlobe as he writhes beneath me.

I whisper in his ear, "I know you may not believe me, and I don't expect you to forgive me for my stance these past few weeks but I really want to make babies with you." His hands still on my body before he sits up, lifting me with him and until he can look me directly in the eye.

"Sweetheart, are you…." I place my fingers on his lips to silence him and shake my head.

"I know this is difficult to believe but yes, with all of my heart, yes. And I want to start now. I don't care if I am pregnant walking down the aisle, I don't want to wait." His lips press my fingers and he moves my hand to his heart, his crystal blue eyes focusing on mine.

"Kitten, I love you so much but you need to know that you are more important to me than anything else in this world. I want a family, but I want you more, by my side, forever. If there is ever a time when you change your mind then I want you to know that I will support you no matter what. I can't live this life…I won't live this life without you." His words, so genuine, reflect the purity of his spirit and in this moment where our love has never been stronger, I know that the world underestimates my Elliot. Well, no more. Now we are truly a team to be reckoned with and I will champion this man of mine to the end of the earth.

"Do you really want a big wedding?" Thoughts of making love are back on hold as we lie back down in our massive bed. Zeus on the floor by the fireplace snoring lightly. I rest my chin on my hand which is still placed across his heart. Again, his eyes seem to be trying to read mine. "It's just, I'm not sure that I do."

He chuckles. "And you really think that your mother is going to let you get away with anything less?"

"No, which is why you and I would need to be totally on the same page to be able to change her mind." His head tilts to one side for a moment and then he shrugs.

"So, what's the plan?" Zeus' head pops up over the bed and peers at us before he nuzzles my bare foot with his wet nose.

"Come here, Zeusy." Our big bear wanders further up the bed so I can reach his head with my hand. "What do you think about going back to Haiti for the wedding. We could get married in the church at the orphanage." I don't look at him while I ruffle Zeus' shaggy fur and pretend a nonchalance I don't really feel. Elliot is quiet, watching us as his hand traces random circles on my back.

"Can I ask you something?" Our hands both still for a moment then Zeus pushes at my hand urging me on. I scratch his ears as Elliot contines. "Would you consider adopting Mattie? I mean, if we could get past the bureaucracy, if there were any possibility, would you want to?"

Mattie, the little boy that we met in Haiti while on holiday a few months ago, has been on my mind a lot lately. Since our friend Liana went back to Port-au-Prince we have skyped her a couple of times and Mattie has come on line to talk to us. It is his smiling face that often haunts my dreams. "Yes."

"You know that if we do this, there is a chance that the authorities will say no. I don't want you having to deal with that disappointment." I know what he is thinking. I would be thinking the same thing. Sitting up on the bed I pull the sheet around me. If we are having a serious discussion then I don't want him distracted by naked tits. Zeus puts his paw up on the bed and I push his nose away.

"Zeus, sit." The dog dutifully sits and I feel a little proud of myself. It took us a while but Zeus almost sees me as higher than him in the pack. I think we have reached some sort of understanding. I look back at Elliot who has scooted back in the bed and is now sitting up again, leaning against the padded headboard. My mouth waters a little as I look at his six pack abs peeking over the top of the pillow he has helpfully draped over his lap. My eyes take a leisurely trip over his well-defined chest and arms all the same as I resist the urge to look down his muscular legs to his sexy feet. If I see those feet then this discussion is all over.

"Babe, I know what you are saying, and I can't give you any guarantee but I am not sure that we have a choice. We both love that little boy so much already. Maybe we won't win, maybe he won't want to come and be with us but I am not sure that we could live with ourselves if we didn't at least try. Does that make sense?"

Elliot's hand reaches out to take mine as he pulls me onto his lap. "You are the most amazing woman in the world, Katherine Kavanagh. We should ask Dad if he has any recommendations about the process. Maybe we can get the wheels turning before we go to Haiti for the wedding."

I lean in and kiss his nose. "You're pretty amazing too. So shall we set a date or do you think we should wait until we get a little further down the track with the adoption?"

"Babe, you know I would wait forever for you but I really want to marry you. I don't think we should wait any longer than we have to. I really want the right to call you my wife and I certainly want everyone to know that you have me heart, body and soul."

I can't help but think that must be patently obvious to everyone who sees us. "In that case, why don't we get everyone down there before the end of the year?"

"You know that you are going to have to come clean with Ana, don't you?" His face is so serious, his concern so warming. Yes, Ana needs to know everything I have been holding back. I just know that she isn't going to be leaping at telling me about her baby. Especially if there is any hint of tension between she and Christian.

"Yes. I know. And I will. But you know that you are going to talk to Christian too. These secrets that we are all keeping from each other aren't doing any of us any good. We could say that it is nobody else's business but we are talking about people we love who are hurting. And some of that is because of us."

He frowns, looking down at his hands. "I know. I just don't know how to start. This has been going on for such a long time. I keep telling myself that it won't serve any purpose to talk about any of it now but then I keep seeing Christian stumble and I can't help but think that if he could share some of it then he would stop making such a colossal fuck up of his relationship with Ana."

"Do you think they are alright now? Did Christian say what really happened last night?" I left him to have a conversation with Christian at one point this afternoon but it was fairly brief.

"No, not really. I think he did something really stupid and I am hoping that it didn't involve going to Elena. If he was drunk then he might have been stupid enough to bring her into their problems."

"Please don't mention that woman. I can't believe the damage she continues to do to this family. If I hear that she had anything to do with it I will not be responsible for my actions. I swear I will put a hit on her."

He squeezes me closer and nuzzles my neck tracing a lazy pattern with his tongue. "Baby, let's not. I'm sorry I brought her up. Let's just forget Christian and Ana for a moment and talk about what we can do about Matty. You know it is early. We could go have a conversation with Dad about this."

Holding his face I lean in and kiss his lips, putting all the love I can into that one simple gesture. "I want to talk to him and we will soon but tonight I simply need you and Zeus and our love nest. I just want to keep the world out for a few hours more."

"Fine by me, kitten. Fine by me."

The rest of our evening was spent cooking and eating a simple meal together, taking a long bath and watching Gene Kelly. I have learned that my macho man loves old movie musicals. It is more than merely liking the story or the movie though. As we watch, we discuss the sets, the use of the artworks, the contrast of the costumes. The sheer joy that is Kelly's oeuvre.

Elliot is wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts looking relaxed and gorgeous as he leans back on the sofa. My feet are in his lap and he gives me a glorious foot massage as we watch tv. Picking up my foot he places a kiss on my toes sending a shiver up my spine. I try not to react as he gently kisses and then sucks on my big toe, swirling his tongue around. God I love that feeling and he knows it. For some reason, there is a connection between my feet and my pussy that is impossible to fathom but he takes every opportunity to capitalize on it. His eyes are brimming with laughter as he watches me squirm.

With my other foot, I grip my toes around his hardening cock, rubbing his length through the thin fabric of his boxers. His hand slides down my leg until he reaches the top of my thigh and then he rubs around the edge of my panties, teasing me. Finally, he pulls his mouth away from my foot.

"You wanna take this upstairs?" As much as I love our newly renovated bedroom, the thought of getting down and dirty on the floor of the living room is just far too tempting. I move to stand up and he looks ready to move when I sink to my knees before him, my hands sliding his shorts down over his hips. His cock springs free, erect and proud. His long thick length all but slapping me in the face.

"Katie. What are you doing?" My tongue is already making its way steadily up his length so I pause for a moment and raise my eyebrows. Question me if you want Mr Grey but I am still going to give you a blow job. I wrap my hand around the base and then sink my lips over the top taking him fully into my mouth. Sucking hard I pull my mouth up as my hand descends beginning a long slow rhythm that has us both groaning. "Kitten, that feels so good."

My other hand reaches between his legs to grasp his balls, squeezing gently. He expels a hiss of air through clenched teeth. My mouth descends again, tongue flicking, teasing, tasting. My hand continues to pump and he involuntarily thrusts into my mouth, his hand on the back of my head. Pulling out of my mouth, he places his hands under my arms and lifts me off the floor.

"Turn around." His voice is a husky whisper in my ear, sending a shiver through my body. I turn in his arms and he presses his body firmly against mine, his erection nestled between the cheeks of my ass, one hand sliding down inside my panties. His fingers slide into my wet folds and I grind back against him. "Let's get these off."

I slide my panties down and he steps away for a moment to give me room. His hand in the small of my back presses me forward until I bend provocatively presenting myself to him. He gives my ass cheek an appreciative stroke before sliding his fingers into my wet, naked pussy.

"You have such a beautiful cunt, baby. I won't ever get tired of looking at those sweet lips." He grazes those throbbing lips with his cock as he leans in to whisper in my ear. It never ceases to amaze me how completely wanton he makes me feel. Right now he could ask me to do anything and I wouldn't say no. I have never allowed any lover to have such sexual power over me, probably because I have never felt so loved and adored. He steps back again to look at me as he slides his fingers in and out in a leisurely fashion, spreading the hot moisture of my arousal as he moves.

Moving towards the sofa I lift my legs so that I kneel, hands gripping the back for balance. I feel him kneeling down behind me and then the heat of his breath on my aching pussy as he sucks gently on my hard clit. His tongue flicks lightly over the stiff little nub before he lets his fingers take over as he fucks me with his tongue. A moan of pleasure from me brings on a groan of satisfaction from him and I feel my orgasm take hold. Between my gasps I hear him sucking and swallowing me down.

"You taste so amazing, babe. My favorite." He whispers the words into my thighs as he slides up my body, standing upright behind me. Moving closer, he slides one arm around my waist to grip my breast, while the other continues to penetrate me. Hot wet kisses on my shoulder have me pushing back as he moves to position his cock at my entrance. I widen my stance and drop my shoulders forward in invitation and he thrusts. The first thrust is heavenly, a heady mix of heat and pain from our marathon fuck last night. His hand continues to grip my breast, massaging the aching mound. Settling into a magically slow rhythm he fucks me thoroughly, making sure that I feel every hard, throbbing inch of his luscious cock as it enters me.

"Touch your clit for me, baby." Without hesitation I reach between my legs and begin to frig my clit while he continues to fuck me. I stroke his cock with my fingers as he pulls out each time and he utters a strained "fuck" as he builds. His intensity, his heat, his passion and appreciation has me on the edge again and I start to pulse and fall into my own release as he shouts out, letting his orgasm take hold. We both must be making a lot of noise because we hear a howl from Zeus in the next room that sets us off laughing. He pulls out of me, picking up his boxers to wipe me down before pulling me down onto the sofa and into the protective circle of his arms.

I feel his lips on my hair. "I love you so much, Katie." His breathing is still ragged but his body is sated and relaxed beneath me and his hands absently stroke over my naked skin.

"I love you too, Elliot. So much." I feel so content, so at peace. Finally, it feels like everything is falling into place and emotionally we are in the same space. I tell myself that nothing could possibly mar our happiness right now. How things can change within the space of twenty four hours.

* * *

It is late in the afternoon of the next day when I get a frantic phone call from my brother.

"Kate, you have to get to the hospital." My first thought is Ray.

"Ethan, what? What has happened?" I can hear him breathing hard down the phone line. If it was Ray he wouldn't sound like he had run a marathon. What the hell is going on?

"Kate, I need you. They won't let me see her. I have to see her. You need to talk to Elliot. Please." I can hear the desperation in his voice. "Please, I have to see her."

My brain is working over time and then it clicks into place. Mia. "Ethan, calm down. I take it this is about Mia. What has happened?"

"She and Ana. They got in a situation. I'm sorry, I think Ana is in a coma but I can't find out anything more. But Mia, that sick fuck drugged her and I need to see her. I need to know she is alright."

"Fuck. Ethan, I am sure Mia is fine and they will only be letting the immediate family see her for now. I'll be there as soon as I can. They will probably let you see her tomorrow." I've never known Ethan to get so upset about any woman he was dating. Not that I have known many of them. I know he and Mia have been sleeping together but he never seemed terribly serious about her. "You know, the way you run hot and cold with her it is no wonder that no one is letting you in. If you really care about her then you might want to rethink your dating strategy."

"I don't need a fucking lecture from you, Kate. My wife is lying in a hospital bed right now and these fuckers won't let me in to see her."

I feel so sorry for him. He sounds like he might either hit someone or start crying at any moment. _Maybe Elliot can convince someone to let him see her. I don't think I have ever heard him sound so desperate and wounded in my life._ And then I register what he has just said.

"Your wife! Jesus, Ethan what the fuck do you mean by 'your wife'!"

* * *

_**A/N: Thanks for your enthusiasm for this story and I apologize for taking so long with the updates. If you have jumped over to Making Mia - and I hope that you have - then you will see that things are very complex and I am trying not to write myself into a corner with Going Grey. As you can see, we have had a big reveal here which I have a long way to get to in Making Mia so I hope that I don't end up changing direction before I get to it.  
**_

_**Thanks for the wonderful reviews. I love each and every comment and they really do help me to shape the story and refine the storytelling. Guest Reviewer (I really wish you would log in so I could address you properly) thank you for letting me know that you still saw Kate in a negative light. Your comments made me stop and think about how to allow Kate to redeem herself in her chapter. Grief is a strange beast that takes hold of people in different ways. This can mean weeks to some people while for others it takes years. For example, I don't think that Grace has ever really dealt with her grief and I wonder if there isn't three decades of held back mourning that isn't going to send her into a melt down at some point. Kate is actually doing very well considering but John Flynn warned her a couple of chapters ago that there was going to be a catalytic event for her. He could see that she hadn't really dealt with it. And just because she has gone through this event now does not mean that sadness will not take hold of her from time to time in her future. What it has done is provide the impetus for more conversation between her and Ana which is coming. I promise. **_

_**Thanks again to you all for your continued patience and support. Sasha xox  
**_


	16. Chapter 16: Leave Out All The Rest

_**I dreamed I was missing**_  
_**You were so scared**_  
_**But no one would listen**_  
_**'Cause no one else cared**_

_**After my dreaming**_  
_**I woke with this fear**_  
_**What am I leaving**_  
_**When I'm done here?**_

_**So if you're asking me**_  
_**I want you to know**_

_**When my time comes**_  
_**Forget the wrong that I've done**_  
_**Help me leave behind some**_  
_**Reasons to be missed**_  
_**And don't resent me**_  
_**And when you're feeling empty**_  
_**Keep me in your memory**_  
_**Leave out all the rest**_  
_**Leave out all the rest**_

_**Don't be afraid**_  
_**I've taken my beating**_  
_**I've shared what I've made**_  
_**I'm strong on the surface**_  
_**Not all the way through**_  
_**I've never been perfect**_  
_**But neither have you**_

_**So if you're asking me**_  
_**I want you to know**_

_**Leave Out All The Rest - Linkin Park**_

* * *

Dwelling too much on the craziness of the past twenty four hours is making my head spin. I'm trying to keep myself together as I prop up a wall and watch my fiancée wearing a path in the waiting room floor. Waiting just adds to the head games and Kate's brain is obviously working overtime as she vents her spleen in random outbursts to no one in particular.

"They're married? Married? How long?" She has been on a loop for hours. "And Ana, what the hell was she thinking? On what planet was going it alone with Jack Hyde going to be a smart idea?" Any moment she will stop in the middle of the space, arms thrown wide, and glare at me as if I have an answer. I didn't have one yesterday, I didn't have one three hours ago. I wish she would give it a fucking rest!

Before she can build up another head of steam, I make another half-hearted attempt to pull her down from orbit. It's like stalking an angry lioness. Do I go for the element of surprise or keep my movements slow and steady? I'm pretty sure I'm fucked either way. Sure enough, as I go to wrap her up in my arms she pushes back from me angrily. "Don't touch me, Elliot. Just don't touch me."

"Jesus, Kate, what the hell have I done wrong?" Pointless statement. This isn't about me. One thing I have learned in these past few months of living with her is that Kate on a tirade is seldom rational. For the life of me I don't get why I find this so sexy. I have to be careful not to laugh 'cos she will come at me with claws out. _Why does that sound hot?_ _I wonder if there's a quiet supply cupboard I can whip her off to? Down boy, she catches sight of you and we'll be walking funny for a month. _Timing is everything.

"You know what you have done wrong." Her hands are up in front of her chest. I stand my ground and cross my arms over my body. I'm going for patient but this is bordering on insane. _Are you seriously gonna risk it?_

"No, I seriously don't know, so why don't you enlighten me Kate?" The words are out before I can pull them back. Her eyes widen for a moment and I am certain I am about to lose a nutsack then she frowns.

"You…you…oopf!" _Fucking cute and sexy! Don't laugh. For fuck's sake, Grey, don't you dare laugh._

"Well, that's articulate," I murmur. Stopping mid-stride I feel the weight of her glare - _oh shit! -_ and then we are back to pacing again. At that moment Ethan comes out from Mia's room. Kate turns toward him and I get ready to intervene.

"How is she?" _Oh, so you'll rant and rave at me but you're all gentle and calm with him._

"She's still feeling the effects of the drug but she is okay. I think they're letting her out this evening." Running a hand through his hair, he looks absolutely shattered. He catches my eye, looking at me for some reassurance and as much as I like him I'm still a little pissed at the bomb he dropped on Kate yesterday. "Elliot, I appreciate you not saying anything to your parents about me and Mia." _Not sure if I am keeping my trap shut for you or Mia, my friend, so don't get too excited._

"Listen, buddy. I haven't said anything because it isn't my place and quite frankly I think you need to face their wrath by yourselves. That doesn't mean that I am happy about any of this and you need to work out pretty damn fast when you're both gonna give a full explanation." He nods grimly before heading off down the corridor in search of coffee. Kate is staring at me, hands on hips, looking particularly grim. "What?"

"You're just going to let him get away with that? No explanation?"

_"_He's your brother, you ask him_." _I shrug and that is enough to have her all up in my face thumping her pointy digit in my chest.

"They. Are. Married."

I grab hold of her finger and point mine at her chest. "I. Know."

"Well…Don't you care that your little sister shacked up with a man that she hardly knows and didn't bother to tell you?"

_"_You are being unreasonable because you're upset and worried but this shit has to stop." She turns her back on me in a huff. I place my hands carefully on her shoulders. She needs to know that I get this, I really do…but I'm not going to stay in the firing line. "Babe, the last I checked, they are both consenting adults and think about it. And how much shacking up have you seen them do in the past few weeks."

_She starts foot tapping? Seriously? Foot tapping? _

"Look, Mia married _your_ brother and I'm fairly sure that makes him okay in my book since he happens to be related to the woman I love. Yes, I am pissed at them for not telling us but for whatever reason, they chose to keep it a secret from everyone and we have to respect their decision. They will tell us when they are good and ready. Now drop it Kate, you are not going to win."

"God, Elliot. What is it with your family and secrets?" She looks up into my face and for once seems to see that I am deadly serious about this. Frowning at the ground, she pouts,"I'm still pissed."

"I know, baby. But Ethan didn't put Mia in hospital. So if you're going to get pissed you need to be pissed at that fucker, Hyde." I notice Ethan has returned and is standing in the doorway to the waiting room looking very sheepish. Luckily Kate hasn't seen him but if that guilty look means what I think it does then I will kill the little bastard. He gives me a pleading look then turns to go back to Mia's room. To his credit, he hasn't left her since I got the nursing staff to let him in there yesterday but I hope like hell that he isn't hanging around out of guilt.

* * *

_3am Previous morning._

_Christian shuffles into the waiting area looking like a zombie. He carries that same haunted and lost look that Ana had the night of the Charlie Tango incident. Kate is up and out of her seat instantly._

_"She stirred again briefly. Dad is sitting with her for a while." _

_Kate walks over to him and places her hands on either side of his face, leaning her forehead against his. I watch for a moment as she comforts him, both of them crying, before I have to turn away. As I stand looking out the window into the night sky, I surreptitiously wipe a little moisture from my own eyes. _

_"She's strong, Christian. She loves you so much. She will fight to come back."_

_"I'm not sure it matters, Kate. She was leaving me anyway." He sounds so hurt and desperate._

_"No. I don't believe that for a second. She was protecting the family. She was trying to save Mia. That has to be the reason why she did it. There is just no way that she would leave you willingly." To hear Kate speak, you would never guess this was the same person who was so vehement about not trusting Christian a few months ago._

_"I fucked up so badly. Even if she is fine now, she won't forgive me for what I did." I turn to face him as he says this. _Jesus fucking Christ!

_"You went to see Elena, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?" Without thinking I am across the floor, pushing Kate aside as I grab him by the collar. "You bastard." I pull my right arm back and let fly punching him across the jaw. Although there is a satisfactory snapping back of his head, it's never the same as in the movies. To his credit, he doesn't make a move to defend himself or retaliate. Instead he straightens up and stares into my eyes. Meanwhile I'm shaking my hand out, trying to ascertain if I've broken my knuckles. I watch the play of remorse across his face and I can't keep going. I don't even want to look at him anymore. Shoving him backwards in disgust, I turn back to the window. I can feel Kate's eyes drilling holes in the back of my head and then her hand is on my shoulder._

_"Babe, I'm going to go look for Grace. You guys need to talk." Placing my hand over hers I turn my head to look into her eyes. She is right. This is the conversation I have been dreading but it has to happen. When I turn to face him, Christian is sitting down, his head in his hands, nursing his sore face. Kate slides her hand down my arm finally bringing my raw knuckles to her face for a kiss. "No more fighting." I run my hands through her hair then let her go. _

_Taking a moment to gather my thoughts and build up a little courage I take in the sight of my baby brother. Regardless of all the shit surrounding his life and the crap he has put me and Mia through over the years, I love him. For a long time, I thought he had become a sorry replacement for Christopher, the little brother I lost, but he isn't. He's my friend and keeping all of this from him is doing neither of us any good any more. I stare at the floor, concentrating on breathing. _

_"She got to me too." Christian rubs his hands over his face and peers up at me obviously unsure of what I am saying. I lean back against the wall looking at him. "The year before she got to you, Elena had me."_

_His body stills. "Fuck." _You said it little brother.

_"Our affair only lasted a few months. I guess I wasn't what she was looking for and I was kind of disgusted with what she wanted from me." His head is back in his hands. It seems he can't look me in the eye. "At least I was legal."_

_Abruptly he is on his feet, body poised for a fight. I push away from the wall. If this is going to happen again then I want to be ready. I surprised him before but I have no doubt that with all that training he gets from Bastille, he would have me on the floor and screaming for my mother in less than ten seconds._

_"You need to know that I have known about her, about what she is into and what she did to you… with you… for a long time. Think about it, bro, I worked at Sirens for years, I knew about your membership at Orpheus." The color drains from his face as it twists into such an intense look of self-loathing._

_"Did you know everything? Did you know about the subs?" I see Jason hovering in the corridor and I know that I can't say everything. I won't compromise Jason and Gail._

_"No, not really, but I suspected that you either hadn't given up Elena or you hadn't given up the lifestyle."_

_"All those years you gave me shit about being gay."_

_"Yeah, well it seemed preferable to telling Mom you were fucking her best friend." Once more he is bodily on the offensive and Jason goes to step into the room. I put my hand up and signal to him to wait. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."_

_"So you've been disgusted with me for years. You hid it well. Is that what all the humor at my expense was about?" God, his voice is like ice, his eyes are so cold. That look has always intimidated me. Shit, who am I kidding. It always scared the crap out of me._

_"No. Christian, I might have hated her but I don't judge you at all."_

_"But I was into the same shit as her. Why didn't you hate me?"_

_"Are you a pedophile? Do you fuck other men's wives?" He glares._

_"Elena doesn't fuck married men." I stare him down. Telling him about Dad would be wrong. But he needs to know what an evil troll Elena really is._

_"Are you sure about that?" I see the uncertainty there. Hopefully he gets that I might know a bit more about the bitch than he does._

_"You know what I am… the things I have done. How can you not be disgusted by that?"_

_"Hell, I've seen and tried enough kink over the years to know that there is more to BDSM than most people know. Jesus, you don't become an exotic dancer in a sex club without there being a few things that you see and learn. But you knew that didn't you?" I am not going to mention the installation of the red room. I refuse to discuss the Harvard incident. But Sirens and Elena are neutral territory here. I just want that fucking bitch out of our lives once and for all._

_"The dancing? Yeah. I know that was how you got the money to bail me out. I guess I never wanted to know much more, although I used to watch you whenever we came to the club." Now it's my turn to be surprised. "You were really good at it. I figured it was something that you enjoyed. I never wanted you to give it up because of anyone in the family finding out."_

_"Mia knew. I am not sure she understood what it meant but she had to know my performance schedule for those nights when she needed to call me." He nods and that intense look of remorse washes across his face. _

_"Yeah, I knew." Mia's husky whisper echoes in the space. Barefoot and in a hospital gown she is leaning heavily on Ethan as they walk through to where we are._

_"What are you doing out of bed?" Christian asks as he stands. I move over and take her other arm, carefully supporting her._

_"I couldn't sleep. I've been sleeping enough and I heard you guys talking." The rasping is followed up with a coughing fit. Christian moves quickly to bring her water from the cooler. She takes a sip then hands the cup back. "Thanks. Now, I'd like you both to meet my husband?"_

_Christian and I glance at each other silently taking dibs as to gets to grill them first. I wait but Christian doesn't make a move to talk. So I start._

_"How long have you two…?" I am trying to keep my voice level but I'm still a little pissed at her not telling us. Then I think of all the things I still haven't told Christian. That I won't tell him. Maybe not knowing this one secret is okay. Christian's silence through all of this is unnerving. Normally he would be the first to jump down Ethan's throat about secret weddings and Mia's safety. I wonder why he is being so quiet. _

_"Does it matter?" A look passes between my brother and sister before Christian raises his eyebrow as he glances back at me again. Then it hits me. He knew. The fucker knew. Jesus, I was practically living in the same apartment with her and he damn well knew before me._

_"Fuck. And you knew?" I turn to Christian._

_"Hey, I only found out a few weeks ago. I swear." A few weeks ago. So they were married before Christian and Ana?_

_"But that means that you… Oh Christ, how did I not know this?"_

_"I don't want to go into detail but Ethan and I have known each other for years. Look Elliot, we have a lot to tell you but not right now and the less Mom and Dad know the better." She looks a little worried about what I might do._

_"You scared, baby girl?" _

_"Yeah, but not for the reason you might think. You are just going to have to trust us. There will be a right time but now isn't it." Her voice is soft like she's placating a child. She may as well be, given how stupid I feel for not knowing. Mia and Ethan keep their eyes on me, looking for my agreement. Eventually I nod._

_ "Okay, Coco, but there better be a damn good reason for all this cloak and dagger stuff." She steps into my arms and rests her head on my shoulder._

_ "Trust me, Lelliot, there is." I look over her shoulder at Ethan._

_ "And you. You're doing a piss poor job of looking after her." Harsh and unfair but I need to bite at someone. I know that today isn't her fault. Or his. _

_ "If I could have kept her safe today, I would have. I want you to know that." To his credit, Ethan looks sick. He's taking it hard. _

_ "Elliot. I can't explain any more than this. Today, I put myself in Jack Hyde's path deliberately, against the Ethan's wishes. I can't tell you any more than that so please don't ask. He tried to stop me. He loves me."_

_ "Fuck Mia. This better be a fucking amazing explanation when the time comes."_

_ Christian steps towards us, wrapping his arms around Mia's waist from behind as I continue to hold her against my chest. "I'm pretty sure we will all be amazed but right now our girl needs to get back to bed."_

_ For a moment we stand there holding each other. Mia murmurs into my chest, "I love you guys." I plant a kiss on her forehead before passing her over to Christian who does the same. Ethan steps in to take her hand and guide her back to her room._

_ After she has gone Christian turns to me, "One day soon, you and I are going to talk about everything. No more bullshit. Right now I need to get back to my wife and you need to take Kate home and get some sleep."_

* * *

Now it is getting on for five in the afternoon. Ana still hasn't come out of the coma but Mia is being discharged and that is about to cause another bun fight. Mom wants her home where she can monitor her while Ethan doesn't want to let her out of his sight. Mia has point blank refused to go back to Bellevue.

"Grace, perhaps Mia should stay out at the treehouse with us so you can spend time here with Christian and Ana. We will take good care of her I promise, and we will call you if there are any problems." Kate, who has had to take my word for the fact that Mia and Ethan have good reasons for not telling us more about their marriage, is trying to placate my mother.

"What about security? You can't keep her safe out there. I want her surrounded by the security detail that Christian has in place." Dad sounds a little desperate himself. I wonder how he deals with wanting to fiercely protect someone who can't stand to be near him[V2] .

"Dad, we've still got a security team there too. Plus we have Zeus on patrol all the time. The immediate threat is lying somewhere in this hospital under police guard so I think Mia is going to be alright." Finally they give in, realizing that Mia is going to get her way on this regardless of what they want.

My main concern is getting Mia out of Elena's way. She has called several times to check Mia's progress, being blocked each time by the enforced instructions at the nursing station. Christian has put in place a strictly no visitors policy until Ana wakes up. This has had the follow on effect of stopping Elena from visiting Mia and running into Mom.

* * *

Once Mia and Ethan are settled into their room Kate and I join Jen, Jake and Karen for a meal in the kitchen. It seems that since Kate and I have been together, they have spent more time out at the treehouse than ever before which suits me fine. In fact, we have broached the topic of them moving here on a more permanent basis which they are considering carefully. It will mean moving Jake's school but it seems that living with Jen's mom is placing a strain on their relationship.

"Babe, I am supposed to be giving that seminar tomorrow at the design conference. I think I better cancel." Kate has me booked up for months with these presentations and this is going to mean traveling up and down the coast over the next few weeks. Right now, with everything that has happened I am not sure I have it in me. And I really just want to be here for her and for Mia and Christian.

"Honey, you can't cancel. Not at this stage. Listen, Mia will be fine here with Jen and Karen and Ethan. I will go in to the hospital and you can join me there when you've finished." This would be fine but my nerves get the better of me when she is not around. I would prefer she was there with me. When I get nervous I lose my way through the notes.

"I don't know, Kate. They will understand and…"

"No! Look, I will come with you and then we can go to the hospital." I don't understand why she just won't let me cancel. These things happen. People have family emergencies every day.

"Which reminds me, I need to get that paper finished for the Australian journal tonight." And by I, I mean we, since Kate edits everything I write so that it actually makes sense.

"You know I am learning more about architectural engineering and eco-design than I ever wanted to know, don't you?"

"Yep, and when I can talk you into leaving the magazine and working with me full time I will be able to churn this stuff out a lot quicker and get it in front of a much wider audience." Since I started doing the conference circuit I've become something of a zealot. Kate suggested that writing papers for journals and magazines would help me to hone my thinking and she is right. It has had the added advantage of wising me up on the most current research. James is looking at a whole new marketing strategy around my talks and we have had interest in our methods from all over the world. Somehow I have to just make all of this work around Christian's house renovations but I am actually looking forward to getting onto a site again.

"Well, maybe that just might happen. I had a talk with your Dad about Mattie while we were at the hospital too. He is going to look into it for us."

Ethan comes out to the kitchen as we are talking. He takes the dinner plates from Mia's tray and begins to place them in the dishwasher. The guy looks so forlorn. Kate gives a shrug of her head towards the kitchen indicating that whatever is on his mind might be a guy thing before she hustles Jake and the girls off to watch tv. I start taking our dinner plates out to the kitchen.

"You okay dude?" Scraping the plate in my hand I give it a quick rinse before passing it to him to put in the machine.

"If I said, yes, would you believe me?" Ethan is always so together. The quiet observer. It always struck me as odd that he was so calm and zen-like compared to Kate's hot-headedness.

"You know she is okay. She will get over this."

"Yeah. I just…" He's holding a glass tightly in his hand. "I want to kill that fucker." The glass shatters from the pressure but he barely notices.

"Jesus, Ethan. Here." I turn the tap on and shove his hand under the water before grabbing a broom to clear away the debris. When I turn back to him he is staring at his hand almost horrified.

"He threatened to rape her. He was going to fucking rape her and then rape and kill Ana." I almost expect to see him cry. That would have been my reaction. Instead he simply looks harsh, like an avenging angel. For a moment I am shit scared that he really means to go back to the hospital and take Hyde out.

"Ethan, you have to leave this to the cops. They know what they are doing." I go to the cupboard and bring out a first aid kit. He barely notices.

"Fucking morons! Every last one of them." Once more he shocks me. I thought that Clarke and his team were doing a reasonable job of the follow up and they were certainly right on the scene with Christian when the girls were found. "She could have been raped and it all would have been for fucking nothing."

I have no idea what the hell he is talking about and all I can do is watch as he shuts off the water, wrapping his hand in a towel before picking up the kit and heading out of the room. Yep, this explanation of theirs better be fucking amazing cos I sure feel like I am missing something here.


	17. Chapter 17 You're the Best Thing

_**I could be discontent and chase the rainbows end **_  
_**I might win much more but lose all that is mine **_  
_**I could be a lot but I know I'm not **_  
_**I'm content just with the riches that you bring **_  
_**I might shoot to win and commit the sin **_  
_**Of wanting more than I've already got **_  
_**I could runaway but I'd rather stay **_  
_**In the warmth of your smile lighting up my day **_  
_**(the one that makes me say, heh) **_

_**'Cause you're the best thing that ever happened to me or my world **_  
_**You're the best thing that ever happened - so don't go away**_

_**I might be a king and steal my peoples things **_  
_**But I don't go for that power crazy way **_  
_**All that I could rule but I don't check for fools **_  
_**All that I need is to be left to live my way **_  
_**(say listen what I say) **_

_**I could chase around for nothing to be found **_  
_**But why look for something that is never there **_  
_**I may get it wrong sometimes but I'll come back in style **_  
_**For I realise your love means more than anything **_  
_**(the song you make me sing - yeah)**_

_**'Cause you're the best thing that ever happened to me or my world  
You're the best thing that ever happened - so don't go away **_

_**You're the Best Thing - The Style Council**_

* * *

Elliot holds the audience in the palm of his hand as he delivers fact after quip followed by inspirational idea. He is funny, passionate and intelligent, demonstrating a thorough knowledge based on history and good practice alongside the sparks of innovation that he has researched and developed himself. By the end of the presentation I can sense the attendees are eager to pick over his brain and he holds his own as he fields a barrage of questions from the audience. Some crusty old professor tries to trip him up on the finer details of his designs, using academic language from the ark. Elliot comes back at him without hesitation, explaining how the design of the struts counteracts the stress on the loading beams effectively demonstrating how the field of architectural engineering has moved on in practice. Although I have become his research assistant and a reader of his papers, I can only understand parts of what he is saying but the general agreement around me is that Elliot has shot Crusty down in flames.

Afterward he is invited to a lunch with the WSU Architecture Faculty who feel that they have some sort of claim on his time and his oeuvre. To my delight Elliot politely but firmly declines explaining that his sister-in-law has had an accident and we are anxious to be at the hospital as soon as possible. Although I am eternally grateful that he has resisted them, I am wondering if this refusal is going to cost us in the long run when two middle aged men approach me.

"Miss Kavanagh, another wonderful presentation. May I introduce Professor Damien Kuiper from the engineering faculty at Technical University Delft, Netherlands." The man addressing me is Professor John Sharp from Southern California Institute of Architecture. He has been instrumental in assisting us with the academic papers that Elliot has been submitting for publication and although we have only met him face to face twice he is fast becoming a friend. At that moment Elliot extricates himself from an over-eager group of developers who have stalled him with more questions and requests for information, and wanders over to where we are standing.

"John good to see you." Now that his presentation is over Elliot has relaxed into his charming and affable self. I couldn't be more proud of him. He shakes John's hand enthusiastically. "Thanks for coming along to the session."

"I wouldn't have missed it Elliot. And this is Damien Kuiper." Elliot's face lights up completely. Damien Kuiper has been a face at the end of the Skype calls but now they are meeting face to face and it is obvious that both men are extremely affected by this.

"Yes, of course, Damien, so nice to meet you in the flesh." Damien, John and Elliot have been having some intensive conversations that have often turned into good natured debates so they know each other reasonably well if only at a distance. A look of consternation washes over Elliot's face. "Look, I would love to catch up with you both but we are due at the hospital. Can we meet you tomorrow night for dinner?"

"Yes, of course. I hope it's nothing serious." The story hit the news rather quickly yesterday after talking with my father and Christian's assistant Andrea. We worked on the press release together, keeping the details factually accurate and the hype out of it. It seemed better for everyone concerned if we were able to give the press what they needed rather than wait for the hacks to make something up.

"A family crisis that luckily seems to be about to have a happy outcome but I hope you'll forgive us for wanting to join our family during the vigil. We have it on good authority that everyone will be home safely this evening. Tomorrow Kate and I would be happy to show you a little of Seattle's hospitality." The arrangements are quickly made and we depart making it to the hospital in record time. As we drive I think about the professional Elliot versus the private Elliot and smile at how well he switches between each persona.

* * *

This morning was a little crazy at the treehouse. We woke up early to discover a note left by Mia and Ethan on the table. At some point in the night they had decamped back to Bellevue which I know would have made Grace happy and Ethan uncomfortable. When we arrive at the waiting room around noon Carrick and Grace are sitting quietly, looking better than they were yesterday but still anxious and tired. Grace stands and walks straight into Elliot's arms while I quickly greet Carrick with a kiss to the cheek. He ushers me to sit down next to him, a far cry from the mistrust that he may have had for me a few weeks ago.

"Any news?" Ana had only woken up last night and although the doctors were convinced that both she and the baby would make a full recovery we are all still anxious for an all clear.

"Yes, she's being discharged this afternoon. They are just waiting on the most recent scan to come back."

"Have you been here all morning?"

"No, I came in early then I had to be in court by 9am. Grace wanted to come and check progress for herself. Looks like we will be heading off soon. Grace is eager to get home to check on Mia. How did he go this morning?" Carrick keeps his voice low so that Elliot can't hear. I have my reasons for keeping my plans secret from Elliot and Carrick agrees with me.

"Good. Really good. In fact, great. If we can keep up with the schedule and he can keep the momentum going on his research then it could all be through in the two year time frame that we set. John seems fairly confident." I only know this from the massive grin and thumbs up that John gave me when he brought Damien over to meet me this morning. I had no idea the complexity of what we were trying to achieve but John has negotiated all of the finer details and I trust his knowledge of and enthusiasm for Elliot's work.

Carrick's hand goes to my knee giving a loving pat. "I can't tell you again how grateful I am to you, Kate. It seems that I am saying that a lot lately. To you and Ana." Yes, Carrick Grey may very well be an academic snob but he loves his family and he wants them to be recognized for their talents. I sense that he often feels that he failed them all as a father. Yet, I look at the man Elliot has become and I see that he couldn't have arrived to where he is now without having taken on some of the best parts of Carrick and Grace. The only caveat that I set on this whole scheme when I first spoke to Carrick about it was that no one would put pressure on Elliot in the process. If he thought this was a high stakes game then he would crack. It doesn't have to be that way.

"Just remember that if at any stage he decides that he isn't enjoying the work any more then we have to let it go. The only time we have issues is when he is tired, bored or stressed. The two Johns are monitoring his progress in different ways and we have to trust that they will know if it is getting on top of him." Carrick nods giving one more pat before he removes his hand. At least he seems to understand who is driving this bus.

At that moment Grace gets summoned by one of the nurses and Elliot walks over and joins us.

"What are you two whispering about?" He sits down on the other side of me and drapes an arm across the back of my chair. I lean back into his warmth and he absently strokes my shoulder.

"You. Your Dad was just asking how the seminar went this morning." Elliot smiles. There is a sense of pride in a job well done. He deserves to feel good about the way he delivered to such a mixed audience. He and Carrick launch into a full discussion as I sit and listen. Carrick is incredibly proud of his boys, it filters through his eyes whenever they have these conversations and for all the tension of recent discoveries, Elliot still sparks under his father's considered interest in his life and work. I remember that first family dinner that Ana and I attended when Carrick made sure that each of his children got a chance to shine in the conversation. I know things appear to be better with Mia now than they were then but somehow I think that she and Carrick still have a way to go.

After a little while Grace comes back to the waiting room looking more calm and relaxed. Carrick is up out of the seat quickly to draw her into his arms. Simultaneously, Elliot pulls me protectively into his shoulder. These Grey men certainly know how to make their women feel cherished.

Grace smiles. "Ana is fine and the baby's heart is strong. Another hour or so and Dr Singh will sign the discharge papers. Kate, do you want to go and see her?. Just between you and me I think Christian is driving her a little crazy." I laugh as I move to stand and then it dawns on me what I am about to do freezing me for a moment in my seat.

Elliot gives my hand a squeeze. As much as I am worried about Ana and dying to see for myself that she is alright, this is a moment I haven't exactly mentally prepared myself for. Carrick gives me a hand up and Grace's hand reaches over to touch my face.

"You'll be fine sweetheart. We love you and you don't have to stay longer than five minutes. Don't do or say anything that is going to upset you." Grace doesn't know about my meltdown as far as I know but it seems that they both understand exactly how I will be feeling right now and they aren't judging me for it.

"I…I can't." Elliot pulls me into an embrace as I choke out a sob. "I thought I could but I…"

"Shh, it's alright, sweetheart." I feel so petty and mean and these wonderful people are being so understanding. She is my best friend and I nearly lost her. That should trump any of the jealousy I might feel over her healthy pregnancy but somehow the emotion of the last two days is all too much.

"Kate, she doesn't even have to know that you are here. Christian is keeping her pretty closely guarded. How about we go home and wait a couple of days?" Carrick is soothing me, running his hand through my hair as Elliot holds me. "You can decide if you want to tell her anything at all. She doesn't have to know about the baby yet."

But she is my best friend and she does need to know. The sooner the better but perhaps right now, while she is dealing with her own emotional shit storm, it might not be the time to unload all of this on her.

* * *

Late in the afternoon we are back at the treehouse sitting on the deck looking out at the Sound. The water is calm and a gentle breeze ruffles through Zeus' fur. Once more he sits with his giant head in my lap as Elliot hands me my cup of tea. I wave at Jake and Karen down in the garden digging up weeds. The sound of Jen and TJ's banter filters through from the kitchen as they prepare dinner.

"Kitten, I don't think you should say anything to Ana yet. She's been through a lot these last few days. I just don't know what purpose it would serve." His warm hand covers mine but his eye is on Jake who has wandered down towards the water.

"I know. I'm torn because of all of the secrets we have been keeping from each other. Ana and I have never been like this." It hurts to think that we aren't telling each other everything any more. I take a sip of my tea and Zeus raises his head to look at me. Elliot signals for him to go and he dutifully trots down to find Jake.

"Perhaps you need to think of it as keeping your private life private. Just because you've always been immersed in a world that thrived on gossip and and now your job is about uncovering information, doesn't mean that you can't find some sort of balance. Maybe it starts with Ana."

I think about the carefully crafted press release and how Dad, Andrea and I worked together to create it. There was a lot that wasn't said in it. Then I think about Christian's NDA culture and how my initial reaction was that he had gagged Ana but now I see that it protects her and the thousands of people who work for him as much as it protects his interests.

"I think there's a difference between privacy and honesty but somehow the timing doesn't feel right. I'm not ready to tell her and she's definitely not ready to hear. Besides, she hasn't officially told me about the baby. We only know because of Christian putting his giant foot in it."

"True. So you'll wait until she tells you? That could be a couple of months away yet. Are you going to be okay with that? If it is eating away at you isn't she going to be able to tell?" He's right. How do I hide that sort of emotion from one of the few people who knows so me well?

"Somehow I will have to get her to tell me about the baby first and then she and I can really talk. I won't betray Christian by telling her that I already know." Elliot stops his cup midway to his mouth and stares at me open-mouthed. "What?" His mouth snaps shut and he sits back in his chair with a dopey grin before glancing at me again.

"I just never thought I would see the day when you decide to protect Christian." His smile lights his face up from within. This means a lot to him. We both fall silent again, breathing in the fresh air off the ocean and enjoying a relative calm. Just as a plan starts to formulate in my head Elliot's phone breaks into our reverie.

"Elliot. Speak to me." I smile thinking how he hardly ever checks to see who it is. "Hey Coco. How are you feeling?"

His eyes dart to mine as he listens. "I don't know. Don't you think we should leave them…oh, oh…" Now he has my full attention. I mouth 'what' to him and he holds up a finger to halt me while he sits up and leans on his knees.

"Right. Well, in that case, yeah, we'll be there soon." Where? He cuts the connection, pocketing his phone and looks at me. "Seems that Christian's security guy, Welch, has found some new information and Christian has called Dad. They're heading to Escala soon but Mia thinks we should be there as well. You up for it?"

* * *

If this is about Hyde then I want to know. Within an hour we are on the road arriving at Escala in record time. The paps are still out on the street so we enter the parking building to find one of Christian's security team there to greet us. He valet's the car for us as we head upstairs.

Mia, Ethan and Ana are beavering away in the kitchen preparing food. Christian, Grace and Carrick are nowhere to be seen. When she sees me Mia comes bounding around the kitchen bench to give me a hug.

"Kate! God, it is good to see you." I am wondering where the serious and circumspect Mia is from last night. Perhaps the meds are kicking in. Then she whispers,"They're in the study. Hey Lelliot!" She leans in and gives him a big hug then when she pulls out with her back still to Ana she gives us a wink. So we are expected to play along with...?

I laugh. "You look a lot more with it today, Mia." Her big grin doesn't quite make it to her eyes. This is such an act and I wonder if there is something I am missing. "Hey Ethan."

"Hi guys." Ethan seems pretty tight-lipped and he is hovering around Ana and Mia like a mother hen. Guess the protectiveness doesn't just apply to the Grey men.

"So what have we missed?" This earns him a WTF glare from Mia, Ethan and I. He shrugs and Ana seems oblivious as she passes a plate to Mia to put on the table. "Where's Christian and the 'rents?"

"Oh, they've sequestered themselves into Christian's war room. Seems everyone is in the mood to carry out secret men's business today." She can't quite filter the bitterness out of her voice as she glares at Ethan. Shit! Given the mood he was in last night I just hope that he hasn't tried to confront Jack Hyde. He'll be completely out of his depth if he does. Jack is pure evil. The only thing stopping me asking which way Ethan would like me to kick his butt is the thought that he wouldn't have been able to get past the police guard on Jack's room.

"Mia, how about you and Elliot sort out drinks for everyone. Ethan can you keep moving these plates over to the table. I am sure that the others will be finished soon." Ana's voice is a quiet authoritative calm against Mia's bluster. Mia nods and drags Elliot over to the table to pour the champagne that has been set out there. Ethan loads up on plates and gingerly walks over to the overlarge table.

Right now I am pissed at Ethan so I use it to my advantage with Ana. She will be expecting my usual righteous indignation over her stunt, not the more introspective and considered approach that has become part of my MO since the miscarriage.

"What were you thinking, Ana?" I raise my voice slightly enough to make the other three look over at us.

"Kate, please. I've had the same lecture from everyone!" I try glaring at her but in the end I can't keep up the pretense. I am just so grateful to have her safe and healthy. I wrap her in my arms.

"Jeez - sometimes you don't have the brains you were born with, Steele," I whisper against her cheek, unable to stop the tears completely. "I've been so worried about you."

"Don't cry. You'll set me off." We both step back trying to pull ourselves together. Now I put part of my plan into action.

"On a more positive note, we've set a date for our wedding. We thought next May? And of course I want you to be my matron of honor." I sense Elliot staring at me across the room. He knows darn well that the wedding is much sooner than May. In fact, making the decision last week we have all but got the whole event mapped out for November, we just have to get James and Leana on board to help out. I look over at him and see the moment when Elliot realizes what I am doing. He grins and shakes his head. Meanwhile Ana is looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"Oh…Kate…Wow. Congratulations!" She looks a little sick and I can see her working out the dates. She will be as big as a house in May. No chance of being part of the wedding party.

"What is it?" I ask as innocently as I can. This is it. She is going to confess and I will need to be really happy for her. Shit, can I do this?

"Um…I'm just so happy for you. Some good news for a change." She wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a hug and all I can do is stare dumbfounded at Elliot. She isn't going to say a word. Damn!

Elliot watches us and then a smile creeps on to his face. What is he going to do? He walks over and passes me a glass of champagne as Ana and I pull apart again. Then he hands the other glass to Ana who looks like a deer in the headlights. Good move babe, I mentally high five him and he gives me a cheeky wink. At that moment Christian emerges from the study with his parents looking like he has been punched in the gut. Then his eyes widen as he sees the glass in Ana's hand.

The hostile look he throws me could fix global warming. "Kate." My name sounds like a curse on his lips. Well, there is a great fuck you, lady. Elliot looks ready to place himself in the firing line.

"Christian." I am wondering what I thought I was protecting him from. I glare back. For fuck's sake, Grey, why don't you just trust me? He catches a look from Elliot then mumbles something about meds to Ana while Grace gives her the okay to have a small sip simultaneously dragging her back into the kitchen.

Elliot looks at me and shrugs. Well, that plan didn't exactly work out but maybe in a couple of days Ana might feel compelled to say something, then she and I can have our heart to heart. I decide to drop it as I follow them out to the kitchen and Elliot distracts Christian with talk about the latest football game. Neither of them are that interested as they surreptitiously eye their women. Carrick seems to have caught on to the mood in the room is quietly laughing to himself and shaking his head. Ethan is quietly watching, but uncharacteristically surly.

After we have all eaten and settled back in the living room Christian shares the news that Welch has given him.

"It seems that Jack Hyde and I were very briefly in the same foster family in Detroit." Well, this is a pin dropping silence. We all just stare at each other. Everyone except Christian who is looking a little green around the gills as his eyes focus pointedly on the photo in his hand. Ana is rubbing his back comforting him. Eventually he hands the photo to Elliot. Obviously Grace and Carrick have studied this carefully. Mia and Ethan look as if they are sharing some silent conversation. I just want to see that photo.

Eventually Elliot hands it to me. There is a little boy, obviously Christian but he looks less than the four years old that I know he would have been in this photo. He looks more like a two year old and my heart aches to think of how horrific his first few years must have been to have been so obviously malnourished. My mind immediately thinks of Mattie accompanied by that ever present ache to hold him in my arms. Elliot places a steadying hand on my shoulder. He's feeling it too.

"I don't remember much about that time. I guess I was too busy trying to shut down the months leading up to then." Christian's voice is quiet, deep in thought, blanched with pain. Much as I might want to know the gory details as a reporter, as his sister and friend I wish I could just make it all go away. Well, there's an epiphanal moment for you. His sister. His friend. And I know that is what I want to be more than anything in this world, to the poor shattered man who loves my dear, dear friend more than his own life.

* * *

Back at the treehouse we prepare quietly to go to bed. Ethan and Mia have gone back to Bellevue again and the rest of our house guests are long ago settled for the night. I finish in the bathroom and head out to the bedroom where Elliot is reading, wearing his colored glasses. Since he has been working with John Flynn, Elliot has been overcoming many of the psychological blocks that he has had about reading. Including making use of the special glasses that allow him to see text in a more stable form. He doesn't have to wear them all the time but they help when he is tired. For Elliot, much of his resistance has been around the stigma attached to dyslexia rather than his actual difficulties. Since he has unpacked a lot of this with Dr Flynn he is less resistant to reading and I notice that he studies more and more now that he is writing and presenting his work.

He smiles as I approach the bed with my hair brush, pushing aside his work and taking it from me. I sit down between his legs with my back to him and he begins the long soothing strokes.

"I love your hair." You think holding it up to your face and sniffing it on a regular basis along with the endless kissing of the top of my head isn't a dead giveaway?

"I know." My hands go to his knees and stroke down his legs to his feet. I pick up right his foot and bring it to my lap as I begin massaging. "I love your feet. You have very sexy feet."

"Sexy feet. Oh well, I guess I can live with that. Should I leave my shoes off more often?"

"No. I'd never get anything done. They are such a distraction." He laughs.

"Do you think your little plan is going to work?"

"With Ana?" He leans in to kiss me on the cheek. I relax back into his arms. "I'd give her a week maybe and she will feel that she needs to confess. If not, I can always rope Mom in with a skinny dress design that she won't have a hope of fitting or letting out. She'll have to say something sooner or later."

"Are you going to be okay?" A little shiver goes down my spine. That is always the million dollar question. "She's my friend, my sister. I'll cope. And our family is going to be there to help with that."

He tips me to the side and lays me back in his arm slightly, stroking his hand down my face and neck before placing an open-mouth kiss on my throat. His hand continues down over my chest before brushing down the side of my breast.

"I love you, Kitten." He lifts his head to look into my eyes and I love what I see in those blue depths. A sparkle, a light and love. Lots and lots of love.

"Ditto." My hand palms the side of his face pulling him into my whisper before I press against his mouth, thrusting my tongue up to meet his. We make out for a few minutes, our mouths mingling, our hands wandering. There is time, plenty of time. His hand slides down between my legs gently stroking through the wet folds. It doesn't take him long to have me peaking into gentle pulsing orgasms around his fingers.

After a while he brings me back upright. "Turn around baby." He slides the sheets down, showing me that he has nothing on, just a smile and a big ass erection. "Come sit with me."

I straddle his hips and slide down onto his long hard cock. A groan rumbles from the depths of his chest making me smile. I love his reaction to that moment when I sheath him. When he finally opens his eyes and looks at me I am undone. No one gets to see this side of him but me. The intensity is mind blowing as he draws me in.

Slowly, steadily I ride him, letting him feel every tender sensation of my vaginal walls gripping him. I focus all of my energy on tightening and pulling with my internal muscles, drawing his orgasm towards me. Throwing my head back, I close my eyes and focus on the sensations.

"Stop taking control, Kate." He has one hand on my neck the other on my hip. "Look at me." I resist a little more before he stills underneath me. "Look at me." He growls and I do.

"We do this together. Not for each other but with each other." Both hands are on my head now as he steadies me, ensuring that my eyes stay on his. Even when he leans in to kiss me his eyes don't change focus. "Stay with me, baby. I want to see you come."

As we start to move again, my body rocking against his with gentle waves that press my clit against his pubic bone. I feel the angle differently inside of me. I move a little, tilting my hips forward and his dick hits a sweet spot inside me. I gasp and he moans but our eyes stay focused. He sees the exquisite sensation register on my face every time he hits the spot and his concentration is incredible as he reads my body.

"Ah, fuck, that's it baby. Feel that?" I nod, there are no words for this. It is driving me out of my mind. Once we find that point with more consistency he begins to speed up ramming himself against me until I think I will die before I come. Still our eyes remain focused. "Come on, babe, come with me. Come. With. Me."

With three more deep, hard thrusts he carries us both over into a soul deep explosion that has us shuddering against each other. I can feel the warmth of fluids between us and I suspect that it is not all just him. His tongue is thrusting into my mouth as he nips and bites and sucks on my lips. His hands tumble through my hair, pulling and stroking, his long fingers massaging my scalp. We remain like this long after our bodies have stopped spasming beneath us. Just kissing deeply, thoroughly.

"Promise me you will stay with me." His voice is a whisper in the dark as we hold each other, my body draped over his in the aftermath of making love.

"I already promised you forever." I whisper back wondering why after such a bone shattering session of lovemaking that neither of us is sleeping.

"I just always feel like you are about to pull away. That you still get scared of what you feel for me and you want to run." This is the most honest that he has been in a long time. We've both been through a lot emotionally. More than either of us ever expected but I can see that his focus has been so much on me and my state of mind that he must constantly be on edge wondering which way I am going to turn next. Another sign that I have so much growing up to do.

"Elliot, I'm not going anywhere. I am committed to building a life with you. Yes, I am still skittish about that but I am learning, I promise. I have always wanted a love like this but I've been afraid to reach out and grab it. Afraid to trust. You show me every day that I can trust you."

"What, even Elliot Man-whore Grey?" I pull one of his few chest hairs at that one. "Ow. Evil woman. I suppose you're collecting those for your voodoo dolls." I pull another one.

"So are you saying that I need to worry about your man-whore past? Are you going to cheat on me?" His body stills for a moment and then he rolls me over and looks at me through the gloom.

"When I first saw you, ordering Jose and his friend around in that hotel suite, I can't explain how much that sight took my breath away. It was like a sucker-punch in the gut. I knew, I just knew, okay? In a way that I have never ever felt with any other woman in my life. You, and only you, were going to be it for me. If you had turned me down I don't know what would have become of me. I probably would have cheated on the next woman I dated simply because I couldn't have you."

"I feel that, babe. Even when other guys are flirting or trying to pick me up, I don't have any trouble resisting. There is nothing to resist because you block out everyone else for me. You're like this massive sun that I just have to orbit around and all I want to do is feel your warmth on me. Even when we've been at our worst, you draw me back in like I have nowhere else in the world to belong."

"Massive, huh?" I feel his chuckle.

"Oh, huge." His lips descend on mine gently.

"How huge?" He whispers.

"Ginormous. Bigger than a girl has a right to hope for." I smile into his kiss.

"Ginormous. I like that." I feel him harden against my leg.

"Me too." I thrust against him.

Well, be careful what you wish for little girl." He growls as his ginormous appendage slides into home.


	18. Chapter 18: He Ain't Heavy

_**A/N: Life is busy, time is short, this is rushed so it is probably awful but please review. Sasha x  
**_

* * *

_**So on we go  
His welfare is of my concern  
No burden is he to bear  
We'll get there  
For I know  
He would not encumber me  
He ain't heavy, he's my brother**_

_**He ain't heavy - The Hollies**_

* * *

Dinner with John and Damien is intense but in that good way that has your engine revved up and ready for action. In the end they both want to come out and see the treehouse first hand and Kate, being the amazing partner in crime that she is, extends the invitation to staying with us while they are in town. This gives them the opportunity to study the plans against the build and put the design under some heavy analysis. I'd be nervous but I know my baby can stand up to the scrutiny.

"You know Elliot, it looks like we are going to get that funding for our research program. I would love to have your input as an external consultant." Damien is pouring more of the fine red that he brought along to accompany the meal. He is an enthusiastic drinker and a more enthusiastic talker.

"So explain the way it all works to me again. What would being an external consultant mean?" Damien looks to John who takes up the slack.

"The two departments have a MOU…"

"A memorandum of understanding." Kate interjects.

"Yes, a memorandum of understanding in place that allows us to transfer research funding and supervision of higher research students between the two universities. It makes our lives easier from a logistical point of view because we are able to draw on the partnership to go for bigger funding opportunities. This one is big and we will have a number of external agencies across both countries. Basically our primary partner is the OECD. They are looking to create template plans for cost effective innovative learning spaces and medical facilities across underdeveloped countries. The types of building that will allow for greater flexibility and sustainability in a wide range of geographical locations. Everything has to be flexible enough to allow for context. Local materials, local labor. It all has to be economically viable."

"Sounds simple enough but I don't understand my role. I don't do schools or hospitals."

"Well, we are only one part of a much broader research program. For example, with the schools, other aspects of the research are emerging from education sectors. The third pillar has to be around what they call pedagogical design. Designing with the best practice in teaching and learning in mind. So you see my friend, architecture, engineering, environmental science and education are all coming together for the greater good. So we are now looking to extend the research around the whole notion of community capacity through rebuilding and regeneration which would include housing. You would be one of many who would contribute ideas of how to make this work."

"Why me? I have a small but successful boutique construction company. I'm not even an architect."

"Our partners are excited about your innovations for the domestic market. They are more excited by the cost effectiveness of those innovations at every step of the build. Often we see costs saved in the long run being eaten up heavily in the initial stages of the build. Economically disadvantaged communities can't afford heavy outlay to save money later. The review committee was impressed at the body of work that you have presented and published already. Your credentials are in the work you have already completed. The Haiti project has people sitting up and taking notice."

Kate is quietly beaming from ear to ear. Haiti has been about recycling materials from the earthquake. Not only was it expedient to do so but it was necessary as there was simply nowhere to dispose of the rubble. The clean up and salvage crews have ended up providing mass employment for the locals, and the build crews while made up of experienced volunteers are also training local workers in construction. Not only that but the research funding that Christian put into WSU allowed for the design and implementation of simple processes that would ensure buildings were more likely to survive future earthquake damage.

"This won't be all academic talk and no action, will it?" My biggest concern is having my time sucked away from the thing I love the most. If I am involved I want it to be a tangible outcome. Design and build, not just research about designing and building that goes nowhere.

"Of course, the way we want to structure our research program is to have a series of research pilots within the larger OECD project. That would mean taking the research ideas out into the field, trying them out and then reporting back. We need people who know what they are doing and who are prepared to do it in places of disadvantage. Haiti would become part of that process. The extent of our ability to do this will depend on funding but we are working with philanthropic investors to gather as much as we can."

"Have you approached GEH?" A look passes between the two men. I feel a surge of disappointment. I am only being included here to secure a donation from Christian. Kate looks slightly alarmed too.

"Please don't misunderstand, Elliot. We have deliberately not approached GEH because we want you on this team. We didn't want you to feel that you were being compromised in any way. You participation is the not negotiable part for us. We are still looking to secure the funding elsewhere." John is one of the most sincere and genuine people I know and right now I could kiss the little hairy bastard's feet. It's like he knows my one insecurity and has viewed it as important enough to deal with it. That gives me everything I need to know.

"Well, in that case, I guess I am in. Tell me where I sign up." Both men look at each other and then at Kate and I with huge grins. I can't leave them hanging. "Oh, and I will set up a meeting with Christian. He will be severely pissed off if he thought he couldn't contribute to a project like this because of his relationship with me."

* * *

"TJ, gimme an update man." TJ has been acting project manager and heading the demo crew working on Christian's mansion throughout the previous fortnight. Either James or I check the site at least once a day but neither one of us has had the time to be here all day, every day. I don't know whether it is the relief that Ana is okay or guilt over not being more hands on but I figure now is a good time to dedicate myself to this job. Luckily my crews aren't likely to crack the shits with the boss on deck.

"Sure. We're on schedule. The demo work is on the main living area is almost complete and we are already ahead on the reroof."

"Bathrooms and kitchen?"

"Gutted and the plumbing and electrical is all being moved Wednesday."

"What about the repile?"

"All ready to go. They'll start on that tomorrow and then the new support beams will come in early next week." Gia's plans are sound but Ana has already okayed the little extras. Of course, Christian, not to be outdone has put in a few surprises of his own. Fundamentally I redraw whatever they decide needs to be changed and put them through to be permitted so Gia doesn't need to spend any more time on site than strictly necessary. Both Ana and Kate are happier to know this.

"What about security?"

"We fixed that issue with the western perimeter and Christian sent some dude out here with surveillance cameras to make sure that all the fences are covered." Christian's preoccupation with security is a management headache for TJ but we have reached a compromise on an overnight security team and the perimeter cameras. Given Jack Hyde's ability to infiltrate all things GEH I am not surprised by the attention to detail that Welch and Christian have placed on this job. "The problem is going to be around access for the crews and the deliveries. If we have to keep punching in security codes and double checking every shipment and supplier then we are going to have some issues with the project management schedule."

"Look, there might be some easing on that but I need to talk to Christian and his people first to see how things lie." After Ana and Mia being abducted last week we don't want to take any more risks but since Jack Hyde is in custody maybe Christian will feel happier about lifting some of the restrictions. "How is that latest delivery looking?"

"Haven't checked it yet. They only just finished the unload. You wanna come with?" I nod and we head over to the area that has been allocated for the larger materials. Lumber and bricks are piled neatly on pallets. Everything looks okay until I notice a stamp on the end of one section of the lumber.

"Fuck!" TJ comes over and looks over my shoulder. "Recognize that?" He expels a hiss then brings up the delivery schedule on his iPad. Flicking through the dockets he finds what he's looking for before a stream of expletives spew out of his mouth. He hands the screen to me and whips out his phone. Within minutes he has torn shreds off the depot and the trucking company. When he gets off the phone he looks at me.

"The haulage company says it was a mix up at the depot, the supplier is saying that the driver picked up the wrong shipment. No one is willing to take responsibility." Just what I fucking need.

"Get Jerry Traynor on the line. I want someone's ass nailed to the wall on this one. I'm going up top for a while so let me know how you get on." TJ nods and is already speed dialing as he heads back to the site office.

Once I am up on the roof I feel a calm descend. I don't want to overreact. It isn't the first time that there has been some sort of delivery mix up but this one, a delivery from Lincoln Timber, at this stage of our dealings with Linc just seems a little convenient. The fresh air and the physical work of throwing tiles off the roof for replacement is doing me good and even though I don't need to be part of an active site crew any longer, I enjoy getting out here with the boys. Of course, I say that in the most general of terms since there are at least three women on the site at the moment and more will switch in as we hit the utilities, fitting and finishing stages of the build.

After an hour on the roof I notice Christian's R8 racing up the drive. I will need to talk to him about the way he drives on the site. There is a blind turn on the drive that could see him taken out by a truck coming back down the other way. When they climb out of the car I wave and indicate that I am coming down. As I go to unharness I notice that one of the unused safety cables is frayed. Walking through the house before I noted another couple of safety issues for TJ So I'm busy texting them through to him as I emerge from the building. He's usually pretty vigilant on this stuff but it always pays to have another pair of eyes looking out.

Once I have given Ana and Christian the big tour I head back to the site office. TJ should have an answer from Traynor by now. Traynor is the unofficial eyes and ears on all things Lincoln Timber since the developer-builders embargo kicked in. I hear TJ's voice as I approach the prefab building.

"I don't care about the quality. We have one blanket rule at Casey Grey and everyone knows it… Yeah, well get back to me when you find out." I stand at the door and take in the body language. TJ is seriously pissed.

"So?" I lean on the door flipping through the safety report logs.

"Jerry doesn't know but he says that LT has been supplying clean, green product for past 6 months. Some of the others are starting to take more of their gear."

"And he's expecting us to roll over?" Shit, Jerry has always been completely on our side about this.

"No. He thinks it stinks like a madwoman's undies but he's feeling powerless to stop the drift." TJ pauses, shuffling a few papers nervously. "Elliot, Jerry thinks something big is about to go down at LT. Linc has been edgy since the Feds drilled his butt to the wall."

Even though Linc handed over the videos in the mediation hearing we have no guarantee that there aren't copies floating around in the world, nor do we know if he won't have another go at blackmail. The team that Dad threw together did a pretty good job of tightening up the paperwork so that he would be cutting his own throat if he tried but Linc is nothing if not unpredictable.

"We'll have to wait and see what Jerry comes up with. In the mean time I want that product off this site. There is no way that shit goes into my brother's house. Offload it to the MacKenzie development. Liam owes me a favor. Then get it replaced." TJ turns back to the phone and starts dealing with the immediate issue as I emerge out to the sunshine. I notice one of the roofing crew traversing to the northern side of the building so I whistle and signal him back before finding Will crossing over with some slate in his hand.

"You going on top?" Will nods. "Can you make sure that the guys work on this side for the next hour or so. Christian and Ana are taking a picnic in the meadow. They don't need any of our guys perving on their action, feel me?" Will fist pumps and goes up to give the new order.

An hour or so later Christian and Ana are walking back to their car hand in hand with that look of complete bliss. Don't want to think what just went down in the meadow but I hope like hell my guys followed instructions and didn't cop a look at the lovebirds. Ana sits in the car while Christian stops into the site office to sign out.

"Chris, if you have some time I have some stuff I want to talk with you about." He runs a hand through his hair, the universal Grey sign for we seem to have a SNAFU.

"Sure, why don't you drop by Escala after work." He is keeping something from me but he'll give or I'll break his arm trying. He turns to leave the office but then pauses at the door. "Just so you know I am putting our Lincoln Timber plan into action."

Christmas just came early. Now he has my undivided attention. "Why? That's our security. Why would you do this and not discuss it with me?"

"Linc bailed Hyde out of jail. That's enough for me. If he's funding that little prick then that is a direct threat to our family. He's going down."

"Are you sure about this?" Sometimes it floors me how little Christian really knows about what is happening but then I haven't exactly been forthcoming with information either. My poker face must have up and left the building because I can see the moment he realizes that I've been holding out on him.

"You knew. You knew that Jack Hyde was working with Linc and you never told me?" Fuck, this is bad.

"We knew there was a connection but not that Linc was funding him. Kate's Dad gave us the heads up months ago that someone was leaking information to the press. It didn't take us long to work out that Jack Hyde was behind it. We found out about Linc and Jack when they turned up at Sirens together on the night of the Slave Auction." Another shock wave hits Christian's face and he goes from a sickly green to an angry crimson. The fact that I don't have explain my knowledge of the auction is enough for me to see that he is registering how much I know.

"See you for drinks at 6. Bring Kate."

* * *

Kate and I arrive at the appointed time. All I had to say was that I am ready to talk to Christian and that was enough to have her dressed and ready to leave within ten minutes. She holds my hand all through the drive to Escala and the trip up in the elevator. Christian and Ana are sitting at the kitchen bench as we walk in. Ana gets off the seat and walks straight into Kate's arms. I glance over and see paperwork sitting on the bench. So much for fucking brotherly love.

"Wine?" He is pouring without waiting for an answer. Ana is drinking a mineral water.

"I'd prefer mineral water," Kate smiles at Ana then walks into the kitchen and helps herself. Ana's mouth drops open a little before she catches herself and snaps it shut. "Sorry, but one of us has to be able to drive home." As she turns she gives Christian a wink and his gaze shifts to Ana. Trust my girl to open up that hornet's nest without coming right out with it.

"They know?" Ana nails Christian with a glare.

"Now we do," Kate says with a smile. "Congratulations!"

Ana's hand flies to her mouth. Now she really isn't sure if Christian has told us or whether she has just confirmed our suspicions. Kate seems content to leave her thinking the latter and Christian gives her a look of gratitude.

It is the next thing that Kate does that completely blows my mind. Without any hesitation she goes to her purse and digs around for a pen. Pulling the papers towards her she quickly scans the writing and then signs her name without hesitation. The look on Christian's face is priceless.

"Kate, do you understand what that means?" Christian is leveling her with a this-is-some-serious-shit look but she just looks back at him with a completely impassive gaze.

"I've just signed a non-disclosure agreement, similar to anyone who works for you I imagine. I'm sure that you won't believe me when I say that I consider you family and I would never say anything anyway but I also understand that there are people who rely on you, who owe their loyalty and their jobs to you. They don't need to know anything about your private life that you aren't willing to make public."

I'm holding my breath a little here. Ana grips Christian's hand for reassurance, I presume. Without hesitation Kate holds out the pen to me and I walk over to the bench and sign the forms before turning back to my brother.

"I trust that this works both ways." Christian holds his hand out to me and I shake it. It's enough. A man's word, my brother's word.

"Should we move into the study?" He ushers us through to the inner sanctum. The door softly clicks behind us before Ana slips into the dark leather sofa beside Christian. This room has always been a surprise. As much as the rest of the house is a testament to minimalism, modernity and white, Christian's office is almost old worldly with its warm blanket wrapping of books and leather.

"You mentioned the Slave Auction today. You got my attention." Jeez, you're not negotiating a business deal. Don't pull that fucking mogul shit with me, bro. His eyebrow arcs up. "I'm sorry you caught me off guard."

Ana takes his hand again as if touching him will remove her confusion. I still get surprised at how tactile he is with her. A memory comes back of holding my brother's hand but I can't quite remember if it was Christian or Christopher.

"We were at the last one. Trying to find out who was leaking photos and information to the press." Kate is covering for me. Frowning I try to get back in the game.

"The photos that Welch found…?" Ana lets the question hang softly in the air.

"Were sent to my father back in March this year. They were slowly drip fed over a couple of months and he made sure that they didn't go further than his office because of his friendship with your father." Kate, directs this at Christian. Giving him a not so subtle message about family loyalty.

"But that last auction was when you were in Barbados." Christian is doing his stillness thing while Ana turns her head to look at him. Nothing moves except for his eyes, which are darting back and forth as he tries to read our faces. It's kind of creepy.

"We came back early." No need for them to know how early.

"Just for the auction?" Okay, maybe there is a need.

"Will someone please explain what this Slave Auction is?" Ana is cute when she is pissed off. Christian strokes her hand, soothing before he sits back and drops the bomb.

"Slave auctions are the way that most Doms acquire their new submissives. Mostly auctions are small gatherings where temporary assignations are arranged. Sirens holds a major Slave Auction once a quarter. It is a much bigger, social event and more permanent arrangements are often negotiated in the weeks leading up to it. The evening is capped with a collaring ceremony. Clients fly in from all over the world to attend the Sirens Auction." Christian's delivery gets flatter and more unemotional the more he explains. Smart man, if I were him, I wouldn't be talking it up much either.

"Did you…?" Ana seems to think she has made a slip and glances nervously at Kate and then down at her hands. The physical distance increases between them. Christian's whitened knuckles press into his thighs as he stares straight ahead.

"Yes." One word. No explanation. Ana wipes a finger in the corner of her eye, her head lowered. Suddenly he turns on Kate. "How much have you told my brother?"

I'll fucking kill him. If someone walked into the room right now they would probably fall about in a fit of laughter. Christian is glaring at Kate who is gasping with shock. Ana is staring at Christian as if he has grown two heads. As for me, well I am just contemplating ripping one of those heads off his not so scrawny neck. I'm up out of my seat ready to choke the bastard.

"Kate hasn't told me anything that I didn't already know. Do you think that you could have kept that relationship with Elena secret from everyone all of these years? Do you really believe that I could work above Club Orpheus and not know that you were heavily involved in that lifestyle?"

There is a long silence as we stare at each other. Ana and Kate are both looking at anywhere else but us.

"How much do you know?"

"Enough. And I have never judged you, man. Even when I had to work double shifts at Siren's to bail you out of shit, I never judged you. I would have done anything for you." I can't sit down, even though he refuses to move out of his seat. I need to be able to move.

"What are you talking about? Dad bailed me out the first time. Elena paid the second time."

"Dad wouldn't have lifted a finger to help you. He'd had enough of the both of us. I only told you that he paid so you wouldn't take off. I couldn't have turned my academic record around but you, man you were so fucking smart. If you'd run away from home back then it would have been the biggest fucking waste. I started stripping because it was where the big money was. It took me three weeks to get enough to pay off that kid's parents and make your problems go away. Dad didn't even know you were in trouble."

Christian looks stricken and Ana just keeps rubbing his back while he takes it all in. I really didn't mean to unload all of that shit on him but I'm tired of holding it back and now that the flood gates are open.

"As for Harvard. When you called me with that one there was no fucking choice. I know you told me to go Elena but there was no way I was going to take money off that bitch."

"I know what she did was wrong but you had no reason to hate her back then."

"Didn't I?" Surprise, bro. "Yeah, the bitch troll had a go at me first, only I wasn't interested in her kinky shit. Hell, if I had been I might have prevented her from doing what she did to you. You have to know that I will always regret that."

"Fuck, why did I not know this? Why didn't you say something when she first came on to me? How could you leave me with her?"

"Because in spite of the fact that she is a pedo, she fucking saved you man. Because once you started with her, Mia could fucking sleep at night. Shit, I don't know. I hated it, I hated her. But you changed. You stopped trying to beat the crap out of everyone. You did better in school. You stopped scaring the crap out of us every night. I needed to know that Mia was safe in that house with you. Mom and Dad just didn't get it. They never saw what we saw. They loved you so much they were fucking blind to most of your shit. Mia wasn't, I wasn't. When you got with Elena you got more…normal."

My aggressive stance brings him to his feet. Ana is openly crying now and Kate moves to comfort her. Christian and I face each other down standing chest to chest. I seriously think he might be about to thump me for all of my past shitty decisions, he is breathing so heavily.

"Tell me about Harvard." His creepy steely eyes don't leave mine. In that look I see everything that used to scare the shit out of me as a kid.

"I had friends who came in and dealt with it. After you called me that morning I pulled in a favor from a friend. He went to the hospital and spoke with the girl. I got him to pay her off so she wouldn't press charges. And just so we are completely clear on this. To this day, I never believed that you hurt her. You were still half drugged when you called me otherwise you would have remembered my friends coming in and cleaning the scene. They believe that you were set up but we couldn't get enough evidence to find out who did it."

"Elena had the money to pay. She'd just won a huge divorce settlement from Linc. She would have helped. Why didn't you take it?"

"Because she is not your fucking family. I am your family. It was my job to take care of you. I always took care of you. That's what I do!" I can't help shouting at him. I also can't help the emotion that is flooding into my eyes. The fucker won't be satisfied until he sees me cry like a fucking baby. I fight back the tears with every breath while Kate and Ana watch on.

"I…I never knew. I've been so fucking blind. I'm sorry." Christian does the one thing I never expect and grabs my head in both hands. He pulls me in close before wrapping his arms around me. I'm too fucking stunned not to hug him back.

"I love you, Chris. I always have. Your my brother. I'd give up my fucking life for you, man." The tears and the words are all a muffled mess into his shoulder as I cling on for dear life. If he lets me go right now I'll fall on the floor at his feet and wouldn't that be just the D/s kicker. For his part Christian is hugging, really hugging, and telling me over and over again that he is sorry. And then if things don't get surreal enough he pulls back and plants a kiss on my forehead. A big ass smackeroony from my little brother, who has only ever seemed to want to smack the shit out of me since we were kids.

After about five minutes of the love-in we both pull away and our women, god love them, are quickly in our arms. There are more tears, more hugs and bugger me if Christian doesn't hug Kate. Soon we are all sitting again, letting the emotional dust settle before we take up where we left off.

"So you come back from Barbados in secret and went to the Slave Auction. I still don't get what made you come back." It is Ana who pulls us back on track.

"Look, Kate's Dad was worried about what it all meant. We spent a lot of time in Barbados throwing around names, ideas, anything that might give us a lead. Then when we got a lead it pointed to the auction."

Christian pipes up, "And at what point were you going to share any of this with me. I could have had that fucking auction crawling with security. We could have nailed the bastard months ago."

"If I had handed any of this information over to you, you would have shut us out of the investigation out some warped need to protect everyone." He leans forward in his seat and then gives this imperceptible nod of agreement. I knew it. I was fucking right. And there goes the Grey frustration move - the hands through the hair. Shit, it's like looking at Dad.

"So what did you find out?" Ana's soft tones break the silence.

"Jack Hyde was there. With Linc Lincoln." Seems like the girls are taking over this shindig. Christian locks eyes with Kate.

"Why didn't you tell us that they were connected?"

"At the time we didn't know exactly what the connection was. In the end our main worry wasn't Hyde, although in hindsight he should have been. The threat from Linc seemed far greater." Ana looks confused by Kate's words. Yet, another way that little brother has kept her in the dark. I have to get up, I have to move, I need to think.

"See you always do this, bro, and you wonder why I won't talk to you. You won't even tell Ana the full story. Shit, at least Kate and I make some effort to work as a team. You're so full of shit. How could I trust you with this?" He has the good grace to look stricken. I guess he wasn't expecting another outburst from me. But since the emotional dam has been breeched he is going to get me full on.

"Honey, we came here to be open with them. What's done is done. We need to sort this all out together." Kate's touch calms me down. My breathing comes under control when I have her wrapped in my arms.

Christian has his phone in his hand. "Jason, can you get in here. Bring all the stuff from Welch and Barney."

Once Jason arrives with files in hand, we spend the next hour pouring through the evidence. Kate has come prepared with her own files and explains about the photographs that were sent to Kavanagh Media including the older ones of Mom and Dad. Christian goes back over the evidence that was pulled from Jack's computer including the files that he had on each family member and the photographs from Detroit. Ana hears for the first time the stories about Sirens and the assaults on Elena, Stella and Linc. We're purging in the name of clearing the air between the four of us. Then we get to the hard stuff - the week after we got back from Barbados.

"We got back in time for the Coping Together event at Bellevue. I worked security and Kate joined the hospitality team." Christian and Ana's mouths are hanging open in disbelief. "We almost had both Leila and Jack that night but they slipped the net."

"How did you get on the security team? The only team that was there that night was mine." Christian looks to Jason for confirmation. Jason looks like he wants to be sick.

"Well, they weren't the only ones there. I had my own team." Relief washes over Jason's face. Not tonight buddy. You won't lose your job because of me.

"How did you not know that his team were there?" Christian expects better of Jason. Knowledge is everything and he pays him to know shit.

"My team were better." A complete lie but suck on that one anyway, bro. Christian's mouth firms into a grim line. Nothing would piss him off more than thinking he didn't have the best guys working for him. He does but his head is so far up his ass sometimes that he doesn't appreciate their expertise.

"What we did find out that night was the source of the more recent photos. A close friend was being blackmailed as a result of an event that took place at Sirens. That was why we attended the slave auction." Kate takes over the story, talking mainly to Ana. "Unfortunately, the events of that night brought us to Linc's attention. Since Linc seems to have a vendetta against all things Grey, Jack couldn't have found a stronger ally. And Jack's motivation to take revenge had kicked up a notch since Christian had just fired him for assaulting you at work."

"I guess Linc has never gotten over your relationship with Elena." Ana reaches for Christian's hand. "And this vigilante assault is why he has been threatening you?" She looks at me.

"Yeah. Ana, the guy has an evil streak a mile wide and he likes to take his aggression out on women. No one was willing or able to prosecute so he needed to be taught a lesson. It wouldn't have helped when we started the boycott on his products. There weren't many of us but it was enough to hurt, I guess."

"Shit, Elliot, you sure know how to win friends and influence people. And here I thought you were one of the good guys." Well, fuck me sideways and call me Sally, I don't think I have ever heard Ana swear. And did she just take the piss? I can't help but laugh which at least takes the twisted sand shoe look off Christian's face.

"He's still one of the good guys, babe. One of the best." Gobsmacked, much. Baby brother is actually looking almost proud. "So I'm taking his company down. Whereas before I wondered if I might just be being petty, now I know it is the right thing to do. I want Linc out of business and out of options."

Right now, I'm worried about the actions of a desperate man. "I don't disagree with you on this one but the timing of your decision with that shipment today has me a little nervous."

Ana is about to ask when Kate gets in first. "Ana, a load of materials was delivered to your work site today. They came from Lincoln Timber. With the embargo still in place, everyone in town knows that Linc's products don't get used on Casey-Grey projects but no one seems to want to accept responsibility for the mistake. It's all a little too neat."

When I phoned Kate with the news she went into detective mode trying to trace the delivery in ways that TJ hadn't even dreamed were possible including interviewing the drivers and loaders at the depot. How the hell she achieved so much in a few hours I have no idea but she never ceases to amaze me. Only problem is that she came up with nothing. No one was talking.

"You think this was deliberate?" Christian lets Ana ask the question while he flicks through messages on his phone. He frowns just as Kate replies to Ana's question.

"It would be naive to think anything else. The depot said that they had a number of drivers and loaders who were casuals or contractors. If someone wanted to swap containers or trailers at the last minute it would be difficult but not impossible. They just didn't think anyone would be that motivated to try. I guess they don't know Linc well enough."

"Ros has just confirmed that the move has been made on Lincoln Timber. Linc will know by now that we are about to take him down."

Jason, who has been guarded and silent for the past half an hour, stands and pulls out his phone and starts talking as he heads to the door. "We need more security at the Broadview site. No, I want them out there tonight."

Shit,this is going to make the site almost impossible for my guys. "You know this will hold us up. If my crews are working around your security teams it will slow us down."

"Jesus, that is the least of our fucking worries." I hold my hands up. It's his dime. "We can't take a risk that he won't do something rash."

Rash makes it sound tame. Rash might involve bolt cutters and a couple of horny teenagers. Rash does not come close to describing what Linc - a desperate Linc - might try to do.


	19. Chapter 19: Love is Stronger than Pride

**_I won't pretend that I intend to stop living  
I won't pretend I'm good at forgiving  
But I can't hate you  
Although I have tried_**

**_I still really really love you_**  
**_Love is stronger than pride_**  
**_I still really really love you_**

**_Love is Stronger Than Pride – Sade_**

* * *

After our conversation, the four of us sit down to the meal that Gail Jones has prepared for us. It feels like an age since we've simply enjoyed each other's company. Elliot and Ana talk about the progress of the house and although we have discussed it in the study, the topic of the rogue delivery from Lincoln Timber doesn't come up again. Nor do we return to the kidnapping incident although there are a lot of unspokens in the air regarding that one.

"You still haven't told us how you found out about Mia and Ethan." I can't help myself. Part of me would be seriously pissed that Christian found out that bit of news before I did. Ethan and I have always been really tight and his marriage has come as a shock to all of us. But the thought that Christian had the inside scoop irks me.

"Ethan came to me for some…business advice a while ago. In the midst of those discussions he had to divulge their relationship to me. I promised to keep their secret until they were ready to tell the family." He looks at me directly and the question must be in my eyes. "I guess he's not ready yet."

"How long have you known?" Elliot and Ana pause their discussion, taking in the tension of our body language. Every step forward results in two steps backwards when it comes to me and Christian.

"Does it matter?" His eyes flick sideways to the others, sending me a message to drop it.

"Yes, I think it does." My hand snakes across the table to take Elliot's. He and Ana have stopped talking now and Christian can't ignore the audience.

"I knew before our wedding." Fuck me. Where is the brotherly loyalty in that? After all that we've been through and shared with Ethan in the past few months and he goes and tells Christian first. Well, if that don't rip your undies.

"Knew what?" Ana looks at us confused.

"Nothing, baby. It's nothing."

"Don't bullshit me, Christian. It's not nothing. I can see it in Kate's face. What did you know before our wedding?" I love it is when she gets all hard ass on him. That initial look of did-she-just-fucking-say-that on his face is always so priceless.

The next moment Christian's eyes are completely focused on mine. Maybe there is a really good reason for Ethan not wanting me to know but I hate how Christian always keeps this shit from Ana. Perhaps Mia and Ethan have good reasons for wanting their relationship to be kept secret but Ana is family too. While I am pondering this dilemma Elliot steps in.

"Ethan and Mia are married." Ana gasps, her hand going to her chest as she processes this clanger. When it seems that she has computed this new piece of intel she turns her body and quick-as-a-flash backhands Christian across the upper arm.

"Ouch! Ana!" Christian rubs his arm in shock. _What can't take it, Grey?_

_ "_You knew all this time and didn't tell me? Shit, Christian. I am sick and tired of your damn secrets."

"Babe, it wasn't my secret to tell. I promised Ethan I wouldn't say anything. Mia doesn't even know that I know." He is still rubbing his arm. She must have got him good.

"Has anyone spoken to them since the weekend?" Come to think of it, since Ana was released from hospital I have heard nothing from Ethan and I don't think Elliot has spoken to his parents.

"I thought they were staying with you." Christian looks genuinely perplexed by both this piece of news and his wife's aggression.

"They took off in the middle of the night to decamp to Mom and Dad's. I haven't heard from **_any_** of them since."

"That's odd. Neither have I, except for one daily phone call from Mom to check on Ana but she didn't mention that Ethan and Mia were with them."

"Maybe they aren't. We haven't been back to the apartment since last week. They could be there by now." I reach into my handbag and start to send a text message.

"Babe. Leave them. They probably need the space to recoup right now." Elliot's hand stills mine.

"Look, I'll just send a text. Ethan will answer if he wants to. No pressure. I would just feel bad if we didn't even check."

The conversation turns back to the house and Christian helps me to clear the plates while Elliot and Ana get into some detailed discussion about the guest house over the garage that she wants converted for Jason and Gail.

"How is she really?" I scrape food off the plates before loading the dishwasher. Christian dismissed Gail long ago saying that we would handle the clean up. Since Elliot and Ana prepped it seems only fair that Christian and I clean up, given our lack of any real skill in the kitchen. Yet another trait we share.

His hands grip the bench. "She's so fucking strong. You know she tried to go back to work yesterday."

"Doesn't surprise me. Can't keep a good woman down." I want to make light of it but Christian's mood won't allow for that.

"I was so fucking scared, Kate. My whole world revolves around her and I will never forgive myself for such a colossal fuck up."

I place my hand over his. "Christian, you didn't ask for this. Sure you could have been more together about the baby but would it really have made any difference? Jack pushed the one button Ana couldn't ignore. Family. She would walk through fire for someone she loves. That wasn't your fault."

"Not what you thought on the weekend."

"Yeah, well, you were an ass. I didn't know the rest."

"Kate, I really am sorry for your loss. If I had known…"

"Don't sweat it. Believe it or not, your insensitivity pushed me in a direction I needed to go. Scared the crap out of Elliot but in the end it actually helped. I know it'll piss you off no end, but I think you might have inadvertently saved me."

He regards me for a while. He doesn't need to ask what I mean by that statement. He's obviously been there a time or two himself.

"You know, Kate, I don't hate you." News to me, Grey.

"Nor I you, Christian. Initially my concern was for Ana. Now that we are all family, none of that matters. She is happy and you are the reason. That is all I need to know. Plus Elliot has told me many times what a good person you are. He loves you unconditionally and so do I."

"I didn't always understand that."

"No. But I think you get it now and when that baby comes, it will make even more sense."

"Are you going to tell her? About the baby?" We are still watching them at the table but making enough noise with the dishes that they can't overhear our words.

"Maybe. I am not sure what good it would do. She doesn't need to be surrounded by my sadness."

"That's where you're wrong. She misses you, Kate. She knows there is a distance but she has no idea why. If her happiness is going to make you sad then she deserves to know why. Look, it's early. Why don't you make tea and I'll get Elliot out of here. Tell her and give her the honor of being there for you."

"Oh, hell. Christian, don't you get it. She has always been there for me. Every failed relationship or moment of self doubt, Ana has always been the one to pick me up and listen to my problems. I'm not sure I can do it to her again."

He takes me by the shoulders and turns me to face him, peering into my eyes which I know are glistening with tears.

"Listen to me, Kate. You need her and she needs to hear what you have to say. She won't break with this and you'll both get you friendship back on track. I've never had anyone as close to me as you two are. I didn't understand your protective streak in the beginning but I am grateful for it now. You've helped me to see what a great big brother I have. Don't let this sit like a lead weight between you. Talk to her." He leans in and kisses me on the forehead before hugging me.

"Is that an order." I mumble into his chest, my few errant tears leaving a damp patch on his linen shirt.

"If it has to be." His chest rumbles with soft laughter.

"Always the freaking dom." He pulls back to look at me again.

"If I have to be." His smile is electric. No wonder Ana can't take her eyes off him.

"Hey, you two. What's going on?" I turn my head, Christian's arms are still wrapped around me and he pulls me close again as we see Ana and Elliot approaching the bench.

"Just telling my new sister off for not spending more time with my wife." Christian strokes down my arm reassuringly then pulls away completely. "Now, Lelliot, how about you and I head down the road for a night cap and leave the ladies to have tea and watch chick flicks."

Elliot and Ana are a picture of confusion but then both look at each other and shrug. Meanwhile I turn to put the kettle on. Elliot walks around the island bench to take me in his arms.

"You okay with that, babe?" Safe and loved don't begin to explain how I feel when he holds me.

"Yeah, do you mind?" He knows what this is about and the concern is etched across his features. When he sees that I really want this he nods and kisses me very gently on the lips.

"I love you, Kitten. Call me if you need me to come back." He walks out of the kitchen, grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair. "Ready, bro?"

Within minutes Ana and I find ourselves on our own. Once we are snuggled up on the couch in the tv room she finally asks. "So are you going to tell me what this is about?"

I reach over and pat her stomach which hasn't changed shape but the action is reassuring to me. In my heart, I am sending her and blip a message that what I am saying won't affect how I feel about them.

"I found out in Barbados that I was pregnant." Her face goes from shock to elation and then she registers what I am saying. That was months ago and it is quite obvious that there is no baby now.

"Was it Elliot's?" I try not to be hurt about this.

"Yes. It was Elliot's." I can't look at her. My voice is no more than a choked whisper. This is going to be a fuckload harder than I thought.

"Did you…?" Did I what? Want it? Get rid of it? Half a question requires a little explanation but I wouldn't do that to her.

"We were over the moon. There was a little worry about the timing but in the end Elliot and I were on the same page and we were staring down the barrel of our happily ever after." My eyes are threatening to cut loose with the waterworks and just as I push them back again, Ana grabs the tissue box off the side table and places it on the couch between us. Taking one out, she blows her nose.

"I thought we were going to need them for the chick flick. Now I'm glad I came prepared." I love this about her. I missed this about her. She has a way of leaving the gaps so that you can walk into them when you're ready. She's waiting me out. Ready for me when I'm ready to continue.

"In the week leading up to Christian's birthday so much was happening. We had arrived home secretly, masqueraded at the Coping Together charity - which by the way, you looked beautiful at - worked up the act for the Slave Auction, then Christian went missing and the letter. I didn't have time to stop. I knew there was something wrong but it was just one thing after another and I…" The tears are about to come and once they do she won't get a word of common sense out of me. I stop for a moment and take a sip of the hot liquid that I no longer particularly want but the next bit is going to hurt so I need a moment. I place my cup down on the table.

"Jack accosted me in the garden at Bellevue." Ana's sharp intake of breath tells me that she didn't know about this. I'm not sure that Christian knows everything. "He was vile and threatening and I played right into his hands by being alone in the garden. He assaulted me. Threw me down on the ground and kicked me which was horrible but I would have gotten over it. Problem was that nature had already set things in motion. It was an ectopic, I had internal bleeding by the time I got to the hospital so they performed a laparoscopy and I was out of the hospital the next day. It was over so goddamn fast."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I…I don't know. I didn't call anyone…not even my mother. The next day, the Sunday, I moved back to the apartment and instead of taking the recommended time off, I went straight to work the next day. I thought if I focused on the other parts of my life that I would just get over it."

"What about Elliot? He was with you through everything, wasn't he?" As she says this the tears come. No stopping them now, floodgates open and the river of remorse is flowing.

"I shut him out. Stopped talking to him, wouldn't allow him into the apartment. I had it in my head that he was all about the baby and not about me. I was selfish and stupid and I very nearly lost the man of my dreams."

"So all of the problems leading up to Aspen - that was about you both grieving and getting your relationship back on track?" The soft understanding in her voice undoes me. I can't speak, I merely nod and let my head drop as I sob quietly. Her hands take mine but she is quiet for a long time while I bring it all under control. All she does is hand me a fresh tissue when I need it.

"I'm sorry." It's not much and it's a whisper but her hand squeezes mine and it is enough.

"Not that it will make any difference, but are you okay about me?" I want to say yes. I know I should say yes. But this is about honesty and trust so I shake my head and the tears freshen up. "That's okay. I get it."

This time she pulls me into her chest and holds me while I cry. So many tears, so much time and yet the pain just doesn't go away. Eventually I manage to pull myself upright and stem the flow.

"I'm happy for you, I really am. I don't want you to think any differently. I was so angry when I realised the risk that you had taken to rescue Mia. It was unreasonable of me to feel that way but I wanted to throttle you. Now…I am trying to be happy, I am happy for you. But part of me is so freaking jealous. Part of me wishes it was me and not you."

"I get it. I really do. And we'll just take it one day at a time. You don't have to be around me. I'll miss you but I totally understand why you might not want to be near all of this happy family stuff. Just tell me one thing and then we don't have to talk about it any more."

I hesitate. I know what is coming. Finally, I nod. "Yes, I can. And yes, I will try. I didn't think I could at first. It seemed like the worst kind of pain and I didn't want to ever go through that again. But then that wouldn't be living and it wouldn't be fair on anyone. Elliot and I want a family, however we can get it." I am tempted to talk about Mattie but I don't want to jinx it. "I love Elliot so much. We both want a family. Somehow, some day, we are going to make that happen. In the meantime we will have little blip to lavish our love and attention on and that will be enough."

She smiles, holding her stomach in a Madonna-esque fashion. Then without saying another word she picks up the remote and turns on the movie. We settle in like the old days. Cups of tea in one hand, tissues and my bestie's hand in the other. With the weight off my shoulders, I absorb the memory of this night, a night I will never forget.

Later when Christian and Elliot come in, a little worse for wear, Ana is asleep with her head in my lap while I watch CNN with the sound down low. Christian picks her up and carries her to bed issuing instructions for us to stay the night in the upstairs bedroom. Elliot takes my hand and leads the way up the stairs to beautifully appointed guest room where he slowly strips my clothes off before putting me to bed naked. His nude flesh envelopes me as he spoons against my body.

"Are you okay?" He whispers in the darkness. Am I okay?

"Yes. I'm okay. I promise." I lift his hand up to my lips and suck on his fingers gently but forcefully enough to get a groan. His body moves as his hand slips around my face, pulling me to look at him in the dark. His mouth descends on mine, our lips moving slowly, languidly, our tongues chasing each other in the moist recesses of our mouths. No other move is made, no hands stroking, no bodies writhing. Just the messages that our lips are sending through the night. The kissing goes on forever, lulling all my senses into a dream state.

Finally, he pulls away before rolling me onto my back properly. There are moments when after you have been together a while, that your lover knows your body better than you do. This is one of those moments as his flat palm slides down my neck and collar bone to grasp my breast as he dips his head to suckle on my turgid nipple. He sucks hard, almost biting and I cry out a little with the pleasure and pain of the sensation pulsing to my core. We both know how wet I am, the sultry musk floating in the air around us but he moves on anyway, dipping his fingers into my moist folds while simultaneously applying pressure to the hard nub of my clitoris. His movements are slow and exquisitely synchronised with the continued ministrations of his tongue on my aching breasts. I breath deep on a moan and let him work his magic as he drives my pleasure up. Eventually, his lips move back to mine and between kisses he instructs me to let go, to come. The pulsating muscles of my vagina seem to be totally in tune with his voice.

"That's it, baby. Let it go." My tiny cries in the dark tell him by sound what my body is letting him know by feel. I'm all his. Before I can let go of the sensation of coming he enters me, thrusting his hard cock inside and taking on the push and pull of my orgasm. I don't stop coming as he begins his rhythm, absorbing my continued clenching as I grip and pull him inside. Our loving is slow and gentle in the dark but not enough. I thrust my pelvis up and he gets the message. Picking up my left leg and grasping my buttock while I wrap myself around his waist, my hands grips his shoulders as he begins to pound into me. The movements hot, hard, slamming me up the bed. He starts slow but soon builds in speed until I have to place my hands on the headboard to get some traction as he jackhammers my pussy. Something about the movement extends our pleasure and our bodies are sweating, our breathing ragged and desperate. Still he goes on with the force of a 200 knot wind. My leg now on his shoulder gets flipped over his head so that I am on my side and still he fucks on, slamming me over and over again with increasing speed. As he moves my body with each thrust we eventually position ourselves on our knees, as he fucks me hard from behind. I finger my clit while he pounds knowing that I have never touched myself so aggressively before. I come a second time on a harsh cry, hoping that the sound isn't carrying downstairs to our hosts.

Sweat is pouring off his body and he pulls out to position me at the edge of the bed. Picking up both feet and throwing them over his shoulders,he reenters my body from a standing position, once more picking up speed. This time one hand holds my legs while the other reaches between us and fingers me. By now I am so jacked up that the lightest touch has me coming a third time and I grab the pillow to muffle my scream as he continues to pound. When I remove the pillow his salty sweat flies across the bed and hits me in the face and I sense the desperation in him.

"Come for me, Elliot, I want to feel you come. I want to see it. I want to see you stroke yourself and come all over my face." He pulls out and strokes his long purple cock while I reach over and turn on the lamp. He might have had one too many drinks tonight with Christian but I am a woman on a mission now. He has made me come, and come hard, three times. I am going to milk his cock for all it is worth in gratitude, I don't care how drunk he is.

"I've got this, baby." Sitting up I grab his cock and bring it to my mouth, licking around the crown before sinking my lips down and deep throating him. I try to keep my eyes on his throughout the whole maneuver placing my hand over his as we both stroke. His other hand reaches down and he squeezes his own balls.

"Fuck, that is so beautiful, kitten. I love seeing my cock in your mouth. You've got the most beautiful, fuckable mouth."

I let go of his cock for a moment and grab his hips. Pulling my mouth away for a moment and utter the words he seems to want to hear. "Then fuck my beautiful, fuckable mouth, babe. Let me feel you."

On a sigh he does just that, thrusting hard into my mouth and I suppress my gag reflex so I can take it. Eventually I can feel the build and just as he starts to come I squeeze both the base of his cock and his balls simultaneously. As promised, I pull back so that he can pump his cock all over my face and I try to catch as much as I can but there is so much. His cry is almost a scream with every pump.

"I love you so fucking much Kate. I love you." I gaze up, his come coating my face and lick around his cock, cleaning it while he watches me. He pulls away and walks to the bathroom, bringing back a warm, wet cloth to wipe my face. When he finishes he throws the cloth to the side and takes my face in both hands before leaning in to kiss me, thrusting his tongue in and around as if swiping the last of his come from my gums.

Pushing me back on the bed, he continues to kiss me for a while and I have no desire to make him stop. In between kisses he murmurs his love. Unending love, orgasmic love, fuckable love. When he runs out of words he pulls my head to his chest and holds me through the night. We wake up early in the morning still in the same tangle of limbs with an extra bonus that now he is sober takes a little less persuasion to come. We take our time waking up and make love twice in the bed then once more in the shower before meeting Ana and Christian for breakfast at 8am. They have their own secret smile thing going on so there is no need to rib each other about the noise. One thing the Grey boys seem to know how to do is keep their women satisfied.

Now that we are both well and truly late for work we decide to drop into the apartment to change before heading off for the day. Elliot will go back out to the mansion to work, and possibly to supervise the next container delivery. I will be traveling to Portland this afternoon to cover a trade show. The absence of Mia and Ethan from the apartment is concerning, as is the lack of text messages but we push that aside to start our busy work day. If I had known what was coming later that day I might have insisted that we take the whole day off. If either of us had an inkling of what lay ahead we might have spent a little more time trying to locate our siblings. The phone call that I do get from Ethan later that day is one that chills me to the bone.

"Kate. Where are you?" Ethan sounds agitated.

"Ethan. I've been trying to get hold of you for the past 24 hours. Where the hell are you?"

"Kate, don't. I need to know where you are now."

"I'm at a trade show in Portland. Look, I'll be finishing up here in an hour and then heading back. I'd like to see you…"

"Baby, girl, stop." His tone sends shivers down my spine. "I'm at Christian's mansion with Elliot. We've got a… situation here. Listen, I need you to go to the heliport. Christian is going to pick you up in 30 minutes in the chopper. Mia is with him. She will explain everything. But you need to get your ass over there now. Do you understand?"

"Oh, God. Is it Elliot? Just tell me what's happened." My mind is flicking through a million scenarios, each one worse than the one before. Elliot hurt, Elliot trapped and the worst, Elliot being arrested.

"Kate, Elliot is fine. He's doing real well. And we're going to get him out of this. But you have to move. You copy that?"

* * *

_**A/N: Sorry, not polished again by any means and my Beta will beat me over the head with a big stick but I am trying to slip these in between everything else. I do care that it needs to be edited more but I hope you enjoy it just the same. Please review. In case you haven't noticed, I am starting to go back through Investing Elliot and reworking the story - making it a little sharper and more in line with how my writing voice has developed over time. Hope you can find the time to check the first few chapters out and let me know what you think. **_

_**If I haven't responded to your reviews, please know that I read and appreciate each and every one. I love that many of you have been so loyal from the start and I am thrilled to see new people jumping on board. The more you talk to me, the more I am likely to talk back! Love you all, Sasha xxx**_


	20. Chapter 20: Waiting for the End to Come

**_Waiting for the end to come_**  
**_Wishing I had strength to stand_**  
**_This is not what I had planned_**  
**_It's out of my control_**

**_Linkin' Park – Waiting for the End to Come_**

* * *

"Aargghhh!"

"What's up?"

"Shit, I'll take redundant questions for 500 thanks, Alex." Sweat is pouring off me in buckets and the towel I was given an hour ago is soaked through. I signal for another one. Just wish I could see the face of the person bringing it out to me.

"Hang in there, buddy. You're doing really well." He keeps saying that and funnily enough it seems to have lost some of its meaning.

The noise coming from the back of the trailer is a constant buzz punctuated by the gas from the cylinder. It's grating on my last nerve and the cramp is coming back into my thigh. I know that in about ten minutes they will stop and the voices will start as everyone checks on everyone else, to which the answer will be, _yep, we're still fucking here. Not going anywhere. How about you?_

"Aaah, Jesus Christ!" A pair of hands massage up the back of my legs from another faceless Samaritan, slowly rolling the knot of pain down my leg and into my boot. "Just tell me where the fuck we're at."

"Another half an hour."

"That's what you said half an hour ago." I want to hear a chuckle from under the mask. Anything that will make me feel more human but his face is impassive and his whole demeanor is about placating not entertaining. This must be the fourth hour psyche protocol. "Shit, who is that?"

A cavalcade arrives at the base of the drive and from this vantage point I can see them being stopped at the gate. The cars are being given the once over by the security detail before they are allowed to proceed up the winding drive. In a moment they will disappear behind the tree-lined bend and then reappear at the edge of the safety zone. Of course, how one determines a safety zone in this situation is a fucking mystery to me.

If I had known how this day was going to end up I would have stayed in bed this morning. I could have been screwing my hot girlfriend all day, instead I've been suspended in time and motion for the past four hours while the experts work out what the hell can be done. It _has_ been four hours, hasn't it? I check my watch again. Fucking Tag Heuer. What I wouldn't trade for a Swatch and a bourbon but I don't think they will give me any alcohol in this _sitch_.

The mask regards me again. "Do the exercises, dude. You need to keep moving and drink some more water."

"Mate, if I have to get my old fella out in front of this crowd one more time I'm gonna start charging. Enough with the water."

In one fluid motion my brother-in-law removes the mask and levels me with a fuck-you glare. Getting up close and personal with Ethan over the past few hours has allowed me to see a side I never really appreciated. One is that the guy is built. He's misleading that way, looking fit but wiry. About an hour or so ago, he lost the suit because I was about to pass out and he needed his arms clear to support me. The guy is actually a massive unit and a fucking hard arse under pressure. I couldn't be more grateful to have someone on my side.

"You wanna stay on top of those cramps? Then drink the fucking water and move your arse."

The disconnected bullhorn voice comes from behind the safety cordon. "Agent Kavanagh, keep your helmet on."

Ethan turns and flips the bird down the hill before placing the helmet back on. "Fucking moron, like the helmet would make one iota of difference if you collapsed right now." The unspoken hangs between us like a bad smell. Since he lost the suit the helmet is five eighths of useless anyway.

"Jeez, thanks for the vote of confidence and that stunning reassurance." The cars have arrived at the top of the drive now, or as close to the top as they are going to get. Mia and some unidentifiable dude leaps out of one car. The first face to emerge from the second is Jason followed by Luke who goes to the back and opens up the passenger door. When my brother's face emerges from one door I feel a sense of relief. A friendly face under fire. Then Luke gets the other door open and my worst nightmare unfolds. Kate is here and she is going to see me like this and I know that there is going to be a shit fight to stop her from racing up here.

Sure enough she goes to move past the barrier and is immediately grabbed by Jason who is now having his hands smacked. I know there are tears even though I can't see her properly and her struggle is punctuated by a few get-your-fucking-hands-off-me screams before Christian weighs into it and holds her, stroking her hair and talking softly in her ear. I can't blame her for being irrational. I would be too. What I can do is kill the fucker who decided it was a good idea that she come and see what might be the last few hours of my sorry existence on this earth.

When I arrived out here earlier this morning the ISO container was already in place. What was odd was where it was positioned. I parked my truck and grabbed my hardhat as I swung my legs out and before I had even hit the ground, TJ came storming across the compound like a man possessed with his cell glued to his ear as he shouted obscenities at some poor unsuspecting moron on the other end. I figured I knew what was wrong from the way the crew was standing around looking at the container. _Who the fuck would park the damn thing so close to house?_

"TJ?" I call out to him as he crosses in front of me without so much as a fuck-of-the-morning to ya. He gives me the talk-to-the-hand signal as he stops in front of me.

"Not now, Ells. I'm on it." Well, at least I'm Ells and not shithead. Of course, that would necessitate a new project manager which would be damned inconvenient for both of us. He turns around and heads back to the site office working himself up to a healthy roar on the way. I wander over to Will.

"So. How did this happen?" Will lifts his hard hat and scratches his head with a shrug. It isn't the proximity to the house that's the issue. It's the fact that we now have to lug materials 100yards out of our way as we navigate the massive metal box that is sitting in the main access way.

"Fucked if I know. We arrived out here first thing this morning and it was already here. TJ has been trying to get someone from the trucking company ever since but…" Like yesterday, it seems as if we are going to get the run around by both the trucking company and the suppliers.

"Screw this." At least the monstrosity is still on the trailer so as long as we can locate a truck they can come and move the bastard to a more convenient location. "TJ will get hold of someone soon and we can get it moved. What can you carry on with so that the damn thing won't get in the fucking way?"

"We've got enough stuff around the other side to finish the framing on the West wall. The steel beams arrived in late yesterday and are already around the back so we can get those installed. That should take us the better part of the day."

"Right. Well, let's leave this to TJ to sort out and you get everyone around the other side of the house to start work. I can at least do the inventory on this container until someone comes to shift it."

Will gives me a small salute and then herds the two rostered crews to the Western side of the mansion. Meanwhile I have an appointment with an inventory sheet which means I need my rose colored glasses out of the truck. Ten minutes later TJ secures an assurance that someone will get back to the site within the next three or four hours to shift the monstrosity so we get some scaffolding out to rig up a temporary platform outside the door to the container. If we have to drag anything out to gain access to all of the goodies that Ana and Christian have ordered for their bathrooms and kitchen then the platform will make our lives a hell of a lot easier.

The scaffold platform gives me a clear view to the bottom of the drive where a major flurry of dust and activity is occurring. A slew of black armored cars come flying up the winding drive toward the house looking like they are on their way from an illegal drag race. TJ has gone back to the site office to get the inventory list and I figure whoever the cavalry is will be checking in with him first so I head back to the door of the container and get ready to open it.

The cars don't stop at the office. Instead they come to a screaming halt in front of the container, immediately followed by a major disembarking of the largest number of ill-fitting black suits and Blue Brothers sunglasses that you would ever hope not to see in one place. It's when the guns come out that I get a case of the dts and testy balls. WTF?

"Mr Grey, stop right there, Sir." My hands go up in surrender for fuck-knows-what and my right foot steps back of its own volition. In that next moment I expect to hear fifty clicks of weapons being engaged but instead I hear one very loud and clear click and it comes from under my foot. I freeze looking down at my boot with a frown. Under my heel is a small square metal plate with a small slightly raised box-shape attached to it. A wire runs from the box across the back of the container, snaking up through the door bolts and then back underneath the trailer.

"ELLIOT! DON'T MOVE!" I look up to see Ethan has his gun still trained on me. How the fuck did he get here? And what is he doing with a gun? I almost rock my weight forward to challenge him when he raises his gun and starts again, this time with a little more desperation. "I mean it, bro, not a fucking muscle. You keep perfectly still. Feel me?"

My hands are still trying to surrender as I mutely nod. My feet are now planted firmly in my size 14 steel caps and I redistribute my weight between the box and the platform. A few of the MIB's have slunk behind the doors of their vehicles but Ethan does the opposite, moving forward still with his gun drawn.

"Man, I promise you don't need to shoot. I don't know what this is about but I promise you I'm unarmed except for this tool belt which I will happily remove for you."

"No need, bro. Gun's not for your lily white ass." But still with the pointing of lead my way so I'm just not feeling the love. "Who delivered the container?"

"That would be Masons." TJ's voice rings out as he crosses the compound. The guns all swing as one and train on TJ. Which is good for me, but sucks for him. He stops where he is with a few pieces of paper attached to the clipboard in his hand. The guns haven't moved back to me and I wonder how many he can take out with a carefully aimed and swiftly frisbee'd clipboard.

"Sir, stop where you are." Some tall supermodel type removes his glasses which unlike the other MIB's are Rayban wraparounds, and takes his id badge out of his pocket. CI-fucking A. Well, at least we know which agency is about to make us some junkie's prison-bitch. I'm kind of honored that it's the CIA but I'm not sure that our little misdemeanor with Linc a hundred years ago could be classified as a threat to national security. In that split second it occurs to me that I am standing on something that has a wire. At that point I am not sure if a little bit of wee didn't just make its way southward down my leg. Fuck me hard and call me Shirley. Prison bitch would look so much better on my CV than shrapnel.

Supermodel stalks over to TJ and begins talking in a hushed tone. There is some movement around one of the last vehicles where flak jackets are being handed out. Meanwhile Ethan gets my attention back.

"Elliot. Bro, I need you to be real still, feel me?" I nod my head, kind of impotently. This really can't be fucking happening. He walks towards me all slow and controlled which only serves to unnerve me even further. I'm not above blubbering like a fucking baby, here.

"Is it…?" I can't get the words louder than a freakin' whisper.

Ethan nods. "Yeah, I think so but I'm gonna need you to keep real still while we check. Looks like you might be standing on a detonator of some sort. Until I can take a look you are not to move a muscle, you hear me? You so much as fart and I swear my last move will be to shoot your balls off. We clear?" Mute nodding is about all I am good for right now. "Good."

Once he is sure that I'm not going anywhere he moves in fairly quickly, holstering his gun while his feet do the talking. Instead of approaching me directly he moves to the side of the trailer and takes out a pen flashlight. He looks over at some of the other MIBs seemingly to get their attention before he flicks on a lazer light and traces the path of the wire from where it originates at my foot through its winding pattern up the door to a block of gunk that looks like heavy duty plasticine and then back down beneath the trailer. All the while that crazy red dot is showing those who are safely behind bulletproof vests and steel doors exactly what he is seeing. For a moment he disappears underneath the trailer and we all wait for him to emerge. As he does the supermodel walks over to join us making sure that he maintains eye-contact with me the whole way. No sudden moves being made in this neck of the woods, Batman.

"From what I can see there are 6 x 1/2 pound Semtex blocks located under the trailer and on the door. It's a rush job, the wiring is barely hidden. Whoever did this either wanted to get in and out fast or was disturbed before they finished."

"They certainly wanted to hit whatever is in that trailer. That's a serious amount of explosive."

While my choked up brain processes the words Semtex and explosive, my crews arrive from the other side of the house following TJ closely as he picks his way past the building debris, supplies and eventually the MIB vehicles on to our evac assembly area. Fuck, this is bad. Supermodel goes over to join them and then starts to address the crowd. A bus is on the way to the compound. When it arrives the crews will be loaded on to it and transported to a safehouse for debriefing. When the area is secured and examined by the CIA forensics team, they will be allowed back on the site to collect their vehicles.

Ethan approaches the scaffold. "I'm gonna climb up there, man, so no dancing."

"Dance card's all full, sunshine. You sure you want to come closer. I'm not confident about my anti-persperant."

"Yeah, well, I'm not getting up there to sniff your armpits, so we're good." He stands in front of me and gently touches my shoulder before giving the rest of me a visual once over, paying particular attention to the position of my foot. As scared shitless as I am right now, the thought of my brother-in-law feeling his way up and down my legs like this is taking me to the hard edge of surreal.

"So CIA, huh? Never would have guessed that one. Explains why you're such a sneaky bastard." I notice that the MIBs are all retreating behind the larger vehicles and emerging as yellow spacemen. Fucking creepy. Before he can answer my non-question, Ethan gets tapped out by a short faceless space person who takes his place in my WWF superheavyweight screwed-for- the-rest-of-your-miserable-life-which-happens-to-b e-minutes-away fighting ring. The space person has a slew of medical equipment that they are setting up and a nice ass. God, I'm defaulting to my pre-engagement sleaze. Must be the fucking nerves.

The female notices me noticing her and shakes her head. "Typical."

"Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it." I close my eyes and lean back against the door of the container.

"Once a man-slut, always a man slut."

In my preoccupation I almost miss that voice. My eyes flick to the visor of the space helmet immediately and what I see there chills me to the bone. Mia. My baby sister is standing up here on the scaffold of death when she should be safely at home with my Mom.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Her hands go to my chest stopping me from moving off the detonator. I have got to get my shit together if I have any hope of getting off this thing.

"My job," she says as she continues to unpack a small fold out medi-kit. Doesn't help me much. I'm still fucking confused.

"Jesus, do Mom and Dad know?"

"No, and I'm happy to keep it that way."

"Um, baby girl, I don't know if you are aware of what is happening here but I'm gonna venture to suggest that if you don't get your ass back behind that cordon then they are going to read about it in your obit."

"Shut the fuck up, Elliot. You're a sexist pig when you want to be."

"Well, if that means that you will get your ass the fuck away from the blast zone then I can live with it."

"Arrogant male. Lift your arm." She places the cuff on me and takes my blood pressure. "When Ethan gets back here he'll take your obs every 30 minutes."

"What? You're not gonna stay?"

"Make up your mind, Lelliot. Some of us have a job to do here."

"I had a fucking job and all, before this started, too. And no, I want you as far away from this as possible."

I focus on the medical gear. Nothing fancy, a heart monitor, blood pressure cuff, electrolytes, liniment rubs and food. Looks like it's gonna be a long day. Once everything is laid out in easy reach a thermometer appears out of thin air and is thrust into my mouth. What earthly fucking use my temp could be eludes me but it's a reassuring care routine that I am happy to latch on to right now. A couple of electrodes get strapped to my chest and the heart monitor fires up a moment later; all run off a nifty little generator that has been placed on the ground below the scaffolding.

Ethan clambers back on top of the scaffold platform a moment later, all decked out in a spacesuit of his own, effectively displacing Mia. I witness a heartfelt moment where they squeeze each other's hand but then the song changes fairly rapidly when a small group of spacemen approach her. I'm gathering that something new is going down but I'm not close enough to hear the gist. Ethan hands me some gear to put on. I look at the flak jacket.

"What, no space suit for me?"

"Nah, if the bomb goes off, a suit won't do much for you. Besides we're cutting costs." I want to laugh. Under normal circumstances that would be the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard but since I'm the one in the kiss-your-ass-goodbye position, none of it seems particularly humorous.

"How come you get one?"

"Orders. Look, you need to stay cool, keep your body loose. You could be standing here for a while. You can't do that in one of these portable rubber saunas. If it will keep you calm I'll dress you in a fucking tutu with a feather boa so if you want a suit, I'll get one."

"Nah, all good. Maybe we can get into that kinky shit later. Promise to buy me dinner first."

He laughs, "You've got it, bro."

After that we go into a holding pattern. Ethan has given me a flak jacket to wear and I'm told to leave my hard hat on. He's getting ready to shovel fluids into me regularly and has set up shop on the platform so that he can keep me calm as my self-appointed nurse-maid. My sister disappears into a van and that suits me just fine. If I could get her to another state right now I would take that option. Of course, when I glance at the wire I wonder if that isn't a distinct possibility if things go wrong. A couple of spacesuits set about scouring the underside of the trailer to look at the goodies. I guess they will have the dubious pleasure of trying to diffuse the bomb. I'm wondering what exam you have to sit to get that job and what the attrition rate is.

Half an hour later two buses and three trucks arrive. The crews are hustled off the property except for TJ and Will who both seem to be refusing to leave and who I am going to skewer with a cement rod later. The new vehicles bring some more souped up safety suits and helmets for all the MIBs and the vehicles are moved behind the arbitrary safety point that supermodel creates.

Equipment gets wheeled in as the experts all decide on the best way to get me out of this situation. I'm pretty sure by this stage that I'm well on the way to completely fucked and we're all just setting about exhausting the possibilities but I enthusiastically latch on to any bastard who seems to feel otherwise just so I can calm the doomsday voices in my head. Thank fuck for Ethan.

Mia emerges from the van, eventually, and walks around the back of the trailer with a couple of her roadies lugging more equipment. I hear some banging on the outside of the trailer. Yep, it's steel. They pretty much all are. Then there is a silence before we hear a faint tapping from inside the container.

"Fuck." Ethan's one little curse speaks freaking volumes. There is someone inside the trailer. Shit, if this day couldn't get any worse. Mia reappears and walks over to the equipment store to meet up with TJ and Will and after a brief discussion with the supermodel they all disappear around the back of the site office. The silence is broken with the engine-roar of a forklift. Said vehicle crosses through the gates of the temporary fencing with Will, suited up, driving. Strapped to the pallet on the front is a spacesuit that looks distinctly like my little sister.

"Jesus Christ, Ethan. What the fuck is she doing?"

"Her job." His voice is all smooth, creamy get-the-hell-over-it but his eyes are shooting daggers at the supermodel who still seems to be calling the shots. The forklift disappears around the back of the trailer and then the beeping starts as I imagine Will is raising the platform. Soon we hear the thud of feet landing on the roof. Each of these trailers has a couple of in-built design features. One is a series of plug holes that can be opened to drain the containers from the bottom. The other is a couple o inch sight hatches on the top that allow for a visual of the contents in transit. I'm guessing she is going for a visual of whoever is inside.

When the hatch is opened a murmur of voices is heard, female and foreign. Then I hear my sister's voice but not in any language I have ever known her speak before. I look at Ethan not quite sure what I am hearing.

"She's the best we've got. Speaks Farsi better than anyone else here and those women will probably only talk to her anyway."

"Women? There's more than one?"

"Yeah, that's why we came in all guns blazing. We suspect they were being shipped into the country to be sold on the sex slave market."

"Holy shit! But why were they delivered here? In this? And why would anyone want to blow them up?"

"That, my friend, is the million dollar question." The beeping starts again and within a few minutes Mia has crossed back to supermodel for a confab.

"What do you think is going on?" I lean my head back on the container and suck in some fresh air, just wishing like fuck that this was over, one way or another but knowing that now we have confirmed inmates the likelihood of me moving any time soon just went down exponentially.

"My guess is that they will start cutting through the back of container since we can't move you away from this door. Until they are out we won't risk disarming the bomb."

I get that they want to minimize the casualties, I really do, but musical statues was never my gig and about this point the cramps are starting to settle in with more regularity.

The organizing committee cross over to us after a fairly heated discussion. Supermodel gives a tight-lipped confirmation of Ethan's informed guess and we prepare to settle in for a couple more hours while the acetylene gang is brought in. Mia goes back up top with Will's help to announce to our guests what the plan is and get them to move as far away from the back wall as possible. There are sounds of movement from inside including the sound of what could be a body being dragged across the floor. While all this is happening a new guy taps in for Ethan and a new interpreter arrives for Mia.

I watch from my tower as they engage in a heated discussion and the very fact that they can have a heated discussion has me grinding my teeth in frustration. What if I never get to have another knock down fight with Kate? What if last night's drunken sex is the last memory she ever has of me? My head is pounding and I don't think it's just the hangover. New guy hands me some pills for the headache and signals for sunglasses. The last thing they need is for me to pass out with a migraine. I close my eyes for a moment and when I open them again Mia is climbing into a vehicle and Ethan is coming back up the platform.

"What's going on?" Ethan's face is a picture of grim but quite frankly I don't give a flying fuck. If Mia is leaving it would have been good to get to say goodbye.

"She's going to get Christian." What? A phone call wouldn't do? I should be disgusted about my own selfishness right now but when the shit hits the fan she always turns to me. Why bring Christian in now?

The new interpreter is on the roof and we settle into our pattern. Ethan taking obs and feeding me all manner of shit. The sound of the torches burning through metal punctuated by foreign language conversations.

"Anyone got some reruns of Friends they could play. This shit is fucking dire, man." Ethan chuckles but he reaches out and grips my hand and I try not to cry like a fucking girl. "You know you don't have to stay here."

"Yeah. And you know you talk a lot of shit? I'm not going anywhere."

"No listen, man. You've got a wife and I need to know that you're watching out for Kate…I mean, if anything happens…" Choking up and talking about the end is not a good thing.

"We're gonna get you out of this. End of story. My sister is planning a Carribean wedding and I am going to be there for it. It'll be you, me, your boys and Christian. We are going together man. Either way." He slips the pressure cuff off my arm once more and checks the heart monitor. "You're a prick, you know. The only time your heart rate elevates is when I mention Kate. You are so fucking pussy whipped."

"Yeah, well I bet it would look the same for you if I mentioned Mia. I can't believe any of this shit, dude."

He looks at me sideways. "The bomb?"

"No, I mean you and Mia and the whole spy thing. I mean, how did we not know any of this? Did you guys meet in the agency?"

"Fuck. It's a long story."

"I've apparently got a few hours."

"I would tell you but then you would want to kill me and since you're standing on a ten tonne weapon I'm not sure I want to risk it."

"You won't tell me but you've told Christian."

"Jesus, even when you're facing down death you're still in competition with your little brother. Look, I needed Christian's expertise. He needed some reassurances and telling about Mia and me was the only way to give those. As to the agency, he knew about me. To my knowledge he still doesn't know about Mia. That is going to be a big fat freaking surprise when she gets to Escala, which I would say will be in about fifteen minutes."

The next couple of hours go in a blur of tedium with people coming and going from the site. The only constant is Ethan who has stayed with me through most of the past few hours apart from slipping away first to don some safety gear and then later to remove it. Now Kate arrives looking for all the world like she is about to do a Joan of Arc and ride in to save me. I can see the looks of grim determination on my brother and his security team as they watch her give supermodel a dressing down. She looks amazing, her arms flying out from her body and her pointy fingers poking him in the chest. Just when I think she is getting nowhere fast I see him capitulate and Mia drags her back to one of the armored buses. When I look at Ethan he looks grim but totally unsurprised that Kate is here.

"You called her, didn't you?" A quick look into my face is all I need as confirmation that he is a good guy but an interfering dickhead. "Damn!"

"I'll make sure she doesn't stay long but she needed to know." What he doesn't say is that she is here to say goodbye. I blink away sweat from my eyes, trying not get all emotional.

"Fuck you very much."A few minutes later they emerge with Kate dressed in the latest designer bomb squad couture. Fucking cute, but now I'm going to walk that fine line between wanting to fuck her or smack her.

* * *

_**A/N:**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

_**These characters and the canon storyline belongs to EL James. The character motivations and alternative plotlines are from my imagination and are shaped by the wonderful reviewers and Betas who challenge and assist me in so many ways. **_

_**Song Lyrics are the property of the original writers and artists. **_

_**Please visit my blog  
**_

_**Please Review - Your Thoughts, Questions and Encouragement Help!  
**_


	21. Chapter 21: Orange Colored Sky

**_A/N: almost forgot the most important part! a BIG thank you to my beta and technical advisor, Vip, without whom Agent Mehta and his tech-talk would not exist! _**

* * *

**_Then the ceiling fell in and the bottom fell out_**

**_I went into a spin and I started to shout_**

**_I've been hit, this is it, this is it!_**

**_Orange Colored Sky - Nat King Cole_**

* * *

Orange. The color that would remind me of today. Orange - the color behind the months of nightmares that would follow. Orange - the container, the hard hats, the bomb disposal gear, the letters on the back of the agency flak jackets, the sparks from welding gear shooting across the sky. Orange, the smell of burning flesh.

My heart goes into overdrive from the moment I put down the phone. I get in the Merc and race across Portland to get to the heliport arriving just as Christian touches down. Jason is out of the chopper closely followed by another member of Christian's security team and across to meet me before I get through the security doors.

"Kate, this is Stephen Lindsey, he will drive your car back to Seattle." I nod mutely knowing my words would be lost in the rotor noise. After I hand over my keys Jason puts an arm around me and shepherds me toward the chopper. He climbs into the back with Mia after he has me strapped in next to Christian.

Once we are airborne and Christian has spoken to the control tower, Mia's voice comes over my headset explaining that Elliot has stepped on what she calls a Pressure Contact Trigger designed to set off bombs attached to a freight container at the building site. She doesn't give details about the 'who' or the 'why' just the 'what'. I have a thousand questions but the noise from the rotor makes it impossible to really have a d & m how it all happened. What I do get is that he had made the mistake at about 11am and has been standing there ever since. We are ten minutes past the conversation when I register that she has said bombs, as in plural.

When we touch down at Escala, Ana is there moving me quickly to the Escala bedroom that Elliot and I slept in last night where a change of clothing is waiting for me. Looking around, I wonder if this bed is the last one that I will make love to him on. Gail enters with a bag full of linen and hands it to Ana before leaving. As she looks at me I know without words that she has rescued these from the laundry. I recall the night Christian went missing asking her to do the same for Ana. Placing them near my work clothes Ana touches my shoulder. These little things will be my solace in the worst case scenario.

"They'll be here when you get back. Now go." Her arms go around me, her lips on my cheek. I feel her fear on my behalf.

We are hustled down to the basement where Luke and Jason are ready for us. Christian wraps an arm around my waist while Mia holds my hand all the way down. We don't speak. There is nothing more to say. Mia joins her driver. Christian travels in the back of the SUV holding me firmly under his arm as he strokes the back of my hand. As we leave Escala and then upon arrival at North Beach we are inundated with news crews being held back from the action. God knows how they know what is going on. It seems only God and media trolls are omnipotent. I've never been more ashamed of my profession than I am right now.

My whole body is trembling and Christian pulls me in closer as we pass security and head to the top of the drive. Emerging from the car I see him standing there, looking tired but so beautiful and all I want to do is go to him. Someone holds me back. Jason I think. I don't understand. At first I try to get out of his grasp. He has made a mistake. He knows I have to go to Elliot. That is why we are here.

"Kate, stop, you can't go up there." I still for a moment and turn my body in his hold, looking up at him in complete disbelief.

"Let me go. I have to go to him." My voice is calm, foreign to me. He firms his grip.

"You can't, Kate."

"Jason, get your hands off me." He tightens and I struggle. He's lost his marbles. He has no right to stop me. My voice goes from a malevolent whisper to a full watch-your-testicles roar. "Get your fucking hands off me." Screaming, slapping, struggling but most of all screaming, that just feels amazing. Jason is losing the fight.

"Katherine." Christian's dominant voice cuts in and he moves in to pull me into his protective body. I breathe him in but he is not Elliot. He is not my Elliot. "Katherine." I know that tone, I am in trouble. He is about to scold me. I go to pull away from his impending discipline but he folds me in tighter.

"Kate. You can't go to him. Look at me." Somewhere in the struggle the fight leaves my body and the shudder of my first sobs arrives. "If you go up there upset or without safety gear, he might step off that plate. If there is any chance of him surviving we have to play this smart. Keep him calm. That starts with you. If I was up there and Ana came in like that I am not sure that I could have kept my cool. Look at him. I'm not sure I would have the composure to survive but he does. He can, but not if you lose it. You can do this. You need to use that analytic brain and work out how to do this so we can keep him alive."

His speech, his voice, the continued contact from a man who I know hates to be touched is enough to bring me to heel. My brain switches in dampening my emotions. What does Elliot need from me? What would help him to keep it together long enough to stay alive? He searches my face for a sign that I have heard him. I have.

"Good girl." As he continues to placate me Mia moves closer to us.

"Kate, you're going to have to direct some of that energy to my boss. He is going to be the one who will permit you through but not if he sees hysteria." I look in her eyes, once more acknowledging the message and drawing on all of my reserve to get some control over my body and my emotions. The desperate diva act is not going to work. A few deep breaths and a reassuring hug from Christian before I look up toward Elliot. He is exhausted, I can see it, emotionally and physically but his remaining energy is reaching out to me. Whatever I do now has to be calculated to take that worry off his face. I need to be smart.

"Introduce me to your boss." Mia takes my arm and turns me away from Elliot toward a tall man. In another life I would have called him stunning. He is every bit as gorgeous as Elliot and Christian, with the same dominant qualities. With that first glance I know how to work him.

"Sir, this is Elliot's partner, Kate Kavanagh. Kate this is Agent Rory Jensen. He is in charge of this operation."

I don't give him time to talk. "Agent Jensen, I need to get up there to my fiancé. How can we make this happen?"

"Miss Kavanagh, we are operating under EOD protocols here. There is no possibility of you getting any closer than this and you are only here right now because Mr. Grey contacted my superior and insisted that the two of you should be allowed access to the property. This was permitted under certain conditions so I have to tell you that not only will you not go any closer than this but you will both have to leave once we breach the walls of the container."

So not happening. "Mr. Jensen." Leaving out the agent is deliberate. Let me remind you that you are a nobody here. "The fates of everyone involved here, from the people in the container, to your agents, right down to your ass are being controlled right now by one person."

"And Elliot is doing a good job of keeping things under control. If you go up…"

"Not him. Although I will grant you that he has been in charge up until now. Right now, all of his body language tells me that his emotional and psychological well-being is now tied to my presence. If you want to keep everyone alive in the next half hour then I would suggest that you do the smart thing, the humane thing and let him talk to me. That man is about to give up. I can see it from here and I might be the only thing that stops that from happening. So you will give me access to whatever gear I need and you will let me get close enough to him so that I can talk him off this emotional ledge. If he asks me to leave then we can discuss what happens next. But I promise you that you will lose him if you send us away without a word to him."

I would go nose to nose with him but he is another giant and here's me without my dancing shoes. He's stuck and he knows it. No point in extending the stand-off.

"Agent Grey. Suit her up." His eyes don't leave mine. "There will be restrictions. You can't get any closer than shouting distance, the edge of the drive. Are we clear?"

"Crystal, Agent Jensen."

* * *

Now I'm dressed like a giant orange Michelin man as I waddle up towards the container. Elliot is shocked by my approach, I can tell. Well, man up, baby, 'cause if you think I'm leaving without having the last word then you're sadly mistaken.

"Hey, tough day, babe?" The effort of waddling up the hill has me breathing heavy.

"Nah, just been hanging around really." The concern in his eyes belies his humorous quip. "Katie, what are you doing here?"

"Probably kicking your ass but let's play it by ear, shall we? Looks like you've put your big foot in it again."

He chuckles and the tension leaves his body. "Yeah, well, seems it was better me than some other poor schmuck. But I'd be happier if I knew you were safely away from all of this shit."

"What and miss the fun? No way, babe. Team right? Those were your words." I'm trying not to let my voice break but shit, it's hard.

"Baby, please. If something happened…" I know what he's saying and I'm not sure I could stand here and watch him get blown to smithereens.

"Listen, sweetheart, you don't get to give up that easily. You are coming home with me."

"Katie, I…"

"Don't you fucking dare, Elliot. We have plans, you and me. So if you think for a second that you are going to leave me in this life I will hunt you into the next and give you the ass whooping you so richly deserve."

"Okay, babe. I get it." I want to make him laugh. I need to see his smile more than I need to breathe. And as soon as he does the emotion clogs my arteries. Tears threaten again, my mouth is dry and I'm fighting my own body. "Shit, Katie. Don't. Please I need to talk to you."

After a few desperate moments I get my vocal chords to cooperate. "I'm listening."

"Dad has my will." Fuck, he's giving up. I drop my head. "No, babe, you said you were listening. Everything is for you. From the moment we met, it has always been you. My folks, they know that. I wanted you taken care of, so my share of the business, the house, everything is yours."

I don't want to hear this. This talk of wills is the voice of defeat. The ache squeezes my heart in its brittle hands pausing the flow of my blood and freezing my muscles in instant atrophy. Pain is a tangible being inside my veins of splinters and shards. Every breath is a deliberate act of will that I have to concentrate to complete.

"Stop it! Just stop! You don't get to tell me any of this shit because it doesn't apply to us. Not this time. Your father called me this morning when he couldn't get hold of you. Mattie is coming home. Do you hear me? Our little boy is coming home. He is waiting for his Mom and Dad to get married at that church in Haiti with Liana and James and all the kids and then our baby boy is coming home with us. So don't you dare do anything stupid and leave us here. With the exception of a couple of pieces of paper, you are a husband and a father and we need you. So don't you fucking dare give up."

His body is frozen in shock and Ethan's hand seems to be the only thing that is holding him up. I am willing him to hear what I have said. We have a family, he has a family of his own and he can't leave us now. His head drops to his chest and for a horrible moment I think I have made it worse. That perhaps that arrogant Agent Jensen was right and I shouldn't be here. Then he lifts his head and reaches over for the water bottle, uncapping it and guzzling down half the bottle.

"Well, then I'm depending on you to go down there and make sure that no one does anything stupid to put me or anyone else in danger. You need to do what you do best, baby. Milk every ounce of information out of these fuckwits and keep me safe, babe."

His expression is hard but full of confidence in me. "Okay. Don't go anywhere, hey."

"Got nothing better to do with my day. Me and your bro are just going to hang here and shoot the breeze."

His smile is all the reassurance I need and I turn to leave. "Katie. I love you, babe."

"I love you, too, you big lug." Just as I start to move away I hear him call out again.

"Laters, baby." I keep my eyes focused on the safety zone as the tears begin to fall. There is no way I am going to let him see me cry.

* * *

Once Mia gets me out of the rubber suit, she sets to work convincing Christian to go and break the news to their parents in person. While she fights that battle, I unleash hell on Rory Jensen until he capitulates on giving me access to their bomb disposal expert. Within half an hour I am pacing anxiously waiting to enter the operations truck to talk with the CIA bomb expert. A few minutes later, I am ushered inside by Agent Jensen and it's like entering the tardis. The deceptively spacious interior houses a fully operational control center with equipment, lights and monitors everywhere. A man wearing an ill- fitting back suit stands abruptly as we enter wiping his hand on his pants before thrusting it toward me. I take it and am at least reassured by his firm handshake.

"Miss Kavanagh, this is our bomb disposal expert, Agent Mehta of the EOD unit. Spooky, Miss Kavanagh would like the defusal process explained…in plain language."

Spooky? What the hell sort of name is that? Any ground he gained with the handshake has been lost with the fugly suit and the name. And now apparently this schmuck is about to take me through the Bomb Disposal for Dummies text book. Fuck - if I am placing Elliot's fate with this prat then he and Jensen are going to have to up their game.

"Good morning Ma'am, the process is a little technical but in layman's terms we will now set about the time consuming task of diffusing the elements of the explosives one by one. Do you have any questions, Ma'am?" The guy who was a bundle of nerves when we walked in has now decided that the little woman is to be humored. Well, fuck this.

"Exactly what do you do here, Mr. Mehta?" He looks a little taken aback by my question especially when I put my patented 'surely, you cannot be their top explosives guy' look on my face. Idiot! Changing tack I place my hands on my hips I deliberately place my feet apart taking my weight on one foot while thrusting my none-too-impressive rack directly in his sight line. His eyes just about pop out of his head when my hand snakes up to my lips and I bite on my finger as if I am thinking really hard. After a couple of seconds bead of sweat appears on his brow and he struggles to swallow.

"Um, well…I guess… ah, i-i-in layman's terms, my job is to, ah, diffuse the bomb." Oh, shit, one look at pair of tits and he is barely articulate? I take a couple of deep breaths then bite my lip. He mirrors me. Fuck, maybe he is just one of those incredibly capable nerds. The perennial SuperGeek - saving the world one computer program at a time. But he works with explosive devices. Shouldn't he be calm? Confident? Focused? I'm trying to rustle up an image of the Hurt Locker here and this guy is coming across like a character from The freaking Office. Perhaps sexual intimidation is not the answer. If he really is going to save Elliot, I need to see some sort of focus under pressure not this quivering horny sweaty mess.

Questions! Where do I begin? Up until now, my mind has been a jumble of conflicting emotions with the capacity to form a cohesive thought eluding me. Now, my mind comes into complete focus like flicking the switch. I ask the first question that comes into my mind and the only thing that matters most to me.

"Tell me, Agent Mehta, in executing this process, exactly how do you intend to safely return my fiancé to me?" Seems simple enough but his eyes are darting back and forth between me and Jensen as if he is waiting for some sort of translation. At this moment I begin to question if he and I have the same priorities around Elliot's safety. When his freaky eyes eventually settle on me it is with a sorry expression.

"Sorry Ma'am, I cannot comment on EOD protocols." Can't or won't? If I hadn't been concentrating on reading the little prick so closely, I might have missed the little smirk that he threw Jensen's way. He's trying to pull some sort of information power trip here and he seems to have Jensen's full support to do so. A veil of red mist descends. Stepping hastily forward my right arm reaches for this man's throat as my other hand grabs his testicles. I push him back a few steps until he hits the wall and my voice radiates with a cold fury

"Listen to me, asshole... that man over there is my fiancé and for the past few hours he has been operating under the misapprehension that once you freed the hostages, he would become your top priority. Forgive me if I'm wrong but I'm not getting that feel good vibe. Now, you are going to explain to me…in what did you call it? Layman's terms… exactly what you are going to do and how you are planning to bring him safely back to me or I will rip off your testicles, shove them down your throat and watch you choke you to death."

Finally, I see what I desperately need to see. Initial shock turns to defiance as his eyes harden and focus above my head. His body is flexed and tense under my hands indicating that if he wanted to, he could take me down with one swift maneuver. His poise under this pressure probably belies a new understanding that dealing with an explosive weapon is a lot easier that an explosive female. His eyes flick towards Rory Jensen. Big mistake, buster! Tightening my grip downstairs I lean into his neck for extra emphasis. You're dealing with me, asshole. Not that fuckwit, Jensen. Emitting a small choking noise, he gives me nod. I let go of him.

"My apologies, Ma'am." The guy rubs at his neck, eyes focused back over my head like a good little soldier. When he has himself together he guides me over to a screen where there is a 3-D simulation of what I suppose must be the container with the platform in front of it. It shows the location of Elliot and Ethan. The lights go on. To this guy, who to my knowledge, hasn't stepped outside this truck all day, Elliot is an image on the screen, a series of numbers and my hands itch to choke him again. "What we currently know is that the trailer has been rigged with eight blocks of Semtex H, each block with its own pressure switch trigger. These have been implanted at various intervals under the gap between the container and the trailer. Any attempt to move the trailer will trigger an explosion. It also appears that there are further explosives lined up along the inside of the door so any attempt to open it may trigger them."

My mind races. TJ had summoned the trucking company to move the trailer earlier this morning. When the guy had finally turned up he had been stopped and turned away at the security gates. Nausea hits me in a wave as I think what could have happened if he had arrived before the CIA did. All those women waiting for their freedom now, would have been killed instantly. My mind then summons up all those orange sparks going on around the container as we speak. If movement can trigger the bombs what can a spark do?

"You have men with blow torches working at the back of the container. Won't that set off the explosives?"

"No Ma'am. We have scanned the container with detectors; we know there are no devices within four feet of the breach zone and a blowtorch cannot ignite these explosives. They need a special detonator to trigger them. Right now our hostages are relatively safe." He signals to another screen that shows a mass of hot yellow, orange and red near the front of the container. That fucking smirk is back and I'm ready to slap it off his face. He loves this shit. I bet if I glanced down right now, he would have a semi in his pants. I suppose a love of explosive devices might actually be working in our favor here but those women and Elliot are more than just a problem to be solved.

"So what is the plan? How are you getting my fiancé back to me safely and those poor women out of that container?" I know I must sound like a broken record but he needs to hear that connection. I need him to see them as human beings with families, hopes and aspirations. Not as thermal images on a screen and certainly not as collateral damage.

"We have sent a robot to check on all the explosives. Each device has an independent trigger, but they are all daisy chained so the activation of a single trigger will set off all of the blocks." Oh, Jesus, this just gets worse and worse.

"Currently we are planning to follow the render safe protocols. We have nearly completed the breach. Once that is done, we are going to get the hostages in the container out." Yes, apparently that is the easy bit.

"What about Elliot?"

"That will take a little longer. Normally we would use a robot to disarm the explosives. However in this case the explosives are inaccessible to a robotic arm. We will need to go in manually and diffuse each explosive. This is usually only done as a last resort. Unlike what you see in movies, we don't cut the red wire." He laughs at his own joke, not appreciating that he is one giggle away from castration but then he looks at my face and sober seems to be the order of the day. "We intend to use a pigstick to blast the detonators."

"Won't the blast trigger the explosive?" God, what are these people thinking? "And what the fuck is a pigstick?"

"A pigstick, Ma'am, is a water stick that delivers a very high pressured precise jet. It is powerful enough to blow the wires out from the detonators. Once we sever the connection to the detonator, the explosive can't be triggered. However, before we can hope to diffuse the bomb, we are going to setup a reactive armor shield in front of your fiancé which should offer him some protection just in case." An alarm goes off at one of the stations and he is momentarily distracted shutting it down. He looks over his shoulder at Jensen who gives him a nod. "I'm sorry Ma'am. I have to go now, I'm needed. It looks like they have just breached the container."

Just as he is leaving, I call out to him. "Agent Mehta!" He stops in the doorway and looks back at me. "Please, bring him back safely!" With a small, tight-lipped nod and disappears out of the truck. Jensen looks grim, having realized that Mehta has given me more information than he ever intended when he agreed to bring me in here. My first stop is to debrief Christian with this information. Clearly, Jason and Luke had both expected a remote defusal and they both let out a whistle of air when I tell them what I know.

* * *

Twelve very frightened and damaged women are escorted from the container by agents. Mia is in the thick of it, speaking quietly to them in their native tongue and the flighty girl I thought I knew becomes a woman of substance before my very eyes. Part of me is relieved that the next phase is about to begin. On the other hand, the next part holds the most risk and I don't need a heart monitor to know that I'm dealing with the thoroughbred of all pulses.

I want to be useful; I want to be in the thick of the action because sitting still is a situation painted in shades of ape-shit crazy. Luckily, Mia is one of only two women in the whole operation so my skills as a bearer of estrogen are required if only to keep the women calm in the presence of all of these armed and intimidating men.

Once the medics have done a quick check to ensure that we aren't dealing with any life threatening injuries the women are loaded on to a bus to be taken for debriefing. My heart goes out to them. From what I can gather none of them had signed up for this gig. Mia is tight-lipped on the details but I can tell that she is none too happy with the stories she is hearing.

Before the bus leaves the compound there is a flurry of activity as a gurney is wheeled up to the container. I hope that whoever is injured will be able to stay with the main group. To say that my heart sinks when they load up a body bag and trundle it down the hill toward a waiting ambulance, is an understatement. The thought of being locked up with a dead body makes my stomach churn and for a fleeting moment I wonder how well they knew the deceased. My attention turns back to the last few women boarding the bus as I try to gauge their reaction. Four of them have stopped to watch the body being loaded in the vehicle. I brace myself for tears and sadness but one by one they spit on the ground before entering the vehicle. The last woman in line places a protective arm over the one in front but this seems to trigger something and the girl turns back toward the ambulance shouting something that sounds like a stream of curse words before brushing her hand under chin in a universal symbol of fuck-you-and-the-goat-you-rode-in-on. The others glance around nervously with waiting-for-the-axe fear in their eyes before hustling her quickly inside the vehicle, the doors shutting on her continued tirade.

Agent Jensen waits at a distance before approaching us as the last of the women disappear inside. Apparently he has a strong enough sense of self-preservation to keep away from them.

"Miss Kavanagh, we are about to start the next phase of this operation which will necessitate us clearing the area. I am going to have to insist that all civilians leave the property before we begin." The shit-head is deadly serious and out of his pea-brained mind. I stare at him long enough to give him nowhere to go but exasperated sigh. "You're not going to go, are you?"

"Nah-ah. So you better come up with another option."

"Kate." Pausing for effect, he lowers his head so that I can get an eyeful of feigned concern. "This really isn't safe and my head is on the line should you get hurt." As far as tactics go, suddenly getting up close and personal in the hope that my emotional state will soften my stance is just one assumption way too many. The self-righteous jerk does not have permission to use my first name and I sure as hell won't be returning the favor.

"_Agent_ Jensen, you don't seem to appreciate that while those two men up there, my fiancé and my brother, are both putting their lives on the line I will not be leaving this compound. I certainly will not be telling either of our families that I walked away before this is over. And since Christian Grey owns the piece of land you're standing on, I am fairly sure that he has at the very least a legal claim that might usurp your authority around here." I know this isn't strictly true. I'm pretty sure that matters of National Security would trump but I am going to play every card in my hand while I am still sitting at the table. Jensen stalks away muttering something about stubborn women.

Now it seems all we can do is wait and pray. They won't let us go anywhere near Elliot and Ethan now and a brief but very public conversation via the CIA comms system is all that we are permitted. Christian and his parents are relayed in from Bellevue.

"Dude, I want a rematch, you feel me?" Christian talks with Elliot first.

"I'm looking forward to kicking your ass again, man." Elliot's voice comes over the radio. "Listen, if this all goes south, look after everyone for me."

"Nothing is going to happen but I hear you and consider it done. It will be my honor and privilege." Christian always sounds like he should have lived in a different age. "And Lelliot?"

"Yeah, bro?"

"I …I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. You're a role model and a friend and I…I love you, bro." There is a long air silence.

"I love you too, bro. I wouldn't change anything. Not a damn thing."

The message relay from Carrick and Grace has us all choking back our tears as they express their love and their pride. Then it's my turn and for the life of me I can't do more than tell him I love him.

As the day heads towards late afternoon, the sky changes from blue to orange-red. Tomorrow will be a beautiful day. Tomorrow this will all be behind us. Tomorrow will mark the future. All bodies not required in the blast zone are now safely monitoring the action from behind the EOD vehicles. Elliot has been suited up and a wall of protective material has been placed between he and Ethan and the container to shield them from the worst of the blast should anything go wrong. Of course, no one can guarantee that any of this will protect them at all and once more Mia and I leave unspoken the fact that we could both end this day losing a lover and a brother.

The useless disposal robot has been re-purposed to provide us with a grainy video feed that we anxiously monitor. Agent Mehta, Ethan and Elliot are the only people in the zone, each completely focused on the task at hand. One by one we watch as Spooky releases the detonators, each success bringing more air back into my lungs, each one charging the gathered crowd with quiet confidence. Elated applause erupts when finally the three men start to walk down the hill toward us. So it took us all by surprise when another loud flash of blasting orange burst in the sky behind them.

* * *

_**A/N:**_

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

_**These characters and the canon storyline belongs to EL James. The character motivations and alternative plot lines are from my imagination and are shaped by the wonderful reviewers and Betas who challenge and assist me in so many ways. **_

_**Song Lyrics are the property of the original writers and artists. **_

_**Please visit my blog  
**_

_**Please Review - Your Thoughts, Questions and Encouragement Help!**_


	22. Chapter 22: Adagio

_**A/N: Sorry this took a little longer than I intended and I really struggled to get something down on paper. Then it all came in a massive flood this afternoon. So, forgive me, it hasn't been proofread or Beta'd. It also went in a wildly different direction than I intended. So in the cold light of day I might change my mind depending on your feedback. Let me have it. Have I jumped the shark with this one? Sx**_

* * *

_**If you know where to find me  
If you know how to reach me  
Before this light fades away  
Before I run out of faith**_

_**Adagio - Lara Fabian**_

* * *

In an instant day turns to night. A blanket of nothingness is thrown over me bringing with it involuntary-bodily-fluid-release-terror. I have no idea how I might have fared on that front because there is nothing apart from the sensation that time is suspended. If I can feel at all, it would best be described as weightless, transported into that other world that Kate threatened me with. God, that seems like a lifetime ago. In those timeless, weightless moments her face angry, beautiful, challenging, laughing, loving flash in halting movie frames behind my eyes. God, I'm gonna miss her.

The first sensation is the force with which the ground comes up to meet me. Given the disorientation, I'm not totally convinced that the trailer hasn't been launched and landed on my chest except that my hands slide through gravel before I roll. Nope, definitely just ate dirt.

After that initial impact time switches back on but nothing else seems to want to work. The sky is still dark, the air is silent and due to the safety suit I'm doing what must be a very attractive stranded turtle dance. I figure any time now the lights and sound will come back on but my first issue seems to be an inability to suck any air into my lungs.

My hands flap around my head, trying to gain some traction on the mask over my face. In my desperation to get some air on my skin I smack away other hands before I register they are trying to help. With the release of the mask comes a cool breeze and my mouth goes all goldfish in an attempt to fill my gills. Fuck that hurts. Who knew breathing could be so painful? I groan, or at least I think I do. I can't hear it but the feeling resonates in my chest. Fuck!

The absence of any sensation is some scary shit. Grit in my eyes prevents me from opening them but since I can't sense the light I decide that's a shit storm I don't want to confront. More concerning is my efforts to move are getting me nowhere since I can't feel diddly-squat below my hips. Jesus, Fuck!

Hands are on me again as my body gets rolled gingerly on to one side. I want to keep going to my back but I am stopped and I can feel someone supporting my neck. Everyone seems intent on keeping me still. I am intent on running. I need to find her. I need to know that she is okay. Only the lights and sound are still off and my legs seem to be gone. Looks like I might have to settle in. Besides, the in and out stuff is about all I can cope with right now. Panic over injury can take a flying fuck at the moon, breathing is all that's keeping me on earth.

There is a flurry of movement behind me, something hits my upper back as it is slid into place beside me. I'm guessing it is some sort of isolation board and that is just hunky with me. At least I felt it. There must be a team of people gently rolling me onto my back because the movement is so slow and controlled but I have this weird feeling of being about to fall off a cliff. There ain't nothing below me. A collar goes around my neck, a mask over my face and I suck on that beautiful oxygen like it's my last drink because let's face it, it just might be.

Pain is overwhelming in the absence of these other senses. Pain in my chest, pain in my back, both working to squeeze me flat like a toothpaste tube in a vice. I want to ask them to take the weight off me but I've been strapped into place and the mask swallows any sound I might want to make.

Liquid gets squirted into my eyes, followed by a cool cloth. It soothes and stings at the same time. I must be imagining this because that million dollar designer fishbowl they put over my head a few hundred hours ago should have stopped anything from hitting my face, right? Slowly I try to open my eyes but there is nothing. Only the sensation of gunk sticking my lids together. I might have to leave this one until later.

Slowly the first thing to return are the sounds. I feel like my head is in a bucket of water but I can at least hear something. People are yelling instructions, someone leans close to my ear. I can't make out their words. I think I can hear the word 'back' but there isn't much else I can make out. I feel the sensation of something pulling on my upper thigh but it is indistinct. Hell, everything is indistinct. A hand slips into mine, I feel her kiss and the moisture of her tears. She's safe. That's all I need to know, and the last thing I think before I pass out.

* * *

The surface beneath me has changed. Cool, firm but not gravel. It feels good. I'm aware of motion but with no sound and no light and no sensation below my chest there isn't a reason to stick around.

* * *

Light. Thank fuck for that. It's going by too fast and it's way too bright. I try blink but that blurry glue is holding my lids firm and besides I can't hold on. I'm vaguely conscious of shutting it all out before I pass out again.

* * *

In my dreams I see the flash in front of me but I know that can't be right because I know it came from behind. My feet plant hard as I run but the blast throws me forward at a thousand miles an hour completely lifting me off the ground and tossing me like javelin - only a big ugly, lumpy one. The noise begins as a hiss accelerating past me, wrapping me in intense heat before ripping the sounds from the air. A hot burst of orange lights up the sky above me as it singes the hair on the back of my neck. My body slams towards the ground at the same moment that I know, without a doubt, that the sound and light will be rent from me. My eyes open with a start, breathing ragged, heartbeat racing.

I'm on my back so I've worked out the direction of up. My sight is still blurred but I make out that I am surrounded by machinery and tubing. I can't hear it though. The beep and blip of monitors must be happening because I catch flashes of light in the darkness and sense the rise and fall of an oxygen pump. There are people, forms, indistinct, moving around me. I try to follow their movement but I can't turn my head. My hand moves to grasp the bed for traction and it is then I feel the cannula and follow the line of the tube with my hand. God only knows what they are pumping into me. My throat feels tight and I want to swallow but something is blocking me. Movement rapidly followed by scratching discomfort as a tube is pulled from my throat. I guess we're not in fucking Kansas anymore, Toto. A mask is placed over my face and I let myself go.

* * *

It's dark again. Shit. Then my eyes register shapes. It must be night. I see the end of the bed. The shape of unknown equipment beside and above me. A silhouette of a body in a chair across the room. The spread of the legs, the angle of the body, says it is a man. Where is Kate? I close my eyes and drift again.

* * *

Light. Morning? Everything is still indistinct and silent. Fuck. I can't handle the silence and I scramble to try and sit up but nothing is fucking working. Hands again, steadying me, stilling me. I want to push them away but I have no energy and then cold floods through my veins. I sink back down but not out. A cloth is wiped across my eyes, clearing the glue and I blink my way into some semblance of vision. It isn't great but it is better than nothing. I see her standing on the other side of the room, worrying a fingernail. The most beautiful fucking perfect thing I have ever seen. When the uniform moves away from me she crosses the room and takes my hand.

"Hey." I don't so much hear it but read it on her lips. The smile is forced, the eyes are tired, but her voice is still behind a wall of cottonwool and I feel the floodgates open. Jesus, her voice is the husky sound of sex in the early morning. Her voice is a screaming banshee that raises my blood pressure and makes me feel alive. Her laughter is the lilting echo of bells ringing out across my heart and the cry of ecstasy claiming my own release. Her voice is the song of my soul. I shut my eyes, hoping that my ears might compensate if I bring back the darkness. It doesn't work. Somehow I could live with the sight of her burned only on the inside of my head but to never hear her music again would fucking kill me.

Her hands are on either side of my head pulling me back into the room. I open up and stare at her through my stupid girlie tears. She leans over and kisses my forehead, lips soft and silky, relaxing my brow. I try to calm myself for her, sucking deep breaths down my scratchy throat and forcing my lungs to expand through the pain.

I see her looking around, talking to someone else in the room. Christian is there. He walks forward and takes my free hand. The one without the dinky tupperware attachments. Our hands wrap around each other before he lifts it to his mouth and kisses the back of my clenched fist.

"Fucking, poofter." He laughs and I'm biting back tears again at that muffled barrier. He lowers his head and looks at me carefully. Then begins to speak slowly.

"You will hear again. No damage." He repeats it so I understand and I nod, squeezing his hand with relief before bringing it to my mouth. His face is back in mine. "Now who's gay?" The uniform moves back into view ushering them out. A doctor starts poking and prodding at the end of the bed and I finally notice the wires and pulleys. Fuck, I'm strung up like a sub in a playroom and it seems this over-qualified sheet-changer seems to think its time to adjust the ropes. After a while he gives up, and starts writing notes on his clipboard. I'm thinking he was trying to get some sort of response out of my legs. I don't want to finish that thought.

The nurse meanwhile is blood pressuring and heart beating up a storm. I try to relax but I know that my anxiety is through the roof in spite of whatever they shot into my tubes before. Another thermometer, another show. More notes are made. Times are checked and written down and I am transported back to the trailer with Ethan. Fuck I wonder how he is.

After the uniforms are done Kate moves back into view. Christian shifts a chair in behind her so she can sit at my side. He leans over and kisses the top of her head, her hand goes to the hand he has placed on her shoulder and pats. Words are spoken but I can't read their lips so I don't know. Platitudes I guess. Reassurances. She turns back to me nodding her head as he leaves the room.

"Ethan?" Her eyes widen and then her mouth lifts a little at the edges before she gives the ok signal.

"He's fine." Thank fuck for that. Poor bastard got completely caught yesterday and I know that it is because of my relationship with Kate that he put himself in the firing line. Who knew the psyche major was a fucking CIA hero? I can't quite wrap my head around that one. Any more than I can wrap my head around my baby sister being a bad ass with a gun fetish.

* * *

"Are you going to tell me how she ended up in the fucking CIA?" We had just watched Mia drive off to go and meet Kate. By this stage of my day I figured only dead would make it worse so tearing a few strips off my brother-in-law seemed like pretty good sport as a last wish.

"You aren't ready to hear it and it really isn't my story to tell." He was taking that line and sticking with it. He took in the look on my face and decided to throw in a peace offering. "She is awesome at her job. That's all you need to know."

All I need to know. I'm thinking now about all the things that Christian didn't know about me and all things that neither of us know about Mia. Then it dawns on me.

"Paris was a big fat fucking lie?"

"Not all of it. She crammed four years of training into about six weeks just before we came back to Seattle." My jaw hits the ground with a resonating 'fuck me'. "Mia is incredibly smart."

"Yeah, she was always pain-in-my-ass smart but six weeks?"

"No, I mean genius fucking Mensa-for-life, IQ-through-the-roof smart." Kinda speechless right now. I mean I always knew she was a clever kid, a talented musician and I remember the fight over her leaving high school but I know that Mom and Dad were more concerned that she be allowed to grow up. That and the fact that the whole 'special classes' thing seemed like a money-making routine on the part of the university.

"How smart are we talking?"

"Masters degree and PhD smart. Topped her classes at the academy including firearms and unarmed combat. Computer forensics expert, speaks five languages fluently and another three with competence. And she can cook. Really cook. Oh, and she can get half a dozen close kills before you notice she's in the room."

"Holy shit! And you still married her?"

"Yeah, go figure." I sense there is a lot he isn't saying. In fact, things went pretty fucking quiet until Kate joined the party a couple of hours later.

* * *

"What's wrong with my legs?" I have no idea if I am shouting but I guess from the way she jumps that I am.

"Nothing." Liar. "Your back." It takes a moment to process. I take a deep breath before I ask the next question.

"Broken?" She shakes her head. That has to be good. Doesn't it?

"Trauma, not broken." I got 'drama' instead of trauma but the rest was pretty loud and clear. Those two words go rapid fire mantra through my system. Yeah, all cool. All good.

"Temporary?" At that point she breaks down, makes the sign of the cross before dropping her head on her hands. Fuck. Fucking hell. Fucking fuck fuck. I want to throw up but I guess that sensation goes south with the lack of dancing. I turn my head to the side anyway. She doesn't need to see me lose it again.

Another uniform comes in, more meds are administered and I guess it must be enough to take the edge off my consciousness because when I wake up next there is both good and bad news.

* * *

Voices. Still muffled but more distinct. Fucking A. Slugglishly, I turn my head toward the sound.

"…steroids…no response …sensory tests…time…" Christian. Kate. Mom. Sleep.

"Hey stranger." Her face a picture of concerned love standing over me. This waking is different, this one is painful. A hiss echoes through the space. It's me. "You're awake."

Am I? It comes flooding back. The hospital, the blast, my legs, the pain. Then I realize the differences. I can feel pain. And I heard her. Loud and deliciously resonant and not just memory in my head.

"Say it again." All I've got is a croak but at least it is my croak and not the creature from the black lagoon that I was delivering earlier.

"Hey. Can you hear me?" Oh God. Merciful God. That is the sweetest fucking sound on this whole godforsaken earth.

"Sing for me." She stalls, eyes wide, unsure. I nod, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping that she will get how much I need this.

"How much do I love you? I tell you no lie. How deep is the ocean? How high is the sky? How many times a day do I think of you? How many roses are sprinkled with dew? How far would I travel to be where you are? How long is the journey from here to a star? And if I ever lost you…" Her voice falters and the tears fall as she hits that moment of realization.

"It's okay, baby." And I sincerely fucking hope that it is because there is no way on God's green earth that I am going to saddle her with a paraplegic. "Where's the doctor? Where's Mom?"

"I'm here, Elliot. Mama's here, sweetie." And then she moves into view, all elegance in a crisis and shit. Just seeing them together gives me hope and crushes my spirit in one hit. Mom doesn't need this shit either. I need to talk with Christian about contingency plans.

"Take me through it." She looks at the grim determination on my ugly mug and then decides to go with me on this. Kate pulls away from the bed. She obviously can't sit there and listen to the worst case scenario shit again. If I know my Kate she will have bothered the medical staff into submission trying to get a handle on the prognosis and possible timelines. I'm taking it from the body language that it isn't good.

"It was, according to Ethan, a shrapnel blast. The upshot is that apart from the young man who died, you took the full force of the blast." Shit, that guy, what was his name? Spooky? Fuck. "You had two trauma sites. The first was a shard of metal that lodged in your upper thigh not far from the main artery. You were very lucky with that. It missed by half an inch. The second was an impact injury in your spine causing severe swelling between T6 & T7. Hence the paralysis below the waist. The good news is that there was no fracture or damage to the spinal cord. The bad news is that there is no way of knowing what the actual damage is until your body responds to the anti-inflammatory medication."

I take a moment to breath through all of this information. Lucky breaks, no fractures and a vein that missed a major hit. All good. I try to visualize where in my back the problem is, willing it all to take a hike and let me get on with the good job of healing. In my mind right now, knowledge is power.

"Give me the options." I know there will be a plan A, B and C. There always is. And Kate will have heard all of them before.

"Time. Let the drugs do their work. Failing that surgery. No guarantees but it might release the pressure and then that would be followed by…"

"Time and letting the drugs do their work. Right got it. And Plan C?" Silence. Kate who has had her back to us the whole time wipes her face and then turns back with force-a-grin face on again.

"Not gonna happen, not gonna need it. One or other of those is what we're working with." At least she is giving it to me straight. I level her with a let's-get-real stare.

"And if they don't work?" The chasm opens up between us in an instant. If they don't work, then my life is fucked and hers along with it. I see her fear and raise her a not-on-my-fucking-watch.

"Then we take it from there. We get on with our lives. Plan our wedding. Bring Mattie home and you rehabilitate. We'll get equipment installed in the gym, TJ can remodel downstairs and make sure that the access…."

"STOP!" I don't want to yell at her but she's off in lala land, planning a future that she is never gonna have cos I won't be moving back to that house if the worst case kicks in. "Mom, what are my odds?"

The silence is deafening but I know my mother. She will tell me what I need to know. Pragmatic to the fucking end, bless her soul. "1 in 4." Okay. I can live with that. 1 in 4 won't recover from this sort of injury. 1 in 4 end up training for the special Olympics. 1 in 4 won't marry the girl of their dreams and subject her to a life she doesn't deserve.

If that is the case then we better start this fuckfest the right way. No sense in throwing a ball with no dancing. No sense in holding the dead string and waiting to see if the balloon comes back.

"I need a moment." They look at each other and then move out of the room.

So this is it. I look at my legs alls trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey. I can feel pain in my back as a dull ache that the meds are keeping at bay and part of me wants to believe that is a positive sign but it could mean nothing. When the nurse comes back in she asks me if my mother and Kate can come in but I'm not ready to deal. I can't see that look on her face as she realizes what a dead end life could be if she sticks around.

"No. Can you send me the doctor?" A few minutes later the jacked-up specialist gives me the lowdown on the possibles and probables. No holds barred, he puts the odds at more like 50:50 and all just fucking dandy on the future. After we've talked for about half an hour he does a few more pointless checks, scribbles a few more meaningless notes and leaves the room. The nurse comes back in offering to feed me something fucking awesome from the cardboard ala carte.

"Just give me something so I can sleep will ya, babe?" She smiles at me in that way that chicks always used to as she leans across my head to make an adjustment that could probably have been done a few feet from the bed. All in the name of giving me a happy titty shot. Yeah, that'll be a barrel of laughs. The charity fucks will be years of empty fun. I can just see it all stretched out before me.

Alternatively, I could be a selfish prick and hold Kate here in my life as she watches me waste away. Dealing with my pity-parties and self-loathing turned outward. We'll do a bit of the Flynn-tango but it won't scratch the surface of the disappointment. Maybe we'll keep it physical with a few toys and a lot of imagination but it won't be the same for either of us. And that little promise to have kids of our own? Well, that's probably out the window.

* * *

Back at that trailer I remember her focus. She was worried as all hell about Ethan but in her mind he was the one who could walk away. It wasn't his foot stuck on the get-your-jollies switch so she seemed willing to let a little thing like putting his life on the line, being in the CIA and not telling his sister, all those big fucking elements of our most brilliant day got to slip by. Or so we thought. Then the notes started coming. The 'get your ass back behind the safety cordon' note. Quickly followed by the 'when were you going to come clean' note. signed off by the Kavanagh special, 'offer to slice and dice for the sake of women everywhere' note. Ethan took it all in his stride but we both knew that Miss Kate had a bee in her pretty little bonnet and his every move for the last ten years was about to come under some intense scrutiny, once we all got clear of the present danger.

The problem with Kate is that she is a woman committed. To her ideas, her causes, her hunches. It is what makes her great as a journalist and a pain in the ass to the people who love her. I adore that quality because I am happy to watch her do her thing so sitting around in a wheelchair is a walk in the park for me. I get to see her every day. But the other side of my Katie is vulnerable and needs physical embodiments of love. She has only just discovered how tactile she is and I've watched her relationship change with people She lets them in. Let's them hold her. She blossoms under that attention and part of that is this amazing private life we have. I'm not saying that we don't have anything else but I know her. She'll convince herself that she doesn't need it and when the distance grows into something the size of the Grand Canyon she will still be there tenaciously trying to hold on to something that deserves a burial. She won't walk away. So I'm going to have to step up and the sooner the better because if I spend any time with her during the happiness of rehab then she will have me convinced that it's for the best. By the time the poison sets in we'll both be too fucking stubborn to give up.

The night ticks over to morning and despite the drugs I haven't slept. My heart is a ball of pain, throbbing away in my chest. Maybe I'm wrong but the odds aren't good and she's so young. She'll fall in love again and I'll want to run him over with a train but she doesn't deserve this. It seems ironic that only a few short months ago I was worried that she would never love me. Now I wish like hell that she didn't. She will always be mine. Even when I have done what I have to.

* * *

My mother and Kate breeze into the room with flowers and happiness as soon as visiting hours kick off. I smile but I don't feel it. Not when my heart is going to slip out the door in an hour or two. I've called my Dad. Asked him to be here. So even though it is only Mom and Kate in the room I know he is hovering at the ready. He has no idea why.

We chew the fat for a while, trying to make out the world is a happier place than it is. Eventually I can't take it any more. If I am going to cut my arm off I better get it over with before I lose the nerve.

"Mom. Can I have a moment alone with Kate please? And can you send Dad in?" The two most important women in my life look at each other across the bed, sending some sort of secret female code. Fucking mind reading shit,I bet. Having been to enough dinners with our parents in recent weeks I know just how freaking scary the hoodoo voodoo of these women can be. Part of me feels a little guilt right now for not having Ana and Julie here to scrape Kate off the floor when I kick her out of my life. Fuck this hurts. More than any pain my body can throw at me. I'm so strung out and near tears here that I don't want to look at anyone. I keep my eyes focused on the windows as if some big fucking bluebird will just hop right in and carry me away. For a moment I wonder if I can adjust my own meds enough to check out after she's gone.

"I'll go find Christian, too." Bringing myself back into the room I let my eyes follow my mother as she walks out of the room straight into the arms of my father. She's crying, like she knows what's going on. My father just looks across at me haunted before handing her off to some unknown hands. I wonder for a moment who else is waiting to watch this funeral and did they bring popcorn. Dad enters the room and closes the door, standing just in front of it. My eyes go back to the window while Kate stands in the middle of the room with her back to me. She is silent. Has been for past ten minutes or so. That's how I know she knows what's coming.

"Come in, Dad. I need you to witness this conversation."

"Son, you've got all sorts of pain medication in your system. You shouldn't be doing this. It won't stand up in a law court." Seems he's guessed the worst of it, too, and he looks pretty grim but I'm feeling pretty fucking grim myself, so I push on.

"Then you better make sure that it does. That's what I'm paying you for. Now. I had some good long hours of standing around a couple of days ago and I've got this fairly fucking straight in my mind." A couple of days ago I thought I was a dead man. Today I'm dead man not walking. I almost laugh at my own joke.

"I want everything transferred into Kate's name. The house, the business. I want it done today. I'll keep my portfolio for future medical expenses but the assets and future income are hers. You got it?" He nods. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like to speak to Kate alone."

"No." Kate speaks for the first time.

"Please, Dad." He looks unsure but there is that stinking resolve in Kate that comes out when she is backed into a corner. And this whole situation is one freaky-assed corner. She's gonna fight me but she'll lose. I'll make sure of it. Dad waits for her permission, pansy, and she moves her tough-as-nails greens to his face.

"If you move out of this room, Carrick, I will serve your balls to you on a plate." Instead she takes herself over to the door and signals down the corridor. Suddenly the room is full of bodies. Hell, I don't know if they've been sitting out there the whole time but by the bedraggled looks of them, they have. In fact, Mia and Ethan haven't changed out of their CIA duds. Does that mean they haven't been home in two days. Fuck! Even Kate's parents are here looking a little strung out. Dad shuffles back in last giving the room a little bit of over-crowded elevator atmosphere.

The irony of being flat on my back, dead legs suspended in the air on ropes and pulleys, collared neck and tubes for Africa is not lost on me. "Some surprise party and here's me without my best frock."

Kate levels me with an eat-shit-and-die glare. I guess timing is everything. I'm not backing down on this one. This is one time when the tenacious Ms K does not get her royal way. Her life is just taking off and she is not going to spend the best years of her life wiping my ass. I look around the faces as best I can from here in between my rock and hard place. No Christian or Ana, I notice. I don't quite know what to think about that except that it looks like whatever Kate has cooked up with the rest of the family, Christian isn't in agreement.

"You don't get to make any decisions on my behalf, Elliot. Not this time." Ah, we are going for safety in numbers.

"Kate, be sensible. This could be a life sentence. That should only ever apply to one person. You don't get to come down that path with me just because we've been fucking for a few months." My mother gasps but I take no notice. If I'm going to get through this I have to be hard. That means taking the niceties off the table.

"Nice, Elliot. Thanks for demeaning this relationship. I'll put down to you being a prick with a problem and a few too many happy pills in your system. Now the doctors have said could be. Not will be. If you go there then you've given up before you've even started and we all know that isn't your style. It's been 48 hours. Not even. Grace, how long before the drugs should give a result?"

"Could be hours, days, weeks. It's an unknown."

"An unknown. Therefore I could be stuck like this forever."

"An unknown, in that the future could bring anything. That is what you sign up for in life. No guarantees. What the hell gives you the right to go for the money back warranty on our relationship just because you might be a bit faulty?"

"A bit faulty? Being in a wheelchair, needing everything done for me. That is not a 'bit' faulty. That is a lot fucking faulty. That is the motherload of fucking faulty." I look at Kate's mom and feel awful. "Sorry, Julie. No offense."

"Now he apologizes." My sister earns herself a fuck-off glare for this little utterance.

"Or it could be over tomorrow. You want to risk me walking out that door and never setting eyes on you again for the sake of a few hours, a few days, a few weeks?" Yep, she's out of her corner with both gloves swinging.

"Baby, it's just easier that way. The longer you stick around the harder it will be for you to let go."

"Don't 'baby' me. Do you think it's going to be a snap to leave you here right now? Just because you say so? You're out of your tiny wee mind."

"Listen, Kate. Do we have to do this with an audience? This is between you and me." I expect the gathered crowd to look sheepish, embarrassed at our outbursts, hoping the ground will open up and swallow them. Instead I sense amusement and hostility mixed together.

"He really is an idiot." Ethan leans over and whispers to Mia.

"Yep. Stubborn and stupid. That's Lelliot!"

"You two, really. He is hurt and confused right now. Give your brother a break." My mother sounds like she might send someone to time out.

"He was fairly adamant about the finer details. Are you sure we shouldn't go with his wishes?" At last, my father brings the voice of reason. My mother elbows him hard in the ribs. "Oof, alright, just kidding."

"Balls, Carrick. That's all I'm saying." Kate doesn't take her eyes off mine. They are all waiting and I can't think why. This is a done deal as far as I'm concerned. The next moment door opens and Ana peaks around the corner.

"We're here." Kate looks back over her shoulder at Ana then back at the gathered crowd.

"Right, don't let him go anywhere." Like that isn't just the funniest fucking joke I've heard all day. No one else seems to be laughing. "Dad?"

Sam and Kate leave the room to join Ana and I'm left with the rest of the Brady Bunch. I shift my eyes from face to face and all I get are these benign grins. I half expect theme music to blast out.

"Is someone going to tell me what's going on?" No sooner are the words out of my mouth than Christian enters the room with a small older gentleman in a black suit. A parade of nurses file in after them with flowers and other bits and pieces I can't quite make out. I'm trying not to let my mind go to where it is going but it looks like she's fucking trumped me again. The small man walks over to the bed and takes my good hand.

"Hello, there, Elliot. I'm Father Kelly." Fuck. I hope he's ready to administer the last rites cos I'm gonna fucking kill her.


	23. Chapter 23 Don't Speak

_**A/N: I apologize for the lack of updates. Real life is getting in the way of quality writing time so I hope you can be patient while I try to get things back on track. This is a chapter that has not been to betaland and is probably in dire need of an edit and a rethink but it is the best I can do right now. If you choose to review, be kind and gentle. I promise I'll do better next time. Sasha x**_

* * *

_**You and me  
We used to be together  
Everyday together always  
I really feel  
That I'm losing my best friend  
I can't believe  
This could be the end  
It looks as though you're letting go  
And if it's real  
Well I don't want to know**_

_**Songwriter(s)**__**: Gwen Stefani, Eric Stefani  
**_Copyright: _Knock Yourself Out Music_  
Lyrics from a href=" .net" /a

* * *

Hospitals are not the most restful places in the world. The noise is constant, even now, at 3 in the morning, the continual beeps and hissing, the endless footfall and murmur of voices, make it difficult to tune out. Every hour or so, the door opens and a nurse comes in to take obs. He is oblivious to it all, still in the post op drug-induced sleep that he needs so badly.

While we were all so quietly worried about the injury to his back, the immediate danger was four inches of flat metal blade that sliced into his inner thigh, right near the main artery. That little gem required three hours of surgery late last night. The rest,I was told, was on the wait and see medical plan. So here I am, waiting, in the dark on so many fronts, and hating it.

This ceiling is ugly. A series of slightly discolored tiles punctuated by even less attractive light boxes and and ineffective air ducts. I've counted the holes in the tiles, worked out that each one has around 360 and that there are 88 tiles minus the two ducts,four lights and 8 half tiles worth of bulkhead. That is roughly 28,000 holes. That little calculation took me the better part of half an hour to work out in my head. Elliot will do it in under 5 minutes. Tears pool in my eyes as I try to fathom what he will spend the rest of the hours doing while he stares up at this God-awful ceiling.

Elliot would design a ceiling of beauty. A masterpiece. Brilliant in its simplicity, effective and fifty-thousand shades of interesting so that a body wouldn't focus on their ailments and would instead, focus on sharpening their perception and honing their imagination. Everything would be a subtle play of shadow and light painting works of art with the shifting sun.

The sun comes up bringing with it more frustration. I interrogate the doctors until the fear shows in their eyes. I've got them spewing forth information on the basis that if they don't get in first I might not shut the fuck up. While Elliot is still unconscious Grace gets them to run every test under the sun and then some, in an effort to find all the what's-wrongs and troubleshoot the what-ifs. Every time they try to put up a brick wall, Christian knocks it down with threats to withdraw substantial donations.

By the time we've finished with the medical team every possibility has been exhausted, every eventuality planned for and they are no longer viewing Grace as one of their own. No, Grace has crossed to the dark side; she's a mother on a mission. But it's not just the medical possibilities that I've given a workout. My mental calisthenics extend to every possible reaction that Elliot might have when he wakes up.

"If I know my son, he will carry on stoically, making the best of a bad situation with a ready joke and a smile. He'll be thinking of how it might impact on everyone else."

"And that is the problem, Grace, he'll put everyone ahead of himself." In my head I add that means me too but I don't want to come across as petty. To my intense embarrassment she reads my thoughts.

"No, darling. He loves you. That won't change." Spoken like an eternal optimist. I almost don't say what comes out of me next. It would be easier to have her believe everything will be alright except for that look on Christian's face. He knows exactly what I am thinking and he doesn't disagree. And doesn't that just complicate the issue? I shake my head sending him my patented shut the fuck up memo. He responds with a grim nod and a silent hint of 'the only one she will hear this from is you'. The telepathic stand-off goes on for another few seconds before I cave.

"Grace, I love your son unreservedly and for the rest of my natural life but you know that he is altruistic to a fault." I'm choosing my words carefully but how the hell do you tell a mother that her son is about to reject the world in some warped attempt to protect everyone he loves? Christian looks away from us. Looks like I'm on my own. "Elliot will make this about protecting me. His first consideration will be how this will affect my life and then he will worry about himself."

"Is there anything wrong with that?" She's honestly perplexed and I wonder how different her understanding might be if she had worked in something other than pediatrics. Christian runs his hand through his hair and looks up at me from his seated position. His stillness and silence a juxtaposition to my pacing and constant babble. Meanwhile Grace is doing exactly what Elliot would do. Smoothing the waters. Only she does it with calm and refined reasoning as opposed to the jokes and diffusion that are part of Elliot's arsenal.

She stops in the middle of the floor and watches me stride the length of the corridor. When I turn, our eyes meet and hers widen with sudden insight. "You're worried that he will end it with you." I pause and keep looking at her.

"I know that he will. He will have some ridiculous notion that this will ruin my life and that's before we even know what 'this' is."

"Kate, my son won't give up. He doesn't have it in him." Great, now she's pissed at me. Fuck! I turn to Christian throwing my arms wide. He rises from the seat realizing that he's been tagged into this wrestling match.

"Mom, that's not what Kate is saying." Christian stands behind her, his hand on her shoulder as he looks across at me. "Elliot will do everything in his power to put everyone else first and if that means breaking it off with Kate and disappearing to spare us all his misery then you know that's what he will do."

Grace's hand covers her mouth as she suppresses a cry. Her shocked body sinks into the chair Christian has vacated. All I can do is chew on my already orally-manicured nails as I try to work out how to make this stop. At least Christian seems to finally get the type of guy is big brother really is.

"I don't believe it. He wouldn't really try to shut us all out, would he?" Christian squats down in front of her as he hands her a handkerchief from his suit pocket. What kind of guy carries a handkerchief in this day and age? What is he 60?

"Mom, Elliot has been like this all of his life. You know that he will throw himself in the firing line just to deflect attention away from a bad situation. He has always cared about everyone else first. I never realized just how much until recently but now I'm kicking myself for not seeing it before." He glances at me for a moment. "Kate has this absolutely nailed. I can guarantee that he will make sure that she is taken care of before he stages his own exit."

"You don't think he would take his own life?" Grace is tearing up with worry and although I have wondered this myself, I don't think that he would. Only I am too choked with doubt to speak. Luckily Christian fields this one, too.

"No, Mom. I just think that if there is any long term injury, that he will make arrangements to disappear from our lives so we don't have to watch him." Grace starts to cry for real. My heart is breaking for her, hell, it's breaking for me. I don't really think this is anything that she doesn't know but like any mother, she didn't want to see this as an inevitable possibility.

"But he doesn't even know if this is long term. Surely he will wait to find out. He won't do anything rash." Oh God. There is so much about Elliot that is laid back and considered but when it comes to loved ones and their safety and well-being, he can be fairly black and white.

"I want to believe that Grace, I really do, but Elliot is decisive. You know, he knew on the day that we met that we were meant to be together. Everything from that moment on was about how to make that happen, even when it seemed that my father was set against it. God, even I fought it but he just knew. So, you see, if Elliot has decided to bow out of our lives in a worst case scenario then he is halfway out the door already." Oh God, I feel like the worst kind of bitch for even thinking it and the only thing stopping me from biting my own tongue off is the look of complete agreement coming from Christian. And he knows because he would be exactly the same. One day I am going to have to warn Ana about this patently stupid gene that the Grey men seem to carry. As soon as I think of her, she appears at the door of the waiting room.

"Unless you change his exit strategy." Ana and Jason, like angels of mercy, are making their way towards us with fresh coffee. She smiles at me as she hands me a cup.

"What do you mean?" Opening the lid, I blow on the hot liquid before taking a sip. God, I need this. I shift my focus back to Ana who has gained everyone's attention.

"I just mean that he has already agreed to marry you and if I know you at all, Kate, you already have the date set and most of the wedding planned."

Yes, our beautiful Caribbean wedding will have to go on hold now. If that were the worst thing to come out of this whole mess then the words 'eternally grateful' would be tattooed across my ass. Something that must look like disappointment flashes across my face because Christian spins me around to face him.

"Kate, has he already agreed to a date?" I nod mutely. WTF? What does it matter? Until he is well there will be no wedding. "Then there is already intent there. Why can't we just sneak it forward a couple of months?"

"Yes, then…"

"Have you lost your ever-loving mind?" I break over the top of whatever ridiculous thought Ana is about to have.

"You can't ambush your brother with a surprise wedding!" Grace zones in on what they are saying at the same time but the three of them are just looking at us like this is the most reasonable solution in the universe served up with a side of 'why didn't you think of this earlier'.

"Hell, no, he won't agree to it." I push Christian away but he steps in close again. I look at Ana willing her to call her dog off but she just has a stupid grin on her face. She's nuts! They're both nuts! And Jason Taylor is the chocolate sauce holding them on this fucked up sundae of an idea! Christian grabs my shoulders.

"Kate, you and I both know that once he hears about his prognosis that he is going to shut us all out. I am asking you, no, I am begging you, if you love my brother half as much as I think you do, you've got to marry him as soon as possible. It's the only thing that will keep him here."

Now it's my turn to sink down into a seat, only I'm nowhere near as graceful as Grace when I do so and hot coffee splashes down my shirt.

"What if he says no?" God, how mortifying. To be cast aside at the alter in front of our closest family and friends. Shit, friends! Would this mean getting married without the boys being here? Jason hands me a napkin to wipe my shirt.

"Miss Kavanagh, Kate, you don't have to do this." Jason looks intently into my eyes while I sense the tension and anger in Christian. Jason is crossing a boundary here on behalf of his old friend. In that moment, as our eyes lock, I know he is willing me to do exactly what Christian is suggesting. Is this really the answer?

"And if I don't, we all lose him? Shit! Sorry Grace." It's my turn to do the patented Grey sweep through my hair. "I don't know. The last thing I want to do is ambush him when he is fragile."

"He won't turn you down, Kate. We'll make sure of it." Ana sits down next to me and takes my hand. What happened to the days when I used to reassure her? When it was my job to prop up her self esteem. Now she has all the strength of Christian's love behind her and that quiet confidence of someone who has already won life's lottery. That thought has me feeling petty and small in her presence.

"No, he won't refuse …and how much of that will be about him doing the right thing by me rather than the right thing for us? No matter what I do, I'm screwed unless by some miracle he can get himself out of that bed."

"Would you feel trapped by his condition if he didn't?" I'm not naive enough to think it would be easy or that there wouldn't be a lot of resentment for what might have been taken from us. Life is unpredictable like that. But…

"Maybe, I don't know, but I won't ever walk away from him, if that's what you're asking. When I said yes, it was forever. In sickness and health and everything that goes with it. No,I won't be the one to walk away."

"Then why don't we see what his reaction is when he wakes up? Play it by ear. There is no reason to stage an intervention if there is nothing to intervene in." Her smile is so warm and reassuring. I look from her to Jason to Grace standing in Christian's arms.

"No matter what happens, we will all be there to support both of you in whatever way you need, Kate." Somehow I sense Christian would buy Elliot's recovery if he could. After sitting with me all night, ensuring that Elliot was never left alone for a moment, I know that whatever happens next, it is going to be Christian who I rely on and part of me can't quite reconcile that thought with where we were a few months ago.

"Come with me?" Christian takes my hand and we enter Elliot's room.

An hour later, Jason has taken Ana home to rest, Grace is chasing down the specialist and Elliot wakes up. His face is puffy and bruised, covered with bandages. The doctors have already told us that there is not likely to be any permanent hearing damage and that his eyes, while sore and full of grit, will also most likely not have sustained any lasting damage because of the helmet he was wearing. I am still concerned as I watch the nurse remove the dressings and ointment from his face. When he gives me some indication that he can see me I start to breathe again but he is confused and reaching. I figure he can't see clearly and he probably isn't hearing us so I kiss him gently, giving him the sense of touch to keep him grounded. It helps us both for a moment.

Our communication with him is short-lived and it is twenty-four hours before he wakes properly again. This time there is discussion with Grace about the options that the specialist has laid out and I can see him closing up. When I go into my Pollyanna act he kicks us out of the room and I know we've lost him. My heart cleaves in two. When we get out of the room I break down and Christian holds me up.

"Come here, sweetheart." I can't hold it back. After barely shedding a tear for the past couple of days, the floodgates open all over Christian's linen shirt. "Shh, Kate. Katie, it's going to be alright."

Grace is no better snuggled in on his other side and I wonder for a moment who is holding him up. Once the specialist is finished with him the nurse lets us know that he doesn't want to see us right now. That big lug is making plans and none of them will include me. Correction, none of them will include us. I go from upset to angry in a heartbeat and he's lucky I don't march in there and knock some sense into him with his own hard hat.

By this time Carrick has arrived to check his son and take Grace home. She refuses.

"Grace, listen. We're going with Christian's plan." Carrick looks from one face to the next confused by what is going on. Christian just strokes my back, offering support. "I need you to go home and coordinate with my mother. She has our dresses underway already and I'll need the two of you to get the window dressing of this shindig organized. I don't care what we have as long as it feels like a wedding."

I turn to Carrick. "I'm going to assume that in the next twenty-four hours he is going to contact you about wills and money. If I know Elliot, he will try to sign the house over to me. Either that or the company."

"Kate, I'm not sure that he can." My eyes must say don't be an idiot because he stops speaking and shuts his mouth.

"Not the point. I want you to play along as if it is the easiest thing in the world."

"Okay, but are you going to tell me what this is about?"

"Dad, we're going to have a wedding."

"What? Are you mad? He is in traction, he is in pain and on medication. If he challenges it, hell, if the hospital challenges it, then there isn't a court in the land that will uphold the marriage contract. You can't coerce a heavily medicated person into a marriage."

"No, we can't. But I am hoping that if we front up with all the doings of a wedding ceremony then he will get the message that he can't push us all away. I want him to get a very strong message that I am not going anywhere."

"We could just take him off meds." Christian shoves his hands in his pockets as he says this. I want to laugh. In the past I would have torn him a new asshole for being a prat but today I see it as him trying to get his way like the little boy he is capable of being. It is kind of cute. Grace, on the other hand, is not impressed.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey, that is medically unethical and I will not be party to it."

"He's joking, Grace. Honestly, he doesn't want to see his brother in pain."

"Might." I turn around and thump him on the shoulder just for good measure.

"Ow." He rubs his arm. "Bully."

"Wimp!"

"Harpie."

"Kids! Seriously, you two are worse than three year olds. So we stage a fake wedding. Then what? What if he tells us all to go away?" Carrick is doing that voice of reason thing that Elliot likes to do.

"Carrick, I'm not going to pin my hopes on this working but if I don't try he is going to ban me from his hospital room anyway. He is pulling away from us already."

"You know, he has given me power of attorney. I guess I could play that card." Christian's voice is quiet but firm.

"He's not incapacitated, he's just a little drugged up. For heaven's sake, all of this talk about surprise weddings and ambush and power of attorney. You can't do this to him. For heaven's sake!"

She's right, I know Grace is right. I'm about to pull the plug on the whole thing when the doors open and in strides a tall leggy blonde. Gia 'fucking Matteo, the stuff of nightmares. As she walks towards us I take in the perfect pencil skirt, the sheer blouse, the five inch heels and the carefully groomed hair and face. All I can think is that I slept on the floor next to Elliot's bed last night in my sweats and I haven't washed my hair for two days. She completely ignores everyone and walks straight up to Christian.

"Christian, I just heard the news. How is he?" She leans in for a peck on the cheek and Christian, God love him, steps back making her movement just a little awkward which causes Grace to giggle behind her hand.

"Miss Mateo, you remember my mother and father." She is all charm as she turns to Carrick and takes both his hand and Grace's. "Oh yes, of course. I am so sorry. You must both be so terribly worried."

"And you know Elliot's fiancee, Kate Kavanagh." Gia turns to me and in one of those surreal moments she pulls me into a hug. I shrug over her shoulders at the others who are mixture of bemusement and shock.

"Oh, Kate. Is there anything I can do?" Just for a fraction of a second I wonder if she is being genuine and then she pulls away from me while simultaneously giving me a shove with her hands and screwing up her face. To everyone else it would look like I pushed her. The vicious bitch all but snarls at me before the mask of concern falls over her features and she turns back to Elliot's parents. "I couldn't believe it. It has been all over the news. He is such a hero."

I know exactly what has been on the news because I drafted the media release with Christian last night. We haven't mentioned heroism or bombs, instead we implied it was a site accident. Mia's boss wanted us to keep the details quiet so they could follow some leads. We don't even have the assigned FBI agents present guarding Elliot's room. Instead there are two CIA ghosts floating around pretending to be outpatients and suddenly that seems like a really stupid decision. The word hero coming from Gia's mouth is sending up all sorts of alarm bells.

Christian schools his face, pulling on his dominant stance. Cow face doesn't seem to realise that she has just made an enemy of the most powerful man in Seattle and the guy who is paying her bill.

"What are you doing here, Gia?" Christian's voice is so cold I expect to see her face frost over.

"I thought I could help. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do. I know Elliot has speaking commitments, I thought I might be able to step in with those and the management of your renovation." Her eyes never leave Christian's which is a good thing because she misses Grace leveling her with eyes like daggers and Carrick's mouth gaping like a stunned goldfish.

"That won't be necessary." Christian is not giving her an opening but she's too stupid to realise the door just shut in her face.

"You'll need my expertise."

"Kate, is there anything that you can't handle in the next few weeks?" Christian speaks to me while keeping his eyes on the ice maiden.

"I don't think so. TJ has the project management sewn up, James is on his way back from Haiti and all of the presentations are written and can be delivered either virtually or I would imagine that John or I can present on Elliot's behalf."

Now it is Gia's time to do the goldfish. "But you don't even understand his design."

"And you do?"

"Kate, I've worked with Elliot for a long time. I understand it from a professional point of view that with all due respect, you could never begin to understand."

"Miss Mateo." Carrick cuts in. "What you fail to understand is that Kate has co-authored all of Elliot's academic papers. I think she understands those designs in the best possible way." He's lying. My name is not on the papers and I would flounder if I was put under any scrutiny.

"It's a moot point, Carrick. Elliot will rally very quickly and once we've had our honeymoon, he will be back at work very quickly."

"Honeymoon?" Had the wind knocked out of you, love? I'm about to respond, hoping that I don't piss Grace and Carrick off too much when Grace pipes up.

"Yes, it's wonderful, Kate and Elliot are going ahead with their wedding, right here in the hospital. In fact, darling we had best go and get organized. I need to meet with Kate's mother this afternoon." Now I am doing a little goldfish of my own. Gotta love the way Grace speaks to Carrick while sticking the knife into Gia on my behalf. God, I love this woman. "Miss Mateo, it's lovely to see you again. I'm so sorry that you won't be able to see Elliot but we will tell him you called by. Would you like to walk out with us? Kate, sweetheart, I will phone you later."

Gia looks about ready to argue but then she sees that she's been effectively dismissed. Grace and Carrick both hug me goodbye and then Christian actually puts an arm around my shoulder and starts shepherding me back to Elliot's room. Gia has no choice but to leave or look like the giant twat that she really is.

"Are you okay?" His concern is touching. His body tense. I guess he might hate her more than I do.

"Nothing I can't handle." I glance back over my shoulder at the trio as they leave the building. I've never been more thankful for the love and support of the Grey family. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, name it."

"Elliot's not going to wake up for a while. Can you take me back to the apartment? I need a shower and a change of clothes. And then I have another favor to ask of you."

After I've freshened up and we've had a meal I pick up the phone and dial St Brigid's parish. By the time I've finished I have convinced Father Kelly to be ready for Christian to pick him up. Now all we have to do is convince the groom.


	24. Chapter 24 Leavin's Not the Only Way

_**A/N: My apologies for the delay in updating. Time is not on my side at the moment and writing has been a little like pulling hen's teeth. I shouldn't post this chapter because it's hot off the press and, once more, unbeta-ed but my guilt over not posting is out-weighing my need for accuracy. Thanks to Spooky for brainstorming ideas for the next few chapters and thegreysfan for her continued cheerleading. **_

_**With regards to the last chapter - thanks for the great reviews and the love you have all been sending Elliot. Chris L - in academic terms Carrick isn't exactly lying about Kate co-authoring, she could claim her part. As to him being out of character - he has lied to his children for the past 22 years about being Mia's real father. And he is a lawyer - stretching the truth is a specialty skill.  
**_

_**I have another Mia chapter in the pipeline, too, so that might be next. Thank you to all the new readers who have favorited one or more of the three main books in the last couple of weeks. I am so happy that you have found these stories and like them. Thanks for reading and as always I look forward to your feedback. Sasha xxx**_

* * *

_**Maybe lay and let your feelings grow accustomed to the dark**_  
_**And by morning's light you might solve the problems of the heart**_  
_**And it all might be a lesson for the hasty heart to know**_  
_**Maybe leavin's not the only way to go**_

_**People reach new understandings all the time**_  
_**They take a second look maybe change their minds**_  
_**People reach new understandings everyday tell me not to reach and I'll go away**_

_**Roger Miller - Leavin's Not The Only Way To Go Lyrics | MetroLyrics**_

_**From the stage show 'Big River'**_

* * *

When Kate said 'yes' to my proposal I couldn't help myself. I insisted that we get a marriage license within a week of getting back to Seattle. It was my insurance policy against her falling back down that big black hole of depression again and the day of the massive meltdown, I very nearly dragged her off to the registrar's office and probably would have if Mia hadn't been abducted by Jack Hyde. When that happened all thoughts of a rushed wedding were pushed aside and I entrusted the licence to Christian for safekeeping. Now as I look around at all of these expectant faces I am starting to regret that decision. I should have just burned the damn thing.

"Well, son. Miss Katherine seems to think that you and I might have something to talk about." Father Kelly has gone from jovial smiles to deeply serious. It would seem that he is at least waiting for an answer from me, something I can't give in a way that will satisfy everyone in this room.

"Unless you're here to pray for my miraculous recovery, Father, then I'm not sure I have much to say." I don't want to be rude to a priest but I'm barely holding back my frustration. I don't care that she has brought everyone together or that she thinks she has backed me into a corner. She has no right to potentially throw her life away on what could be my life sentence. I punch my closed fists into the bed in impotent anger. Pain shoots through my torso with the impact. "Fuck!"

"Elliot, please! And don't take that tone." Being told off by my mother isn't high on my list of things to do today. She of all people should be able to see that physically and emotionally I am not in the right place to be having this discussion but she isn't focused on me at all. Instead she is too busy riding on 'freight train Kate'. "I'll leave you to apologize while I go and help Kate get ready. I'm hoping that by the time we get back, there will be a change of mood. Julie?" Both women slip out the door leaving just the blokes and Mia. The room is filled with uncomfortable silence that is almost immediately broken by a shrill ringtone.

"Yeah." Ethan steps towards the door then pauses. All eyes are on him as he turns to Mia dropping the phone away from his mouth. "We've got him. We're on our way."

Mia nods as he slips the phone in his pocket and they both approach the bed. "Hey Lelliot, I'm sorry but we've got to go." She leans over the bed and plants a soft kiss on my cheek. Then she whispers, "Don't give up, don't let him win." I have no idea who 'he' is. I'm about to ask when a cramp-like pain shoots down my leg. Fuck! I grip the sheets, trying not to give anything away. Whatever is happening, I know that they have more important things to do right now than to take part in this ridiculous charade of Kate's. Besides if they go then she might put a hold on the madness.

"Sorry, bro, but duty calls." Ethan steps in beside her and reaches down to grip my hand. "Listen, I know she's a bossy tart, but she loves you, man. We all do. So just go with it. We're all here for you, for both of you."

I grit my teeth and stare up at the ceiling wishing he would shut the hell up. "Haven't you two got bad guys to catch?" Part curious, part pissed off, I want to ask more but they're already half way to the door.

"We'll be back as soon as we can." Ethan is no longer talking to me but has stopped in front of my father. The worry etched across his face says it all. Like all of us, Dad hasn't reconciled himself to his little girl being a big bad agent. Unfortunately, no amount of us seeing her like a fourteen year old is going to stop her from walking out that door and I think it takes Dad a full two minutes to start breathing after the door shuts.

"Dad, she'll be alright." His head drops to his chest, tension riveting him to the spot. The pain is slowly abating giving way to pins and needles. I'm about to call the nurse when Dad's deep angst cuts through the silence.

"How do you know?" Sucking in a deep breath his shoulders tense up and release with a slight tremor. He looks back over his shoulder towards me so I can see just how much the last few weeks have aged him. The disturbing look of defeat is likely to haunt me to the end of my days, which, if this pain continues, might only be hours away. "I thought _you_ would be alright and look where we are. How the hell am I not supposed to worry myself sick about any of you? Ana is nearly killed, Mia has been drugged, kidnapped and now she's going off into God knows what danger. You put your foot on a bomb and now you're here. Jesus, I thought the worst that could happen was finding out about Christian and Elena. When does this shit stop?" He turns around almost surprised to notice Father Kelly still in the room and catches himself. "Sorry, Father."

"It's alright, son. You're a family under stress and a man who doesn't worry about his children is not much of a father." I'm waiting for some 'the Lord will prevail' or 'His grand plan'. Instead he says, "I won't plaster over your pain and anxiety with meaningless platitudes, son. What I will suggest is that your prayers, in whatever form they might take, will probably not go astray at this moment. And if I can be of service in that area then I am happy to be here."

I've only met the man a couple of times, but Father Kelly has to be the coolest priest, ever. I remember being nervous about going to dinner at Kate's parents' house to meet the parish priest. I had no idea what the etiquette was for an atheist wanting to marry a Catholic. The burning question in my mind was would I have to convert? I don't think I will ever forget his reply.

"_There are enough bad Catholics in the church, Elliot. Don't become another one if you're heart and soul isn't committed to it. Be committed to Katherine, to your family, and support her in her faith and that will be enough."_

"_What about our children? Won't they have to be raised as Catholics?" Not that I particularly minded. I had no objection to organized religion, I just decided pretty early on that it wasn't for me. As far as I was concerned, the only good thing most of them had given the world was their architecture._

"_You know, I've always believed that children should be raised with a sense of wonder, a sound moral core and an open eye and heart. My faith and religious teaching has always been based on that premise and I'd certainly welcome your young one's into the fold. In the end, this is an agreement that you and Katherine will have to make and live with. My only question to you is, if Kate wants the children baptised and brought up in the church, would you disagree? An open and honest discussion about that would need to be had before you settle down and get married and none of that has anything to do with what religion you are but is more to do with the ways are you willing to compromise and allow for each other's beliefs. Don't you think?"_

Kate and I did eventually have that discussion and it was a no-brainer for me. We would bring our children up with an open learning approach to all religions so that they could make an informed choice as they approached adulthood. In the mean time, they would have the blessings and community of Kate's faith and some sensible guidance from Father Kelly with no objection from me. Hell, after laughing my way through a couple of meals with him and sitting through a description of one of his sermons, which sounded more like the best of British comedy, I would even be willing to go to church on Sundays, myself. Looking at him now, comforting my father, I am glad to have him here. Dad looks like he has aged twenty years in the last few weeks and I can't deal with guilt of knowing that a large part is about me being here in this bed. Just another reason to get the fuck out of Dodge. Dad looks over at me with a frown.

"Don't even think it, Elliot."

"What?" The pain is bugging the shit out of me and I grab the remote control, trying to drive the bed into a position that doesn't kill. Neither man seems to notice that I'm struggling and that is a good thing. I don't want to add to Dad's worry, any more, by showing how much pain I am in.

"You're pulling away from us. Don't think we don't know that. Kate and Christian warned us that you would and it is killing me to see that they're right. This family has been through too much in the past few months for any of us to cope with that." Jesus H Christ! Why won't he just give me a fucking break!?

"You don't know what I'm thinking." I keep my eyes focused on the end of the bed. Next thing I hear an almighty bang and I look up in time to see my father has thrown a chair over. His breathing is ragged, his shoulders heaving. Then he turns on me.

"I know exactly what you're thinking because I've been there. I once thought that it would be better for your mother and you kids if I wasn't around. I had brought her nothing but pain. Every day, no matter how much we loved your sister, she had to live with my mistakes. Mistakes that very nearly broke her and my very presence just kept dragging her back there. But you know, your mother turned everything around and kept us all together. She stood by me even when she probably should have kicked me to the curb. Kate is trying to do the same thing. She is strong and gracious like your mother and you haven't committed the sins that I did. You have done nothing that she has to forgive you for. And what about Mattie? Your brother paid a fortune to the Haitian authorities so that you could circumvent their bureaucracy and bring him home. You have a son to think about now and a woman who loves you so much that she would sacrifice anything for you. Don't throw that away."

"YOU. WEREN'T. PARALYZED!" I'm ignoring the salient points of his little outburst because right now I can't think about anything longer term than my stay in this hospital bed. I can't inflict this on Kate or Mattie or anyone else in the family.

"NEITHER ARE YOU, YOU SELFISH SON OF A BITCH!." Dad's anger cuts through my pain as Mia's words come back to me. Am I giving in? Have I really given up? Is that what I am doing here? And why is this fucking pain getting worse?

"Son, why don't you step outside for a moment and let Elliot and I have a wee chat." His Irish brogue soothes the strong tempers in the room but his tone also brooks no argument. Dad turns and stalks angrily out of the room.

Father Kelly picks up the fallen chair and carries it over to the bed. He turns it around and straddles it backwards, leaning on the back to look in my eyes. "Now, how about you tell me what it is you really want."

Shit. "I….I want to go back a few days and not go out to the building site. I want that delivery to never have been made. I want that agent to still be alive. What do you want me to say?" Blinking up at the ceiling isn't helping with with the emotion or the waterworks.

"I don't have any agenda in this, Elliot, but it is obvious to everyone who loves you that you do. Do you really think that you have become a burden to them?" I'm anticipating that I will be. Without giving my body time to do its thing. Without finding out what that burden might look like. The specialist has already told me that there is no damage to the spinal cord. That everything depends on getting the swelling down as quickly as possible and then the rest is likely going to be up to me. But what if he's wrong? What if it doesn't go down quick enough? What if I can't….?

"No, I'm not a burden… yet… but if I don't get out of this bed on my own, then I will become one. I don't want that. Especially not for Kate. She doesn't deserve that."

"You don't think that they love you enough? That Kate loves you enough?"

"No, it's not that." Her love isn't in question. It is because she loves me too much that I can't put her through this.

"Then is it because they don't have the skills to support you? Or the desire?"

"I know they do. I just don't think they should." He frowns and looks at the floor for a moment. See, even he doesn't think they should be burdened with me.

"Tell me something. If this had all happened after the wedding would you still be pushing Kate away?"

"I don't know. Probably." Definitely, maybe. Would I divorce her because of this? Hell, I don't know.

"If this was her lying in this bed. Would you walk out on her? Would you let her leave?"

"Hell, no." What sort of man does he think I am?

"Then why on earth do you think she should accept this from you?"

"It isn't a matter of what she wants. She is too young to take on my problems." I had this all sorted in my head and he is screwing me up. And my back hurts like fuck. Why won't the pain stop, for Gods sake!

"And what problems would those be, exactly?" Smart bastard. I've got nothing so silence seems to be my best come back. He changes tack. "So if you had lost your business. If you got arrested. She should just up and leave you? Marriage doesn't work like that. When you commit to a person in the holy sanctity of marriage you are in it for life." I get that, but we're not married yet.

"This is different. You wouldn't understand."

"Ah, so you're only marrying her for the sex." What the…? What a lousy damn thing for a priest to insinuate. I evil eye him which is easy when the pain is shooting up into my neck and my head.

"No? Well, then I'm not sure I understand and I don't think young Katherine is going to let you go. She does have a strong will. Always has." Will you give up already, you jumped up religious leprachaun? Man, if there is a God then I am definitely on his shit list now.

"It's best for everyone if I disappear as soon as I can." That comes out through gritted teeth as I try to reposition my body to get comfortable. I squeeze my eyes tight to block out the light that wants to sear my brain.

"Best for everyone or best for you? I never figured you for a coward, Elliot. I thought you had more mettle than that." I open up to catch the intensity and compassion in his eyes. I look away first. "Perhaps leaving isn't the only option open to you. You have a family that loves you. A young woman who is willing to stand by you. Do you really want to throw all of that away because you're scared of what life is going to hand you next? There are no guarantees in this life, Elliot. You've got to seize that sort of love. If I didn't think Kate had the strength to deal with what this might mean then I would be first to counsel you out of this wedding. But she does. And that young woman has the strength of her faith and the love of your families combined behind her. Perhaps you need to have a little more faith - if not in God, then in her. And yourself."

Faith? Have I lost my faith in her? Hell, she stood by me even though I had a potential jail sentence hanging over my head. She helped me with my presentations. She has promoted my work and handled Gia when I couldn't. She chased me to Haiti even though she had no idea where I was. She tried to protect me from Linc and the gossip column and found a way back to me even when her heart was hurting so hard she couldn't bear it. She took on my brother, several times, to protect and support her best friend. Everything I love about her - the strength, the tenacity, the pure grit and the absolute loyalty is exactly what I am afraid of. But if it was her would I allow her to push me away like this? Did I allow her to do it when she lost the baby? When she crashed emotionally? Fuck, my head is swirling and this fucking pain is intense.

"Father Kelly, can we do this another time? I need a nurse."

"Son, are you in pain?" I nod and as the tears start to roll down my cheeks I no longer care that I'm not holding it together cos right now the spasms are ripping me apart. Father Kelly reaches over and squeezes the call button three times and within minutes the nurse is in the room checking monitors and adjusting the drip. My mother is close behind speaking with her in a language I don't understand but I am hoping involves something stronger than Nyquil. Kate arrives next, like a vision in white, my guardian angel, which is my last thought before the meds kick in and my mind checks out.


End file.
